Feeling Smart? Good, Coz It’s Quiz Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another random selection of questions in today’s quiz.

This has become quite a long running feature on the fasab blog. I enjoy putting them together, I hope you all continue to enjoy trying them out.

As always you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below – but NO cheating! 

Enjoy.

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Q.  1:  What is Bugs Bunny’s catchphrase?

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Q.  2:  Where in the USA is the Sonoma wine growing region?

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Q.  3:  Which sad word stems from the combined Greek words for goat and song?

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Q.  4:  In ‘Star Trek’, from which planet did Spock’s mother come?

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Q.  5:  Which animal is not a Chinese year? 

    a. Ox    b. Crow    c. Hare    d. Goat

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Q.  6:  Who is the only American President to have served non-consecutive terms in office?

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Q.  7:  Thomas Selfridge was the first fatality in a plane crash. Who was the pilot?

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Q.  8:  In which American town or city was the ‘Little House On The Prairie’ TV series set?

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Q.  9:  If you saw ‘canard’ on a French Menu, what type of meat would be on offer?

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Q. 10:  Which historical character did Errol Flynn play in the 1941 movie ‘They Died With Their Boots On’?

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Q. 11:  Whose face is said to have launched a thousand ships?

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Q. 12:  Who directed ‘Jaws’, ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ and ‘ET’?

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Q. 13:  What are the three styles of port? (a point for each)

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Q. 14:  Which country has special tea houses and is famous for it’s elaborate tea ceremonies?

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Q. 15:  Jack Bauer and Aaron Pierce are the only two characters that have appeared in seven seasons of the TV series ‘24’. What does Aaron Pierce do for a living?

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Q. 16:  Alan Shepard was the first man to do what?

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Q. 17:  Plus or minus 10, what percentage of the life forms on earth live in the oceans and seas?

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Q. 18:  The car in the ‘Knightrider’ series was called ‘KITT’. What does this acronym stand for?

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Q. 19:  Who sucked apple sauce to become the first American to eat in space?

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Q. 20:  The Academy Award winning song ‘When You Wish Upon A Star’ was written for which classic 1940 movie?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What is Bugs Bunny’s catchphrase?

A.  1:  ‘Whats Up Doc?’

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Q.  2:  Where in the USA is the Sonoma wine growing region?

A.  2:  California

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Q.  3:  Which sad word stems from the combined Greek words for goat and song?

A.  3:  Tragedy

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Q.  4:  In ‘Star Trek’, from which planet did Spock’s mother come?

A.  4:  Earth

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Q.  5:  Which animal is not a Chinese year? 

    a. Ox    b. Crow    c. Hare    d. Goat

A.  5:  b. Crow

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Q.  6:  Who is the only American President to have served non-consecutive terms in office?

A.  6:  Grover Cleveland

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Q.  7:  Thomas Selfridge was the first fatality in a plane crash. Who was the pilot?

A.  7:  Orville Wright

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Q.  8:  In which American town or city was the ‘Little House On The Prairie’ TV series set?

A.  8:  Walnut Grove

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Q.  9:  If you saw ‘canard’ on a French Menu, what type of meat would be on offer?

A.  9:  Duck

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Q. 10:  Which historical character did Errol Flynn play in the 1941 movie ‘They Died With Their Boots On’?

A. 10:  General Custer

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Q. 11:  Whose face is said to have launched a thousand ships?

A. 11:  Helen of Troy

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Q. 12:  Who directed ‘Jaws’, ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ and ‘ET’?

A. 12:  Steven Spielberg

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Q. 13:  What are the three styles of port? (a point for each)

A. 13:  Ruby, tawny and vintage

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Q. 14:  Which country has special tea houses and is famous for it’s elaborate tea ceremonies?

A. 14:  Japan

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Q. 15:  Jack Bauer and Aaron Pierce are the only two characters that have appeared in seven seasons of the TV series ‘24’. What does Aaron Pierce do for a living?

A. 15:  Secret Service agent

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Q. 16:  Alan Shepard was the first man to do what?

A. 16:  Hit a golf ball on the moon

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Q. 17:  Plus or minus 10, what percentage of the life forms on earth live in the oceans and seas?

A. 17:  Circa 90%

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Q. 18:  The car in the ‘Knightrider’ series was called ‘KITT’. What does this acronym stand for?

A. 18:  Knight Industries Two Thousand

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Q. 19:  Who sucked apple sauce to become the first American to eat in space?

A. 19:  John Glenn

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Q. 20:  The Academy Award winning song ‘When You Wish Upon A Star’ was written for which classic 1940 movie?

A. 20:  Pinocchio

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A Hair Raising Hare Raising – Or Tales Of The Unexpected!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This is a story about the unexpected. It is set in a military context because that is how it actually happened. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, or perhaps in this case, to hide their embarrassment. But the story is true.

It happened many years ago in a land far, far away.

To set the scene, six men had managed to infiltrate into enemy territory and so were operating behind enemy lines. It was a dangerous place to be, of that there was no doubt. Any trace of them being uncovered would have meant capture by the opposing forces and at the very least a spell in prison – and probably a lot worse.

So the underlying tension was real and obvious. Everyone was on edge, always ready for the unexpected.

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Of course, when I say, ‘always ready for the unexpected’, as well as being a bit of cliché, it is also a silly expression.

What you are really ready for when you think you are ready for the ‘unexpected’, are things that you ‘expect’ may happen. In this case that might have meant a civilian passing by ‘unexpectedly’, or an unscheduled enemy military patrol suddenly surfacing in the vicinity.

All of these things were the ‘unexpected’ that they were expecting might possibly happen and were ready for in so far as they had contingency plans made.

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Back to the story.

The six men were split into three groups of two. They were dressed in civilian clothes, as workmen, so as not to look out of place should anyone see them when they were traveling to and from their destination.

Their task was to rendezvous at a certain predetermined point, groups two and three liaising with two sets of local people who they would lead to the meeting point. The task of the first group was to check out and secure the meeting place, and to open an entry point for the others.

The area that had been chosen was in a large fenced and gated complex that had been more or less abandoned. The lead group, who had acquired a non descript car, went directly there to check out the area and then to open a way in for the others who needed to be able to drive straight in and out of sight of the road when they arrived at the appointed hour.

The two men in the lead group arrived in good time and without challenge or incident. They made sure there was nothing out of the ordinary in the general area and then proceeded to the entry point.

As a cover for what they were really doing, one of the men started to prepare a lunch – just coffee and sandwiches – that he had brought with him. Carefully, and where anyone could see them, he laid out the lunch boxes on the roof of the car, along with a flask and two plastic cups. They were simple workers who had stopped for a bite to eat and anyone passing by would be able to see clearly what they were doing. Nothing out of the ordinary or suspicious about that. 

The other guy in the team, using the cover of the parked car, was busy removing the lock and chains from the gate, which he managed to do quickly and without any difficulty.

Although the whole thing had an air of calm and normality, the two men knew where they were and the risks involved and were therefore suitably tense as a result.

The guy drinking the coffee and eating the sandwich was doing so whilst keeping a careful watch on everything happening around him, including how his colleague was fairing with the gate.

Then the unexpected, unexpected unexpectedly happened.

As his colleague opened the gate it made a few creaking noises, but it opened okay and he began to push it back to leave the way open for the others who would soon be arriving in their vans.

Just as the gate reached 90 degrees from its closed position, suddenly, without any warning whatever, there was a loud rustling noise in the long grass behind it.

The guy standing beside it froze.

The unexpected he had been trained to expect was an enemy soldier secreted in the long grass waiting to ambush him and his colleague. But this was something else.

Again before he had time to react, whatever it was bounded out of the grass, first directly towards him and then making an almost instant left turn and disappearing. The suddenness of the movement towards him made him start. He lost his balance and fell backwards on to the ground, his unusual movement startling his colleague at the car.

There was coffee everywhere but in the cups, and sandwiches everywhere but in the lunchbox, as guy number two instinctively abandoned his meal and took cover behind the car, reaching for his weapon at the same time.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” the man at the gate told him urgently, but in a loud whisper, scared that he would open fire and alert anyone within hearing distance.

“WTF is it?” the man at the car asked back, equally urgently, in an equally loud whisper.

“I don’t know, an animal, just an animal,” came the reply. “I think it was a hare or something like that.”

“FFS you idiot, you scared the shit out of me, and I damn nearly shot at whatever it was. How could you fall on your ass because of a hare?”

There was no reply. None was needed. Time was pressing and they soon gathered their wits again – and what was left of the sandwiches.

Soon the others arrived. The rest of the mission, whatever it was, went without further incident and when it was done they all left as if they had never been there.  

Even the best trained men and the best laid plans can never cater for the truly unexpected, unexpected.

And in case you are wondering, the answer is ‘Yes’, from that day on the poor bloke was subjected to ‘hare on his ass’ jokes – which I suppose was to be expected! 

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A Thought For Easter Sunday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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My father, who I loved and respected deeply, passed quite suddenly many years ago one August 12th. Now don’t worry, tissues not required, this isn’t going to be one of those sentimental posts as you will see in a moment, just setting a principle.

You see ever since that day I always know that when August 12th comes round that is the anniversary of his passing. Not that I do much to commemorate it or anything, but every year – same date – that’s it.

So why am I talking about something that happened in mid August now at the end of March?

Well, because they tell me this weekend is Easter and that always messes with my logic circuits.

Easter is a day that is honored by nearly all of contemporary Christianity to celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, which took place on the third day after his crucifixion at Calvary.

So here’s a simple question.

If someone we know dies on a certain day of a certain month that date remains constant, it does not change, the anniversary is the same every year.

So why do we celebrate the Resurrection (death plus three days) of Jesus on such wildly varying dates?

For example in 2011 it was April 24th, last year it was April 8th, this year it is March 31st and next year it will be April 20th.

The only way that makes sense, is if the date we are told to celebrate has as little to do with the Resurrection and Christianity as have eggs, bunnies or candy.

It doesn’t seem to matter any more in America and many other western countries because the powers that be are intent on abandoning their Christian ethos for fear of offending those who refuse to abandon their religious beliefs. They are quite happy with the confusion.

It is, however, fairly clear if you do even a little bit of research on the subject, (and I encourage you to do your own research and not take my word for it), that most of the things people now commonly associate with Easter have in fact pagan, rather than Christian, origins.

And the pagan roots of Easter lie in the worship of pagan gods and in celebrating the spring equinox, which marks the end of winter and beginning of spring. Biologically and culturally, it represents for northern climates the end of a “dead” season and the rebirth of life, as well as the importance of fertility and reproduction.

References to a similar holiday have been found as far back as 2400 BC (that’s ‘B’ as in ‘before’ ‘C’ Christ) when, for example, the city of Ur apparently had a celebration dedicated to the moon and the spring equinox which was held some time during our months of March or April. “Ishtar”, which is pronounced “Easter” was a day that commemorated the resurrection of a pagan ‘god’ called “Tammuz”, who was believed to be the only begotten son of the moon-goddess and the sun-god. In other cultures he acquired different names, including “Osiris”, “Orpheus”, and “Dionysus”.

The Phrygian fertility goddess “Cybele”, was one of the most popular of these pagan gods, and worship of “Cybele” started in Rome around 200 BC. Ironically, a cult dedicated to her was even located on what is today Vatican Hill.

Even today modern Wiccans and neo-pagans celebrate “Ostara,” or “Eostre” which are derived from the Anglo-Saxon lunar goddess, “Eostre”. “Eostre’s” feast day is held on the first full moon following the vernal equinox – a similar calculation as is used for Easter among Western Christians. On this date the goddess “Eostre” is believed by her followers to mate with the solar god, conceiving a child who would be born nine months later on Yule, the winter solstice which falls on December 21st.

Two of “Eostre’s” most important symbols are the hare (both because of its fertility and because ancient people saw a hare in the full moon) and the egg, which symbolized the growing possibility of new life. Each of these symbols continues to play an important role in modern celebrations of Easter.

So Easter, like many other things the establishment encourages us to believe, is not quite what it purports to be.

I’ll leave the last word to someone smarter than me,

“See that no man deceive you.” Matt 24:4

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It’s A Day For A Little More Word Play

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for another bunch of those word plays they call puns.

Get your groans ready and enjoy!

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I usually take steps to avoid elevators.

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The girl wanted to lose weight so she went to the paint store. She heard she could get thinner there.

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He had a difficult time bouncing back from his bungee cord accident.

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The cannibal’s cookbook titled ‘How to Better Serve your Fellow Man’ was written by a guy who had a wife and ate kids.  

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My friend wore a blindfold at the shooting range, he didn’t know what he was missing.

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If you need something done, call an electrician – they conduit.

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Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling.

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The police arrested me after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

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When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

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The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

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The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

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Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.

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I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.

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I hate the price of candy at the movie theater. They’re always raisinette.

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All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one. He was a Peking Duck.  

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Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. Wow, I never thought I’d hear myself say that.

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Bugs have very diverse religious views, because they are all in sects.

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She’s happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.

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England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

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When you think about it, mummies are bound to be uptight.

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It’s Thursday And That Means Another Excuse For A Few More Bad Jokes

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s Thursday and that means another excuse for a few more bad jokes in the shape of the word plays called puns.

Enjoy!

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Organ donors put their heart into it.
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Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
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A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens.
A brother is frying chips.
‘Are you the friar?’ he asks.
‘No. I’m the chip monk,’ he replies.
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Why does the coffee taste like mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
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I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
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I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
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The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
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To some – marriage is a word … to others – a sentence.
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A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.
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The man who worked at the watch factory was very funny.
He stood about all day making faces.
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I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
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Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%,
they blame it on the cost of living.
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Cartoonist found dead in home.
Details are sketchy.
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Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
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I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I’ve ever seen.
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Did you hear about the electrician who claimed that his truck was a volts wagon.

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