Veni, Vidi, Velcro… I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I hope you stick around too, because it’s another Pun Day.

You know the drill….

Enjoy or endure!

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My little cousin has been diagnosed with an unusual case of OCD

where all he does all day is organize dinner plates by the year they were made,

It’s an extremely rare dish-order

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I’ve written my own book

called 50 Shades of Gravy.

It’s very saucy.

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I’m an easy target for muggers.

Take it from me.

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I knew I had failed my Braille exam at the time.

It just felt wrong.

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“How’s your new stairlift nan?”

“It’s driving me up the wall.”

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Just finished an experiment to find

the best cure for hiccups.

The result was a big surprise.

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I stabbed someone with a blunt pencil today.

It was an act of pointless violence.

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I just took some pills and now my pupils look massive!

I really shouldn’t take hallucinogenic drugs while teaching.

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The wife would like us to feel a gentle and relaxing breeze

all over our bodies when we have sex.

I’m not a fan.

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I thought I’d dug up an unknown

species of dinosaur in my back garden.

Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum,

but it turned out to be a fossil arm.

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Do you think eating horse meat

would give you the trots?

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I got my girlfriend the Connery and Dalton

James Bond movies for her birthday,

but she wasn’t happy.

I think she was expecting Moore.

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Hungry astronomers don’t like galaxies,

they prefer something that’s a little meteor.

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I have an Eskimo fetish,

but most people just aren’t that Inuit.

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I’ve booked a table at one of those new

Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses.

They’re for people who love meat tender.

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Golf: Putting The Putting Into Putting!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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As if you didn’t know from the title – it’s pun day again!

More word play jokes to be enjoyed or endured depending on your taste.

Try them out.

And enjoy!

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My wife and I were happy for 25 years.

Then we met.

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I went for an audition the other day.

They were casting 13 people to be clouds.

14 showed up.

It was overcast.

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Billy: “Did you that movie yesterday where

the actress that was stabbed by a psycho?

Reese…what’s her name?”

Tommy: “Witherspoon?”

Billy: “No with a knife.”

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Have you ever had an accident at work?

Yes, my secretary is pregnant.

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Rats are under rated.

Just check your dictionary.

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I woke up this morning and there was a bloke stealing my gate.

I didn’t want to say anything in case he took a fence.

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The fattest man in Britain has recently relocated

from Bath to Poole as he ‘needs more living space’.

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Some terms are really misleading.

I went into the changing room several times.

It was still the same.

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I used to feed gorillas at the Zoo from a distance using a golf club.

I’d drive them bananas.

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I was asked to describe my life in a nut shell.

“Very dark and cramped,” I replied.

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I lost my watch earlier.

I would have looked for it but I didn’t have the time.

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My friend Daniel wouldn’t believe me when

I told him that his name was an anagram.

He’s in denial.

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I was going to start taking self defense lessons

but I decided on a math class instead.

I’m a firm believer there’s safety in numbers.

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I saw a billboard on the way to work this

morning that read “Future Events.”

Well, that’s a sign of things to come.

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A Zulu walking through the jungle comes across a pygmy standing over a dead lion.

“Did you kill that lion?” asks the Zulu.

“Yeah, I beat it to death with my club,” the pygmy replies.

“Wow, you must have a big club,” says the Zulu.

“Yes,” replies the pygmy. “There’s about thirty of us.” 

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? – Newspaper Headline Nightmares, Part Fifteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another super blooper bundle from the newspapers.

Something in here should rise a smile and provide an embarrassment or two for the editorial staff.

Enjoy.

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