Word Play? Bad Jokes? Whatever you call them they’re Still Pun To Me

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few more puns to make you laugh or groan.

Enjoy them if you can.

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The cannibal was so nervous he threw up his hands

cannibal

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He said I was average – but he was just being mean.

average mean pun

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I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

hurdles

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Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.    

noah

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The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner – there were strings attached.

old woman who lived in a shoe

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Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you. 

xray

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We never got the tent up because of all the missed stakes we had.

Camping-Cartoon

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The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.

wizard with a magic book of incantations

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I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

trig cartoon

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Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

stork carrying baby

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We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

pay attention

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I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.

cloning cartoon

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If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.        

alphabet soup

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Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.         

cartoon frog

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The police arrested two kids yesterday, one for drinking battery acid and the other one for eating fireworks. They charged one but let the other one off.

battery firework pun

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

sleeping

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A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.          

sweeping

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And finally,

 

Did you know that Macy’s have a contractual obligation to hire an unemployed man every November and December to play Father Christmas? It’s known as the Santa clause.

santaclaus

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It’s A Day For A Little More Word Play

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for another bunch of those word plays they call puns.

Get your groans ready and enjoy!

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I usually take steps to avoid elevators.

steps

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The girl wanted to lose weight so she went to the paint store. She heard she could get thinner there.

think thin

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He had a difficult time bouncing back from his bungee cord accident.

bungee accident

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The cannibal’s cookbook titled ‘How to Better Serve your Fellow Man’ was written by a guy who had a wife and ate kids.  

Cannibal joke

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My friend wore a blindfold at the shooting range, he didn’t know what he was missing.

shooting blind

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If you need something done, call an electrician – they conduit.

cartoon electrician

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Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling.

nobel_cartoon

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The police arrested me after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

kleptomaniac

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When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

Peter Pan

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The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

magician

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The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

weed whacker

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Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.

singing pirate

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I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.

watchmaker

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I hate the price of candy at the movie theater. They’re always raisinette.

usherette

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All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one. He was a Peking Duck.  

Peking Duck

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Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. Wow, I never thought I’d hear myself say that.

deaf people talk what

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Bugs have very diverse religious views, because they are all in sects.

cartoon bug

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She’s happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.

seamstress

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England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

kidney cartoon

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When you think about it, mummies are bound to be uptight.

mummy

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