Shock Headline – The President Agrees With Me!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

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I’ve been saying it for a long time – and now the President of the United States agrees with me – he doesn’t know WTF he’s doing!

Obama on Syria - we don't have a strategy yet

I can’t say as I take much satisfaction from his admission though.

The US President is the most powerful man in the world and he has at his disposal the most powerful military organization in the world.

Yet he doesn’t know what to do with it, when to do it, or even who to aim it at!

A bit of it, belatedly and half-heartedly, is now pointing at ISIS targets in Iraq and Syria. Yes, you’re right, they are the very same Islamic terrorists he was funding for a while in Syria! He says he wasn’t, but in practice he was.

Confused?

You should be.

Because the Obama Administration certainly is!

Indeed Obama’s team of idiots have confused themselves to the degree that they don’t know what to do and are afraid to do it even if they did!

The situation is not being helped by the noise coming from the equally ill-informed politicians in the Republican camp either. Some cynics would say they are doing a lot of it with the November elections in mind!

Political Elephant and Donkey Cartoon

As I’ve said before on this blog, America has never been good at foreign policy. There are so many examples over the years to prove this beyond any and all doubt (Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, now Syria). But this latest debacle could turn out to be foreign policy failure on a grand scale.

This is simply down to the fact that, even yet, the Obama administration clearly does not understand the severity of the problem. They haven’t managed to process the long term threat that a well armed, well supported and well funded group like ISIS can become.

Everyone – except the President and his people apparently – knows that these terrorists will not be content even if they are allowed to establish a fundamentalist Islamic state in the Middle East. Their hatred of anything and everything in the West is total.

In fact, as we have seen in Iraq and Syria, their hatred even extends to fellow Muslims who they do not consider to be ‘militant enough’ and they have attacked and murdered them in just the same ways as they have attacked and murdered Christians.

In Syria, which is none of our business, the Obama team thought they wanted the Assad regime removed, and to get that done they thought they could support ISIS (or the anti-Assad fighters of whom ISIS were always destined to be a big part).

Now the US may well find itself on the same side as Assad in a fight against the terrorists. And that may be the crux of the US Administration’s problem. They made the wrong move, at the wrong time, in the wrong place, for all the wrong reasons and correcting the mistake will require a major volte face and sizeable portion of humble pie.

Are they big enough to swallow it?

We’ll see.   

humble-pie

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The Opportunity Of A Lifetime!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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How often have you seen “The Opportunity Of A Lifetime” pop up on the internet or in your email?

This time it’s different, though.

This time it’s true!

Well, sort of.

stupid dog cartoon

Because this is your chance to own what is possibly the stupidest dog in the world.

And it won’t cost you anything either, we’re giving him away to the first good home

FOR FREE!!!

If you are stupid, and you want a companion at least as stupid as you are, if not more so, this is the perfect dog for you.

His name is ‘Scotty’, (and, yes, I have asked to be “beamed up” several times), but don’t let the name put you off.

You can call him anything you like, ‘Rover’, ‘Patch’, ‘Lassie’, ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’, ‘November’, or whatever, because it’s all the same to him – this dog is so dumb he doesn’t even know his own name.

His lack of knowledge is on such a vast scale I’m astounded the known Universe is expanding rapidly enough to contain it.

He doesn’t know how to sit. He doesn’t know how to stay. He doesn’t know how to come, or to stop, or to heel, or anything you can teach a normal dog to do.

He just doesn’t know anything.

And you won’t have to waste your time and money training him either, because this dog just cannot learn. Believe me I have done my best!

He is painfully stupid in at least the four different languages we have tried. He doesn’t speak English, nor does he hablar español, he hasn’t a clue how to parler francais, and you might as well try to speak klingon as sprechen Deutsch to him.

A big plus is that he is small and won’t eat you out of house and home. All you have to remember to do is buy cat food and not dog food and you’ll be fine. The cat beats him up every time he eats her food, but he doesn’t learn from that either. I don’t think he even knows he’s a dog.

The only one thing he has learned, is not to shit in the house, but in truth I think this has more to do with the fact that every time he tried he discovered he couldn’t with my toe up his arse.

He barks at strangers, which is good. And if he left it at that we wouldn’t mind.

But he also barks at people he knows, or rather, people he should know if he had the brains to remember who they were, which he hasn’t.

And some of the time he barks at nothing at all. It can go on for ages because, when he does bark at nothing, he must hear his own bark, think it’s another dog, and off he goes. Sometimes you can look at his face and watch him trying to figure it out.

“Woof!”

“Who said that? Grrrrr.”

“Woof!”

“There it is again!”

“Woof! Snarl.”

“WTF?”

“Woof!  Woof! Woof!”

“There’s another dog here somewhere.”

“Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!”

And on it goes for a while, until it stops for no reason, the same way it started.

He also doesn’t know his left back leg belongs to him. When he notices it is there, he attacks it as if it is another animal trying to insert itself into his leg socket. I’ve seen other dogs chasing their tail, but this is just ridiculous.

stupid dog zone sign

Finally, every time the front gate is opened, he has taken to running down the street after bicycles and motorbikes – that he doesn’t know how to ride – and after cars and other vehicles – that he doesn’t know how to drive. What he would do with them if he ever caught one I just don’t know! Neither does he, but he does it anyway.

Somehow, and I find this rather incredible – and disappointing – he has always managed to find his way back home. I think it’s because he tries every other house on the way back and we are the only one silly enough to let him back in. I’ve told everyone to pretend they don’t know him when he turns up and he’ll just move on to the next house and then next, but they won’t listen to me.

So come on good people of the blogsphere, which of you is going to take advantage of this incredible opportunity of a lifetime?

You know how much I love dogs, I’ve said so before on this blog, but please get in touch as soon as you can and take this stupid dog off our hands before I crack up completely!

My father gave me a lot of good advice, and one of the things he told me many years ago was never to get a dog whose arsehole was bigger than its brain.

I should have listened! 

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100,000 And Counting.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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100000 page views

I missed marking my first year anniversary of this blog with an appropriate post and then not to be outdone by that, I also managed to miss the second year anniversary too. I guess I had other things on my mind at the time.

However this post marks another significant milestone in my blogging career, if I can call it that, because earlier today the fasab blog managed to push its way through the 100,000 page views threshold. Certainly a lot more than the humble beginnings when literally only a handful of people turned up!

I know it’s not a world shaking internet statistic, not even in the blogsphere either, but for me and this blog I think it is remarkable. Even more so since I have a tendency to sometimes write about people I know, so I can’t really publicize my blog via the usual “friends and family” route.  

Before I started my blog I’d obviously heard about them, but I’d never even read one. I had a bit of time on my hands and I thought I would give it a go. As I’ve probably said before, I wasn’t really into social networking sites like “Myface” or “Spacebook” or whatever, not that there’s anything wrong with them if you like that sort of thing and many people I know do.

But I thought blogging might be my thing.

So I read blogs and I read about blogging and I created my own little niche of “Fighting Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”, which I found I was doing every day anyway, and mixed it with a bit of humor, politics and so forth – and here we are 100,000 views later, and counting.

It has been an interesting time.

Apart from a handful of hopefuls who think they’ll make a fortune out of it, I think most people are like me, blogging for themselves. But it is also very nice and very rewarding when other people stop by to read the posts and even better when they acknowledge them with a “like”, a “follow”, or a “comment”.

I am delighted to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has visited the fasab blog and particularly those who have decided to follow whether on WordPress, Tumblr, Pinterest, Twitter, or whatever. Some bloggers and readers, who I like to call my “blog-friends” have become regulars here. I very much appreciate your support. I have tried to reciprocate by visiting your blogs too when time permits.

One or two others  –  who I have no doubt are thoroughly ashamed of themselves 🙂  –  have fallen by the wayside, but most visitors I do not even know. Which brings me to another thing that I wasn’t expecting, and that was the variety of countries visitors come from. The bulk are from the United States, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia and India – which is more or less what you could expect for an English language blog. But interestingly there have also been visitors from many other parts of Europe, South and Central America, Asia, the Middle East and Africa too. And all are very welcome.

So what does the future hold for the fasab blog?

I don’t exactly know the answer to that. Probably more puns, and factoids. Maybe a few more quizzes. Definitely the odd rant about things that annoy me (that’s a lot of things, the list grows every day!). But hopefully a lot of humor too.

A smile never does any harm  –  unless some big stupid bloke thinks you’re laughing at him  –  so prepare yourself for more.

My sincere thanks to everyone who has visited and who reads this.

And don’t forget the “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy!”

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A Day Not Sober Is Often A Day Wasted!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A day not sober is often a day wasted and a week without a pun day just isn’t worth thinking about.

So here you are, another short selection of the jokes you love to hate.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I always have a great laugh when I’m mountain climbing.

I find them hilly areas.

hilly areas

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The worst job I ever had was working in

a factory making cowboy records.

Howdy pressing.

howdy

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Say what you like about iPhones, but you can’t

speak I’ll about their clever autocorrect feature.

autocorrect dad-mom-out

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I spent all morning walking around in the wife’s panties.

She’s a big woman.

big-mamas-undies

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Had to fire my tailor.

It was nothing personal,

he just didn’t seam right.

suits-that-fit-bad-too-big-too-smal1

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My friend told me he was going to

a fancy dress party as an Italian island.

I said to him “Don’t be Sicily!”

sicily_malta_map

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I went to the Job Centre and all they

offered me was a job making beds.

I turned them down.

turndown

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My friend Dave asked me if I wanted him to

recite the first twenty one letters of the alphabet to me.

“It’s up to U” I replied.

up2u

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I used to have more money than sense,

Nowadays I’m broke AND stupid.

22-carat-gold-toilet-paper-for-the-rich-and-stupid-from-the-toilet-paper-man-in-australia-theflyingtortoise

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At last night’s pub quiz, a question came up:

“What is another name for a grey goose?”

I just couldn’t think of the Anser.

anser_erythropus

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My neighbor asked me what I thought of her kids.

I said, “They should go far.”

Brimming with pride, she said “Really?”

“Yes,” I said, “And the sooner they start, the better.”

bad kids

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Two removal men got into an argument.

They took it outside.

cartoon-removal-men

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Been using this blog to try my hand at writing.

So far, it’s being a lot more successful than my foot.

writing

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I have decided to start a company where all the money

made will buy bread for Indian children’s curries.

It will be a naan profit organization.

naan

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When I was a teenager my mum always used to say

that my room was so messy I’d never

get any ‘self respecting girl’ to go in there.

Luckily those weren’t the girls I was after.

drunk-girl

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A Musical Merry Christmas Extravaganza!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy” .

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Hi everyone.

Thanks for dropping by my blog this Christmas week.

If you are a regular visitor thank you for you continued support throughout the year.

A bit of a change from the usual offerings this week.

A musical treat in fact.

Here are a few Christmas Classics from bygone years. I hope you have time to listen to and enjoy them all, but even if you just want to try a few I think there will be something in this selection that you’ll like no matter what your musical tastes may be.

A Very Merry Christmas to everyone.

And, of course, enjoy the music!

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. musical Santa

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. Dean Martin – Jingle Bells

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Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You

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B. B. King – Merry Christmas Baby

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Wizzard – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day

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The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl – Fairytale Of New York

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John Lennon – Happy Christmas (War Is Over)

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Boney M – Mary’s Boy

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Wham! – Last Christmas

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Chris Rea – Driving Home For Christmas

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Michael Buble – It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

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Eartha Kitt – Santa Baby

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Gunter Kallmann Choir – Winter Wonderland

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Jim Reeves – Silent Night

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Andrea Bocelli – Adeste Fideles

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Sheryl Crowe And Eric Clapton – Merry Christmas Baby

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Lady Gaga – Christmas Tree

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U2 – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

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Iron Maiden – Another Rock And Roll Christmas

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Lynyrd Skynyrd – Christmas Time Again

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Coldplay – Christmas Lights

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The Darkness – Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End)

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Slade – Merry Christmas Everybody

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Trans-Siberian Orchestra – Christmas Canon Rock

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The Stupider People Are, The More They Complicate Things!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for a mid-week rant I think.

danger bureaucrats at work

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You may have noticed from the tag line of this blog that its major theme is to expose stupidity and bureaucracy and hopefully to encourage people to fight against it, rather than meekly fall in line with every idiotic rule and regulation that the bureaucratic morons introduce to make our lives a misery.

It is one of those curious contradictions in life that the stupider people are, the more they complicate things and the more they try to regulate things that require no regulation.

They just don’t understand that simplicity can sometimes be the most effective solution to problems – if indeed the problems they perceive even exist in the first place.

On the other hand, things that do need regulating, like the banksters for example, are left largely without interference.

how many bureaucrats does it take to screw in light bulb

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The big question is, why do these idiot bureaucrats needlessly complicate our lives? 

Many years ago I figured it out.

They do it to try to enhance their own importance. It’s as easy as that.

Let’s face it, most bureaucratic jobs don’t take a rocket scientist’s brain to cope with them. They are easy and repetitive but if done correctly can be completed quickly and without upsetting anyone.

But the bureaucrats won’t have it that way. Complicate the task is their solution. If they do that they need more staff to help them. If they have more staff they get to be in charge of more people, which makes them more important. If they complicate it even more they might need a whole department. And on and on it goes.

In the business world there are empire builders in all large companies. People of mediocre ability, but with enough survival instinct to create a belief that what they do is useful to the company. 

As time goes on they are able to hide within their little empires inside a company and no one questions if what they are doing is really needed and certainly few realize how dumb they are. It is only once they leave this safe environment that the truth becomes clearer.

I have encountered several of these beasts out in the open and it is not a pretty sight. They are so dumb that they have forgotten how dumb they really are. Inflated with their artificially induced and undeserved stature within their former companies they imagine that out in the real world they are, not just ‘as good’ as everyone else, but ‘better’ than everyone else! Invariably they make a mess of things, but unfortunately they cause a lot of damage, sometimes irreparable, before they are caught on and fired. 

Obviously the same type of people are in public life too. In fact this is where they excel, because here it is much harder to pin down their accountability and fire them. In many cases the people who have the power to fire them are exactly the same types and the last thing they want to do is diminish the size of their own empires.

baseball cap bureaucrats suck

Have you ever noticed that an average town or city can function quite well and efficiently with a mayor and a handful of administrators.

Yet if you take the same town or city ten years later, while it probably hasn’t changed much as regards size, (only in exceptional circumstances would it have doubled or trebled its population or area), it’s local bureaucracy has more than doubled and trebled in size, probably a lot more. It probably also has an increasing number of by-laws and regulations and to pay for it all more and more property and other taxes are being demanded from the community. Clearly all this additional bureaucracy is not needed. But it is there and will continue to grow.

Why do we allow this? Why do we keep electing people whose only idea seems to be the provision of the same basic services at an ever increasing cost?

Big government, federal government, is even worse.

The European Parliament, for example, churns out regulation after regulation after regulation, about ridiculous things like how straight a cucumber should be or how bent a banana can be and still be called a banana! 

Washington has adopted the same strategy, sticking its nose in things that are none of its business and that only serve to hinder rather than help the people who elected them.

banana wars

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It’s about time we tried to stop this spiral into disaster.

It’s time big brother and all his little administrators had their noses put out of joint. 

Remember, “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”,  wherever and whenever you can!

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I Used To Be Quite Good At Wordplay. Once A Pun A Time!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Once a pun a time there was a blog that championed that element of humor called word play. You are about to read the latest batch of these puns right now.

So all that remains to be said is, enjoy!

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I walked into the boss’s office and handed him a pear.

“What’s this for?” He asked.

“A pay rise.” I replied.

“My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you.”

grow-a-pear

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The other day a friend of mine hit me with a chocolate bar.

How dairy!

cadbury-dairy-milk

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HMV to close sixty stores.

Is this the Vinyl Countdown?

cadbury-dairy-milk

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I won £10,000 on a scratchcard last week and the wife said

we should draw up a list of what to spend it on.

“Well, I’m going to book a holiday for one.”

“Oh goody” she screamed excitedly, “I can’t wait!”

Can’t help thinking she’s misunderstood what I said.

single-vacation

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I was reading through the ingredients for

a fruit salad I’m making today and it said:

“Pineapples: five cubed.”

I’m not sure though,

125 will probably be too many.

5 cubed

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My friend has no hands.

I feel for him.

no hands

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When I was young, my mum always used to hit me with the telephone.

I was always on the receiving end…..

telephone-cartoon

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My calculator is missing the minus button,

but on the plus side, it still works.

calculator

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A gay guy asked me if I liked to blow people.

I told him I’m not a fan.

cartoons-fan

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I just hired a really uncomfortable car.

It Hertz like hell.

hertz

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I said to my friend, “I just watched that film about the Nazis.”

He said, “Oh what, the one with Adolf in?”

I said, “No mate, you’re thinking of ‘Flipper’, this was just about the Nazis.”

flipper

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I went house hunting at the weekend.

I went to see one house that had mirrors all over the walls.

I thought, “I can see myself living here.”

mirror walls

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I told my Chinese friend that I bought very cheap cigarettes

that were shipped in from a foreign country.

He said, “Is that Regal?”

regal cigarettes

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Why shouldn’t you buy Ukrainian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

ukraine_viktoryanukovych

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I was walking into my local pub,

when I suddenly realized it was darts night.

So I did a 180 and left.

darts 180

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Our Brazilian housekeeper is rubbish at making the beds.

She’s very tidy downstairs though.            

brazilian

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There was an unbelievably close finish

in this years “Shemale of the year” contest.

It was a Thai.        

thai

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Everyone can put on their curriculum vitae

that they know a little Latin.

logo CV

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I’ve got a fear of two-letter words.

I get scared just thinking about it.

Scary

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I turned to my wife last night and said,

“I’m into anal”.

She gave me a look of despair and glared at me as she said,

“Animal”.

I love it when we do the cryptic crossword together.

cryptic crossword

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