Golf: Putting The Putting Into Putting!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

As if you didn’t know from the title – it’s pun day again!

More word play jokes to be enjoyed or endured depending on your taste.

Try them out.

And enjoy!

.

.

My wife and I were happy for 25 years.

Then we met.

.

.

I went for an audition the other day.

They were casting 13 people to be clouds.

14 showed up.

It was overcast.

.

.

Billy: “Did you that movie yesterday where

the actress that was stabbed by a psycho?

Reese…what’s her name?”

Tommy: “Witherspoon?”

Billy: “No with a knife.”

.

.

Have you ever had an accident at work?

Yes, my secretary is pregnant.

.

.

Rats are under rated.

Just check your dictionary.

.

.

I woke up this morning and there was a bloke stealing my gate.

I didn’t want to say anything in case he took a fence.

.

.

The fattest man in Britain has recently relocated

from Bath to Poole as he ‘needs more living space’.

.

.

Some terms are really misleading.

I went into the changing room several times.

It was still the same.

.

.

I used to feed gorillas at the Zoo from a distance using a golf club.

I’d drive them bananas.

.

.

I was asked to describe my life in a nut shell.

“Very dark and cramped,” I replied.

.

.

I lost my watch earlier.

I would have looked for it but I didn’t have the time.

.

.

My friend Daniel wouldn’t believe me when

I told him that his name was an anagram.

He’s in denial.

.

.

I was going to start taking self defense lessons

but I decided on a math class instead.

I’m a firm believer there’s safety in numbers.

.

.

I saw a billboard on the way to work this

morning that read “Future Events.”

Well, that’s a sign of things to come.

.

.

A Zulu walking through the jungle comes across a pygmy standing over a dead lion.

“Did you kill that lion?” asks the Zulu.

“Yeah, I beat it to death with my club,” the pygmy replies.

“Wow, you must have a big club,” says the Zulu.

“Yes,” replies the pygmy. “There’s about thirty of us.” 

.

======================================

.

Did You Know? The Fact File Is Open Again.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

The fact file is open again and here are fifteen more gems of wisdom to peruse at your leisure.

Enjoy.

.

.

100,000,000,000 solar neutrinos pass through

every square inch of your body every second.

(I thought I felt something!)

.

.

The northern border of Delaware is curved,

with all points being exactly 12 miles from

the old court house in New Castle.

.

.

James Barrie, author of Peter Pan, never had kids,

but he did have a special affection for the children of others.

In 1929 he signed over the rights for Peter Pan to a London hospital

that specialized in pediatric medicine.

.

.

The celery stick garnish became a staple of the Bloody Mary

only after an impatient patron at Chicago’s Pump Room

couldn’t wait for his server to bring him a swizzle stick.

He took matters into his own hands and

snatched a celery stalk from a nearby relish tray.

.

.

Ice Cream was served to new arrivals at Ellis Island.

However, since most people hadn’t encountered it before,

they simply figured it was butter and spread it on their toast.

.

.

The state fish of Hawaii is the “humuhumunukunukuapua’a”.

The Hawaiian name roughly translates to “the fish with a pig-like nose.”

It’s English name is the Reef Triggerfish.

.

.

Director John Landis includes the phrase

“See you next Wednesday” in most of his films.

It was the title of a script he wrote as a teen.

.

.

Al Capone estimated that he spent $30 million a year

to pay off judges, police, elected officials, and newspapermen.

.

.

The first artist signed to the Beatles’ Apple Records label

was singer-songwriter James Taylor.

.

.

Clifton Keith Hillegass is the “Cliff” behind Cliff’s Notes.

He started his company in 1958 when he

published 16 Shakespearian study guides.

.

.

Birds cock their heads at the ground not to listen for prey

(such as insects or worms) but to better see them.

.

.

Although the National Association for the Advancement

of Colored People clearly stated its mission in its title,

W.E.B. Du Bois was the only African American

on the NAACP’s first board of directors.

.

.

Contrary to popular belief, a camel’s hump does not store water.

Instead, it’s filled with fat, which allows the animal to go for a month without food.

If the hump becomes depleted, it will shrink, flop over, and hang at the camel’s side.

.

.

A Mercurian day is longer than its year.

Mercury revolves around the sun very quickly,

but rotates around its axis very, very slowly.

One day on Mercury (sunrise to sunrise) is longer than

one year on Mercury (one orbit around the Sun).

.

.

The flashes of colored light you see when you

rub your eyes are called “phosphenes.”

.

.

The term “paparazzi” comes from Paparazzo,

a fictional freelance photographer

in the 1960 Fellini film La Dolce Vita.

.

.

Construction of the Pentagon began in 1941 

–  on September 11^th.

(Spooky-woo!)

.

.

John Lennon’s 1975 single “Number Nine Dream”

peaked on the Billboard pop singles chart at number nine.

Similarly, Prince’s 1993 single “Seven” peaked at #7.

.

.

=============================================

.

If There Are No Stupid Questions, Then What Kind Of Questions Do Stupid People Ask?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

The title of today’s post is part of a quote from Scott Adams. The whole thing goes, “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”.

I don’t know whether you could classify all of these questions as stupid or otherwise, there’s probably a mixture of both. Different people will probably have different opinions.

As usual if you have any answers then feel free to enlighten us all.

Enjoy.

 

 

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

 

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

 

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

 

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

 

Why can’t donuts be square?

 

Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?

 

What does happen to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?

 

If there’s a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?

 

Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?

 

Do people in prison celebrate halloween…. if so how?

 

Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

 

Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if he’s English?

 

What do Greeks say when they don’t understand something? “It’s all ???? to me.”

 

Do all-boy schools have girl’s bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girl schools have boy’s bathrooms?

 

Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?

 

How come cats’ butts go up when you pet them?

 

What would happen to the sea’s water level if every boat in the world was taken out of the water at the same time?

 

How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?

 

Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?

 

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?

 

===================================