They Got Away With It AGAIN!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

banks admit forex manipulation

.

Last week several of the ‘BIG’ banks – you remember, the ones that are too big to let go bust – were fined in the region of $5.7 billion for illegal manipulation of the currency markets.

The usual suspects were included, J P Morgan, Citibank, Barclays  and RBS all pleading guilty – but only after they were sure what the medicine they would be getting would be.

It’s a huge amount of money, there’s no denying that. And losing it will make the banksters hurt a bit. But only a bit.

And that’s the problem.

Yet again the United States government has failed to bring these criminals to justice after more of their deliberate fraud and theft.

In other words, they let them get away with it AGAIN!

Major Banks

Now, if I walk into a branch of, for example, Citibank and try to steal the money that their customers have deposited with them for safe-keeping, I would be videoed, photographed, and if I was lucky enough to get out of the premises, pursued by the police and even the FBI for as long as it took to capture me.

And I couldn’t have any complaints because that’s the way it should be. Thieves should be sought out, captured and after due process thrown into jail.

However, if I am a bankster, have good government contacts, and ply money and favors to those in government, then I am treated very differently.

big banks get out of jail free

I can embark on insider trading (which is essentially what the banksters were doing when they were illegally manipulating the currency markets), I can sell loans to people that clearly can’t afford them, then take their houses away or sell on their debt wrapped up in a ‘AAA’ bundle to my richer customers, and after all that steal even more of the money my customers have entrusted to me by awarding myself and my collaborators big bonuses that none of us have earned or are entitled to.

In this scenario am I pursued by the police and FBI?

Nope.

Am I thrown in jail to be the bitch of Skull-cracker Jones or Scarface Smith?

Nope.

Will I have to personally pay back the money I stole?

Nope, again.

So what will happen to me if I am a bankster?

At worst I will get a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again. Even though recent history has proved that this is no deterrent and I will do it again at the first opportunity I get.

And, of course, I don’t have to personally pay the government’s fine no matter how big it may be. Instead my company has to cough up on my behalf.

Not that the company is much bothered either because when it runs out of money it goes back to the government which hands it back at least the value of the fine and usually much, much more.

Think this system is fair?

Neither do I.

jail the banksters

.

=====================================

.

Nails Are One Thing You Don’t Want To Screw With.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Neither is Pun Day.

Another selection of wonderful word play for you to….

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

Sometimes pregnancy lasts so long

it seems like a maternity.

 pregnancy

.

.

How many nihilists does it take

to sharpen a pencil?

One, but there’s still no point.

 nihilists

.

.

I dropped my barometer earlier.

Just couldn’t handle the pressure.

 barometer

.

.

What do you call a man

with three balls?

…a juggler.

 juggler

.

.

Uncle Ben found dead.

No more Mr Rice guy.

 Uncle Ben

.

.

I just invented a joke about helium.

Unfortunately it doesn’t go down well.

 helium

.

.

You know that you’re getting old

when your narrow waist swaps

places with your broad mind.

 getting old

.

.

Apparently a truck carrying boxes of wigs has overturned,

spilling its load across the freeway.

Police are combing the area.

 boxes of wigs

.

.

I saw a woman crying as she

was buying tampons earlier.

Must be going through a

tough period in her life.

 woman crying

.

.

This man was about to throw dough,

cheese and tomatoes at me.

I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

 pizza

.

.

Looking after my kid is

proving to be expensive.

I’ve just had to buy a baby monitor,

for crying out loud.

 baby monitor

.

.

The hospital told me there is a problem

with my son’s blood and he should have

a plasma screen as soon as possible.

They were going to charge me $10,000,

but I managed to buy him a 50″ HDTV

in WalMart for less than a grand.

 50 inch HDTV

.

.

Now I hear that the NSA are employing

dwarfs to break into people’s homes

and install listening devices.

The little buggers.

 little buggers

.

.

What happens if you swallow uranium?

You get atomic ache.

 uranium alert

.

.

What do you call a Scottish lady who comes round

and decorates your bathroom?

Bonnie Tiler.

.

.

=====================================

.

Maths Puns Are The First Sine Of Madness.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I wonder what the second sine is?

But let’s not go off at a tangent.

Let’s just enjoy another Pun Day instead.

.

rofl

.

The first rule of Innuendo Club is

you can only enter via the back door.

 please use back door

.

.

I’ve been sitting here all day trying to

think of anagrams of the word ‘wired’

but I can only think of one.

Which is weird.

 

weird

 

.

.

This morning my physiotherapist

tapped my knee with a plastic hammer

and made my leg jerk.

The nerve.

 knee tapped with a plastic hammer

.

.

Are people who believe in

ghosts very ghoulable?

 ghost

.

.

No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.

 push the envelope

.

.

My friend was arrested for drunk driving

on a motorized shopping cart at WalMart.

Apparently he led the police on a chase

that reached 90 aisles per hour.

 motorized shopping cart

.

.

“All you ever talk about is golf!”

My wife shouted.

“Golf, golf and more bloody golf!”

“Calm down love,” I said.

“Don’t let this driver wedge between us.”

 golf

.

.

I went to buy pork chops and told

the butcher to make them lean.

He said, ‘Which way?’

 pork chops cartoon

.

.

Many scientists agree the only way to solve

the planet’s worsening energy crisis

is for the whole world to convert to solar power.

That’s not going to happen overnight.

 solar power

.

.

I was the first person to install trampolines

in musician’s tour buses and now

everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.

 trampoline

.

.

I said to my blind date, “I actually take

a plane to work and back every single day.”

“Wow, you must be wealthy.” She said.

“Everything but,” I replied,

“I’m just a carpenter.”

 carpenter's plane

.

.

I bumped into the guy

who invented the globe.

It’s a small world.

 globe

.

.

Why did the poet kill himself

by walking into the road?

Because he thought there

was nothing left to right.

 walking into the road

.

.

I never thought I’d buy into Feng Shui.

But oh how the tables have turned.

 feng-shui-color-chart

.

.

I was in a music group

called ‘Illegal imports’.

We were a contraband.

.

.

====================================

.

“I Think,” Said The Sweet Potato, “Therefore I Yam.”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
.
Well today I yam the poster of more puns.
Keep your groans handy, you might need ‘em.
Enjoy or endure.
rofl.

.
You can say what you like

about freedom of speech.

freedom_of_speech_in_europe

.
.
I would love to dance at a metric party,

but I have two left 0.305 meters.

Meter-to-Foot-conversion
.
.
Waiters are good at multiplication

because they know their tables.

waiter
.
.
I accidentally grabbed a

live electric cable yesterday.

It really Hertz.

live electric cable
.
.
Capital punishment.

capital PUNISHMENT
.
.
I used to work at a car garage

that had a jet wash.

It was pointless,

there was nowhere for them to land.

airplane washing
.
.
I got a 24 hour clock from

a garage sale for only 10/c.

They’ll be so mad,

it’s lasted far longer.

24 hour clock
.
.
I’m in court accused of the murders of

Dracula and Monte Cristo.

I’m pleading guilty to both Counts.

Dracula and Monte Cristo
.
.
There’s a Muslim in the street carrying a gun.

Police say he’s Ahmed and dangerous.

Ahmed and dangerous
.
.
My ex girlfriend text to say that

she’d made a voodoo doll of me.

I think she’s pulling my leg.

Voodoo-doll
.
.
I used to have a job in the police force,

in which I’d break into secure

computer files to uncover criminal activity.

That was until I was met by one system

that proved I wasn’t up to the job.

I just couldn’t hack it.

hacker

.
.
Driving home, I noticed I had a

police car right up my ass.

Must have a word with my nephew

about leaving his toys lying around.

toy-police-car
.
.
I’d been worrying about my

geography exam for a long time.

When I sat down to take it,

the first question read;

“What is the correct term for any wind that

blows between 4 and 30 miles per hour?”

I don’t know what I was worried about.

It was a breeze.

breeze
.
.
I was so nervous when I met my

future father-in-law that i blurted out,

“Sir, May I have your daughters

hole in handy matrimony?”

met my future father-in-law
.
.
What do you call a bunch of

kleptomaniacs with musical instruments?

A Steal Band.
.


.
============================================
.

Poor Oliver Buckworth!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Anyone who has traveled by air anywhere in the world since the 9/11 attacks has been the victim of the idiotic security measures at airports.

Belts off, shoes off, laptops out, body scan or grope – you know the drill. All useless and ineffective and there, like a lot of other stuff, to give the impression that the government is doing something when in reality it is doing nothing.

And as always the stupid rules are enforced by even stupider people.

So, who is poor Oliver Buckworth?

He’s a 28-year-old Melbourne-based interior designer, a threat to no one, and a victim of the security morons that infest air travel these days.

You see Oliver was on a flight in Australia, on a carrier called Tiger Airways. To pass the time he started doodling in a note pad he had with him.

The doodle said “In a land of melting ice-cream, sandy feet and fluffy bears, how could anybody be fearful of terrorism?” and along with it was a visual pun with the word “terrorismadeup” picked out in different colors to suggest that “terror is made up”. Being an interior designer he also drew a chandelier on the same page.

Now you are probably asking, what exactly was his crime?

Doodling with intent to do what?

Not taking the air travel security farce seriously enough?

Having a sense of humor?

Or just getting bored and passing the time with his note pad and pen?

A busybody passenger sitting near Buckworth reported his doodle to the airline staff, who, instead of telling the other passenger to wise up, took the whole thing seriously. Yes, they were as stupid as the busybody passenger.

Apparently Tiger Airways have a “zero tolerance” policy “towards inappropriate and antisocial behavior” which seemed to include Oliver’s doodle. He said he was writing a sentence about the absurdity of recent fear-mongering statements about the threat of possible terrorist attacks, but it was enough to have him thrown off the plane and handed over to the Australian Federal Police.

To be fair to the police, after doing a background check on Oliver they realized that the airline idiots hadn’t uncovered the next Osama Bin Laden and they didn’t take any further action.

But, choosing not to involve themselves with common sense, Tiger Airways banned him from using the airline again, not that he’d probably want to now anyway.

Well done Tiger Airways, you done Australia proud – I think not!

Here’s Oliver’s doodle, make up your own mind.

the Buckworth doodle

.

===========================================

.

I’ve Always Found That The Letter ‘N’ Divides Opinion

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

There’s no getting away from it, the letter ‘n’ does divide opinion.

And so too does that little word play device called the Pun.

For those who like them and for those who like to hate them here is another selection.

Enjoy or Endure!

.

rofl

.

Getting a job repairing revolving doors

was a real turning point in my life.

Revolving door overhaul and repair

.

.

I have a friend who is ambidextrous illiterate…

He can’t write anything with both hands.

illiterate

.

.

My wife asked me “Would you say that I was likeable?”

I said “No love, bulls are male. You’re like a cow.”

 

cow

.

.

What is Stephen Hawking’s favourite cream?

sQWERTY.

Stephen Hawking keyboard

.

.

I’ve never asked a rhetorical question.

How cool is that?

RhetoricalQuestionsOnly

.

.

I once got asked to do a sketch of

an old gameshow host dressed up as a Charlies Angel.

I drew Barrymore.

drew Barrymore

.

.

There’s a gang going through our town,

systematically shoplifting clothes in size order…

The police believe they’re still at large.

clothes in size order

.

.

I know a guy who has one eye bigger than the other.

His name is Iain.

forest-whitaker-one eye bigger than the other

.

.

A recent study proved that I shouldn’t try

to add unnecessary rooms to my house.

study-room-design-ideas

.

.

There is a remote tribe

that worships the number Zero.

Is nothing sacred?

number Zero

.

.

What cheese do you use

to disguise horse meat?

Mascarpone.

Mascarpone

.

.

Yesterday, a Lumberjack slipped

and cut into his leg with a chainsaw.

He lost a lot of blood, but although

they managed to stem the flow,

paramedics say he is still not out of the woods yet.

Lumberjacks

.

.

I’m not afraid of flying.

I am, however, afraid of being 35,000 feet

in the air and suddenly “not” flying.

fear-of-flying

.

.

I don’t know what the fascination is with strip clubs.

It’s just the same old thong and dance.

thong and dance

.

.

Elton John has got so fat recently, he is having

to have his trousers specially made for him,

He’s had to say goodbye normal jeans…

.

.

====================================================

.

Apparently Towels Are The Biggest Cause Of Dry Skin.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I couldn’t make my mind for a while whether that title was a pun or a fabulous fact.

But it’s Pun Day, so a play on words it is.

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

My uncle works for a company

that makes bicycle wheels.

He’s the Spokesman.

bicycle wheel spokes

.

.

Police, “You’re under arrest for trespassing.”

Me, “On what grounds?”

no trespassing sign

.

.

I know a guy who in his spare time likes to dress up as a knight,

and jump over 20 parked cars on a horse.

I call him Medieval Knievel.

Medieval Knight

.

.

Having fake teeth.

That’ll denture confidence

dentures

.

.

I actually tried plane sailing the other day….

It’s not as easy as it’s made out to be.

cartoon plane sailing

.

.

Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.

Big Ears

.

.

My wife always gets annoyed when I leave her out.

Especially if it’s raining.

woman in rain

.

.

Arkansas is just Kansas with pirates.

Pirates

.

.

Once when I was in Chicago I did 35 press-ups in a row…

The elevator attendant looked pretty annoyed.

elevator buttons

.

.

I’ve spent my entire life researching the multiples of zero,

my career has amounted to nothing. 

lots of zeros

.

.

I asked my friend the other day, “Where’s your mum from?”

He replied, “Alaska.”

I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll ask her myself.”

Alaska

.

.

I saw a man with a trolley

full of horseshoes and rabbits’ feet earlier,

trying to get it up a hill.

I thought, “He’s pushing his luck.”

horseshoes and rabbits' feet

.

.

Some people say it’s sick and perverted to be a flasher.

I think it shows a lot of balls.

cartoon flasher

.

.

A Zen master once said to me,

“Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.”

So I didn’t.

cartoon zen master

.

.

I was referred to Dr. Dre the other day,

I have to go in for a hip-hoperation.

.

.

============================================

.