Twitter Treasure

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Twitter logo transparent

Twitter is a good invention. It’s easy and fun. Much less demanding and intrusive than Facebook. So much so that many millions of people, from the famous to ordinary people like you and I, use it every day.

On the back of that success the Twitter company is doing very well. But recently it did even better when its shares jumped four per cent in a matter of minutes.

It all happened after a buyout story appeared on the internet that claimed that Twitter had received a significant offer. It started off, “Twitter is working closely with bankers after receiving an offer to be bought out for $31 billion…”

fake-twitter-story

Investors piled in. And not just the amateurs, lots of the ‘professional’ Wall Street guys too.

The trouble was, however, that the internet story was on a bogus web site and was completely fake. The site was called “bloomberg.market”. It was not “Bloomberg.com” the official name of the web presence for the Bloomberg financial organization.

“Bloomberg.market” was what they call a ‘mirror’ of the genuine “Bloomberg.com” website. Whoever designed “bloomberg.market” set it up to look like “Bloomberg.com”. They copied real headlines and linked them back to the real dot-com website. With one exception: the fake Twitter story, which was dressed up to look like a legitimate webpage.

The spike in the Twitter share price only lasted about 15 minutes before Bloomberg denounced the story as fake and the share price dropped back to its previous level. But 15 minutes is a long time in the world of finance and plenty of time for someone to profit substantially from the scam.

spike in the Twitter share price

No one yet knows who owns the dot-market domain – except the people who own it, of course –  but it was registered just days before the scam message, using a proxy service called “WhoisGuard”, based in Panama, that protects registrant details by offering its own address and contact numbers. But the details of “WhoisGuard” on its own website at “WhoisGuard.com” also appear to be fake, listing a telephone number that is disconnected. Emails to their contact address have not received a response either.

The significance of this incident is not that some greedy and stupid people lost money rushing to buy Twitter shares on the back of this fake announcement.

The problem is that so many new dot word domains have recently been allowed – hundreds of them in fact – that the whole internet is becoming bloated and confusing. And expensive.

If you are a company that wants to protect your online identity and integrity it could now cost you tens of thousands of dollars to cover all the permutations. Not many companies, even huge affairs like Bloomberg, will choose to do that.

That leaves the way wide open for cyber criminals to take advantage of gullible internet users.

I am certain they will.

Like the Twitter announcement, it’s just too good a deal to refuse.

online-scam_gullible-investor-cartoon

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Procrastinators Unite! …. Tomorrow.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Procrastinators may unite tomorrow if they want, but for the rest of us today is Pun Day.

Yes, more awful jokes and word play fun.

So, enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I just realised that

“stats”  is palindromic.

What are the odds of that?!

STATS

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“Hey Harry, how much were

those broom sticks?” Asked Ron.

“Quid each”, replied Harry.

quidditch

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I thought my wife was happy

to fully repair my jeans.

Or at least sew its seams.

repair my jeans

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I submitted a 16:9 picture of my farm

to the photography contest.

They didn’t like the crop.

16.9 picture of my farm

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My fine art and fragrances business has failed.

The perfumes sold well, but I didn’t really know

how to market the paintings I’d bought.

Now I’ve got more Monet than scents.

Monet - Water-Lily-Pond--Symphony-In-Rose

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You feel stuck with your debt

if you can’t budge it.

budget2013_BalancingTheBudget_new

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The inventor of predictive text has died.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial

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I’m a judge in graffiti competitions.

It’s as exciting as watching paint dry.

graffiti competitions

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Ghetto blasters.

They’re an 80s stereotype.

lasonic-ghetto-blaster-famous-gold-edition-3

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I accidentally sprinkled marijuana into my mayonnaise.

It reminded me of Holland Days.

hollandaise-sauce

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I once got a butterfly high

by giving it concentrated speed.

It was a crystal moth

crystal moth

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When I broke the news to my little

brother that he had diabetes,

I tried not to sugarcoat it.

sugarcoat

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Constipation:

same old s**t,

different day.

constipation

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Is it just me or are Polish cleaners

really bad at brushing up?

Sorry that was a

sweeping generalization.

cleaners

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My laptop is broken.

It just keeps playing

“Someone Like You”

over and over again.

Probably because it’s a Dell.

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I’m Planning On Being More Spontaneous In The Future.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun Day is here again.

I’m sure you’re delighted!

So here is the latest assortment of word play jokes.

Enjoy or endure.

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rofl

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Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

scarecrow

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The dealer asked me ‘how much are you willing to pay for the car?’

‘1500, tops’, I responded

‘OK,’ he replied, ‘but they better be short sleeved’.

short sleeved tops

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If I had a penny for every time someone

gave me their dog to look after,

I’d have a pound!

dog pound

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I phoned 911 to report my bike being stolen in the park.

They asked, “What does it look like?”

I replied, “It’s big, green and full of swings.”

swings in park

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Isn’t it odd that funerals always begin

not with sorrow but with fun?

fun funeral

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Female Ninjas

Now there’s something you don’t see.

camouflaged

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The case against a donut thief

turned out to be full of holes.

donut_van_chase

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When the TV repairman got married

the reception was excellent.

tv repairman

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I’ve been sleeping with this bloke’s wife and today he sent me this text:

“You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!”

To which I replied:

“8 out of 10, I’ll requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”

phone-texting

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When Vincent van Gogh cut off his left ear,

his right ear was left.

Vincent van Gogh

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I failed my medical school entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

medical school entrance exam

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To some – marriage is a word…

to others – a sentence.

marriage_is_not_a_word_its_a_sentence_t_shirt

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Saw a dude squatting behind a gravestone in the old graveyard.

I thought “What is he doing? I’m letting him know that I see him”

So I shouted “Morning!”

And he shouts back, “Nah, just taking a dump.”

no dumping

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Headline taken from the Peterborough Evening Telegraph:

“MPs call for jobs blow to be reversed”

peterborough jobs blow

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Never mind the fifth Beatle, what about the other

three hundred and fifty seven Degrees?

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“I Think” Said The Sweet Potato, “Therefore I Yam”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The clue is in the title.

We’re playing with words again.

Yes, it’s pun day.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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I had no idea there were so many different types of sandpaper.

Luckily the guy in the shop gave me a rough guide.

sandpaper

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My grandfather tried to start his own company building airplanes.

But he couldn’t get it off the ground.

airplane

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I’ve just started time travelling with an old friend of mine.

We go back a long way.

time-travel-institute

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I used to have a job drilling for oil.

It was boring.

oil rig

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I had to start singing when I realized I didn’t have

enough money to get into the public toilets.

I was busking for a piss.

busker

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Every summer, my dad would take me to the beach,

put me in a chest and bury me in the sand.

Treasured memories.

boy with treasure map

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I’m having difficulty creating saline water.

I can’t work out if salt is part of the problem or part of the solution.

eureka-lab-cartoon

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I only got it two weeks and already my

Chinese sound system is broken.

So stereotypical.

sound system

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You know you’re in red neck territory when the

girls think Timberland is a theme park for lumberjacks.

wacky-races-06

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You know what seems odd to me?

Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.

Numbers-5-17-11-color

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I heard that Rapunzel used to be a real party animal.

She was always letting her hair down.

rapunzel__rapunzel__let_down_your_hair__by_miamidoll-d59m7pi

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After a hard day at work I thought it would be funny

to give my boss a big pat on the back.

That was my last day working on his farm.

cartoon-cow-pat-fly-buffet

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As I sat down to dinner with Gaius Marius, Julius Caesar

and my wife, she rolled her eyes and said

“No, I said I wanted more ROMANCE in our relationship”.

Romans at dinner

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I drink so much my liver is more like a dier.

Most Funny Drunk Animals (5)

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Monk: “What porn is acceptable?”

Archbishop: “Nun.”

catholiccartoonblog-pope-abuse-scandal-press-kick-me

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The banker said he could offer me a credit card with no interest.

I said, “Then why are you doing it?”

credit card cartoon2

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I got sacked from NASA for falling asleep on the rocket.

It completely ruined the salad at their summer barbecue.

rocket-salad-denna-jones-flickr

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Once on vacation my friend fell over a pyramid and hurt his mouth.

Egypt his tooth.

pyramids-of-egypt-cartoonpyramids-by-alexei-talimonov-media-culture-cartoon-toonpool-vrthbium

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The duck said to the bartender,

‘put it on my bill.’

looney-tunes-520-2

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I was in a Chinese restaurant last night and I asked

the waiter if there were any Chinese Jews.

He walked off then came back a while later and said,

“No we only have apple juice, lemon juice or orange juice.”

chinese restaurant

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People Who Use Euphemisms Really Get On My You Know Whats!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day!

Twenty more examples of word play to make you smile or groan, or maybe even both.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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No matter how hard I try, I simply can’t figure out

what’s the opposite of ironing.

It’s depressing.

ironing

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What’s the difference between mountains and hills?

Mountains tend to get high, but hills are less inclined

mountains and hills

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After criticizing yet another outfit, my wife said she

was going to leave me due to my poor dress sense.

“Please baby” I pleaded. “I can change.”

poor dress sense

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Doctor Who started working for our road repair company today,

his first job was to fill in potholes.

“Tardis”, I told him.

Dr Who's tardis

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Pepperami..

What Sgt Pepper served in.

peperami1

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Did you hear about the guy who was so stupid

that when they gave him enough rope,

he shot himself.

stupid

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The blow hard bloke next door says his car is more powerful than mine

and that he would easily beat me in a race.

He’s all torque.

CARS 2

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I’ve been caught up in a race row.

I don’t care what he says, I won fair and square.

race

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People often tell me I have very little patience.

But that’s probably because I’m a doctor specializing in dwarfism.

Seven Dwarfs

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A friend of mine accused me of plagiarism.

I didn’t know what that meant, but I took his word.

cartoon_plagiarism_1836615

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I saw that the latest remake of the Dukes of Hazzard includes

a scene where Bo and Luke install a talking car alarm.

I’m not sure that’s going to go down well,

General Lee speaking.

General_Lee__Dukes_of_Hazzard_by_xxatwaxx

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The wife used to work on a maternity ward.

It was labor-intensive.

Pregnancy-Cartoon

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My new neighbor works in a board game factory.

His job is to take small wooden cubes and engrave them.

I don’t like him…

He’s dot a dice person.

dice

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I stopped at a hotel last night called

“The good, the bad, and the ugly.”

It was a Best Western.

best-western-logo3

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I once met a really stupid bloke on a Greek island.

He was a Cretan.

Souda Bay Crete

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At an awards dinner last night,

I just finished enjoying some middle eastern dip

when I was called up to accept my award.

It was post hummus.

10oz-classic-hummus

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A few weeks ago, 1,400 people were killed in Syria by a chemical attack.

It almost became Obama’s road to Degasmasks.

gas masks

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I can never wear my lucky golf socks again.

I got a hole in one.

sock-holes

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And since we are almost at the end of today’s post,

I have to announce that unfortunately tonight’s

Self Harmers Anonymous group

has been cancelled due to staff cuts.

william-steig-harry-take-it-from-me-you-re-doing-yourself-more-harm-than-good-new-yorker-cartoon

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An African lady called Betty came into my restaurant

and asked “Is there any chicken on the menu?”

I replied “No black Betty, it’s ham or lamb.”

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Beware Of Geeks Bearing GIFs!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The clue is always in the title.

Yes, prepare to give you chuckle muscles a workout.

It’s pun day.

Another selection of those jokes you love to hate.

Enjoy   

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rofl

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I’ve been trying to get this computer to work for an hour now.

Wish I’d bought a laptop.

So much lighter to carry.

man-carrying-large-computer

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My friend clearly wears dentures but won’t admit it.

He’s lying through his teeth.

funny-false-teeth-cartoon

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Still thinking of taking that long term job in the PDRK?

Personally I’d choose a different Korea.

north-and-south-korea

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As my wife and three of her friends

squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers,

I muttered under my breath, “Fat cows.”

“What was that?” snapped my wife.

“You herd.”

mad_cow_cartoon

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I thought I was in for the long hall.

But it was just a really big mirror at the end of it.

long hall

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I was in the fitting room when a

beautiful woman walked in holding a lacy bra.

I think she was trying it on.

fitting room cartoon

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Scientists have discovered a new shade of green.

It’s sublime.

sublime_360

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Old MacDonald loves to play with action dolls….

G I G I Joe.

GI Joe

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I clicked on the ‘Home Alone’ link earlier.

It opened a page for an Italian mortgage company.

euro

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I entered my dog in the redneck dog show last week.

She won “Best Inbreed.”

redneck dogs

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Would anyone like to buy any cymbal shaped pillows?

$50 Per cushion.

cymbals

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Think the worst time of my life was when I worked as a cinema usher.

I was in a very dark place back then.

movie_usher

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It’s amazing how a piece of technology as simple

as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.

viagra_45305

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I’ve found the alcohol which has solved all my problems.

It was liqueur.

liqueur bottles

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I have a lot of hangups.

I blame telemarketers.

telemarketer_cartoon

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I’ve styled my hair so that it appears like I’ve got horns.

It’s my gnu look.

Baby Gnu

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NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden left Moscow Airport a while ago.

He’s no longer hiding in plane site.

CIA-NSA-Edward-Snowden_1

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Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati.

aluminium rolls

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I can’t see the new Nicholas Cage action movie doing very well.

He plays a wrongly convicted man, trapped among

a bunch of the world’s most dangerous criminals,

all stuck inside a Refrigeration Factory.

It’s called Air Con

nicolas cage con air cartoon

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Finally when I saw a woman had broken down at

the side of the road I didn’t stop to help her.

I’m not a psychiatrist.

cartoon psychiatrist by Ron Leishman

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Oh No! Not Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon.

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If you have read any of my previous entries in the politics section of this blog you will already be aware of my extremely low opinion of the intelligence of those in America who are in charge of foreign policy.

These idiots blunder about knowing little of history or tradition in other nations and make quick reaction judgments that are short sighted and that have continually come back to bite them on the ass.

Well, not them exactly, but the poor servicemen and women who are sent in to mop up their messes.

So what has got me ranting this time?

Only the fact that the morons in charge are currently negotiating what is being called ‘a groundbreaking agreement’ that will give American nuclear know-how to the country where Osama Bin Laden and the vast majority of the 9/11 terrorists came from.

Yes, Saudi Arabia.

Coat_of_arms_of_Saudi_Arabia

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The short-sighted US strategy is probably to assist an ally (an oil rich one, of course) to make it an unconquerable target for any of the other states in the area who have expansionist plans for the future.

Great – while the Saud family stay in control, or while a sensible member of the Saud family is in charge.

But what happens if, sometime down the road, the ruling dynasty is overthrown? Not an unknown occurrence in the Middle East. Or what happens if one day there is the equivalent of an ‘Osama’ in the Saud family just as there was in the Bin Laden family?

And what happened to all those non proliferation agreements designed to keep dangerous weapons out of the hands of those incapable of handling them sensibly?

The last thing the Middle East needs is yet another country developing nuclear weapons capability. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.

If the consequences were not so potentially tragic, it would be fun watching the political morons in Washington justifying going to war to take nuclear capability away from Iran, which at least holds democratic elections, yet at the same time giving nuclear capability to Saudi Arabia which is an undemocratic dictatorship.

Not even the most devout liberal could spin that one to make it sound good!

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Mushroom-Cloud

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