Those Who Throw Dirt Are Sure To Lose Ground.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day again.

How did you get the week in without them?

It’s not easy, but you’ve made it and well done.

Here is the latest batch of the word play specials.

As always, enjoy!

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When the human cannonball retired they couldn’t

find a replacement of the right caliber.

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Wow my breakfast seems to have had a

really positive psychological effect on me!

Maybe it was that Freud egg I had for breakfast…..

I feel so Jung at heart?

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He tried to find a bunch of bananas at the supermarket,

but it turned out to be a fruitless search.

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Could you call a chicken led rebellion a coop d’etat?

Call that a yolk?

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Did you hear about the frog who parked at fire hydrant

– the cops came along and toad him away…

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Did you hear about the Dentist and Manicurist who got married?

They fought tooth and nail!!

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It wasn’t that he had anything against French football,

he just didn’t like Toulouse

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Teaching your kids in the heat of the moment

is bad heir-conditioning.

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There has to be a repair shop

for baroque musical instruments.

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“You can whip our cream

but you can’t beat our milk,”

said the farmer.

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This is just bang out of order!

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Somebody called me ‘pretentious’ the other day.

Well, I nearly choked on my tall soy carmel machiato latte

with no foam and extra extra (sweet and low)..

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The wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

Boy! Did she hit the roof.

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I phoned my work this morning and said,

“Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”

He said,

“You have a wee cough?”

I said,

“Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!”

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I got arrested for shoplifting in the supermarket today.

I paid for six cans of Sprite at the checkout,

but when security checked my bag

he discovered I’d picked seven up.

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I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy.

This pan he sold me doesn’t fly at all.

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We had another row last night,

the underlying message being that my

“sense of direction was causing huge problems in the relationship”.

Eventually, tired and frustrated, I stood up,

packed my things and right.

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I’m nervous and excited about the new

job I start at a restaurant tomorrow.

I just can’t wait.

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Did you here about the Taxidermist who was mugged?

He fought off his attacker with his bear hands.

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I saw a guy stacking shelves at the supermarket

complaining because the top shelf was broken,

and he couldn’t keep it up.

I think he had a wrecked aisle dysfunction.

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Further Fabulously Fascinating Facts From Fasab!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I don’t know what it is about the letter ‘F’ but it seems to lend itself better to alliteration than any of the others – if your blog is called Fasab, that is 🙂 

Anyhow, here we go with another selection of those fabulously fascinating facts.

Enjoy.

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To manufacture a new car approximately 148,000 liters of water is needed.

 

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In 1985, a pregnant women was falsely accused of shoplifting a basketball

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The study of twins is known as gemellology

 

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Dalmatian puppies do not have any spots on them when they are born.

They actually develop them as they get older

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At the equator the Earth spins at about 1,038 miles per hour

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In World War II, the German submarine U-1206 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet

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As a defense mechanism, the North American Opossum closes its eyes and becomes totally limp.

Basically it plays dead, hence the term ‘playing possum’.

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Approximately 18 billion disposable diapers end up in landfills each year.

These diapers can takes as long as 500 years to finally decompose

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Only one out of every three people wash their hands when leaving a public bathroom

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The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight.

These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

 

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Two objects have struck the earth with enough force to destroy a whole city.

Each object, one in 1908 and again in 1947, struck regions of Siberia.

Not one human being was hurt either time

Tunguska asteroid strike 1908

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When Scott Paper Co. first started manufacturing toilet paper

they did not put their name on the product because of embarrassment

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Ian Fleming named his character “James Bond” after real-life ornithologist and author

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A Canadian, Troy Hurtubise, spent $100,000 and almost went bankrupt

building a RoboCop style suit so that he could withstand a bear attack

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The big toe is the foot reflexology pressure point for the head

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In November 1999, two women were killed by a lightning bolt.

The underwire located in their bras acted as a electrical conductors,

and when the lightning bolt hit the bra they left burn marks on their chest

 

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Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

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Every U.S. bill regardless of denomination costs just 4 cents to make

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The average day is actually 23 hours, 56 minutes and 4.09 seconds.

We have a leap year every four years to make up for this shortfall

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Approximately 10.5 gallons of water is used in a dishwasher.

Washing the dishes by hand can use up to 20 gallons of water

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Another Twenty Questions For Tuesday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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You may discover the true meaning of life in today’s post (naw, okay, you probably won’t). Nevertheless here is a selection of questions that needed asking but that no one ever asks – until now, that is.

Enjoy.

 

 

Why do people say ‘the sky is the limit’ when there are footprints on the moon?

 

If a lawyer says to the judge “I’m Lying”, is he telling the truth?

 

Why do we call it ‘after dark’ when it’s really ‘after light’?

 

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced ‘onety-one’?

 

What if the Hokey Pokey REALLY IS what it’s all about?

 

Why is there only 12 hours on a clock?

 

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

 

How long is a piece of string?

 

Can animals commit suicide?

 

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don’t lay eggs!

 

Did London Bridge ever fall down?

 

Is it possible to be allergic to water?

 

Why do super-heroes wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?

 

Why are women and men’s shoe sizes different?

 

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

 

How do you make seven even?

 

Why do they call it a ‘Television Set’ when there’s only one?

 

How fast do you need to cook for it to be considered ‘Fast Food’?

 

Where does the ‘o’ come from when we abbreviate the word ‘number’?

 

Why do they imply the ‘birds and the bees’ get up to something together?

 

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