BREAKING NEWS: Man In Boxers Leads Police On A Brief Chase!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If the title didn’t give you a clue, it’s Pun Day again.

Some more word play to….

Enjoy or endure!

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Reports that suggest

Little Miss Muffet

has contracted food poisoning

have been described as

“Whey off”.

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I went to the cinema last night

and saw a movie about cheese.

It was G rated.

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What do my wife and a

drone have in common?

The noise.

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Most car designs start off as

a sketch on a piece of paper.

Like the Audi A4.

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I’m waiting to hear if I’ve got a place in

the World Hyperventilating Championship.

I won’t be holding my breath.

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Apparently the government has a database

containing the details of every single

animal attack on humans.

Wonder how big it is,

probably many terror bites.

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The girl in the shop told me

she didn’t have any 7UP.

But she’s just saying that

out of sprite.

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I’m writing a book

about patriarchal societies.

It’s going to be called

“It’s Reigning Men”.

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I’m known for being a really good chef.

I bring a lot to the table.

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ISIS.

Always in crisis.

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A lion, a witch and a wardrobe

walk into a bar.

The barman says,

“I’m serving Narnia!”

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I saw an extremely fat frog that

was having trouble bending its legs.

It was probably roomy-toad arthritis.

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Help, I am looking for my father,

I was raised by my mother and

all she told me was he’s Italian,

works in a clinic,

and goes by the name ‘Invitro’?

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My friend gets his Viagra

delivered by chartered air freight.

He’s a Very Impotent Person.

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I couldn’t get tickets for the Plan B concert.

So I had to go with my first choice instead.

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Those Who Throw Dirt Are Sure To Lose Ground.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day again.

How did you get the week in without them?

It’s not easy, but you’ve made it and well done.

Here is the latest batch of the word play specials.

As always, enjoy!

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When the human cannonball retired they couldn’t

find a replacement of the right caliber.

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Wow my breakfast seems to have had a

really positive psychological effect on me!

Maybe it was that Freud egg I had for breakfast…..

I feel so Jung at heart?

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He tried to find a bunch of bananas at the supermarket,

but it turned out to be a fruitless search.

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Could you call a chicken led rebellion a coop d’etat?

Call that a yolk?

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Did you hear about the frog who parked at fire hydrant

– the cops came along and toad him away…

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Did you hear about the Dentist and Manicurist who got married?

They fought tooth and nail!!

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It wasn’t that he had anything against French football,

he just didn’t like Toulouse

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Teaching your kids in the heat of the moment

is bad heir-conditioning.

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There has to be a repair shop

for baroque musical instruments.

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“You can whip our cream

but you can’t beat our milk,”

said the farmer.

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This is just bang out of order!

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Somebody called me ‘pretentious’ the other day.

Well, I nearly choked on my tall soy carmel machiato latte

with no foam and extra extra (sweet and low)..

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The wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

Boy! Did she hit the roof.

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I phoned my work this morning and said,

“Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”

He said,

“You have a wee cough?”

I said,

“Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!”

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I got arrested for shoplifting in the supermarket today.

I paid for six cans of Sprite at the checkout,

but when security checked my bag

he discovered I’d picked seven up.

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I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy.

This pan he sold me doesn’t fly at all.

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We had another row last night,

the underlying message being that my

“sense of direction was causing huge problems in the relationship”.

Eventually, tired and frustrated, I stood up,

packed my things and right.

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I’m nervous and excited about the new

job I start at a restaurant tomorrow.

I just can’t wait.

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Did you here about the Taxidermist who was mugged?

He fought off his attacker with his bear hands.

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I saw a guy stacking shelves at the supermarket

complaining because the top shelf was broken,

and he couldn’t keep it up.

I think he had a wrecked aisle dysfunction.

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