Famous Last Words Of An Idiot – “I Have A Plan…”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Many stupid crimes happen every day. And most of them are committed by stupid criminals.

Unfortunately most of the stories we never get to hear about, but occasionally we do.

Like this one, which must rank as one of the dumbest ever!

It happened in a place called Mullins, SC. The perpetrator, or would-be perpetrator, was a ‘genius’ called Laquain Deshawn Guy and he had the idea that he would rob an Arby’s fast food restaurant.

Arby's logo

Lots of cash in there, he thought, not considering that most of the takings would be banked at the end of business.

That was his first mistake.

His second was failing to break into the restaurant using either a back door or a window.

No, this genius had a better idea.

He thought he would climb on to the roof of the building and gain entrance through the ventilation shaft. That is the story told by Captain Joe Graham with the Mullins police and I see no reason at all to doubt him.

The main reason being that criminal mastermind Laquain Deshawn Guy found to his surprise that he didn’t fit the ventilation shaft – and promptly wedged himself in there just as tight as he could.

The more he struggled the worse it got.

Man, was he stuck!

And he remained stuck for the next ten hours, until an Arby’s employee was opening the business Tuesday morning and he heard “noises”. I like to think that the noises were the farts being squeezed out of him as he got wedged in tighter and tighter, but nobody will confirm this.

The employee immediately called the police and that’s when they realized that the strange noises were coming from the very stuck Laquain still wedged inside the shaft.

Mullins Fire and Rescue eventually freed the idiot by cutting the ventilation pipe and pulling him through the roof, where he emerged dehydrated and with some muscle damage.

Crews then lowered him down and onto a stretcher and took him to hospital where he spent a few days before facing charges of Burglary Second Degree.

What a moron!

Fire and Ambulance Rescue trucks outside the Arby's restaurant where Laquaine got himself stuck in the ventilation shaft




Two Post Tuesday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


It’s not often that I post twice in one day. I did the funny post earlier but there is something else that I want to say and today is the day to say it. Strap yourselves in!

I don’t remember where I was when JKF was shot. It was a bit too far back in time for me to be worrying about such things. I do remember where I was when I saw my first movie about the assassination, though. I was in a cinema. The movie was called Executive Action and starred Burt Lancaster. Some critics panned it at the time but I thought it was very good, based on a conspiracy theme naturally enough. I actually thought it was better that Stone’s acclaimed effort, ‘JFK’, made many years later.

I also remember where I was this day eleven years ago. It was the day that the world changed for ever and I was sitting in my study at home battling with a few spreadsheets for a business plan I was putting together. The TV was on in the background and the normal programs suddenly cut to what was happening in New York.


World Trade Center, New York City,   September 11,  2001
World Trade Center, New York City, September 11, 2001

Of course that was the end of my spreadsheets for the day. I became totally enthralled in the news coverage which was to say the least confused. By that time the first tower was belching out a steady stream of smoke. It was clearly on fire and had been very badly damaged.

The reporters were speculating as to what may have been the cause. They talked about ‘accidents’ and eyewitness reports of a small private aircraft hitting the building. But, to anyone with any wit at all, it had to have been much more than a small airplane to do that amount of damage to a building that huge.

Then, as I continued to watch, the second plane hit the other tower. Some of the reporters still could not come to grips with what was happening. The second plane was clearly a large commercial jet and, equally clearly, it had been flown deliberately into the second tower.

This was the real deal. And all of the multi-billion dollar military/intelligence defense network had been caught with their trousers down round their collective ankles.

A massive terror attack was in progress and we were able to watch it in real time on our televisions. It was at the same time mesmerizing, engrossing and, not least, horrifying.

The horrific nature of what had happened became clearer when everyone began to realize that, not only had many innocent people probably lost their lives when the airplanes had struck the buildings, but also that there was little or no hope of saving those on the floors above where the impact had occurred. It got even worse when some of the trapped people threw themselves out of the building and could been seen falling to the ground and to certain death.

Emergency services rushed to the scene. Many acts of extreme bravery followed as police and firefighters went into the burning buildings with little or no regard for their own safety. I can’t say this for sure, but I imagine at least some of them knew there was little chance they would get back out again. But they did it anyway.

Then we heard that the Pentagon had been the target of a further attack and yet another airplane, also bound we were told for the Washington DC area, had gone down somewhere en route.

In all 2,977 people were murdered as a result of the terrorist attacks that morning.

We know who was responsible for the attacks. We know that many of their terrorist comrades, including the figurehead Bin Laden, have since been killed. And we know the terrible cost in terms of lost lives and serious injuries to the various armed forces who were sent to do that job.

September 11 is now officially ‘Patriot Day’, a day of remembrance. And we should all take at least a moment in honor of the victims.

Sadly the aftermath of these terrorist attacks eleven years ago brought only knee-jerk reactions from jerk politicians. They had the audacity to call it the Patriot Act, but it attacks the freedom of innocent law-abiding citizens just as much as it does the terrorists and criminals.

Contaminated by the hellish liberal inspired ‘guilt’ that now pervades all government decisions and means that it is no longer perceived as acceptable if we take our own side in a fight, a raft of idiotic, unnecessary and unfair legislation has, and is, being enacted.

This is being done in the name of defending the homeland, but unwilling to only target the national, ethnic or religious groups who are responsible for the vast majority of the terror, poor old law-abiding Joe Public gets targeted as well.

Everyone is now guilty until they can prove their innocence. Get on an airplane at an airport and you are treated as a potential terrorist and irradiated and probed and so forth. Open a bank account and you are treated as a potential terrorist trying to launder money – despite the fact that it was the banks themselves who were doing that job.

It’s not that any of this is a great hardship. It’s just that it is completely unnecessary and unproductive. It is the typical politician’s and bureaucrat’s way of trying to con the populace by substituting activity for real progress.

A lot of potential terrorist attacks in America and elsewhere have been thwarted during the past eleven years, but not one of them as a result of all the overt claptrap at airports and so forth.

Will it change? Will sanity and intelligence take over?

Not a chance.

Will it get worse? Will the bureaucrats’ hunger for control and interference increase?

Of course it will, regardless of whether the regime is Republicrat or Democrican.

So who really did win?

The terrorists may well have lost, but the people certainly didn’t win! 

Sometimes Being Frank Can Lead To Trouble

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


On 1st April 2001, in New York, a literary agent, named Frank, found himself dazed and patting out flames shortly after arriving at a two-alarm house fire equipped with a sandwich, a bullhorn, whiskey and a lawnchair.


The trouble started when Frank climbed on to the roof of a nearby house, perched on his lawnchair, and proceeded to lecture the startled emergency crew while enjoying his drink.

Three firemen had just finished clearing the house, locating the residents’ young golden retriever in the process, when they heard Frank’s imperious command.

“Drop the dog and open the hydrant this instant!”

They turned in surprise and in fact did drop the unfortunate yelping puppy, which fell through the burning timbers and burst into flames.

Outraged onlookers then mobbed the base of heckler Frank’s house and threw cans and shrubbery at the obstreperous critic, who batted the projectiles aside with his bullhorn while continuing to drink whiskey and issue commands, including…

“The north side is engaged!”

“Position the hose along the azalea bushes!”

“Stop picking your nose!”

Sorely provoked, the senior fireman, currently on administrative leave, picked up the dead (but still burning) dog and flung it onto the roof where Frank was barking out his commands.


The flaming animal landed in Frank’s lap, igniting his spilled whiskey and severely burning his man-part area.

Frank heaved the dog off himself, but neglected to brace his feet on the slanted roof. He and the lawnchair toppled and fell from the house, miraculously avoiding onlookers, who watched aghast while the prostrate man suffered further injuries from falling embers and his own roof-top accoutrements.

man falling

The house fire was eventually subdued, and paramedics transported the injured man and his loudspeaker to the hospital. Although he is recovering from his injuries, the prognosis is that he will never again be able to procreate with quite the same gusto, which is probably a blessing for the rest of humanity.

Neighbors have set up a Memorial Fund for the golden retriever. Apparently photographs of the man-shaped depression in the lawn are available upon request.

Sometimes being frank can lead to trouble!





Hard Luck Mr Scott, The Romance May Be Dead But Your Wife Isn’t!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Yesterday the subject of my blog post was a rather nice story about a farmer in England who had put a lot of thought, time and effort into creating a memorial tribute to his late wife. I called it “Well done Winston Howes, Who Says Romance Is Dead?”.

A bit out of character for this blog perhaps, but I admire people who do things that are just that little bit above and beyond the call of duty.

Today, however, you could say that “normal service” has been resumed. You could probably tell from the title, “Hard Luck Mr Scott, The Romance May Dead But Your Wife Isn’t!“.

This is a story about another Englishman. This time a Mr Peter Scott from Southsea who has gone down in history as the least successful husband at trying to murder his wife!

All in all Mr Scott made seven attempts to kill his wife.

And the strangest thing of all was that she never once noticed that anything was wrong.

It all started in 1980 when he took out an insurance policy on his good lady that would pay out a quarter of a million British pounds in the event of her accidental death.


insurance money
insurance money

Shortly afterward, he made his first attempt to cash in when he placed a lethal dose of mercury in her strawberry flan. Unfortunately for Mr Scott the heavy mercury all rolled out.

Strike attempt # 1.


strawberry flan
strawberry flan

However, not wishing to waste this deadly substance, he next stuffed a mackerel with the entire contents of the bottle. This time, to his delight, his wife ate it, but, to his dismay, with no side effects whatsoever.

Strike attempt # 2.



Warming to the task, he then took his better half on holiday to Yugoslavia. Recommending the panoramic views, he invited her to sit on the edge of a cliff, but she declined to do so, prompted by what she later described as some “sixth sense.”  

Strike attempt # 3.



He tried the same type of thing a few weeks later when he urged her to enjoy the view from Beachy Head, the famous 500 feet high chalk headland in the south of England.

Strike attempt # 4.


Beachy Head
Beachy Head

Then, when his spouse was in bed with chicken-pox he started a fire outside her bedroom door, but some interfering busybody put it out.

Strike attempt # 5.


Would-be Arsonist
Would-be Arsonist

Undeterred, Mr Scott started another fire but only succeeded in burning down the entire apartment. The target of his arsonist adventures escaped uninjured.

Strike attempt # 6.


burning apsrtment
burning apsrtment

On yet another occasion he asked her to stand in the middle of the road so that he could drive toward her and check if his brakes were working.

Strike attempt # 7.


Road Rage
Road Rage

Unbelievably, at no time did Mrs. Scott feel that the magic had gone out of their marriage. She must have been sooooo dumb!

Finally, since it appeared that nothing short of a small nuclear bomb would have alerted this good woman to her husband’s intentions, he eventually gave up and confessed everything to the police.



After the case, a detective said Mrs. Scott had been “absolutely shattered” when told of her husband’s plot to kill her.


Had not a clue
Had not a clue


Collisions, Crashes, And Calamities.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


We’ve touched on this subject before but there are far, far too many idiots allowed to be put in charge of motor vehicles. Inevitably these morons at one time or more end up crashing, sometimes it is a solo effort, at other times they take some other unfortunate with them.


However it happens, the inevitable result as well as the police becoming involved is that the insurance companies are quickly brought on board to fight the cases.


Here are a few descriptions given by some intellectually challenged drivers to their insurance companies trying to explain the mayhem that they had caused.


Poor doggie. You’ll see what I mean.




Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.




I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.




I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.




I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.




As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.




In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.




I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.




I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.




The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.




I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.


911 Emergency Calls

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


A relative quick and funny post for the start of a new week. Always helps a bit to add a bit of humor to Mondays, I think.

This one is about 911 emergency calls. You would imagine that 911 calls would be made by serious people about serious events, that’s what the lines are set up for. But also because of their nature you don’t have to be qualified to use them.

When the intellectually challenged make a 911 call, the results are just about the same I reckon as when they make ordinary calls – unbelievable!

Here are a few examples.




Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

– – – – – – – – –


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .

Dispatcher: Excuse me?

Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.

Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?

Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!

– – – – – – – – – –


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I’ m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

– – – – – – – – – –


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

– – – – – – – – – –


Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath… Darn……I think I’m going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police

– – – – – – – – – –


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Hi, is this the Police?

Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?

Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.

– – – – – – – – – –

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?

Caller: Fire, I guess.

Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?

Caller: I was wondering…does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?

Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?

Caller: Well, I’ve spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and… well.. do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?

Dispatcher: Help you what?

Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!


Successful Outcome – Victim Dead!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Then there was the case of Alison Hume, a 44 year old mother who had fallen 45 feet down an abandoned mine shaft, part of a coal mine that closed in 1926. It happened at 11.30pm while she had been taking a shortcut home across a field near Galston in Ayrshire, Scotland after visiting friends in July 2008.

She was found by her teenage daughter. Strathclyde Fire and Rescue Service were called and when they arrived fireman Alexander Dunn was lowered to the bottom of the shaft. Mrs Hume was still conscious but had a collapsed lung, several broken ribs and a broken sternum.

A paramedic was strapped up in a harness ready to follow to give emergency medical aid.

However, before the paramedic could render assistance, group commander Paul Stewart arrived as a “media relations officer”. He assumed command after realising he was the most senior officer there. (Know the type? A moron, with no common sense, in a job he is not capable of doing.)

Stewart’s first move was to stop the paramedic from being lowered down the mine shaft. He also  refused to allow colleagues to rescue Mrs Hume using ropes because (you’ve heard this one before) “they had not received the correct training”.

Mr Stewart feared they could be sued if the mission failed – in other words, this cretin cared much more about keeping his job than he did about doing his job and saving Mrs Hume, a member of the public who it was his duty as part of the emergency services to help.

Incredibly – or maybe not – this moron Stewart later told a fatal accident inquiry that the operation had a “successful outcome” because the casualty was ultimately removed from the shaft. Mrs Hume was lifted out but died shortly afterwards from a heart attack brought on by hypothermia.

Also incredibly – or again maybe not – instead of being fired (unfortunately you cannot be jailed even for this degree of stupidity), moron Stewart is still with Strathclyde Fire and Rescue Service and is actually on the waiting list for promotion to divisional commander!

In the fatal inquiry report Sheriff Desmond Leslie said Mrs Hume might have survived if she had been removed sooner, and that Mr Stewart and colleague William Thomson were “focused on self-justification for the action or non-action taken by them” and did not reflect on lessons that could be learned from the tragedy. The sheriff added: “I found their evidence bullish, if not arrogant.

When you put morons in positions of responsibility for which they are clearly not fit, you will invariably get decisions that use regulations as excuse for failure, rather than a reason for success.

Of course, morons like Stewart would not have the luxury of hiding behind stupid rules if the bureaucrats didn’t make the stupid rules in the first place. Former watch commander John Bowman – who had been ordered to rewrite the rule book on rope rescues weeks before the tragedy – said as much when he spoke out against his former employers. Mr Bowman had warned bosses that changing the rules to prevent firemen using ropes to rescue people was “a disaster waiting to happen”.

He said: ‘Many incidents you go to in the brigade don’t end with a successful resolution. Sometimes the person can be dead before you get there, sometimes you just can’t help people. This was not the case for Mrs Hume. It’s not the fire service’s finest hour.’

You can say that again!

But sadly a moron like Stewart will never realize it!!



Have you had similar experiences? Send them along. Let the world know what is happening before it is too late.

I Was Only Obeying Orders!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

“When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.”

That is a great quote from writer George Bernard Shaw, and boy is it true. Throughout history weak, stupid and sometimes just plain evil men (and women) have sought to defend their actions by hiding behind the word “duty”. I have news for them, not only does it not work, it makes them look even stupider and pathetic.

Usually I try to make this blog entertaining and amusing. But from time to time I also like to remind everyone that it also has a serious side as well. The following is a good example of the morons and idiots that should have no place in decent society let alone holding down important jobs. This lot of idiots might not have cost this poor man his life, but they certainly tripped over their “duty” and their precious “regulations” in order to avoid trying to save him.

If you are angry when you read this, well, you should be! And you should realize that the longer we say nothing and do nothing about people like these the more and more incidents will happen. Fight against stupidity and bureaucracy, or it might be you, or someone you know, who is their next victim.

Walpole Park in Gosport, Hampshire, in Britain is just an ordinary park in an ordinary town. It has a little boating lake, which is only three-and-a-half feet deep, and used for model boats. People go there to watch them or to relax and enjoy the open space and the fresh air. Simon Burgess was one of them.

One day in March last year, 41 year old Simon went to the park to feed the ducks at the lake. While he was doing so, the plastic bag he was carrying blew into the water and he waded into the lake to retrieve it. Just then he suffered a seizure and fell, unconscious, face down into the water.

A lady, Mrs Hughes, who was walking beside the lake with her two-year-old grandson saw he was in danger and immediately dialed 999. She watched the Gosport fire crew arrive soon after.

But when they arrived they did nothing, just waited on the bank of the lake, showing little sign of activity. Others also arrived, and soon there were no fewer than 25 members of the emergency services, including a press officer standing around looking at the body of Simon Burgess in the shallow lake. He lay floating there face-down for more than half an hour while firemen, police and paramedics watched and did nothing.

The reason?

Even though they could all swim (and they didn’t even need to, the water was only about three feet deep), the first fire crew to arrive had not been “trained“ to enter water higher than ankle-deep. They had decided Mr Burgess must surely be dead because he had been in the water for ten minutes, and instead of actually finding out if he was alive or dead, this bunch of morons decided to wait for “specialists” to arrive to retrieve the body.

Idiot-in-charge, fire station watch manager Tony Nicholls, who had arrived at the scene within five minutes, told the inquest into the death, that he had refused to try to rescue Mr Burgess because his crew’s “Level 1” training only allowed them to go in the water up to their ankles. In other words, they were only allowed to walk through puddles – and they had to be trained even to be able to do that??? (Pleeeeeze!!!)

Hampshire Fire and Rescue said all its firefighters were trained to “Level 1”, which includes “general water safety awareness and basic land-based rescue techniques”. To comply with the guidelines, they had to wait for a specialist water rescue team to arrive.

Mr Nicholls said these “specialist” officers were “Level 2-trained”, meaning they could “go in chest- high”. Only those who had completed the “Level 3” course would be allowed to swim, however.

A Defra spokeswoman explained: “Our guidance is only ever to be used by the emergency services in response to a flood. This is because floods by their very nature are highly unpredictable, unlike existing bodies of water. Our guidance should never be used in any other instance.”

The police weren’t much better. Even though one of the police officers at the scene, PC Tony Jones, told the inquest that he volunteered to go in, he was “strongly advised” not to by Mr Nicholls. The PC also told the inquest that Mr Nicholls refused to let him borrow his lifejacket.

Then PC Jones was told by his control room that “under no circumstances” should he attempt a rescue.

Asked to explain that decision, Hampshire Police said yesterday: “The fire service were already there and they were recovering a body.”  The decision to downgrade the incident from a rescue to a ‘body retrieval situation’ reflected the confusion over submersion victims.

A paramedic was also told not to enter the water because he didn’t have the right “protective” clothing and might be in breach of the Personal Protective Equipment at Work Regulations 1992.

Despite the safety rules, those at the scene could have entered the water under Health and Safety Executive guidelines that exempt 999 workers from prosecution if they perform acts of heroism. This follows Lord Young’s report, Common Sense, Common Safety, which called for an end to ‘senseless’ rules and regulations.

Last night, Fire Minister Bob Neill said: “Health and safety rules should be there to save lives, not put them at risk.” He added that the Government would review existing guidance and take into account lessons learnt from recent incidents.

I have news for Fire Minister Bob Neill and the rest of the world’s bureaucrats, they won’t learn any lessons from this incident other than to enact more unnecessary stupid legislation, for other stupid jobsworth morons to misinterpret. The answer to too many regulations is less regulations, not even more regulations to regulate the already unnecessary regulations!

In my world, Simon Burgess may not have survived either, but he would have been given every chance to, and people like Tony Nicholls would be out of work faster than Donald Trump could say “You’re Fired”!

The Dail Mail newspaper carried the story. If you want to read more go to:
Daily Mail Link, Simon Burgess Story

A Story For Saint Patrick’s Day

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It’s St Patrick’s day, so maybe a story with an Irish flavour today.

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside a local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said,

“All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 euros to the fire department that brings them out intact.”

But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.

As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 euros to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files.

But still the fire fighters could not get through.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.

It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of over 65’s.

To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.

It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 euros and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked their chief,

“What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, “de furst ting we’re gonna do is fix de fekkin brakes on that bloody fire truck.”


Have a great St Pat’s Day, and if you’re having a pint of Guinness (or unlucky enough to be having a glass of green beer instead) remember that old Irish toast,

“May you be in heaven a good half-hour before the devil even knows you’re dead!”


And finally, an Irish blessing,

“May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you’re going, and the insight to know when you’re going too far.”