What Do Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you were ever in any doubt, let me assure you that when you elect morons to positions where they can legislate for the rest of us then you are assured that they will spend their time and our money making stupid laws, rules and regulations.

It happens in every country and in every state in every country. Such is the horrendous scale of the problem that I would be blogging forever if I tried to highlight worldwide stupidity, so as an example let’s look at some of the lesser known laws that govern citizens in the United States of America (I will list them state by state alphabetically. Part one today is A to L).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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ALABAMA

• It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses. 
• In Alabama, it is against the law to wear a fake mustache that could cause laughter in the church. 
• A voter spending more than four minutes in a voting booth can be asked to hurry up.

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ALASKA

• No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
• A clumsy or unknowledgeable person may not use a ski-lift.
• Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.
• It is a crime to deceive a machine.

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ARIZONA

• Hunting camels is prohibited.
• It is illegal to buy a human egg in order to clone yourself.
• You may not leave a fishing pole unattended.
• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
• You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
  

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ARKANSAS

• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (Ridiculous idea!)
• Dogs may not bark after 6 PM. (How about a “woof”?) 
• It is against the law to own a dangerous cat.

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CALFORNIA

• The Shell Egg Advisory Committee must have seven members.
• City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” (A little bit of role reversal there.)
• In Chino, testing a nuclear device within the city limits is prohibited.
• Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood took the chair – as mayor, I mean)
• If you are selling your house you must warn potential buyers if the house is thought to be haunted.

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COLORADO

• It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property. (I’m so cross I could spit!)
• It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. (Quite right too, let them wallow in their filth and bring the whole neighborhood image down.)

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CONNECTICUT

• In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
• Selling a spool of thread without first stating its length is subject to a penalty of up to three months in prison.
• It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. (And just plain dumb to do it in daylight.)
• It is illegal to sell milk from skinny cows.
• You may not educate dogs. (Or legislators, it seems!)
• It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

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DELAWARE

• No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk. (But actually sleeping is okay?)
• One may not whisper in church. (But if we talk loudly won’t it disrupt the Service?)

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FLORIDA

• Doors of all public buildings must open outwards. (Pushist legislation if ever I saw it.)
• It is illegal for female hot dog stand attendants to wear G-strings. 
• A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
• In West Palm Beach it is a crime to hang a carpet in public.
• Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (And bloody dangerous I would imagine!)
• You may not kiss your wife’s breasts. (But someone else’s wife is okay?)

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GEORGIA

• It is a crime to sell your child off to a circus. 
• The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.
• It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. (FFS, oops!)
• No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (Don’t they mean “a Sundae”?)
• One is not permitted to noodle a fish. (I don’t know what this means but it sounds a bit pervy.)
• Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (There it is again, what’s going on?)
• All citizens must own a rake. (Leaf us alone!)

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HAWAII

• All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat. (Canoe believe this one?)
• In Maui County building an atomic bomb is subject to a fine.
• Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. (They’ll have to make change here.)

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IDAHO

• It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
• You may not fish on a camel’s back. (I take the hump at that rule.)
• Cannibalism is prohibited unless under life threatening situations. 
• Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back. (They’ve got some neck on them!)
• It is a crime for anyone who is not blind to use a white cane.
• A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face. (Another good reason for reading the fasab blog!)

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ILLINOIS

• You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. (The buck stops here.)
• The English language is not to be spoken. (That’s becoming more and more true of a lot of states in the US)
• In Minooka it is illegal to “suffer any bitch or slut”. 
• One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth. (Just how much of this was going on that they thought they needed a law against it? Or is someone just taking the piss??)
• Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. (The hell with that.)
• In Joliet the word “Joliet” must be pronounced properly, with the accent on the first syllable.
• It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. (What a waste, I wouldn’t dream of it.)
• In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. (There goes a good night out!)
• It is against the law to sell a smelly mattress. 
• Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays. (I guess I’ll have to take a bath Saturdays in Illinois.)
• Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

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INDIANA

• Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. (Even for single beds?)
• Stupefying fish is against the law.
• The value of Pi is 3. (No it isn’t.)
• It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (That a hard one – to enforce I mean!)
• Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. (Definitely have to remember to stay out of Illinois then.)
• Possessing a weapon of mass destruction is against the law.
• It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. (Even if it is coming from the other direction?)

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IOWA

• A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
• It is illegal to catch more than 48 frogs in one day.
• One-armed piano players must perform for free.
• Within the city limits of Ottumwa, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

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KANSAS

• Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. (How illuminating.)
• It is against the law to modify the weather without a permit.
• No one may catch fish with his bare hands. 
• The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
• If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (That law will get us nowhere.)
• No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night. (What’s the penalty for lettering?)

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KENTUCKY

• One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
• One may not receive anal sex. (No problem.)
• Nudist colonies must make themselves available for inspection by the local sheriff. 
• A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission. (So that’s why they went out of fashion.)

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LOUISIANA

• It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
• It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (Okay, if I ever do that I’ll use a real gun.)
• Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”. (If you have no teeth can you just give them a big suck?)

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Just imagine looking out into the garden on Halloween and seeing this…

They Say If You Don’t Know Something You Should Ask – Well……

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some more questions about those mysteries of life that most of us just seem to accept. It’s a good job that not everyone is so mild mannered.

Enjoy. 
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Why do they call it the ‘Department of Interior’ when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

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Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it ‘gels’ the smell is gone?

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Why are dogs noses always wet?

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If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?

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Why do people say ‘heads up’ when what you should really do is duck?

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Why is it okay for dudes to slap other dudes’ asses in football, but not in any other situation?

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If one man says, ‘it was an uphill battle’, and another says, ‘it went downhill from there’, how could they both be having troubles?

uphill battle – all downhill from here

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Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

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If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

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If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?

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How come all of the planets are spherical?

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How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn’t just peel right off?

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When a pregnant lady has twins, are there one or two umbilical cords?

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Why doesn’t Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?

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Why do they put holes in crackers?

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Can you still say ‘Put it where the sun don’t shine’ on a nude beach?

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What do people in China call their good plates?

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How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

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If an escalator breaks down, does it become stairs?

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Why did they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

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The Answers That Raise More Questions Than The Questions They Answer, In Other Words It’s Quiz Show Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s another Quiz Show Monday and time to examine the workings of the inner minds that really don’t work so well.

Enjoy.

(Now where did I put that flask???)

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Q: Name a cable TV channel the whole family can watch together

A: UPN (He meant “USPN”)

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Q: Name something men would carry inside bras, if they started wearing them

A: Flask

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Q: Name something you see at every college football game

A: Alcohol

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Q: Name a food people put ketchup on

A: Bacon

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Q: Name something you do while you sunbathe

A: Lay in the sun

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Q: Name a place where you might see another person take off all their clothes

A: The mall

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Q: Name a specific place where you’d hate to be during a major power failure

A: In a car

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Q: Name a famous “Arnold”

A: Arnold & Willis

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Q: The country you think has the most exciting men? (Asked to 100 women)

A: Paris

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Q: Name a month that’s also a person’s name

A: January

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Q: Name something with a hole in the middle

A: Hole punch

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Q: Name something people hold still for

A: When they have to go to the bathroom

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Q: How long an extramarital affair lasts

A: 3 days

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Q: Name a fact about Al Gore

A: He’s a Republican

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Q: The section of the newspaper in which you’d be shocked to find your name

A: Weddings
A: Lost and Found

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Q: The fastest selling drug

A: Marijuana
A: Vicodin

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Q: The person who is most likely to be on George W. Bush’s dartboard

A: Jesse Jackson
A: Larry King

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Q: Name something that comes in pairs

A: Bananas

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Q: Name something little kids don’t like to wear

A: Shirts

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Q: Name a vegetable that grows in the ground

A: Cabbage

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Say Mad Man Gore Ran US?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Don’t worry, it’s not another political rant.

And nothing to do with the man who made a fortune peddling scare-mongering nonsense like cow farts are destroying the planet.

‘Say Mad Man Gore Ran US’ ……is…….‘More Sunday Anagrams!!!’

It’s a scary thought, though.

Enjoy the anagrams!

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‘Florence Nightingale’

Nigel, Fetch an Iron Leg

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‘Sycophant’ 

acts phony

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‘The Detectives’

detect thieves

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‘Salman Rushdie’

read, shun Islam

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‘Television programming’ 

permeating living rooms

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‘Debit card’ 

bad credit

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‘Naturalist’

A trails nut

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‘God save us all’

salvaged soul

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‘heavy rain’

hire a navy

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‘dormitory’

dirty room

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‘escape from alcatraz’ 

frozen cast in lame crap

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‘O Mister Newt Gingrich’ 

right wing censor time

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‘A telescope’ 

To see place

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‘Actor Sylvester Stallone’ 

Very cool talentless star

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‘Bruce Springsteen’ 

Creep brings tunes

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‘Hillary Clinton’

only I can thrill     

(Is feet tickling part of it?)

Biden gets feet tickled in vp debate

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Forget Gangnam, Here Is A Little Musical Interlude – Fasab Style

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’ve been feeling a little bit guilty ever since I inflicted Mrs Miller upon you (sorry about that, but click here if you don’t know what I am talking about or, and this is unlikely, you want to hear her again – Mrs Miller).

So to help to redeem myself here is a little musical interlude for the weekend. Not the typical selection – we don’t do typical selections on the fasab blog – but nothing as bad a Mrs Miller. In fact, although unusual, some of it is pretty good.

I hope you enjoy.

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Ukulele

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Dulcimer

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Bits of Pipe

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Drums

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Glass Harp

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Guitar

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Zither

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The kitchen sink ?????

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Hang drum

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Mbira

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And finally, one for you Frank

Significant Number Factoid Friday – Today Number Forty-Two 42

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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They’ve been ‘beautiful’,  they’ve been ‘big’  and they’ve been ‘unusual’.  Today we have another  ‘significant’ number, forty-two, so-called because of its use and the beliefs surrounding it.

Enjoy.

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42 Forty-Two

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In Religion

• In Japanese culture, the number 42 is considered unlucky because the numerals when pronounced separately — “shi ni” (four two) — sound like the phrase, “unto death”;
• There are 42 principles of Ma’at, the Ancient Egyptian personification of physical and moral law, order, and truth. In the judgement scene described in the Egyptian and the Book of the Coming/Going Forth by Day, there are 42 gods and goddesses of Egypt, personifying the principles of Ma’at. These 42 correspond to the 42 Nomes (Governmental Units) of Egypt. If the departed successfully answers all 42, s/he becomes an Osiris;
• 42 is the number with which God creates the Universe in Kabbalistic tradition; 
• In Judaism, the number (in the Babylonian Talmud, compiled 375 AD to 499 AD) of the “Forty-Two Lettered Name” ascribed to God. Rab (or Rabhs), a 3rd century source in the Talmud stated “The Forty-Two Lettered Name is entrusted only to him who is pious, meek, middle-aged, free from bad temper, sober, and not insistent on his rights”. 
• 42 is a sacred Tibetan number and there is also a 42 armed Hindu God;
• The first book to be printed with movable type, the Gutenberg Bible, is also known as the “42-line Bible”, as the book contained 42 lines per page;
• The Forty-Two Articles (1552), largely the work of Thomas Cranmer, were intended to summarise Anglican doctrine, as it now existed under the reign of Edward VI..

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In The Bible

• Forty Two, 3½ and 1260 – this is the amount that is given to the wicked or for people to bear fruit. Judgment occurs at the end. It is based on the law that God only expects results after the third year of planting (Leviticus 19: 23-25);
• This time period appears in many prophecies as 1260 days, 42 months or 3½ years. It is the period that God allows the beast to operate. Notice that this is equal to 6 x 7 months. It is man’s portion of the jubilee cycle; 
• Two female bears kill forty two children after they ridiculed the prophet of God. 2 Kings 2: 24; 
• 42 Cities are given to the Levites in addition to six cities of refuge (Numbers 35: 6); 
• 42 men of Beth-azmaveth were counted in the census of men of Israel upon return from exile (Ezra 2:24); 
• Israel camped 42 times in the wilderness during the 40 year exodus. 
• The goat’s hair and linen curtains covering the sanctuary have a length of 42 and 40 cubits. 
• Jesus was forty two generations from Abraham. (Matthew 1).

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In Mathematics

• 42 is the product of the first three terms of Sylvester’s sequence; like the first five such numbers it is also a primary pseudoperfect number;
• 42 is a partition number – the number of different ways 10 can be represented as the sum of natural numbers;
• 42 is a Størmer number;
• 42 is a perfect score on the USA Math Olympiad (USAMO) and International Mathematical Olympiad (IMO).

Simple Magic Cube adding to 42

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In Science

• 42 is the atomic number of molybdenum;
• 42 is the value of the angle rounded to whole degrees for which a rainbow appears (the critical angle);
• In 1966, mathematician Paul Cooper theorized that the fastest, most efficient way to travel across continents would be to bore a straight hollow tube directly through the Earth, connecting a set of antipodes, evacuate it (remove the air), and then just fall through. The first half of the journey consists of free-fall acceleration, while the second half consists of an exactly equal deceleration. The time for such a journey works out to be 42 minutes. Remarkably, even if the tube does not pass through the exact center of the Earth, the time for a journey powered entirely by gravity (also known as Gravity train) always works out to be 42 minutes, as long as the tube remains friction-free, as while gravity’s force would be lessened, so would the distance traveled at an equal rate. (The same idea was proposed, without calculation by Lewis Carroll in 1893 in Sylvie and Bruno Concluded.)

Gravity Train Concept

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In Technology

• The glyph, or character, corresponding to the number 42 in the ASCII character set, is *, the asterisk, commonly known as the wildcard character;
• In the TIFF image file format, the second 16-bit word of every file is 42, which is used together with the first word to indicate byte order;
• In the reiser4 file system, 42 is the inode number of the root directory;
• In the military IRIG 106 Chapter 10 data recording standard, the hex value 0x464F52545974776F (ASCII “FORTYtwo”) is used as a magic number to identify directory blocks;
• The GNU C Library, a set of standard routines available for use in computer programming, contains a function—memfrob()—which performs an XOR combination of a given variable and the binary pattern 00101010 (42) as an XOR cipher;
• 42 is the result given by the web search engines Google and Wolfram Alpha when the query “the answer to life the universe and everything” is entered as a search.

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In Space

• Messier object M42, a magnitude 5.0 diffuse nebula in the constellation Orion, also known as the Orion Nebula;
• The New General Catalogue object NGC 42, is a spiral galaxy in the constellation Pegasus;
• In January 2004, asteroid 2001 DA42 was given the permanent name 25924 Douglasadams, for the author Douglas Adams who popularized the number 42 and died in 2001; 
• Kepler-42, is a red dwarf in the constellation Cygnus around which orbits the three smallest exoplanets found to date.

Messier-42 also known as the Orion Nebula

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In Politics

• The 42nd President of the Unites States of America was Democratic Party William (Bill) Jefferson Clinton, from January 20, 1993 to January 20, 2001. Vice President was Al Gore. Remembered more for ‘blow-jobs’ in the White House, Clinton’s Presidency also oversaw the disastrous Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act in 1999, that repealed the parts of the Glass–Steagall Act which had not already been repealed. This 1999 Act took down barriers to competition between traditional banks, investment banks, and insurance companies, in some cases allowing firms to participate in all three markets thus making distinctions between these categories less clear. It has been held largely responsible for the current financial crisis. 

Bill Clinton, 42nd President of the United States of America

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In Sport

• 42 is the jersey number of Jackie Robinson, which is the only number retired by all Major League Baseball teams. Although the number was retired in 1997, Mariano Rivera of the New York Yankees, the last professional baseball player to wear number 42, is currently still using it;
• 42 is the jersey number of basketball Hall of Famer and one of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History James Worthy, small forward for the Los Angeles Lakers, who retired his jersey number in 1995;
• 42 is the jersey number of football Hall of Famer, Ronnie Lott, safety for the San Francisco 49ers, who retired his jersey number in 2003;
• 42 is the jersey number of Chicago Bears legend Sid Luckman, which was retired by the Bears; 
• 42 is the jersey number of Pat Tillman, which was retired on November 13, 2004 by Arizona State University; 
• 42 is the number of laws of cricket;
• 42 is the number of kilometers in a marathon;
• 42 is the number of a NASCAR car owned by Earnhardt Ganassi Racing. It is currently being driven by former F1 star and Indy 500 champion Juan Pablo Montoya;

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In Militaria

• XB-42
• The most notable aircraft with the 42 designation was the XB-42 ‘Mixmaster’. This aircraft was developed initially as a private venture and an unsolicited proposal was presented to the United States Army Air Forces in May 1943 which resulted in an Air Force contract for two prototypes and one static test airframe, the USAAF seeing an intriguing possibility of finding a bomber capable of the Boeing B-29 Superfortress’ range without its size or cost.
• The aircraft was unusual in design in that it had a pair of Allison V-1710-125 liquid-cooled V-12 engines mounted behind the crew’s cabin, each driving one of the twin propellers which protruded from the rear of the aircraft’s fuselage. The pilot and co-pilot sat under twin bubble canopies, and the bombardier sat in the extreme front behind a plexiglass nose.
• The first XB-42 was delivered to the Army Air Force and flew at Palm Springs, California on 6 May 1944. Performance was excellent, being basically as described in the original proposal; as fast or faster than the de Havilland Mosquito but with defensive armament and twice the bombload. The twin bubble canopies proved a bad idea as communications were adversely affected and a single bubble canopy was substituted after the first flight, a problem that could have been rectified, but the end of World War II changed priorities and the advent of the jet engine gave an alternative way toward achieving high speed.

XB-42 ‘Mixmaster’ and model

 

• AG-42
• The AG-42 rifle (official designation Halvautomatiskt Gevaer 42) was developed by Swedish engineer Erik Eklund while working at company C. J. Ljungman AB. Officially adopted by Swedish army in 1942, this rifle served in Sweden until mid-1960s, when it was replaced in service with 7.62mm AK-4 rifle (license-build HK G3 rifle).

AG-42B Rifle

 

• MKb.42
• In 1939 HWaA (Hitler’s army Weapons command) issued a contract for the development of a “Maschinen karabiner”, or machine carbine (MKb for short), chambered for the new 7.92×33 Kurz cartridge, to the company C.G. Haenel Waffen und Fahrradfabrik.
• The famous designer Hugo Schmeisser led the Haenel development team, which produced the first working prototypes of new weapon by 1942. The new weapon was intended as a replacement for submachine guns, bolt action rifles and, partly, light machine guns for front troops. The MKb.42(H) could be fitted with standardbayonet, and has a wooden butt. 

mkb 42h-1 ri

 

• MG 42
• A cheaper to produce but much more reliable replacement for the MG 34, the MG 42 was officially adopted as the MG 42, and production commenced in 1941.
• In general terms, the MG 42 was a great success. It fulfilled the roles of a light machine gun on a bipod, a medium machine gun (on a newly developed Lafette 42 tripod), and an anti-aircraft machine gun, mounted in single and twin installations, ground and vehicle-mounted. 
• After the WW2 the MG 42, unlike other wartime designs, lived on, as in 1958, the FRG (WestGermany) re-instituted its official armed force, known as the Bundeswehr. 
• The simplicity, low manufacturing cost and high effectiveness of the MG 3 attracted several other countries, which either bought the guns from Rheinmetall (such as Denmark), or obtained manufacturing licenses and build (or at least have built in the past) the same guns domestically (such as Italy, Iran, Turkey, Pakistan and Yugoslavia). In total, at least twenty armies have used or still are using the MG 3 and its versions.

mg42 machine gun

 

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In Books, Movies & TV

• The 42nd Parallel is the first of a trilogy of books, (the others being 1919, and The Big Money), written by John Dos Passos and acclaimed by many to be the great American novel;
• English author Douglas Noel Adams popularized the number 42 in his best known work called the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. The number 42 and the phrase, “Life, the universe, and everything” have attained cult status on the Internet. If you type the answer to life, the universe and everything into Google (without quotes or capitalising the small words), the Google Calculator will give you 42; also, if you go to Wolfram’s Computational Knowledge Engine and type “answer to life, the universe, and everything”, it provides you with the result 42. Microsoft’s Bing search engine will also give you 42. Alphasmart 3000’s calculator, when given any equation that results in 42, will display, “The answer to life, the universe, and everything”. In the online community “Second Life,” there is a section on a sim called “42nd Life”;
• In the Stargate Atlantis Season 4 episode “Quarantine”, 42 are the last two digits in Rodney McKay’s password. After John Sheppard explains to Teyla the meaning of the previous twelve digits, she asks him what 42 is. Then, John says, “It’s the ultimate answer to the great question of life, the universe, and everything,” at which point Teyla looks confused;
• In the TV show Lost, 42 is the last of the mysterious numbers, 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42;
• In Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange, Alex browses through records in a record store and we see a record of the, at this time fictional, band Level 42;
• “42” is an episode of Doctor Who, set in real time lasting approximately 42 minutes;
• “The Kumars at No. 42” is the name of a 2003 BBC television series; 
• A made for TV movie 42: Forty Two Up – an installment in a series of documentaries wherein the director revisits the same group of British-born individuals every 7 years;
• On the game show Jeopardy!, “Watson” the IBM supercomputer, has 42 “threads” in its avatar;
• On the Unusuals TV-show there’s an episode called “42”. Detective Leo Banks recently turned 42. On account of his father, uncle, and grandfather dropping dead at 42, Leo is convinced he’ll share their fate. There were 42s all over the episode.

42nd Parallel by John Dos Passos

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Other Stuff

• In New York City, 42nd Street is a main and very popular two-way thoroughfare. Landmarks on it include the Chrysler Building, Grand Central Station, the main branch of the New York Public Library, and Times Square; 
• Tower 42, originally called the NatWest Tower because it was built for the National Westminster Bank, is the tallest skyscraper in the city of London and the fifth tallest in London as a whole;
• +42 is the historic Country calling code for the former country of Czechoslovakia; 
• 42 is the number of US gallons in a barrel of oil;
• 42 is the number of spots (or pips, circular patches or pits) on a pair of standard six-sided dice;
• 42 is a free tabloid devoted to technology news in Huntsville, Alabama. It is published by the Huntsville Times and is named for “The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything”;
• Fictional comic book superhero Miles Morales is bitten by a genetically altered spider with a red 42 marked on its abdomen. Morales later assumes the role of Spider-Man as a result of the bite and following the death of Peter Parker in the Ultimate Marvel universe from Marvel Comics. Morales also wins a coveted spot in a prestigious charter school after his number (42) is chosen during a lottery.

Miles Morales Spiderman

 

It’s Thursday And That Means Another Excuse For A Few More Bad Jokes

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s Thursday and that means another excuse for a few more bad jokes in the shape of the word plays called puns.

Enjoy!

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Organ donors put their heart into it.
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Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
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A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens.
A brother is frying chips.
‘Are you the friar?’ he asks.
‘No. I’m the chip monk,’ he replies.
..

Why does the coffee taste like mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
..

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
..

I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
..

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
..

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
..

To some – marriage is a word … to others – a sentence.
..

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.
..

The man who worked at the watch factory was very funny.
He stood about all day making faces.
..

I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
..

Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%,
they blame it on the cost of living.
..

Cartoonist found dead in home.
Details are sketchy.
..

Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
..

I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I’ve ever seen.
..

Did you hear about the electrician who claimed that his truck was a volts wagon.

..

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Don’t Call Me A Cannibal! – Oh, oh, We’re In Court Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

It’s been a while since I raided the court archives. So here are a few more examples of the level of intelligence you can expect, not only from untrained Joe Public called to give evidence, but from the supposedly highly trained lawyers, supposedly!

Enjoy.

 

 

District Attorney: What happened next, Ma’am?

Witness: He unzipped his pants and pulled out his subpoena.

Judge: Any motions, counsel?

Counsel: I move to dismiss, Your Honor. All my client did was pull out a subpoena. There’s no law against that.

Judge: Counsel, if the witness doesn’t know the difference between a penis and a subpoena that’s her problem. Held to answer!

 

 

 

Judge: If that be your verdict, so say you all

2 Jurors:  “you all”

 

 

 

Judge: Any member of your immediate family or yourself ever been the victim of a crime or robbery?

Juror: My mother had her purse snatched

Judge: How long ago was that?

Juror: Ten, fifteen years ago

Judge: Was she hurt at all in the snatch?

 

 

 

Judge:  What made you bite the police officer?

Witness:  He stuck his arm in my mouth

 

 

 

Q: Were you the lone ranger on duty that night?

A: I was a park ranger on duty that night

Q: I mean the only one, the lone

A: You mean alone?

Q Alone

A: Yes, I was

 

 

 

Q: Do you speak Spanish, Officer?

A: Yes, I do

Q: Are you fluent in Spanish?

A: Yes, I do

 

 

 

Q: Are you being selective about what you remember and what you don’t remember as to the details of your previous record?

A: I don’t remember.

 

 

 

Q: Do you have any problem with the English language?

A: No, I speak very good English.

Q: Great. Do you know Andre?

A: That’s my cousin.

Q: Have you known him all your life?

A: Since we grewed up.

 

 

 

Q: Now, do you recall the date the accident occurred?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What date was it?

A: It was a hot day in August.

Q: Did you drink any alcohol?

A: No, sir.

Q: Are you a teetotaler?

A: Not really. Just coffee once in a while, like in the morning.

 

 

 

Q: And y’all had a very intimate relationship, didn’t you, Ms. A?

A: We had sex two times. It wasn’t very intimate.

 

 

 

A: Yeah, I used to be around with him a lot. Me and his nephew run together.?

Q: Who is his nephew?

A: Pokey. I think he’s doing time now.

Q: Pokey is Kenny’s nephew and is doing time now? Are you saying Pokey is in the pokey?

A: Yeah.

 

 

 

District Attorney: Defense Counsel is accountable to you (the jury)

Counsel: Judge I object to that. I object to him referring to me as a cannibal, Judge

Judge:  He said accountable

Counsel: A what?

Judge: He said accountable, not a cannibal

Counsel:  It sounded like cannibal to me and I object

=========================

 

If There Are No Stupid Questions, Then What Kind Of Questions Do Stupid People Ask?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

The title of today’s post is part of a quote from Scott Adams. The whole thing goes, “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”.

I don’t know whether you could classify all of these questions as stupid or otherwise, there’s probably a mixture of both. Different people will probably have different opinions.

As usual if you have any answers then feel free to enlighten us all.

Enjoy.

 

 

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

 

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

 

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

 

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

 

Why can’t donuts be square?

 

Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?

 

What does happen to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?

 

If there’s a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?

 

Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?

 

Do people in prison celebrate halloween…. if so how?

 

Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

 

Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if he’s English?

 

What do Greeks say when they don’t understand something? “It’s all ???? to me.”

 

Do all-boy schools have girl’s bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girl schools have boy’s bathrooms?

 

Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?

 

How come cats’ butts go up when you pet them?

 

What would happen to the sea’s water level if every boat in the world was taken out of the water at the same time?

 

How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?

 

Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?

 

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?

 

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