China Really Raises A Lot Of Red Flags…

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Maybe that’s something China and puns have in common because they tend to raise a few red flags for some people too.

Not for us, though, because I know you are here for Pun Day!

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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Two silkworms had a race

– it ended in a tie.

 two silk worms had a race

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If you attached a bunch of

watches together to make a belt

it would be a waist of time.

 belt made of watches

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I don’t really know maths too well.

Until recently I thought logarithms

were a brand of laxative.

 logarithms brand of laxative

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As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola,

I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror.

I think that says alot.

 mirror

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A fella in the bar asked me what it’s like to be married.

I said, “Amaze.”

He asked, “You mean amazing?”

I replied, “No, I mean it’s hard to get out of.”

 maze

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I’ve been assembling a condiment army.

It is now fully mustered.

 mustered mustard

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I was asked if I had any plans

for National Nudity Day…

I said “I’ve got nothing on”.

 National Nudity Day

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My little brother cut himself with

a razor shaving this morning.

“How Gillette that happen?” I asked.

 

cut himself with a razor shaving

 

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My dad was a man of few words.

We always beat him at Scrabble.

 Scrabble

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A friend once asked me,

“Do you think you could have an

eraser at both ends of a pencil?”

“I suppose you could,” I replied,

“but what would be the point?”

 eraser at both ends of a pencil

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A large area of the alphabet has been destroyed

in what is thought to have been a terrorist attack.

It’s not yet known who had anything to do with this atrocity.

But early reports indicate G had.

 flaming g

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My friends had a good laugh

at my expense last night.

I paid for them to go

and see a comedian.

 clipart comedian

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What’s the gayest type of question?

A query.       

 query

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My son asked me what

the opposite of a lie is.

It’s a true story.

 a true story

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Was just looking at the all time

top 10 movies list online.

I was surprised Seven wasn’t there.

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Failure Is The Path Of Least Persistence.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If failure is path of least persistence, you can’t accuse me of failing to stick up for puns.

This series has already been going a lot longer than I ever imagined.

Will it ever end?

Eventually I suppose.

But not this week.

So enjoy or endure some more!

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rofl

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It’s your attitude and not your aptitude

that determines your altitude.

attitude and not your aptitude

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Last night I had a dream that a silicon chip and

a hard drive conditionally offered to bring my dinner over.

If memory serves me.

silicon chip

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It’s been decided that there will be a

new gay wing of the Government.

They’re starting with the Homo Office.

gay cartoon

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Who is the worst chicken killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth. He did murder most foul.

Macbeth

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L’Oreal camouflage paint.

Because you’re war fit.

L'Oreal because you're worth it

.

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My wife gave me a leaflet about

anger management last week…

I lost it.

anger management leaflet

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People hang on my every word.

Probably why I lost my job at the Samaritans.

Samaritans_logo

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Two old ladies knocked on my door,

selling the bible and brown bread,

they were the Hovis witnesses!

Hovis witnesses

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I’ve got an idea for a new interactive reality TV show.

It’s called ‘Bone Idol’.

I can’t be bothered to send it in though.

Bone Idol

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At the recent winter Olympics, as the rest of the

bobsleigh team prepared for their first run,

the brake man suddenly fell to the floor clutching his leg.

“Go on without me,” he cried.

“I’ll only slow you down.”

Bobsleigh

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Drilling for oil is boring.

canada_oildrilling

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I used to run a dating agency for chickens.

But I was struggling to make hens meet.

chickenspeed

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Did you hear about the Frenchman

who could only count to seven?

He had a huit allergy.

cartoon frenchman

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Cool, although I just barley got it…a little corny….

I can’t help it, they just keep cropping up….

me_so_corny_corn_cob_sticker

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A bulb walks into an airport without any bags

wearing nothing but a shirt, sandals, and a hat.

The check in girl looks at him and says,

“Travelling light?”

The bulb says “Yes, I am.”

light bulb

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Fact Filled February Continues.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s the last fact filled Tuesday in February, but not the last of the facts!

Another random mixture, surely there will be a few good ones in here for you.

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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The Earth weighs around

6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons

(5,940 billion billion metric tonnes)!

earth-moon-mass

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Over 10,000 birds a year die

from smashing into windows!

bird seeing stars

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A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long

in just one night!

mole

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In Natoma, Kansas, it’s illegal to throw

knives at men wearing striped suits.

men wearing striped suits

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About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians

died by the time they were 30!

ancient pharaoh_preview

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There wasn’t a single pony in

the Pony Express, just horses!

ponyexpresslogo

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The penguin is the only bird

that can swim, but not fly!

penguin

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There are approximately fifty Bibles

sold each minute across the world!

bibles

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Rice paper does not have any rice in it!

Rice_paper

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The most used letter in the English alphabet

is ‘E’, and ‘Q’ is the least used!

EQ

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The opposite sides of a dice cube

always add up to seven!

dice-game-cube-die-gambling-gaming-img

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Apples are more efficient than caffeine

in keeping people awake in the mornings!

apples in a bowl, spoon and coffee beans isolated on white

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The poison-arrow frog has enough poison

to kill about 2,200 people!

poison arrow frog

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Smelling bananas and/or green apples

(that’s ‘smelling’, not ‘eating’)

can help you lose weight!

banana and green apple

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A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can

be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!

gold_2Dbar

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Did You Know? The Fact File Is Open Again.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The fact file is open again and here are fifteen more gems of wisdom to peruse at your leisure.

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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100,000,000,000 solar neutrinos pass through

every square inch of your body every second.

(I thought I felt something!)

solar neutrinos

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The northern border of Delaware is curved,

with all points being exactly 12 miles from

the old court house in New Castle.

delaware state map

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James Barrie, author of Peter Pan, never had kids,

but he did have a special affection for the children of others.

In 1929 he signed over the rights for Peter Pan to a London hospital

that specialized in pediatric medicine.

James Barrie

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The celery stick garnish became a staple of the Bloody Mary

only after an impatient patron at Chicago’s Pump Room

couldn’t wait for his server to bring him a swizzle stick.

He took matters into his own hands and

snatched a celery stalk from a nearby relish tray.

Bloody-Mary

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Ice Cream was served to new arrivals at Ellis Island.

However, since most people hadn’t encountered it before,

they simply figured it was butter and spread it on their toast.

Ice-Cream

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The state fish of Hawaii is the “humuhumunukunukuapua’a”.

The Hawaiian name roughly translates to “the fish with a pig-like nose.”

It’s English name is the Reef Triggerfish.

humuhumunukunukuapua'a

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Director John Landis includes the phrase

“See you next Wednesday” in most of his films.

It was the title of a script he wrote as a teen.

John_Landis

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Al Capone estimated that he spent $30 million a year

to pay off judges, police, elected officials, and newspapermen.

al-capone 88

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The first artist signed to the Beatles’ Apple Records label

was singer-songwriter James Taylor.

James_Taylor

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Clifton Keith Hillegass is the “Cliff” behind Cliff’s Notes.

He started his company in 1958 when he

published 16 Shakespearian study guides.

CliffsNotes

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Birds cock their heads at the ground not to listen for prey

(such as insects or worms) but to better see them.

bird cocking head

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Although the National Association for the Advancement

of Colored People clearly stated its mission in its title,

W.E.B. Du Bois was the only African American

on the NAACP’s first board of directors.

W.E.B. Du Bois

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Contrary to popular belief, a camel’s hump does not store water.

Instead, it’s filled with fat, which allows the animal to go for a month without food.

If the hump becomes depleted, it will shrink, flop over, and hang at the camel’s side.

bactrian camel 2

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A Mercurian day is longer than its year.

Mercury revolves around the sun very quickly,

but rotates around its axis very, very slowly.

One day on Mercury (sunrise to sunrise) is longer than

one year on Mercury (one orbit around the Sun).

Mercuryday

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The flashes of colored light you see when you

rub your eyes are called “phosphenes.”

phosphene_by_preritjain-d4j91wh

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The term “paparazzi” comes from Paparazzo,

a fictional freelance photographer

in the 1960 Fellini film La Dolce Vita.

paparazzi

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Construction of the Pentagon began in 1941 

–  on September 11th.

(Spooky-woo!)

Pentagon_construction

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John Lennon’s 1975 single “Number Nine Dream”

peaked on the Billboard pop singles chart at number nine.

Similarly, Prince’s 1993 single “Seven” peaked at #7.

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Significant Number Factoid Friday – Seven

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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They’ve been ‘beautiful’, they’ve been ‘big’ and they’ve been ‘unusual’. Today we have the number seven, another of what are known as ‘significant’ numbers, so-called because of their use and the beliefs surrounding them.

Enjoy.

 

7 Seven

The number seven is the most mystical of all numbers. It is considered by a great many people to be ‘lucky’.

It is a number that is mentioned many times in the Bible where it indicates perfection and has its roots in ancient Jewish history.

In the Old Testament for example,

  • The Creation established the pattern of a seven day week.
  • The seventh day was a day of rest.
  • Land was to lie fallow every seventh year to allow it to recover its nutrients.
  • Noah led the clean animals into the ark in sets of seven pairs for each species.
  • Solomon took seven years to build the temple in Jerusalem.
  • The Torah mentions that the Sabbatical, or holy year, occurred every seven years.
  • The Israelites were told to march around the walls of Jericho seven times, and their enemies would be defeated.
  • The symbolic Jewish candlestick has seven branches.

This view of the number seven continued in the New Testament.

  • A disciple asked Jesus, “How many times should we forgive our brethren?” Jesus replied, “70 times 7”.
  • Revelations 1:16 states, “He had in his right hand seven stars.”
  • Also in Revelations, the number of seals is seven.

 

And beyond the Bible, we find the number seven in other religions and societies.

  • The ancient Greeks considered the number seven to be lucky. They believed it to be the perfect number.
  • In ancient Egypt there were seven paths to heaven.
  • In ancient Babylon there were seven branches on their tree of life.
  • The Arabs carried on this belief and built seven holy temples.
  • The Goths made sure they worshiped the seven deities.
  • The Japanese also had seven gods. (In 1995, to celebrate the Japanese Emperor’s seven year reign 17 runners ran 7,777 meters round the imperial palace at 7 minutes past seven on the 7th day of the 7th month.)
  • The Chinese saw seven as the number governing female life.
  • Even the Scottish Masons made sure the number seven had relevance in their rites, and their aprons were made with seven tassels on them.

 

In the US too there are examples of the occurrence of the number seven.

  • The Founding Fathers declared independence from Britain during the seventh month.
  • There are seven articles to the US constitution.
  • And the city of Washington D.C. was built on the 77th longitude.

 

The number still occurs because of it being thought lucky such as the drink 7-Up and the Boeing airplanes which are always 7?7.

 

Then there are the Seven Wonders of the world.

The original seven wonders were:

  • Great Pyramid of Giza
  • Hanging Gardens of Babylon
  • Statue of Zeus at Olympia
  • Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
  • Mausoleum at Halicarnassus
  • Colossus of Rhodes
  • Lighthouse of Alexandria

(The earliest lists had the Ishtar Gate as the seventh wonder of the world instead of the Lighthouse of Alexandria.)

Map of the original Seven Wonders of the World
Map of the original Seven Wonders of the World

In 2001 an initiative was started by the Swiss corporation New7Wonders Foundation to choose the New7Wonders of the World from a selection of 200 existing monuments.

Twenty-one finalists were announced January 1, 2006. Egyptians were not happy that the only surviving original wonder, the Great Pyramid of Giza, would have to compete with the likes of the Statue of Liberty, the Sydney Opera House, and other landmarks, calling the project absurd. In response, Giza was named an honorary Candidate.

The results, announced on July 7, 2007, in Lisbon, Portugal, were: 

  • Great Wall of China
  • Petra (Jordan)
  • Christ the Redeemer (Brazil)
  • Machu Picchu (Peru)
  • Chichen Itza (Mexico)
  • Colosseum (Italy)
  • Taj Mahal (India)

 

There have also been several atempts to compile a list of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. The main candidates include:

  • Grand Canyon
  • Great Barrier Reef
  • Harbor of Rio de Janeiro
  • Mount Everest
  • Aurora
  • Parícutin volcano
  • Victoria Falls

 

And, of course, in the field of entertainment the number seven has featured in several memorable movies, examples of which include:

  • Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
  • Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
  • Se7en
  • The Magnificent Seven
  • The Seven Samurai
  • The Seventh Seal
  • Seven Pounds