Yes, everyone it’s Quiz Day again at the fasab blog.
You will find out about ‘Bruce’ when you do the quiz, which I hope you will.
And remember, as always, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!
Enjoy and good luck.
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Q. 1: In radio what does ‘FM’ stand for?
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Q. 2: What breed of dog is the tallest in the world?
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Q. 3: And what is the smallest breed of dog?
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Q. 4: The marine mammal, the ‘dugong’, is the supposed original of what?
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Q. 5: Chance to build up a good score here with a possible 7 points available. In the business world what do these well known acronyms stand for? (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you get all 6 correct.)
a) IBM b) HP c) CNN d) DHL e) HTC f) CVS
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Q. 6: What common chemical compound is represented by the formula ‘nh3’?
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Q. 7: What is a ‘quadruped’?
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Q. 8: What Italian physicist, mathematician, engineer, and philosopher who played a major role in the scientific revolution during the Renaissance, has been called the “father of modern observational astronomy”?
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Q. 9: Still on the subject of space, what recently landed on an asteroid after a ten year journey, bounced twice, ended up in the wrong place and then shut down after its batteries were depleted?
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Q. 10: What is the name of the little naked bow-carrying statue that historically represents ‘intimate love’, and ‘desire’? (You can also earn a bonus point if you can name his ‘brother’.)
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Q. 11: Of what is Bamboo the tallest variety in the world?
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Q. 12: Which bacteria is responsible for typhoid and food poisoning?
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Q. 13: What is the name given to someone who studies plants?
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Q. 14: What is the mixture of potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulphur better known as?
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Q. 15: What is ‘-459.7ºf’ also know as?
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Q. 16: What common medical procedure and what type of drink are included in the standard phonetic alphabet?
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Q. 17: How many cubic inches are there in a cubic foot?
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Q. 18: How many years is it since the start of the ‘Great War’?
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Q. 19: The invention of what in 1867, made Alfred Nobel famous?
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Q. 20: His nickname was ‘Bruce’ and he was the star of what became the highest-grossing film in history at the time of its release in 1975, and the most successful motion picture of all time until Star Wars. What was the name of the movie?
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ANSWERS
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Q. 1: In radio what does ‘FM’ stand for?
A. 1: Frequency Modulation.
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Q. 2: What breed of dog is the tallest in the world?
A. 2: No, not the Great Dane, the correct answer is Irish Wolfhound.
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Q. 3: And what is the smallest breed of dog?
A. 3: The Chihuahua. (In fact I think it is so small it doesn’t merit the extra ‘hua’.)
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Q. 4: The marine mammal, the ‘dugong’, is the supposed original of what?
A. 4: The Mermaid, the name ‘dugong’ means ‘lady of the sea’.
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Q. 5: Chance to build up a good score here with a possible 7 points available. In the business world what do these well known acronyms stand for? (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you get all 6 correct.)
a) IBM b) HP c) CNN d) DHL e) HTC f) CVS
A. 5: a) IBM International Business Machines b ) HP Hewlett Packard.
c) CNN Cable Network News d) DHL Daisey Hillblom Lynn
e) HTC High Tech Computer f) CVS Consumer Value Stores
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Q. 6: What common chemical compound is represented by the formula ‘nh3’?
A. 6: Ammonia.
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Q. 7: What is a ‘quadruped’?
A. 7: Any four footed animal.
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Q. 8: What Italian physicist, mathematician, engineer, and philosopher who played a major role in the scientific revolution during the Renaissance, has been called the “father of modern observational astronomy”?
A. 8: His name is Galileo, or more properly Galileo Galilei.
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Q. 9: Still on the subject of space, what recently landed on an asteroid after a ten year journey, bounced twice, ended up in the wrong place and then shut down after its batteries were depleted?
A. 9: The European Space Agency (ESA) Rosetta Mission Philae comet lander. (You earn a point if you said either ‘Rosetta’ or ‘Philae’ in your answer.)
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Q. 10: What is the name of the little naked bow-carrying statue that historically represents ‘intimate love’, and ‘desire’? (You can also earn a bonus point if you can name his ‘brother’.)
A. 10: His name is ‘Eros’ and his brother’s name is ‘Anteros’ who supposedly represents reflective or returned mature love.
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Q. 11: Of what is Bamboo the tallest variety in the world?
A. 11: Grass.
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Q. 12: Which bacteria is responsible for typhoid and food poisoning?
A. 12: Salmonella.
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Q. 13: What is the name given to someone who studies plants?
A. 13: A Botanist.
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Q. 14: What is the mixture of potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulphur better known as?
A. 14: Gunpowder.
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Q. 15: What is ‘-459.7ºf’ also know as?
A. 15: Absolute Zero. (So now if anyone asks you what the government has achieved you can answer ‘-459.7ºf’.)
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Q. 16: What common medical procedure and what type of drink are included in the standard phonetic alphabet?
A. 16: X-ray = X and Whiskey = W.
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Q. 17: How many cubic inches are there in a cubic foot?
A. 17: 1728. (12 x 12 x 12)
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Q. 18: How many years is it since the start of the ‘Great War’?
A. 18: 100 years this year. The Great War is also now known as World War I.
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Q. 19: The invention of what in 1867, made Alfred Nobel famous?
A. 19: Dynamite.
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Q. 20: His nickname was ‘Bruce’ and he was the star of what became became the highest-grossing film in history at the time of its release in 1975, and the most successful motion picture of all time until Star Wars. What was the name of the movie?
A. 20: The movie was ‘Jaws’, and ‘Bruce’ was the nickname give to the ‘shark’ they used in it.
Hello to all you quizzers out there. Your moment has indeed come.
It’s time for the Monday quiz here at the fasab blog.
Another random selection of questions and as usual if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!
Enjoy, and good luck.
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Q. 1: What is the longest river in South America?
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Q. 2: Philip Pirrip is the central character in which famous Charles Dickens novel?
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Q. 3: ‘Firefly’, ‘The Mole’ and ‘Fab 2’ are all examples of what?
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Q. 4: This famous historical duke and his horse both had capital cities named after them. Can you name them? (A point for each correct answer.)
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Q. 5: The island of Zealand is part of which country?
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Q. 6: What is the name of the satirical novel by the American author Joseph Heller set during World War II from 1942 to 1944?
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Q. 7: What is the name of the Norwegian politician who became a puppet leader of his country during World War II, his name now a byword for treachery?
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Q. 8: This 1999 movie starring Will Smith, who also sang the title song, won five Golden Raspberry Awards for Worst Picture, Worst Director, Worst Screen Couple, Worst Screenplay and Worst Original Song – what was it?
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Q. 9: Which island has the 2 official languages Sinhalese and Tamil?
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Q. 10: The site of this famous battle is now a National Monument, but in which American state did the Battle of The Little Bighorn take place?
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Q. 11: In order of popularity, can you name the world’s top three religions?
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Q. 12: Which South American city provides the setting for the 1982 movie ‘Missing’, starring Jack Lemmon?
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Q. 13: British Honduras is now called what?
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Q. 14: What Catholic Bishop was killed in Rome on February 14 AD 270?
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Q. 15: Where were the ‘Camp David Accords’ signed, and by whom?
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Q. 16: Who, in the 1970s and at the age of forty-three, became the world’s first female President and the youngest Head of State in Latin America?
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Q. 17: Who founded the first US detective agency in 1850?
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Q. 18: For what invention is Earl Silas Tupper best known?
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Q. 19: Who said in a 1933 movie, “I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thoughts, I’d rather dance with the cows till you came home” (A bonus point if you can name the movie.)
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Q. 20: Which super group were originally called the ‘New Yardbirds’?
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ANSWERS
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Q. 1: What is the longest river in South America?
A. 1: The Amazon.
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Q. 2: Philip Pirrip is the central character in which famous Charles Dickens novel?
A. 2: Great Expectations.
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Q. 3: ‘Firefly’, ‘The Mole’ and ‘Fab 2’ are all examples of what?
A. 3: Vehicles in the TV series Thunderbirds.
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Q. 4: This famous historical duke and his horse both had capital cities named after them. Can you name them? (A point for each correct answer.)
A. 4: The famous historical duke is the Duke of Wellington, Wellington being the capital city of New Zealand; the name of his horse was Copenhagen which is also the name of the capital city of Denmark.
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Q. 5: The island of Zealand is part of which country?
A. 5: Denmark.
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Q. 6: What is the name of the satirical novel by the American author Joseph Heller set during World War II from 1942 to 1944?
A. 6: Catch-22.
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Q. 7: What is the name of the Norwegian politician who became a puppet leader of his country during World War II, his name now a byword for treachery?
A. 7: Vidkun Quisling.
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Q. 8: This 1999 movie starring Will Smith, who also sang the title song, won five Golden Raspberry Awards for Worst Picture, Worst Director, Worst Screen Couple, Worst Screenplay and Worst Original Song – what was it?
A. 8: Wild, Wild West.
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Q. 9: Which island has the 2 official languages Sinhalese and Tamil?
A. 9: Sri Lanka.
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Q. 10: The site of this famous battle is now a National Monument, but in which American state did the Battle of The Little Bighorn take place?
A. 10: Montana.
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Q. 11: In order of popularity, can you name the world’s top three religions?
A. 11: Christianity (2 billion followers approximately), Islam (1.6 billion) and Hinduism (1 billion).
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Q. 12: Which South American city provides the setting for the 1982 movie ‘Missing’, starring Jack Lemmon?
A. 12: Santiago de Chile. (You get a point if you just said Santiago.)
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Q. 13: British Honduras is now called what?
A. 13: Belize.
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Q. 14: What Catholic Bishop was killed in Rome on February 14 AD 270?
A. 14: Did the date give it away? The answer is, St Valentine.
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Q. 15: Where were the ‘Camp David Accords’ signed, and by whom?
A. 15: Although they are named after the location at which the secret negotiations preceding them took place, The ‘Camp David Accords’ were actually signed at the White House in Washington DC, by Egyptian President Anwar El Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin on 17 September 1978, witnessed by United States President Jimmy Carter.
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Q. 16: Who, in the 1970s at the age of forty-three, became the world’s first female President and the youngest Head of State in Latin America?
A. 16: Isabel Peron.
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Q. 17: Who founded the first US detective agency in 1850?
A. 17: Allan Pinkerton.
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Q. 18: For what invention is Earl Silas Tupper best known?
A. 18: The clue was in the name, the answer is ‘Tupperware’.
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Q. 19: Who said in a 1933 movie, “I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thoughts, I’d rather dance with the cows till you came home” (A bonus point if you can name the movie.)
A. 19: Groucho Marx in ‘Duck Soup’.
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Q. 20: Which super group were originally called the ‘New Yardbirds’?
As time moves on – and it’s moving on far too fast – more and more things tend to irritate me.
The stupidity and bureaucracy we have to endure is the thing that inspired this blog in the first place and that remains a huge thorn in my side. I have made many comments on that subject and given the opportunity will no doubt make many more.
But another thing that pisses me off more and more is almost the opposite of stupidity – it is people trying to be too damn smart.
Nowhere is this more noticeable than in the technology that we use today.
Now, I’m not a technophobe by any stretch of the imagination. I love my computers and the advent of the internet was one of the greatest things ever, as far as I was concerned. Indeed I have blogged in the past about my long love affair with computers click here to read it.
Maybe it’s because of that long love affair, because I have been involved with computers for so many years, that what is happening now irritates me so much.
What I’m talking about is the fact that today’s personal computers and tablets and telephones and all the other periphery of techo gadgets try to do far too much for their owners. Everyone who has one of these machines is apparently a moron, or at least that’s how the manufacturers seem to treat us.
In the good old days you actually had to work at making your computer do things. Your telephone in those days made telephone calls and that was about it. And tablets were the things the doctor prescribed when you were feeling poorly.
To cut what could well turn into a very long list of current irritations into a manageable size, let me concentrate on just a few of the most horrible things that we now have to face.
In fact, rather than go on and on I’ll split this post over a few days.
Today it’s telephones.
Like I just said, I remember the days when phones were used to make phone calls – seemed logical enough to us at the time. Now they do all sorts of things. You can still phone people when you figure out how, but now you can also text, surf the internet, send and receive video messages and calls, play games, buy stuff – in fact almost everything you can do on your computer you can now do on a smart phone. And most of them have reasonable quality cameras too.
For a while those who could afford a cell phone were lumbered with a thing the size of a brick and it weighed almost as much too!
You can see one of those in the photo below (far left!). You can still get them, or rather a modern version if you want to draw a bit of attention to yourself – and there are always people who do.
As the years went on the phones kept getting smaller and smaller. That was good for a while. They became light and pocket sized. But miniaturization became the trend, and cell phones got really really really small to the extent that unless you had the fingers of a five year old child instead of chubby man paws it was a struggle to find the right numbers to make a call and a nightmare to send a text.
Then, mainly because of the advance of wifi and 3G and 4G and so forth, cell phones started to get bigger again to the extent that they are nearly back to the size of that brick again, albeit a lot thinner and lighter. Glasses are the next step, with a heads up view just like on the helmet visors of those jet fighters you see in the movies. And sometime in the not too distant future you will just need a silicone chip embedded at the back of your ear-hole. Not sure I’ll go for that last one though.
That’s a potted history of the cell phone, but now for the really irritating part.
When texting really took off and became the most popular form of communication when using a cell phone, someone – they won’t tell me his name probably for his own safety – decided that we needed help writing a text. Not what I call a “speel chekkar” that is available on your computer – which would have been acceptable – but a much more sinister and annoying invention.
Guessed what it is yet?
Yes, it’s “auto-correct” or as it likes to call itself “anal cortex”.
I hate this thing with a passion. I disconnect it on every device I can because it doesn’t work!
Auto-correct has not the slightest idea what you are trying to say. It is unnecessary, frustrating, irritating and useless.
It has only one saving grace that I have found.
Sometimes it’s funny.
If you are not likely to be offended by strong language, have a look at some of the examples below and you’ll see exactly what I mean.
I hope you are ready, although I have included a lot of multiple choice questions this time so it may be a little easier – but only if you choose the right answer!
As always the answers can be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below if you get stuck – but NO cheating please.
Enjoy, and good luck.
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Q. 1: Which of these spoons is the largest?
a) dessertspoon b) tablespoon c) teaspoon
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Q. 2: In what movie does Julia Roberts play a character pretending to be the actress Julia Roberts?
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Q. 3: In 2004, which country became the first in Europe to impose a total ban on smoking in all workplaces?
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Q. 4: What was the occupation of Alfred Southwick, whose 1881 idea led to the invention of the electric chair?
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Q. 5: In 1999, which country became the last in the world to grant its citizens access to television?
a) Bhutan b) Brunei c) Bahrain d) China
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Q. 6: What card game has a name that also means ‘a short sleep’?
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Q. 7: A ‘Topping Out’ ceremony marks the completion of what?
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Q. 8: Which of these animals is NOT a crustacean?
a) Crab b) Oyster c) Lobster
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Q. 9: In the film ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’, James Bond travels underwater in what make of car?
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Q. 10: In Greek mythology what was Charybdis?
a) A ‘Gate’ b) A ‘Kingdom’ c) A ‘God’ d) A ‘Whirlpool’
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Q. 11: In banking the term ‘SWIFT’ is used in wire transfers, but what do the letters ‘S W I F T’ stand for?
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Q. 12: Famous for cotton, in what country are the Sea Islands?
a) Australia b) India c) United States d) Columbia
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Q. 13: Which of these animals feature in the Chinese astrological calendar?
a) Elk b) Ox c) Yak
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Q. 14: What is former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger supposed to have called “the ultimate aphrodisiac”?
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Q. 15: In 1352, Tommaso da Modena painted what is believed to be the first portrait of someone wearing what?
a) dentures b) spectacles c) wooden leg
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Q. 16: In the movie ‘Good Will Hunting’ Matt Damon plays a character with a special ability for what subject?
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Q. 17: The British 7th Armoured Division got which nickname during their African campaign in WWII?
a) jungle tigers b) desert rats c) mountain foxes
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Q. 18: In the 2012 Summer Olympic games competitors took part in how many sports?
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Q. 19: Martin Landau won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for playing which horror movie star in the movie ‘Ed Wood’?
a) Bela Lugosi b) Lon Chaney, Jr. C) Boris Karloff
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Q. 20: Which female singer/songwriter wants to, according to the title of one of her singles, ‘Soak Up The Sun’?
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ANSWERS
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Q. 1: Which of these spoons is the largest?
a) dessertspoon b) tablespoon c) teaspoon
A. 1: b) tablespoon.
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Q. 2: In what movie does Julia Roberts play a character pretending to be the actress Julia Roberts?
A. 2: Ocean’s Twelve.
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Q. 3: In 2004, which country became the first in Europe to impose a total ban on smoking in all workplaces?
A. 3: Ireland.
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Q. 4: What was the occupation of Alfred Southwick, whose 1881 idea led to the invention of the electric chair?
A. 4: Dentist.
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Q. 5: In 1999, which country became the last in the world to grant its citizens access to television?
a) Bhutan b) Brunei c) Bahrain d) China
A. 5: a) Bhutan.
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Q. 6: What card game has a name that also means ‘a short sleep’?
A. 6: Nap.
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Q. 7: A ‘Topping Out’ ceremony marks the completion of what?
A. 7: A building.
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Q. 8: Which of these animals is NOT a crustacean?
a) Crab b) Oyster c) Lobster
A. 8: b) Oyster
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Q. 9: In the film ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’, James Bond travels underwater in what make of car?
A. 9: Lotus Esprit.
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Q. 10: In Greek mythology what was Charybdis?
a) A ‘Gate’ b) A ‘Kingdom’ c) A ‘God’ d) A ‘Whirlpool’
A. 10: d) A Whirlpool
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Q. 11: In banking the term ‘SWIFT’ is used in wire transfers, but what do the letters ‘S W I F T’ stand for?
A. 11: Society of Worldwide Interbank Financial Communication.
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Q. 12: Famous for cotton, in what country are the Sea Islands?
a) Australia b) India c) United States d) Columbia
A. 12: c) United States.
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Q. 13: Which of these animals feature in the Chinese astrological calendar?
a) Elk b) Ox c) Yak
A. 13: b) Ox
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Q. 14: What is former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger supposed to have called “the ultimate aphrodisiac”?
A. 14: Power.
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Q. 15: In 1352, Tommaso da Modena painted what is believed to be the first portrait of someone wearing what?
a) dentures b) spectacles c) wooden leg
A. 15: b) spectacles.
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Q. 16: In the movie ‘Good Will Hunting’ Matt Damon plays a character with a special ability for what subject?
A. 16: Mathematics.
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Q. 17: The British 7th Armoured Division got which nickname during their African campaign in WWII?
a) jungle tigers b) desert rats c) mountain foxes
A. 17: b) desert rats.
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Q. 18: In the 2012 Summer Olympic games, competitors took part in how many sports?
A. 18: 26.
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Q. 19: Martin Landau won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for playing which horror movie star in the movie ‘Ed Wood’?
a) Bela Lugosi b) Lon Chaney, Jr. C) Boris Karloff
A. 19: a) Bela Lugosi.
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Q. 20: Which female singer/songwriter wants to, according to the title of one of her singles, ‘Soak Up The Sun’?
Yes, today is the first Monday in August (how fast is this year going?) and time for another quiz.
As usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below – but NO cheating!
Have a go and, hopefully, enjoy.
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Q. 1: Which Sergeant Detective Lieutenant worked with Scientist Ted Olson under the watchful eye of Captain Ed Hocken?
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Q. 2: The slogan for which famous website is ‘We Open Governments’?
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Q. 3: What are the genetically engineered robots called in the movie ‘Blade Runner’?
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Q. 4: With 4,400 km, what is the longest river in the world beginning with the letter ‘L’? (Bonus point if you know what country it is in.)
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Q. 5: Which band has had a record 36 top ten albums in the US charts?
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Q. 6: The OSS was the predecessor of which organization?
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Q. 7: The two amiable lawbreakers Robert LeRoy Parker and Harry Longabaugh were better known as what?
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Q. 8: A ‘Black Perigord’ is an expensive example of what?
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Q. 9: The world heritage site of Petra is located in what country?
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Q. 10: What is the well known word for ‘sailor of the universe’?
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Q. 11: The name of which criminal syndicate translated means ‘our thing’?
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Q. 12: H.G. Wells ‘The Time Machine’ has been made into a movie twice. Which actor played the ‘Time Traveler’ in a) the original 1960 movie and b) the 2002 version? (A point for each.)
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Q. 13: What is the well known translation for ‘River of January’?
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Q. 14: John Spilsbury is credited with putting together which baffling invention in the 1760s?
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Q. 15: Which politician is the co-author of the book ‘Judo: History, Theory, Practice’?
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Q. 16: Which Hollywood sex symbol did RAF pilots get into during World War II?
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Q. 17: Which world famous Hollywood actress does one associate with the words “I want to be alone..”?
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Q. 18: Which uplifting 1956 invention carried Sir Christopher Cockerell to fame?
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Q. 19: Before reunification what was the capital of West Germany?
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Q. 20: And finally, a question to chew on. What is the name of the famous department store in Moscow?
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ANSWERS
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Q. 1: Which Sergeant Detective Lieutenant worked with Scientist Ted Olson under the watchful eye of Captain Ed Hocken?
A. 1: ‘Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant Police Squad’ in the Police Squad TV series and Naked Gun movies, played by the late Leslie Nielsen.
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Q. 2: The slogan for which famous website is ‘We Open Governments’?
A. 2: WikiLeaks.
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Q. 3: What are the genetically engineered robots called in the movie ‘Blade Runner’?
A. 3: They are called ‘Replicants’.
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Q. 4: With 4,400 km, what is the longest river in the world beginning with the letter ‘L’?
A. 4: The River Lena in Russia. It is also the 11th longest river in the world and has the 9th largest watershed.
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Q. 5: Which band has had a record 36 top ten albums in the US charts?
A. 5: The Rolling Stones.
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Q. 6: The OSS was the predecessor of which organization?
A. 6: The OSS (Office of Strategic Services) was the predecessor of the CIA.
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Q. 7: The two amiable lawbreakers Robert LeRoy Parker and Harry Longabaugh were better known as what?
A. 7: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
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Q. 8: A ‘Black Perigord’ is an expensive example of what?
A. 8: A Truffle.
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Q. 9: The world heritage site of Petra is located in what country?
A. 9: Jordan.
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Q. 10: What is the well known word for ‘sailor of the universe’?
A. 10: Cosmonaut (Astronaut is ‘sailor of the stars’).
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Q. 11: The name of which criminal syndicate translated means ‘our thing’?
A. 11: Cosa Nostra.
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Q. 12: H.G. Wells ‘The Time Machine’ has been made into a movie twice. Which actor played the ‘Time Traveler’ in a) the original 1960 movie and b) the 2002 version?
A. 12: Two answers a) Rod Taylor and b) Guy Pearce.
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Q. 13: What is the well known translation for ‘River of January’?
A. 13: Rio de Janeiro.
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Q. 14: John Spilsbury is credited with putting together which baffling invention in the 1760s?
A. 14: The Jigsaw Puzzle.
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Q. 15: Which politician is the co-author of the book ‘Judo: History, Theory, Practice’?
A. 15: Vladimir Putin.
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Q. 16: Which Hollywood sex symbol did RAF pilots get into during World War II?
A. 16: Mae West. The automatically inflatable lifejacket worn by RAF pilots was given the nickname Mae West.
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Q. 17: Which world famous Hollywood actress does one associate with the words “I want to be alone..”?
A. 17: Greta Garbo.
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Q. 18: Which uplifting 1956 invention carried Sir Christopher Cockerell to fame?
A. 18: The Hovercraft.
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Q. 19: Before reunification what was the capital of West Germany?
A. 19: Bonn.
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Q. 20: And finally, a question to chew on. What is the name of the famous department store in Moscow?
Yes, I really don’t know how they do it, but every week they do seem to get worse. Where these answers come from or why shall always be a mystery, but they are fun and that’s what we like here, especially on a Monday!
You gotta start the week with a smile 🙂
Enjoy.
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Q: The perfect temperature for an autumn day
A:87
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Q: An important city during colonial times
A:Virginia
A:New England
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Q: Name something parents yell at their kids to finish
A:“Get off that computer”
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Q: Name a movie people love to watch at Christmas
A:Snow White
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Q: Name a type of fruit found in tarts
A:Sweet tarts
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Q: Name something you buy by the set
A:Paper
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Q: Name something you buy in a larger size if you have a large family
A:Jeans
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Q: Name something a woman sees that would make her tell her husband to stop the car
A:A bicycle
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Q: The most you could afford to pay for a gallon of gas
A:$20
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Q: Name a way you would treat a pet like a human
A:Take it to the vet
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Q: Name something London is famous for
A:Pasta
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Q: Name a famous Australian
A:Peter Pan
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Q: The name of a famous sex symbol
A:Wilma
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Q: An invention that has replaced stairs
A:Wheel
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Q: Name something associated with the show “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”
A few more bad jokes wrapped up as puns. I am slightly amazed, but also pleased, that the puns have been received so well by most readers. So it wasn’t only me!
Enjoy.
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Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
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When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
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The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
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The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
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Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.
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A noun and a verb were dating but they broke up because the noun was too possessive.
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I didn’t want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.
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For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.
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A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
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I just got my permit to harvest shrimp in the Antarctic. Now I have a licence to Krill.
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I don’t think I need a spine. It’s holding me back.
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What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re so pointless.
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Old colanders never die, they just can’t take the strain anymore.
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I probably have blind spots, but I don’t see them.
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After winter, the trees are relieved.
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Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder.
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The shareholders of a compass manufacturer were concerned that the company wasn’t heading in the right direction.
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I’m bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.
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The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
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The proctologist reassured the patient that his condition could be rectified.
It’s Tuesday and we have another selection of those questions that are worth asking, but hardly anyone asks. Should we just accept thing the way they are, or should we start to question what is happening around us a little more?
Here we go. Enjoy!
You know the expression, ‘Don’t quit your day job?’
Well what do you say to people that work nights?
Why is the ‘0’ on a phone after the ‘1’ and not before the ‘1’?
If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, ‘I wish you would not grant me this wish’ what would you do?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why doesn’t the armpit hair have split ends?
Do pyromaniacs like to wear blazers?
If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
Why is something funny called a ‘knee-slapper’ when you actually slap your thigh?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then in school have them read about wars that solved problems?
If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?”
Why does someone believe you when you say something like, “There are four billion stars,” but check when you say the paint is wet?
What would happen if Batman got bitten by a vampire?
Why can’t we spell creativity however we want?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?”
Has your mate ever called you at work to ask where the remote control is?
Was the person who invented the Express Lane at the grocery store ever properly thanked?
Why do you seldom if ever see ads for advertising companies?
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
fasab 