Ants In Your Pants? There’s Plenty Of ‘Em!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi and welcome to fact day which does, as the title suggests, include an amazing fact about the number of ants ib the world. They may not be in your pants, but keep a look out just in case!

And now for the facts.

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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Halloween, which we’ve all just endured another year,

is thought to have originated around 4000 B.C.,

which means Halloween has been around for over 6,000 years

and is one of the oldest celebrations in the world.

happy halloween

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Most vegetables and almost all fruits contain

a small amount of alcohol in them.

Cheers!

vegetables

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Some scientific studies suggest there are about

10,000,000,000,000,000 individual ants

alive on Earth at any given time.

Ants are estimated to represent about 15–20%

of the total terrestrial animal biomass,

which exceeds that of the vertebrates.

Ant from_a_bugs_life

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When Pluto was discovered it was initially

believed to be larger than Earth.

Now astronomers know that it’s about

1,455 miles (2,352 kilometers) across,

less than 20 percent as big as the Earth.

planets in our solar system smaller than earth

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Thomas Stewart Armistead was a Confederate officer

who fought bravely in the American Civil War.

After being wounded at the Battle of the Wilderness he

was captured and placed in a camp near Morris Island

where the Union authorities used him as a human

shield to prevent fire from nearby Confederate artillery batteries.

Thomas Stewart Armistead and 599 other Confederate officers

who had also been captured became known as “The Immortal 600.”

When, on November 16, 1922, Armistead died at the age of 80 he

was the last survivor and member of “The Immortal 600.”

Thomas Stewart Armistead

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The American football team the Baltimore Ravens are named

in honor of Edgar Allan Poe’s classic poem ‘The Raven’.

Baltimore_Ravens_logo

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The construction of the Great Wall of China took over 2 thousands years,

the very first parts being built as early as in the 8th century BC.

Great Wall of China

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Table for one, sir?

Amsterdam´s restaurant At Eenmaal,

founded by social designer Marina van Goor,

has become famous because the only type of table

that you can find in the restaurant is a table for one.

restaurant At Eenmaal

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The largest thermometer in the world is 134-feet-tall (40.843m)

and was built by businessman Willis Herron in Baker, California.

The thermometer is supposed to serve as a memento of

the highest recorded temperature in the U.S.

measured in nearby Death Valley

– 134 degrees Fahrenheit (56.6 Celsius) in 1913.

The thermometer is no longer in operation,

and was put up for sale in January 2013.

largest thermometer in the world

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In 410 A.D. Alaric the Visigoth demanded that Rome give

him three thousand pounds of pepper as ransom,

an amount not to be sneezed at.

Alaric the Visigoth

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Abu Nasr Isma’il ibn Hammad al-Jawhari was an author of

a notable Arabic dictionary containing about 40,000 entries.

He is also remembered in Arabic history for

his attempt to fly with wooden wings.

He leapt from the roof of a mosque in the old town of Nishapur,

whereupon gravity took control and

he promptly hit the ground and was killed.

Abu Nasr Isma'il ibn Hammad al-Jawhari

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If you spray an antiseptic spray on a polar bear,

its fur will turn purple.

I wonder who got close enough to find that one out?

antiseptic spray on a polar bear

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The Japanese Empire was the largest maritime empire in history,

spanning more than 7 million square kilometers and gained such

notoriety that it took atomic bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki

plus plenty of other battles to defeat it.

Japanese Empire

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The movie that grossed the most money that was

adapted from a T.V. cartoon is Scooby-Doo

scooby-doo

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Quite often when a book is made into a movie a lot of things get changed.

Sometimes this spoils the story for those who have read the book,

other times it can improve it.

In Robert Bloch’s novel  the main character ‘Norman Bates’

was short, fat, older, and very dislikable.

In Alfred Hitchcock’s movie version, however,

he was young, handsome, and sympathetic, and one

of the most well-known characters in film history.

Here are a couple of clips….

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Let’s Not Have A Barney About These Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi, and welcome to the fasab blog.

Today is fact day with another random selection of hopefully interesting things to learn.

Enjoy

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did you know1

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In gangster slang, a boxing match

that is fixed is called a ‘barney’.

boxers

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In 2009, one of the twelve surviving copies of

Edgar Allen Poe’s first book ‘Tamerlane and Other Poems’

was sold at Christie’s Auction House for $662,500,

a record price paid for a work of American literature.

Tamerlane and Other Poems

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Isaac Smith was a commissioned officer in

the Royal Navy and the cousin of Captain Cook,

with whom he explored the then-New World.

Smith also became the first European to arrive in eastern Australia

and the first man to create survey maps of various Pacific islands and coastlines,

including Tierra del Fuego in South America.

Despite all his pioneering in the world of exploration

he is best remembered as the last survivor

of James Cook’s first voyage in the South Pacific Ocean

aboard the HMS Endeavour, from 1768 to 1771.

Midshipman_Isaac_Smith

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Research suggests that dark chocolate boosts memory,

attention span, reaction time, and problem-solving skills

by increasing blood flow to the brain.

Dark chocolate can also improve the ability

to see in low-contrast situations (such as poor weather)

and promote lower blood pressure.

Yum!

dark chocolate

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On average, 35 meters of hair fiber

is produced on the adult scalp.

Really???

shaved_head

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Ant colonies range greatly in size from

a few dozen individuals to many millions of ants.

The largest ant colonies are called ‘supercolonies’ that create

giant ant hills sometimes thousands of miles long.

The largest supercolony covers over 3,700 miles,

and has over 1 billion ants.

african_ant_hill

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Most toilets flush in E flat.

toilet

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The largest building in the world by volume

is The Boeing Everett Factory, in Everett, Washington,

which was originally built for the construction of the Boeing 747.

It has a volume of 472,370,319 cubic feet (1.7495e+7yd³)

and an area of almost 100 acres (40 ha 4685.6m2).

The Boeing Everett Factory

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Oak trees can live 200 years or more.

angel-oak-tree-l

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Astronaut John Glenn is a decorated World War II veteran,

one of the first American astronauts in history,

and one of the epic Mercury Seven.

Glenn was also the first American astronaut to orbit the Earth

and the fifth astronaut in history to go into space.

At the age of 93 he’s the last remaining astronaut of the Mercury Seven

and one of the very few surviving astronauts (American or Soviet)

of the Space Age that began in the late 1950s.

John Glenn

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A less successful astronaut was a Chinese man called Wan Hu,

a sixteenth-century local government official during the Ming Dynasty,

who had ambitions to travel to the Moon by means of a

special chair he designed with 47 attached rockets.

After lighting the rockets,

instead of shooting the ambitious government official into the air,

the rockets exploded, killing him.

Wan Hu

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When Pluto was first located by Clyde Tombaugh in 1930

it was just given the generic name Planet X.

It was named ‘Pluto’ by an 11-year-old girl,

Venetia Burney of Oxford, England.

Venetia Burney of Oxford, England

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Want somewhere quiet to eat?

Then try Nicholas Nauman’s restaurant called ‘Eat’

in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York,

which features nothing special except for the fact

that you cannot speak while dining there.

Apparently it was inspired by his life-changing stay

at a Buddhist monastery in India,

which made him want to create a place

where people could enjoy silence.

The silent dinners became so popular that nowadays,

people have to book their tables in advance.

restaurant called ‘Eat’

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The first toilet stall in a public washroom is the least likely to be used

and therefore also likely to be the cleanest.

first toilet stall in a public washroom

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The character of Michael Myers

was named after the European distributor of

John Carpenter’s previous film,

Assault on Precinct 13,

and apparently this was the director’s way of

saying a kind of weird “thank you” for the

film’s incredible success throughout most of Europe.

Michael_Myers

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Ivory hunters, tsk tsk.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Tsk, tsk indeed. What a terrible thing to do.

But what is also terrible, and the more terrible the better it seems, are puns.

It’s word play day.

Enjoy or endure!!!

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rofl

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When it comes to making money,

I’ve got to hand it to my wife.

All of it.

cartoon handing money to wife

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Apprehended:

The new App that reminds

you your hen is dead.

Apprehended

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I had an argument with my neighbor

about my trees growing over his fence.

When I extended the olive branch

it only made matters worse.

trees growing over fence

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I went into a bar and said to the guy serving,

‘How much is a pint of lager?’

He replied,

‘Five hundred and sixty-eight millilitres.’

pint v milliliters

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My identical twin was hit by a bus last year.

He’s not been the same since.

twins

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I got lost on my first day of college,

which is when I met my wife.

She was lost too, and neither I nor she knew

what class we were supposed to be in.

And as I stared into her eyes,

I knew that we had chemistry.

chemistry

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I brewed 5 gallons of homebrew.

It was pretty weak so my friend offered me ten bucks 

if I could drink the lot in one session…

I was going to accept, but in the end I bottled it.

homebrew_equipment

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I live for my alarm clock collection,

it’s the only reason I get up in the morning.

alarm clock collection

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I just fired my limousine driver.

I don’t know why,

because I have nothing to chauffeur it.

limousine driver

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Just had lunch at an excellent Christian restaurant

called “The Lord Giveth”.

They also do takeaways.

takeaways

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My wife was preparing lunch today when she asked,

“Sweetheart, where’s the cheese grater?”

“Some would say France, others would say England,” I replied.

cheese

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I bought some really odd shaped eggs

but now i can’t find them.

I think they’ve been mislaid.

odd shaped eggs

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Me and my girl plan to recreate every position

from the Kama Sutra tonight using only Lego bricks.

The excitement is building.

Kama Sutra Lego bricks

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I asked my son what his sexuality was.

He replied ”bi”.

Ironically, his answer forced me

to say the exact same thing.

bye

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Eminem goes to check the weather

It’s rainy and gray outside

He goes back to watch TV

Checks weather back in 10 minutes

Still shady

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A Cunning Plan – If You Are An Idiot, That is!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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criminal mastermind not

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If you think you are a criminal mastermind it is usually a sure sign that you aren’t one. But stupid people are usually full of self-delusions – because of their stupidity.

And if you are a stupid thief, in your head you might have figured out that when you steal, for example, a TV from someone, the person most likely to need a replacement TV will be the person you stole it from.

Therefore, in stupid logic, what more cunning plan could you have than to break into a house, steal a lot of stuff and then sell it back to the victim of your crime. After all, you just know they need it.

Clever, eh?

Nope!

In normal, sensible logic, however, the scenario is somewhat different. Because anyone sensible will know right from the start that the person you stole the goods from will immediately recognize their own possessions and more than likely call the police.

Which is exactly what happened in the case of three teenage morons who snatched a video-game system and then tried to sell it back to their victim.

It happened in Denver and, according to the police, a woman returned home to discover her home had been burglarized, with the thieves apparently gaining entry through a window.

Among the items missing were a portable gaming system and a jacket.

The woman immediately called the cops.

But the robbery had unnerved her somewhat, so rather than waiting at her place, she arranged for officers to meet her in the parking lot of a nearby restaurant.

While waiting there, three teenage males sauntered up to her and asked her if she wanted to buy – you’re probably way ahead of me –  a portable gaming system, one that bore a remarkable resemblance to the one that had just been stolen from her place.

If that were not bad enough, one of the trio of teenage morons was wearing a jacket that looked a lot like hers.

As luck would have it, an off-duty cop was at a gas station next to the restaurant. He approached the trio of criminal masterminds and called for backup. Within moments they were placed into custody on suspicion of burglary.

You would hope that it would be a lesson to them but I think it’s safe to surmise that they are too stupid to learn.

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The Quizzes March On!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another month and another quiz to get it off to a challenging start.

One or two relatively easy ones today, but I think most of them you will find tough enough.

As usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Quiz 5

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Q.  1:  What is the official language of Brazil?

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Q.  2:  Which wife of a politician said in 1981, ‘Woman is like a teabag: you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in the hot water’?

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Q.  3:  Many expanses of water of varying sizes are designated as ‘seas’ such as the Mediterranean Sea, the Dead Sea, etc. But what is the only such sea in the world that does not have a coastline?

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Q.  4:  What book was Denzel Washington protecting in the 2010 movie?

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Q.  5:  What is both unusual and famous about the restaurant in Volterra, Italy called  “Fortezza Medicea”?

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Q.  6:  In which city is the music recording company Motown based?

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Q.  7:  The official country retreat of the President of the USA, Camp David, is located in which mountains?

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Q.  8:  Where did the Incas originate?

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Q.  9:  What was the name of the Cuban President over thrown by Fidel Castro in 1959?

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Q. 10:  Although the United States has Roswell and Area 51, and Hollywood has pushed out a unending stream of movies based on them, the government does not officially recognize the existence of UFOs. However three well known countries do formally recognize the existence of UFOs, can you name them? (A point for each and a bonus point if you can name all three.)

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Q. 11:  Who was coming to dinner with Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn in 1967?

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Q. 12:  Who was dubbed “Lenin’s left leg” during the early stages of Russia’s Marxist movement? 

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Q. 13:  In which US city was the first skyscraper built in 1883?

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Q. 14:  A double question with multiple points. The US State Department currently recognizes 194 different countries in the world, but how many take up approximately half of Earth’s land area?

HINT: It is a relatively small number of the 194 total and there is a bonus point for each of them that you can name.

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Q. 15:  What phrase is the unlikely link between Barbara Streisand and Bugs Bunny?

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Q. 16:  What is the only state in the Middle East in which there is no desert?

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Q. 17:  What former Soviet state is currently experiencing massive civil unrest and upheaval?

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Q. 18:  Which river has the largest delta?

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Q. 19:  Whoopie Goldberg played one in a movie and Patricia Arquette played another in a television series, what were they? (And bonus points if you can name the movie and the tv series.)

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Q. 20:  Which movie other than ‘The Bodyguard’ featured the song “I Will Always Love You”?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What is the official language of Brazil?

A.  1:  Portuguese.

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Q.  2:  Which wife of a politician said in 1981, ‘Woman is like a teabag: you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in the hot water’?

A.  2:  Nancy Reagan.

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Q.  3:  Many expanses of water of varying sizes are designated as ‘seas’ such as the Mediterranean Sea, the Dead Sea, etc. But what is the only such sea in the world that does not have a coastline?

A.  3:  The Sargasso Sea in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean is surrounded by ocean currents and no land and therefore has no coast.

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Q.  4:  What book was Denzel Washington protecting in the 2010 movie?

A.  4:  The Book Of Eli. You also get a point if you said The Bible.

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Q.  5:  What is both unusual and famous about the restaurant in Volterra, Italy called  “Fortezza Medicea”?

A.  5:  “Fortezza Medicea” is a maximum security prison – the cooks and waiters are all doing  sentences of at least seven years.

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Q.  6:  In which city is the music recording company Motown based?

A.  6:  Detroit.

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Q.  7:  The official country retreat of the President of the USA, Camp David is in which mountains?

A.  7:  Appalachians.

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Q.  8:  Where did the Incas originate?

A.  8:  Peru.

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Q.  9:  What was the name of the Cuban President over thrown by Fidel Castro in 1959?

A.  9:  General Batista.

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Q. 10:  Although the United States has Roswell and Area 51, and Hollywood has pushed out a unending stream of movies based on them, the government does not officially recognize the existence of UFOs. However three well known countries do formally recognize the existence of UFOs, can you name them? (A point for each and a bonus point if you can name all three.)

A. 10:  France, Italy and Chile have all formally recognized the existence of UFOs.

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Q. 11:  Who was coming to dinner with Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn in 1967?

A. 11:  Sidney Poitier.

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Q. 12:  Who was dubbed “Lenin’s left leg” during the early stages of Russia’s Marxist movement? 

A. 12:  Joseph Stalin.

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Q. 13:  In which US city was the first skyscraper built in 1883?

A. 13:  Chicago.

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Q. 14:  A double question with multiple points. The US State Department currently recognizes 194 different countries in the world, but how many take up approximately half of Earth’s land area?

HINT: It is a relatively small number of the 194 total and there is a bonus point for each of them that you can name.

A. 14:  Seven countries take half of the Earth’s land area and they are Russia, Canada, USA, China, Australia, Brazil and Argentina.

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Q. 15:  What phrase is the unlikely link between Barbara Streisand and Bugs Bunny?

A. 15:  “What’s up, Doc?” is Bugs’ catchphrase and the name of a 1972 comedy/romance movie starring Barbara Streisand and Ryan O’Neill.

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Q. 16:  What is the only state in the Middle East in which there is no desert?

A. 16:  Lebanon.

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Q. 17:  What former Soviet state is currently experiencing massive civil unrest and upheaval?

A. 17:  The Ukraine.

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Q. 18:  Which river has the largest delta?

A. 18:  The River Ganges.

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Q. 19:  Whoopie Goldberg played one in a movie and Patricia Arquette played another in a television series, what were they? (And bonus points if you can name the movie and the tv series.)

A. 19:  They played ‘mediums’, Whoopie Goldberg in the movie ‘Ghost’ and Patricia Arquette in the hit tv series ‘Medium’.

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Q. 20:  Which movie other than ‘The Bodyguard’ featured the song “I Will Always Love You”?

A. 20:  ‘The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas’, a movie starring Dolly Parton who wrote the song.

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It’s The Day You All Look Forward To – Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well, maybe not ‘all’ of you. But some people like them.

Here are a few more.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I just learned the other day that a violin

is comprised of seventy separate pieces of wood.

It must be a fiddly job putting it all together!

violin maker

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I named my car flattery.

It gets me nowhere.

broken down car

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I got depressed when I lost my job at the Apple factory.

“Have you been taking any tablets?” asked the doctor.

“Yeah. Why do you think I got fired?”

Apple itablet

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I’ve started a band called ‘Nostalgia’.

If we don’t make it, at least people will remember us fondly.

Obracken-NostalgiaGoodTimesGoodTimes569

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My wife planted some seeds in the garden a while back

and just recently they’ve pushed through the soil.

She said to me today, “What do you think they are?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.  

“But they’ve definitely grown hyacinth we last looked at them.”

hyacinth

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I hopped on a bus today.

After five minutes, the driver told me to sit down.

Hopping-off-the-Bus

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Just had to close my new restaurant down.

It was called “Mexican Tortilla”.

I just kept getting calls from language students…

Mexican Tortilla

.

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As I sat cleaning my rifle, my wife nagged,

“I think you love that gun more than me.”

“Are you even listening to me?” she asked.

“Yes, deer,” I replied.

man-cleaning-inside-the-barrel-of-his-unloaded-rifle-gun-clipart-by-dennis-cox-at-wackystock

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I’ll never forget my first love.

She took me outside and showed me the garden.

She then showed me the hole, at the bottom of her garden.

Full of water.

“Throw in a coin and make a wish.” She said.

So I did.

I remember her well.

wishing well

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I started a business selling life support machines

but I’m on the verge of going bust.

Ironically, I’ve got to pull the plug.

life support machines

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A psychic told me how to get more friends on Facebook,

and it worked!

What a great social medium.

Cartoon-Fortune-Teller

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I tried to do a computer course

but I couldn’t hack it

computer course

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Just got back from the ‘Free Pussy Riot’ march.

Not what I was expecting,

apparently they’re some Russian band.

'Free Pussy Riot'

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Contrary to popular belief Owls are not wise,

they’re stupid and illiterate.

It’s “Tu Whit Tu WHOM!”

cartoon-owl

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“It’s nice to be served by somebody English for a change,”

I said to the waitress in a café.

“These days most of you are foreign and don’t understand a word I say. For instance…”

“For instance, what?” said the waitress, after a long pause.

“Four instant coffees, please.”

cartoon-of-aggressive-waitress

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People Who Use Euphemisms Really Get On My You Know Whats!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day!

Twenty more examples of word play to make you smile or groan, or maybe even both.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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No matter how hard I try, I simply can’t figure out

what’s the opposite of ironing.

It’s depressing.

ironing

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What’s the difference between mountains and hills?

Mountains tend to get high, but hills are less inclined

mountains and hills

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After criticizing yet another outfit, my wife said she

was going to leave me due to my poor dress sense.

“Please baby” I pleaded. “I can change.”

poor dress sense

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Doctor Who started working for our road repair company today,

his first job was to fill in potholes.

“Tardis”, I told him.

Dr Who's tardis

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Pepperami..

What Sgt Pepper served in.

peperami1

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Did you hear about the guy who was so stupid

that when they gave him enough rope,

he shot himself.

stupid

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The blow hard bloke next door says his car is more powerful than mine

and that he would easily beat me in a race.

He’s all torque.

CARS 2

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I’ve been caught up in a race row.

I don’t care what he says, I won fair and square.

race

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People often tell me I have very little patience.

But that’s probably because I’m a doctor specializing in dwarfism.

Seven Dwarfs

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A friend of mine accused me of plagiarism.

I didn’t know what that meant, but I took his word.

cartoon_plagiarism_1836615

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I saw that the latest remake of the Dukes of Hazzard includes

a scene where Bo and Luke install a talking car alarm.

I’m not sure that’s going to go down well,

General Lee speaking.

General_Lee__Dukes_of_Hazzard_by_xxatwaxx

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The wife used to work on a maternity ward.

It was labor-intensive.

Pregnancy-Cartoon

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My new neighbor works in a board game factory.

His job is to take small wooden cubes and engrave them.

I don’t like him…

He’s dot a dice person.

dice

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I stopped at a hotel last night called

“The good, the bad, and the ugly.”

It was a Best Western.

best-western-logo3

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I once met a really stupid bloke on a Greek island.

He was a Cretan.

Souda Bay Crete

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At an awards dinner last night,

I just finished enjoying some middle eastern dip

when I was called up to accept my award.

It was post hummus.

10oz-classic-hummus

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A few weeks ago, 1,400 people were killed in Syria by a chemical attack.

It almost became Obama’s road to Degasmasks.

gas masks

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I can never wear my lucky golf socks again.

I got a hole in one.

sock-holes

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And since we are almost at the end of today’s post,

I have to announce that unfortunately tonight’s

Self Harmers Anonymous group

has been cancelled due to staff cuts.

william-steig-harry-take-it-from-me-you-re-doing-yourself-more-harm-than-good-new-yorker-cartoon

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An African lady called Betty came into my restaurant

and asked “Is there any chicken on the menu?”

I replied “No black Betty, it’s ham or lamb.”

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