Friday The 13th, Part Two.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What do you know, it’s Friday 13th AGAIN.

Second one in two months and there will be another in November 2015 too.

How lucky is that?

Well, I guess not so lucky if you suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia (also known as friggatriskaidekaphobia), which is a fear of Friday the 13th, or even triskadekaphobia which is the scientific name given to a fear of the number 13 itself.

It shouldn’t be that much of a surprise really. The longest period that can occur without a Friday the 13th is 14 months, and every year has at least one and sometimes, like this year, three Friday the 13ths.

There is no written evidence for a “Friday the 13th” superstition before the 19th century, the first reference to an unlucky Friday the 13th coming in an 1869 biography of the composer Rossini who died on Friday November 13, 1868.

The superstition only gained widespread distribution in the 20th century, although the origin is believed to have come from the Bible, the association stemming from the idea that the 13th guest at the Last Supper was the one who betrayed Jesus prior to his death, which occurred on a Friday.

Hotels, skyscrapers and even hospitals have been known to skip out on creating a 13th floor due to its unlucky connection and even airports sometimes quietly omit gate 13. The Curtis Hotel in Denver, Colorado, on the other hand uses the superstition as a gimmick to amuse guests by playing the “dun, dun, dunnnnn!!” theme in the elevator shaft for guests as they arrive on the 13th floor.

Sometimes research seems to add weight to the superstition. A study in Finland, for example, has shown that women are more likely to die in traffic accidents on Friday the 13th than on other Fridays.

And, according to a report from U.K.’s newspaper, The Mirror, 72 percent of United Kingdom residents have claimed to have had bad luck experiences Friday the 13th. The readers polled admitted to avoiding traveling, attending business meetings and making large purchases on this unlucky day, with 34 percent admitting to wanting to “hide under their duvet” for the upcoming dates. The study did not speculate if their luck would have been better if they had gone about their normal business!

Former US President Franklin D. Roosevelt had a strong fear of the number 13 and refused to host a dinner party with 13 guests or to travel on the 13th day of any month. US President Herbert Hoover had similar fears.

Maybe he did what superstitious diners in Paris do – hire a quatorzieme, or professional 14th guest.

I don’t think Cuban leader Fidel Castro had the same fears because he was born on Friday, August 13,1926, as was the celebrated outlaw Butch Cassidy (born on. Friday, April 13,1866).

Speaking of outlaws, Oklahoma bandit Crawford “Cherokee Bill” Goldsby murdered 13 victims, and was captured after a reward of $1300 was posted. At his trial, 13 eyewitnesses testified against him, the jury took 13 hours to render a verdict of guilty. He was hanged on April 13,1896 on a gallows with 13 steps!

Stock broker and author Thomas W. Lawson, wrote a novel in 1907 entitled “Friday the Thirteenth,” about a stockbroker’s attempts to take down Wall Street on the unluckiest day of the month. Reportedly, stock brokers after this were as unlikely to buy or sell stocks on this unlucky day as they were to walk under a ladder, according to accounts of a 1925 New York Times article.

The independent horror movie Friday the 13th was released in May 1980 and despite only having a budget of $550,000 it grossed $39.7million at the box office in the United States – not unlucky for it’s backers. In fact the “Friday the 13th” film franchise continues to sweep up its box-office competition. According to  BoxOfficeMojo.com, the dozen films named after the haunted holiday have raked in more than $380 million nationally, with an average gross of $31 million per feature.

Another director noted for his suspenseful psychological thrillers, Alfred Hitchcock, was born on the Friday 13th in August 1899, although he also had a run in with bad luck on that date too when his directorial debut movie called “Number 13,” never made it past the first few scenes and was shut down due to financial problems. He is supposed to have said that the film wasn’t very interesting. We’ll never know!

Also with movies in mind there was a feature film based on the unlucky events of Apollo 13, launched on 13:13 CST, April 11,1970, which barely escaped becoming a doomed flight when an explosion disabled the craft occurring on April 13th (not a Friday in case you are interested).

According to Thomas Gilovich, chair of Psychology at Cornell University, our brains are known to make associations with Friday 13th in a way that would give favor to the “bad luck” myths. He explains this by saying that “if anything bad happens to you on Friday the 13th, the two will be forever associated in your mind and all those uneventful days in which the 13th fell on a Friday will be ignored.” It’s a bit like remembering the good old days and forgetting the bad ones!

Always contrary, pagans believe that 13 is actually a lucky number since it corresponds with the number of full moons in a year and in Spanish-speaking nations, Tuesday The 13th is regarded as unlucky rather than Friday!

So I guess you just have to make up your own mind whether you believe Friday 13th is unlucky or not.

I’m hoping of course that the fact that you have landed on this blog today is good luck rather than bad.

It was good luck for me, please call again.

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Did You Know? More Fascinating Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another ‘Did You Know’ day on the fasab blog.

More fascinating facts to ponder over.

Enjoy.

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The first item sold on eBay was a broken laser pointer.

A collector of broken laser pointers bought it for $14.83.

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The first recipient of the Distinguished Flying Cross award

(for heroism or achievement in aerial combat)

was Charles Lindbergh.

He achieved this feat a year before his famous transatlantic flight.

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The Gideons, who went on to place millions of Bibles

in hotels, prisons, hospitals and military bases,

first did so at the Superior Hotel in Iron Mountain, Montana, in 1908.

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The poinsettia’s red petals are actually leaves.

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Superman’s alter-ego, Clark Kent, originally worked

as a reporter for the Daily Star.

The Star changed its name to

the more familiar Daily Planet in 1940.

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Washington State was supposed to be named “Columbia”

but the idea was scrapped because it was thought

it would be too easily confused with “Columbia City”

(today commonly referred to as Washington, D.C.).

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Neuticles are synthetic testicles for neutered pets.

The tagline: “It’s like nothing ever changed.”

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The Flintstones was sponsored by a cigarette company

during the show’s first two seasons.

The show was intended for adults, not kids,

so few complained about the commercials that depicted

the stone-age characters puffing away on Winstons.

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The hyoid bone is the only bone in the human body

not connected to another bone.

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In 1973, NASA launched Skylab, the first American space station.

Three successive crews lived and worked there for more than 171 days.

Knowing a call to the fire department would accomplish precious

little from outer space, NASA and Honeywell International, Inc., developed

an alarm system that would alert the station’s crew to smoke or fire.

The smoke detector used on the space station is the same kind

that is now found in 90 percent of U.S. homes.

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Twitter’s bird logo is named Larry,

for Larry Bird.

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The University of Minnesota

is older than the state of Minnesota.

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While Stephen King sets many of his stories in Maine,

the state actually has the lowest violent-crime rate in the U.S.

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Printing the phrase “In God We Trust” on U.S. currency was a mandate

handed down by Abraham Lincoln’s Treasury Secretary Salmon Chase.

During his presidency, Theodore Roosevelt attempted to remove the slogan

because he, as a devout Christian, felt that putting God on money was a sacrilege.

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Syd Barrett got the name Pink Floyd from two American blues musicians,

Pink Anderson and Floyd Council.

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? Newspaper Headlines Nightmares, Part Three!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another mid-week selection of linguistic catastrophes in the form of newspaper headlines that went sadly wrong.

I bet the authors were congratulating themselves when they wrote them on how clever they had been.

Sorry (at them), but hurrah to us, they had quite the opposite result.

Enjoy.

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Medical Bloopers From Actual Patients Medical Charts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

I’m staying on yesterday’s medical theme.

When I was thinking about things medical I remembered an episode in a now defunct hospital where a friend of a friend of mine was being treated.

This bloke had broken his left leg, just below the knee, while playing football. It wasn’t a bad break, more of a crack really, but he was rushed to the emergency room where he was diagnosed and then x-rayed and then sent for prepping for the operating theatre where they would make sure everything was aligned properly and put on a plaster cast.

Some men have no hair on their legs and some men have a lot. This fellow was one of the latter and it was essential that his leg was shaved before the operation and certainly before the plaster cast was added.

Unfortunately that day the nurse responsible for the prepping and shaving must have been having an off-day  –  either that or she was as dumb as razor she was using.

I told you he’d broken his left leg and naturally the nurse started to shave his left leg. He was lying on his back at the time. That went well. The she and another nurse managed to get him turned over on to his stomach to complete the procedure. And she did, only this time she shaved the back of his right leg!

So there he was, lying on a trolley, ready for the operating theatre, with not a hair on the front of his left leg and not a hair on the back of his right leg.

They eventually got it sorted out after much hilarity, all of which completely bypassed the poor patient who ended up with two bald legs, one of them in plaster.

That’s what can happen in practice. Mistakes can also happen when medical charts are being written up some examples of which can be found in the selection below.

I think the late George Carlin put it best when he said that half the doctors and nurses out there practicing medicine were in the bottom half of their classes when studying for their qualifications.

Sometimes it shows.

Enjoy.

  

“Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia.”

(Will it be on the privates perhaps?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Since she can’t conceive I’ve sent her to a futility expert.”

(What’s the use of that?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“I saw your patient yesterday, who’s still under our car for physical therapy.”

(Are his motor skills improving?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“There was some concern about financial matters, but the patient was told she could apply for pubic assistance.”

(Sounds a bit hairy to me.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“After her last child she had her tubs tied.”

(That’ll cure it alright!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Infection resulted after she pimped a few popples”

(Petra Piper, eh?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Social history reveals this 1 year old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed.”

(Layabout!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient called and left word that he had expired last week.”

(What a dead loss.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.”

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“While she was in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.”

(The slut!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“This chubby youngster needs a slim adult to look up to as a role model.”

(Mr & Mrs Arbuckle’s offspring no doubt.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“I keep reassuring her that her memory will improve, but again today she forgot to pay her bill.”

(It’s called CML  –  convenient memory loss.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient is to remain plastered for the next 6 to 8 weeks.”

(Now there’s the first sensible medical advice I’ve heard.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“She got my instructions messed up and cut out all exercise and increased her sweets.”

(The see food diet possibly.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“He’s rather sedentary and drives a bust all day.”

(Perhaps he should nipple long to another hospital?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Bleeding began in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.”

(Bloody bum!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“I’ve asked him to call and let me know who he’s feeling this week.”

(You gotta get your kicks some way.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient came in today complaining of chronic vaginal affection.”

(Like I said, you gotta get your kicks some way!!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Rectal exam reveals normal-size thyroid.” 

(Oh, man, that must have hurt!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“His prognosis was poor, having a massive cerebral hemorrhoid.”

(Was his head splitting?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Following the exam of her breasts we discussed the impending nasal surgery.”

(Always safer to check first.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.”

(I bet he framed that chart.)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.”

(What are they complaining about then?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”

(And a bit of numbness too I would imagine)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.”

(Magic can cure anything)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.”

(Doesn’t she need further expensive tests just to be sure?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.”

(How much do you charge per hour?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.”

(I think this Dr has a bit of a God complex)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.”

(What did you say?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“The patient refused autopsy.”

(It’s alive, it’s alive!!!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“The patient has no previous history of suicides.”

(You figured that all out by yourself then?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.”

(Some people are so careless)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient’s medical history has been unremarkable with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.”

(On hospital food? I don’t think so!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

(But was it organic?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.”

(Now you’re talking!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.”

(My pleasure)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“She is numb from her toes down.”

(Not much hope there then)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“The skin was moist and dry.”

(That was a pore diagnosis)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.”

(Yes, but when?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient was alert and unresponsive.”

(Marriage will do that to you)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.”

(There’s nothing like a good riddance)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.”

(How long was it before you moved in?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.”

(Pervert!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.”

(Anal retentive to a man)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Skin: somewhat pale but present.”

(Sound like a job for Dr Dermott Ologist)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.”

(Get down baby!)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.”

(Is there a shortage of chairs?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.”

(Politician visiting someone perchance?)

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

“Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.”

(That’s more than enough to have to suffer)

 

 

 

In The Emergency Room

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

If television programs like ‘ER’ are anything to go by, it can get frantic in the emergency rooms of some hospitals. Everything seems to happen at breakneck speed. Give me the thingummy-bob STAT and all that sort of thing.

Unless you have the misfortune to need to visit an emergency room in the UK. Then you’ll be urgently placed in a queue for two or three hours, maybe a lot longer! I have heard so many horror stories about the waiting times there.

ER UK style

 

Hopefully the doctors don’t make too many mistakes, but here are a few examples of what I think we could call medical bloopers as reported by the Doctors themselves.

Enjoy.

 

1. From Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!’

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her under- wear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs — and I was in the wrong one.

 

 

2. From Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.

‘Big breaths,’ I instructed.

‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.

 

 

3. From Dr. Susan Steinberg

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’

 

 

4. From Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’ I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions ; include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

 

patches

 

5. From Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden?’

After a look of complete confusion she answered.

‘Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive.’

 

 

6. From Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’

‘It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste’, the patient replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’

 

 

7. From RN no name

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, ‘Keep off the grass.’

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had to mow the lawn.’

 

AND FINALLY!!!…………….

 

8. From Dr. wouldn’t submit his name

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.

To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, ‘I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?’

She replied, ‘No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener’.

 

 

Stick It Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Too!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

So yesterday’s blog post turned out to be about elephant’s bottoms. Who’d have thought? Sometimes these posts are a surprise to me too!

But it seemed to be reasonably popular so as they say, if you’re on a roll….

 

Today we’re in La Grange, Georgia and talking about a guy called Antonio Mendoza, an attorney. I probably shouldn’t have told you that last bit, it might take away some of your sympathy for poor Antonio.

Anyhow, Antonio has a dog. And as dogs have a habit of doing sometimes, it dragged Antonio’s things all over the place. One of the things belonging to Antonio that the dog got hold of was his cel phone which ended up in the shower.

And so did Antonio. One morning he was having a shower but he slipped on a wet tile, tripped on the dog and in his own words “sat down right on the thing”, the thing being his cel phone!

That of itself would probably have been enough to spoil most ordinary people’s day, but Antonio’s phone, like the unfortunate guy’s head yesterday, went right up where the sun don’t shine.

You’d think it couldn’t get much worse than that, but you’d be wrong.

Antonio’s phone was one of those flip phone types and the impact of his fall had managed to flip open the cover up inside his rectum. There was nothing for it but go to the hospital where the delicate extraction took more than three hours.

“He was a real trooper during the entire episode,” said Dr.Dennis Crobe. “Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and each time, he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the time we finished, we really did expect to find an answering machine in there.”

 

That’s what can happen if you do it by accident.

 

Have a listen to the consequences if you are really, really and I mean REALLY dumb!