Did You Know? – Here Are Some More Things You Probably Didn’t.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another fact finding day on the fasab blog.

Fifteen more very random but hopefully interesting facts that you probably didn’t know.

Enjoy.

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If you live in France,

and happen to own a pig,

it is illegal to name it ‘Napoleon’.

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50 of the 83 restaurants

featured on Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

have been sold or shut down.

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In Turkey, it is illegal for a man

over 80 years old to become a pilot.

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It took 127 beers to make Andre The Giant

pass out in a hotel lobby;

 he was so big, hotel management couldn’t

move him and left him there until the next day.

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If you have the plague you are not

permitted to flag down a taxi in London.

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If a set of identical twin women

married a set of identical twin men

and subsequently had children,

their kids would genetically be siblings.

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Every year Louis Vuitton burns

all of its unsold stock of bags.

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It is against the law in Barbados to wear any camouflage clothing,

but, hey, if it’s good enough whose going to notice?

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Sean Connery wore a wig in every

one of his Bond performances.

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Whilst chewing gum in Singapore is not illegal,

importing it, or selling it,

or spitting it on to the pavement definitely is.

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Peter Sellers was paid $1 million for his

part in the movie Dr. Strangelove,

55 percent of the film’s budget.

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In Canada stores are not

legally required to accept coins

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The United Arab Emirates donated a laptop

to every high school student in Joplin, Missouri,

after the city had been devastated by a tornado.

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Astronaut Pete Conrad’s first sentence on the moon was

“Oooh, is that soft an queasy”,

said in order to win a $500 bet.

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And speaking of the Moon,

the Moonwalk predates Michael Jackson by at least 50 years,

having been performed by James Brown, David Bowie,

Dick Van Dyke and Cab Calloway.

(MJ is still the best at it though.)

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A Day Not Sober Is Often A Day Wasted!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A day not sober is often a day wasted and a week without a pun day just isn’t worth thinking about.

So here you are, another short selection of the jokes you love to hate.

Enjoy or endure!

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I always have a great laugh when I’m mountain climbing.

I find them hilly areas.

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The worst job I ever had was working in

a factory making cowboy records.

Howdy pressing.

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Say what you like about iPhones, but you can’t

speak I’ll about their clever autocorrect feature.

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I spent all morning walking around in the wife’s panties.

She’s a big woman.

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Had to fire my tailor.

It was nothing personal,

he just didn’t seam right.

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My friend told me he was going to

a fancy dress party as an Italian island.

I said to him “Don’t be Sicily!”

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I went to the Job Centre and all they

offered me was a job making beds.

I turned them down.

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My friend Dave asked me if I wanted him to

recite the first twenty one letters of the alphabet to me.

“It’s up to U” I replied.

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I used to have more money than sense,

Nowadays I’m broke AND stupid.

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At last night’s pub quiz, a question came up:

“What is another name for a grey goose?”

I just couldn’t think of the Anser.

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My neighbor asked me what I thought of her kids.

I said, “They should go far.”

Brimming with pride, she said “Really?”

“Yes,” I said, “And the sooner they start, the better.”

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Two removal men got into an argument.

They took it outside.

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Been using this blog to try my hand at writing.

So far, it’s being a lot more successful than my foot.

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I have decided to start a company where all the money

made will buy bread for Indian children’s curries.

It will be a naan profit organization.

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When I was a teenager my mum always used to say

that my room was so messy I’d never

get any ‘self respecting girl’ to go in there.

Luckily those weren’t the girls I was after.

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Did You Know? More Fascinating Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another ‘Did You Know’ day on the fasab blog.

More fascinating facts to ponder over.

Enjoy.

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The first item sold on eBay was a broken laser pointer.

A collector of broken laser pointers bought it for $14.83.

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The first recipient of the Distinguished Flying Cross award

(for heroism or achievement in aerial combat)

was Charles Lindbergh.

He achieved this feat a year before his famous transatlantic flight.

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The Gideons, who went on to place millions of Bibles

in hotels, prisons, hospitals and military bases,

first did so at the Superior Hotel in Iron Mountain, Montana, in 1908.

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The poinsettia’s red petals are actually leaves.

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Superman’s alter-ego, Clark Kent, originally worked

as a reporter for the Daily Star.

The Star changed its name to

the more familiar Daily Planet in 1940.

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Washington State was supposed to be named “Columbia”

but the idea was scrapped because it was thought

it would be too easily confused with “Columbia City”

(today commonly referred to as Washington, D.C.).

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Neuticles are synthetic testicles for neutered pets.

The tagline: “It’s like nothing ever changed.”

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The Flintstones was sponsored by a cigarette company

during the show’s first two seasons.

The show was intended for adults, not kids,

so few complained about the commercials that depicted

the stone-age characters puffing away on Winstons.

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The hyoid bone is the only bone in the human body

not connected to another bone.

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In 1973, NASA launched Skylab, the first American space station.

Three successive crews lived and worked there for more than 171 days.

Knowing a call to the fire department would accomplish precious

little from outer space, NASA and Honeywell International, Inc., developed

an alarm system that would alert the station’s crew to smoke or fire.

The smoke detector used on the space station is the same kind

that is now found in 90 percent of U.S. homes.

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Twitter’s bird logo is named Larry,

for Larry Bird.

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The University of Minnesota

is older than the state of Minnesota.

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While Stephen King sets many of his stories in Maine,

the state actually has the lowest violent-crime rate in the U.S.

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Printing the phrase “In God We Trust” on U.S. currency was a mandate

handed down by Abraham Lincoln’s Treasury Secretary Salmon Chase.

During his presidency, Theodore Roosevelt attempted to remove the slogan

because he, as a devout Christian, felt that putting God on money was a sacrilege.

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Syd Barrett got the name Pink Floyd from two American blues musicians,

Pink Anderson and Floyd Council.

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Did You Know? The Fact File Is Open Again.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The fact file is open again and here are fifteen more gems of wisdom to peruse at your leisure.

Enjoy.

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100,000,000,000 solar neutrinos pass through

every square inch of your body every second.

(I thought I felt something!)

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The northern border of Delaware is curved,

with all points being exactly 12 miles from

the old court house in New Castle.

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James Barrie, author of Peter Pan, never had kids,

but he did have a special affection for the children of others.

In 1929 he signed over the rights for Peter Pan to a London hospital

that specialized in pediatric medicine.

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The celery stick garnish became a staple of the Bloody Mary

only after an impatient patron at Chicago’s Pump Room

couldn’t wait for his server to bring him a swizzle stick.

He took matters into his own hands and

snatched a celery stalk from a nearby relish tray.

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Ice Cream was served to new arrivals at Ellis Island.

However, since most people hadn’t encountered it before,

they simply figured it was butter and spread it on their toast.

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The state fish of Hawaii is the “humuhumunukunukuapua’a”.

The Hawaiian name roughly translates to “the fish with a pig-like nose.”

It’s English name is the Reef Triggerfish.

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Director John Landis includes the phrase

“See you next Wednesday” in most of his films.

It was the title of a script he wrote as a teen.

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Al Capone estimated that he spent $30 million a year

to pay off judges, police, elected officials, and newspapermen.

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The first artist signed to the Beatles’ Apple Records label

was singer-songwriter James Taylor.

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Clifton Keith Hillegass is the “Cliff” behind Cliff’s Notes.

He started his company in 1958 when he

published 16 Shakespearian study guides.

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Birds cock their heads at the ground not to listen for prey

(such as insects or worms) but to better see them.

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Although the National Association for the Advancement

of Colored People clearly stated its mission in its title,

W.E.B. Du Bois was the only African American

on the NAACP’s first board of directors.

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Contrary to popular belief, a camel’s hump does not store water.

Instead, it’s filled with fat, which allows the animal to go for a month without food.

If the hump becomes depleted, it will shrink, flop over, and hang at the camel’s side.

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A Mercurian day is longer than its year.

Mercury revolves around the sun very quickly,

but rotates around its axis very, very slowly.

One day on Mercury (sunrise to sunrise) is longer than

one year on Mercury (one orbit around the Sun).

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The flashes of colored light you see when you

rub your eyes are called “phosphenes.”

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The term “paparazzi” comes from Paparazzo,

a fictional freelance photographer

in the 1960 Fellini film La Dolce Vita.

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Construction of the Pentagon began in 1941 

–  on September 11^th.

(Spooky-woo!)

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John Lennon’s 1975 single “Number Nine Dream”

peaked on the Billboard pop singles chart at number nine.

Similarly, Prince’s 1993 single “Seven” peaked at #7.

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? – Newspaper Headline Nightmares, Part Fifteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another super blooper bundle from the newspapers.

Something in here should rise a smile and provide an embarrassment or two for the editorial staff.

Enjoy.

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Those Who Throw Dirt Are Sure To Lose Ground.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day again.

How did you get the week in without them?

It’s not easy, but you’ve made it and well done.

Here is the latest batch of the word play specials.

As always, enjoy!

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When the human cannonball retired they couldn’t

find a replacement of the right caliber.

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Wow my breakfast seems to have had a

really positive psychological effect on me!

Maybe it was that Freud egg I had for breakfast…..

I feel so Jung at heart?

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He tried to find a bunch of bananas at the supermarket,

but it turned out to be a fruitless search.

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Could you call a chicken led rebellion a coop d’etat?

Call that a yolk?

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Did you hear about the frog who parked at fire hydrant

– the cops came along and toad him away…

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Did you hear about the Dentist and Manicurist who got married?

They fought tooth and nail!!

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It wasn’t that he had anything against French football,

he just didn’t like Toulouse

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Teaching your kids in the heat of the moment

is bad heir-conditioning.

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There has to be a repair shop

for baroque musical instruments.

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“You can whip our cream

but you can’t beat our milk,”

said the farmer.

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This is just bang out of order!

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Somebody called me ‘pretentious’ the other day.

Well, I nearly choked on my tall soy carmel machiato latte

with no foam and extra extra (sweet and low)..

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The wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

Boy! Did she hit the roof.

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I phoned my work this morning and said,

“Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”

He said,

“You have a wee cough?”

I said,

“Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!”

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I got arrested for shoplifting in the supermarket today.

I paid for six cans of Sprite at the checkout,

but when security checked my bag

he discovered I’d picked seven up.

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I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy.

This pan he sold me doesn’t fly at all.

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We had another row last night,

the underlying message being that my

“sense of direction was causing huge problems in the relationship”.

Eventually, tired and frustrated, I stood up,

packed my things and right.

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I’m nervous and excited about the new

job I start at a restaurant tomorrow.

I just can’t wait.

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Did you here about the Taxidermist who was mugged?

He fought off his attacker with his bear hands.

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I saw a guy stacking shelves at the supermarket

complaining because the top shelf was broken,

and he couldn’t keep it up.

I think he had a wrecked aisle dysfunction.

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? Newspaper Headlines Nightmares, Part Four!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Newspapers are a constant source of amusement.

Sometimes they do it on purpose, but more often than not they do it completely by mistake.

Even worse, they do it while trying to be terribly pompous and precise.

Enjoy this fourth selection in our short series of Newspaper Headline Nightmares!

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I Don’t Know How They Do It But Every Week They Seem To Get Worse!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, I really don’t know how they do it, but every week they do seem to get worse. Where these answers come from or why shall always be a mystery, but they are fun and that’s what we like here, especially on a Monday!

You gotta start the week with a smile 🙂

Enjoy.

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Q: The perfect temperature for an autumn day   

A: 87   

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Q: An important city during colonial times          

A: Virginia

A: New England

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Q: Name something parents yell at their kids to finish    

A: “Get off that computer”

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Q: Name a movie people love to watch at Christmas      

A: Snow White 

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Q: Name a type of fruit found in tarts    

A: Sweet tarts

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Q: Name something you buy by the set 

A: Paper

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Q: Name something you buy in a larger size if you have a large family    

A: Jeans

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Q: Name something a woman sees that would make her tell her husband to stop the car 

A: A bicycle

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Q: The most you could afford to pay for a gallon of gas

A: $20

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Q: Name a way you would treat a pet like a human         

A: Take it to the vet

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Q: Name something London is famous for        

A: Pasta

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Q: Name a famous Australian    

A: Peter Pan    

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Q: The name of a famous sex symbol   

A: Wilma

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Q: An invention that has replaced stairs 

A: Wheel

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Q: Name something associated with the show “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”

A: Bob Barker

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It’s A Day For A Little More Word Play

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for another bunch of those word plays they call puns.

Get your groans ready and enjoy!

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I usually take steps to avoid elevators.

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The girl wanted to lose weight so she went to the paint store. She heard she could get thinner there.

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He had a difficult time bouncing back from his bungee cord accident.

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The cannibal’s cookbook titled ‘How to Better Serve your Fellow Man’ was written by a guy who had a wife and ate kids.  

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My friend wore a blindfold at the shooting range, he didn’t know what he was missing.

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If you need something done, call an electrician – they conduit.

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Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling.

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The police arrested me after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

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When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

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The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

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The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

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Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.

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I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.

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I hate the price of candy at the movie theater. They’re always raisinette.

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All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one. He was a Peking Duck.  

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Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. Wow, I never thought I’d hear myself say that.

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Bugs have very diverse religious views, because they are all in sects.

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She’s happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.

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England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

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When you think about it, mummies are bound to be uptight.

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America, My Friends, Is Fast Becoming The Land Of The Stepford Grin

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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People nowadays have an obsession with teeth, particularly so in America where the whole thing has gotten completely ridiculous. The only people benefiting are the dentists, or orthodontists as the braces branch like to call themselves, who are making an absolute fortune on the vanity of others.

There’s the usual drilling and filling too, but the main work nowadays is straightening and whitening and so forth. Nearly every unfortunate kid has to undergo months of a hideous looking steel grid in their gobs otherwise they think that they will stand out from their friends, and of course individuality is out of the question, conformity is king!

Poor kid with steel grid in gob

 

Their beleaguered parents, who seem to have lost the ability to say “no” to their children, go along with it and hand over their wallets like it’s the normal thing to do.

America, my friends, is fast becoming the land of the Stepford grin and nobody seems to find it at all the least bit odd. And just like baseball caps, the fashion is spreading throughout the world.

The Stepford Grin

 

But it wasn’t always this way. A few decades ago dentistry was, let’s say, a lot more primitive. There was still the drilling and filling bit and in a pre-fluoride environment there were more cavities than there were people. There were also a lot of teeth that, whilst they could be easily saved and repaired today, in those days had to be extracted. Therefore many people ended up requiring dentures.

 

dentures

 

John was a case in point. He got to the stage where all his teeth were gone and his dentist was taking moulds and measuring him up for a new set of dentures.

After spending some time toothless, which made eating some of his favorite foods difficult and frustrating, John was anxious to get his new teeth. The day arrived and off he went to the dentist who fitted them and adjusted them.

All seemed to go well. They felt like a bit of a mouthful but John put that down to the fact that they were new and probably needed a few hours to bed down properly in his mouth. He was happy enough.

Until he got home that is.

His daughter met him at the door and immediately let out a loud shriek and fell on to the floor laughing uncontrollably.

Then his wife walked in.

“Oh my good God, John” she exclaimed, “Whatever have they done to you?” And with that she too started to laugh.

John protested vigorously. He tried to ask them what was wrong, why was everyone laughing. But he hadn’t gotten used to the teeth in his mouth and he sounded as if he had a mouthful of pebbles. Naturally this made the others laugh all the harder.

He went into an adjoining room where there was a mirror.

“Fos hate, way awen’t wat bad,” he protested from the other room.

But the more he talked with his mouthful of teeth the more they laughed and the more they laughed the more irritated he became.  After a while they got themselves calmed down and decided they would review the situation in the morning.

The next morning John’s wife was first up as usual. She went downstairs to prepare breakfast for the family while he washed, shaved and got dressed. When the breakfast was ready she shouted on the others and they all assembled at the kitchen table.

For a few minutes all went peacefully, everybody keeping their heads down and studying their eggs and bacon intently. But curiosity eventually got the better of them. First John’s daughter looked up. She couldn’t control herself and immediately returned her concentration to the scrambled egg on her plate, but shaking noticeably with more laughter.

Then John’s wife looked across the table at him. Again she burst out into fits of laughter.

“It was like sitting there looking at a horse smiling at you across the breakfast table,” she would tell me later when recounting the story.

John’s Horsey Smile

 

This time it was all too much for John. He angrily stomped off to the garage and set to work on his new teeth with an electric grinding stone.

But it was a lost cause. All he did was grind away a good part of the teeth, which obviously did make them smaller, but now he was left with more gum than teeth. If anything, this looked even funnier than the original, as his wife and daughter confirmed by again falling about the place in more fits of laughter.

After that those teeth, or what was left of them, were never seen again.

The next time John would go to another dentist, one who made teeth for people and not horses.