Hope You Know A Couple Of Fast Birds – It’s Quiz Time!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, today’s quiz questions include a couple about fast birds.

That and a lot more to test your knowledge.

But don’t worry, if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, however NO cheating please!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Quiz_button 02

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Q.  1.  What proportion of the items kept at the British Museum are actually on display?

            a) 1%            b) 10%            c) 20%            d) 30%

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Q.  2. What was the name of the world’s first supercomputer and in what year was it installed? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  3.  In what modern country was the Aztec empire based?

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Q.  4.  What is the only animal with four knees?

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Q.  5.  What town in Manitoba, Canada, and named after perhaps the most famous English politician of all time, is known as the “Polar Bear Capital of the World”?

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Q.  6.  What word to describe a large group of islands that are located close together?

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Q.  7.  Robert Southey wrote what famous children’s story in 1834?

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Q.  8.  What country spans the greatest number of contiguous time zones, and how many? (You get a point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  9.  What is the fastest running bird in the world?

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Q. 10. What does the acronym ‘UNICEF’ stand for?

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Q. 11.  The names of how many countries in South America end in the letter ‘a’ ? (A point for the correct number and an additional point for each one you can name correctly.)

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Q. 12.  What was the middle name of the founder of the store chain J C Penney?

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Q. 13.  By ferry, approximately how long will it take you to reach Africa from Spain?

            a) 30 minutes          b)  1 hour          c) 90 minutes          d) 2 hours

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Q. 14.  What nationality is the toy company ‘Lego’ ?

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Q. 15.  What was the first sport to be pictured on the cover of Sports Illustrated?

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Q. 16.  What is the world’s largest retail chain store?

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Q. 17.  In what country is the prime minister known by the  name ‘Taoiseach’ ?

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Q. 18.  What were the names of the Captains of the USS Enterprise in Star Trek – The Original Series and Star Trek – The Next Generation; and the actors who played them? (A point for each correct answer, so a total of four points up for grabs.)

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Q. 19.  What woman holds the all-time world record for the 100 meter dash?

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Q. 20.  How many ways did Paul Simon say there were to leave your lover?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1.  What proportion of the items kept at the British Museum are actually on display?

            a) 1%            b) 10%            c) 20%            d) 30%

A.  1.  The correct answer is a) 1%.

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Q.  2. What was the name of the world’s first supercomputer and in what year was it installed? (A point for each correct answer.)

A.  2. It was called the Cray-1 (you get the point if you said ‘Cray’), and was installed at Los Alamos National Laboratory in the United States in 1976 at a cost of $8.8 million.

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Q.  3.  In what modern country was the Aztec empire based?

A.  3.  Mexico.

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Q.  4.  What is the only animal with four knees?

A.  4.  The elephant.

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Q.  5.  What town in Manitoba, Canada, and named after perhaps the most famous English politician of all time, is known as the “Polar Bear Capital of the World”?

A.  5.  It is the town of Churchill.

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Q.  6.  What word to describe a large group of islands that are located close together?

A.  6.  Archipelago.

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Q.  7.  Robert Southey wrote what famous children’s story in 1834?

A.  7.  “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”.

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Q.  8.  What country spans the greatest number of contiguous time zones, and how many? (You get a point for each correct answer.)

A.  8.  The correct answers are ‘Russia’ and it has ‘9’ time zones.

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Q.  9.  What is the fastest running bird in the world?

A.  9.  The fastest running bird is the Ostrich, which has been clocked at 97.5 kilometres per hour.

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Q. 10. What does the acronym ‘UNICEF’ stand for?

A. 10.  The United Nations Children’s Fund.

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Q. 11.  The names of how many countries in South America end in the letter ‘a’ ? (A point for the correct number and an additional point for each one you can name correctly.)

A. 11.  There are 6 countries whose names end with the letter ‘a’, Argentina, Bolivia, Colombia, French Guiana, Guyana and Venezuela.

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Q. 12.  What was the middle name of the founder of the store chain J C Penney?

A. 12.  The founder of JC Penny had the very appropriate middle name of ‘Cash’.

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Q. 13.  By ferry, approximately how long will it take you to reach Africa from Spain?

            a) 30 minutes          b)  1 hour          c) 90 minutes          d) 2 hours

A. 13.  The correct answer is a) 30 minutes, they’re closer than you think.

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Q. 14.  What nationality is the toy company ‘Lego’ ?

A. 14.  Danish.

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Q. 15.  What was the first sport to be pictured on the cover of Sports Illustrated?

A. 15.  Baseball.

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Q. 16.  What is the world’s largest retail chain store?

A. 16.  Wal-Mart.

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Q. 17.  In what country is the prime minister known by the  name ‘Taoiseach’ ?

A. 17.  Ireland.

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Q. 18.  What were the names of the Captains of the USS Enterprise in Star Trek – The Original Series and Star Trek – The Next Generation; and the actors who played them? (A point for each correct answer, so a total of four points up for grabs.)

A. 18.  The correct answers are, Captain James T Kirk in the Original Series played by William Shatner, and Jean-Luc Picard in The Next Generation played by Patrick Stewart.

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Q. 19.  What woman holds the all-time world record for the 100 meter dash?

A. 19.  Florence Griffith-Joyner, aka “Flo-Jo” by her many fans, set the all-time world record in the 100-meter dash at 10.49 seconds set in 1988.

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Q. 20.  How many ways did Paul Simon say there were to leave your lover?

A. 20.  50.

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There Is Only One Batman In The World – Yes, It’s Fact Day.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, today is fact day on the fasab blog.

And apparently there is only one batman in the world.

That and other unusual offerings below.

Enjoy.

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fact 01

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In Germany you are not allowed

to run out of gas on the highway

 German autobahn traffic

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Although there are McDonald’s restaurants

in 119 countries,

40% of the total number are found in the US.

The only place in the continental US

that is more than 100 miles from a McDonald’s

is a desert in northwest Nevada.

 McDonald's sign Ruby Mountains Nevada

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The mayor of Batman city in southeastern Turkey

sued Warner Bros for using his city’s name

without permission.

“There is only one batman in the world”

he was quoted as saying.

 Batman

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The Museum of Non-Visible Art

sells art that only exists

in the imagination of the artist.

In 2011 a moron

– sorry, a woman –

bought one of their “non-visible”

art pieces for $10,000.

I wonder if she hung it on her imaginary wall

in her imaginary house???

 Empty-picture-frame Museum of Non-Visible Art

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In space,

about 10 billion light years distant,

there is an enormous water vapor cloud

that is estimated to hold up to 140 trillion times

the mass of water found in all Earth´s oceans.

 black-hole-quasar-water-cloud

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And still with space,

in typical bureaucrat fashion,

just in case life is found on some other planet,

NASA has an Office of Planetary Protection

already prepared.

 NASA Office of Planetary Protection

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The cardboard thingy that goes around

your coffee cup is called a ‘zarf’.

 zarfs

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The inventor of the diesel engine,

Rudolf Diesel,

committed suicide because he thought

his invention wouldn’t be successful.

 Rudolf Diesel

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Despite being the largest pre-Colombian American empire,

the Incas never developed a written language.

Thus there are no census records available

and estimates of the size of the Inca population has

varied widely from 4 million people to nearly 40 million.

 inca_man

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Karl Marx was once a correspondent

for the New York Daily Tribune.

 karl marx new york daily tribune

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Abraham Lincoln dreamt of his own assassination

just a few days before it happened.

He dreamt he could hear sad wailing in the White House

and, in getting up and trying to find it,

finally came upon a room with

mourners and his own corpse…

 Abraham Lincoln dreamt of his own assassination

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The first official fan-made music video

was Grégoire Pinard’s claymation video

of Placebo’s song “English Summer Rain”.

The band were so impressed that

they decided to make it official.

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General Confusion And Major Disaster.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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British General Election 2015

No, today’s post is not about matters military, although the term ‘SNAFU’ would be rather appropriate.

This one is about the General Election in Britain in May 2015 that will decide who will run the country for the next five years and who will be Prime Minister. This is a crucial election for voters because there is no real front runner. One party is as bad as the other. So a few votes here and there could make a crucial difference. Sounds a bit like Florida!

It may even end up with another coalition government in Britain, although I don’t know if the Conservatives could stomach another five years of being tied to the Liberals – but what am I talking about, of course they could, if it meant clinging on to power.

The election might be even closer than it should be because millions of people may be unable to vote. The secretive Whitehall department of stupid bureaucrats responsible for – wait for the irony, “efficiency” – refused to heed warnings from its own pilot programs that showed it had major problems with data matching.

data matching

It is very similar to the way the nerds at Microsoft didn’t believe their testers when they told them Windows 8 was a pile of doo-doo.

The bureaucrats first of all created new legal requirements for voter registration requiring them to verify information that was previously taken on trust.

The only thing is, about five and a half million voters went missing from the Electoral Register. The tests they carried out told them this was likely to happen, but they didn’t listen. Bureaucrats never do until it is too late.

According to government sources, “The digital service allows anyone to register to vote online, from any device connected to the web. It’s incredibly quick and simple – it takes less than five minutes.”

They forgot to add the crucial line that – it doesn’t work.

The problems became apparent as soon as the web service went live. The Electoral Register was a lot shorter than it had been. Not only that but strange things also began to happen.

cartoon boy

For example, a five-year-old boy in Crewe had been given the vote – but he couldn’t get off the Electoral Register, because he was not able to produce his National Insurance number, which of course he didn’t have – because he was only five. Duhh!!!

In another case a woman, who had been an eligible voter on the Electoral Roll for twenty years, failed to get on to the new one because her National Insurance number was in her maiden name which did not match with her married name which the system insisted she use now.

The whole thing has turned into a government-created mess. People are now filling in the registration form thinking that means they are registered to vote, but actually they haven’t. All they have managed to do is submit an application to register to vote.

It’s bit like filling in a form so that you are eligible to fill in a form. A bureaucrat’s dream!

So it’s looking like general confusion and major disaster for the election. Just more proof that government bureaucrats and computer systems just don’t belong together.

bureaucrats and computer systems

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Stonehenge Rocks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yeah, Stonehenge rocks!

So does Pun Day!!

As always….

Enjoy or endure!!!

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rofl

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Deaf people are lip reading as we speak.

lip-reading

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In school, my teacher asked me if I

had any of my own maths equipment.

“I have a broken abacus,” I replied.

She said, “That doesn’t count.”

abacus

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I’m a puppeteer –

I had to pull a lot of strings to get the job.

puppeteer

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My friend happily announced recently that,

after 18 months of hard work and determination,

he had lost over 130 pounds of unhealthy useless fat.

He divorced her.

fattyfatbutt

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Want to pull a Jewish girl?

Just show them some interest.

Jewish girl

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A woman walks up to a handsome man

in a nightclub and shouts, “Fat penguin!”

“Pardon?” he says, looking bemused.

“Sorry,” she replies. “I was just trying to

think of something that would break the ice.”

cartoon Fat penguin

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Being unemployed definitely has its benefits.

unemployment benefit

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I always get chutney and pickle mixed up.

It makes me chuckle.

redbellpepperchutney

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My mate asked if I wanted to

play electric shock monopoly.

I jumped at the chance.

monopoly

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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I’m OK,

but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

food coloring

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My mum always said,

Never use two words when one will do.”

Why didn’t she just say,

“Avoid verbosity”?

mother talking to child

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I love blondes, but I was gutted to come

home from work to find my girlfriend

had dyed her hair brunette.

It’s just not fair.

brunette

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Protesters at the recent G20 conference

were holding up huge signs saying

‘Capitalism Isn’t Working’.

A friend of mine turned to me and said,

“Surely that’s wrong.

Surely ‘Capitalism Is Working’.”

Capitalism Isn't Working

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My English teacher told me that it’s impossible

to take two completely different words out of context

and use them to create a coherent sentence.

Wheel sea.

English teacher

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Friends of my wife and I, recently bought a farm,

and decided to invite us to a House warming party.

I asked my wife, “What shall we get them for a present?”

“How about this long length of rope with bucket attached?” she replied.

“Yes,” I agreed. “I am sure that will go down well.”

well bucket and rope

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The Quiz Is Back!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No quiz last week.

Time restraints and watching too much of the world cup in Brazil are to blame.

But not to worry, it’s back today with a vengeance with another twenty brain teasers for you.

Some easy and some quite difficult.

But remember, if you get stuck the answers can be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz confused1

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Q.  1:  Which way does water go down the drain, clockwise or counter-clockwise?

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Q.  2:  He starred along side Clint Eastwood in the 1978 movie ‘Every Which Way But Lose’ and in the 1980 sequel ‘Any Which Way You Can’ and he never said a word in either of them. Who was he?

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Q.  3:  What percent of Soviet males born in 1923 didn’t survive World War II?

            a)  20%            b)  40%            c)  60%            d)  80%

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Q.  4:  I’m sure just about everybody in the world has heard of the dreadful USA Patriot Act, but did you know the name was possibly the most unnecessary acronym ever devised? Five points if you can tell me what it stands for.

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Q.  5:  Who was with Sir Edmund Hilary when he first climbed Mount Everest?

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Q.  6:  What soccer player made headline news when he was banned from the Brazil 2014 World Cup for biting an opponent? (Bonus points if you can also name the team he played for and their opposition on that day.)

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Q.  7:  On which sea does Croatia stand?

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Q.  8:  What is the name of the Islamic terrorist organization currently involved in the conflict in Iraq?

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Q.  9:  The famous Wimbledon tennis tournament is currently underway, but who won the Men’s and the Women’s Singles title in 2013? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 10:  What car company built the classic 1955 300 SLR Uhlenhaut Coupe?

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Q. 11:  What were the names of the three stars of the 1966 Italian Spaghetti Western movie “The Good, The Bad And The Ugly”?

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Q. 12:  What team has won the most Super Bowls?

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Q. 13:  What was the name of the woman who married Adolph Hitler shortly before they both committed suicide?

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Q. 14:  This one is a famous city in Brazil and the former capital city of Portugal between the years 1808 and 1821, what is it’s name?

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Q. 15:  Which beats faster, a woman’s heart or a man’s?

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Q. 16:  Where in California were “Doritos” invented?

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Q. 17:  Now a chance to add significantly to your points score, name the seven actors who played the original western movie “The Magnificent Seven”? (Bonus points if you can also name the characters they played.)

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Q. 18:  What US President’s face is on the seldom seen $100,000 bill?

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Q. 19:  In what state is the Western-most point of the contiguous United States located?

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Q. 20:  Who was “A Rock” and “Homeward Bound” during the 1960s?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which way does water go down the drain, clockwise or counter-clockwise?

A.  1:  Counter-clockwise (unless you happen to be south of the equator).

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Q.  2:  He starred along side Clint Eastwood in the 1978 movie ‘Every Which Way But Lose’ and in the 1980 sequel ‘Any Which Way You Can’ and he never said a word in either of them. Who was he?

A.  2:  His movie name was ‘Clyde’ and he was an orangutan.

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Q.  3:  What percent of Soviet males born in 1923 didn’t survive World War II?

            a)  20%            b)  40%            c)  60%            d)  80%

A.  3:  The correct answer is d), approximately eighty percent of Soviet males born in 1923 didn’t survive World War II.

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Q.  4:  I’m sure just about everybody in the world has heard of the dreadful USA Patriot Act, but did you know the name was possibly the most unnecessary acronym ever devised? Five points if you can tell me what it stands for.

A.  4:  USA Patriot Act stands for ‘Uniting & Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept & Obstruct Terrorism’. You see even the name is dreadful.

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Q.  5:  Who was with Sir Edmund Hilary when he first climbed Mount Everest?

A.  5:  Sherpa Tensing Norgay. (You can also take a point if you just said ‘Sherpa Tensing’.)

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Q.  6:  What soccer player made headline news when he was banned from the Brazil 2014 World Cup for biting an opponent? (Bonus points if you can also name the team he played for and their opposition on that day.)

A.  6:  His name is Louis Suarez and he played for Uruguay. The opposing team on that day was Italy.

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Q.  7:  On which sea does Croatia stand?

A.  7:  The Adriatic sea.

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Q.  8:  What is the name of the Islamic terrorist organization currently involved in the conflict in Iraq?

A.  8:  It is called ‘ISIS’.

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Q.  9:  The famous Wimbledon tennis tournament is currently underway, but who won the Men’s and the Women’s Singles title in 2013? (A point for each correct answer.)

A.  9:  Andy Murray and Marion Bartoli respectively. Murray was the  first man from Great Britain to win the singles title since Fred Perry in 1936..

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Q. 10:  What car company built the classic 1955 300 SLR Uhlenhaut Coupe?

A. 10:  Mercedes.

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Q. 11:  What were the names of the three stars of the 1966 Italian Spaghetti Western movie “The Good, The Bad And The Ugly”?

A. 11:  They were Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef, and Eli Wallach in the title roles respectively.

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Q. 12:  What team has won the most Super Bowls?

A. 12:  The Pittsburgh Steelers, with six championships.

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Q. 13:  What was the name of the woman who married Adolph Hitler shortly before they both committed suicide?

A. 13:  Eva Braun.

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Q. 14:  This one is a famous city in Brazil and the former capital city of Portugal between the years 1808 and 1821, what is it’s name?

A. 14:  Rio de Janeiro.

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Q. 15:  Which beats faster, a woman’s heart or a man’s?

A. 15:  A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

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Q. 16:  Where in California were “Doritos” invented?

A. 16:  Doritos were first made at the Casa de Fritos at Disneyland in Anaheim, California. Using surplus tortillas, the company-owned restaurant cut them up and fried them (as in traditional Mexican chips called totopos) and added basic seasoning, resembling the Mexican chilaquiles, but in this case being dry.

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Q. 17:  Now a chance to add significantly to your points score, name the seven actors who played the original western movie “The Magnificent Seven”? (Bonus points if you can also name the characters they played.)

A. 17:  The Magnificent Seven were Yul Brynner as “Chris Adams”, Steve McQueen as “Vin”, Horst Buchholz as “Chico”, Charles Bronson as “Bernardo O’Reilly”, Robert Vaughn as “Lee”, James Coburn as “Britt”, and Brad Dexter as “Harry Luck”.

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Q. 18:  What US President’s face is on the seldom seen $100,000 bill?

A. 18:  Woodrow Wilson’s face is on the $100,000 bill; these bills were mainly designed for trade between between Federal Reserve banks, but fell out of use with the invention of the wire transfer.

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Q. 19:  In what state is the Western-most point of the contiguous United States located?

A. 19:  The Western-most point in the contiguous United States is located at Cape Alava, Washington.

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Q. 20:  Who was “A Rock” and “Homeward Bound” during the 1960s?

A. 20:  Simon And Garfunkel.

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Did You Know? July’s Facts Start Here.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, July’s start here.

Another random selection of curious pieces of information.

And another chance for you to find a few things to tell people at the next barby!

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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In Disney’s “Fantasia”, the Sorcerer’s name is

“Yensid”, which is “Disney” backwards.

Yensid

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The Mongolian navy consists of

seven people and one boat.

Mongolian navy

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The pavement between the different ‘worlds’ in the Disney parks changes suddenly.

These sensory ‘tickles’ startle you and make you look up and look around,

realizing that your surroundings have changed.

Pavement 40

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In 1788

the Austrian army accidentally attacked itself

and lost 10,000 men

The-Battle-of-Karansebes

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The attachment of human muscles to skin

is what causes dimples.

dimple

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Nightmare comes from an old English word “mare”

that refers to a demon who suffocates you in your sleep

Nightmare

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Eisenhower played a big role in popularizing golf.

He installed a putting green at the White House

and played more than 800 rounds while in office

— exceeding the record of any other president.

Eisenhower playing golf

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Other than humans, black lemurs are the only

primates that may have blue eyes.

black lemurs blue eyes

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Sheriff came from Shire Reeve.

During early years of feudal rule in England,

each shire had a reeve who was the law for that shire.

When the term was brought to the United States

it was shortned to Sheriff.

ny_shire_reeve_sergeant_hat_badge

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Iowa has more independent telephone companies

than any other state.

Iowa independent telephone companies

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Murphy’s Oil Soap is the chemical most

commonly used to clean elephants.

Murphy's Oil Soap

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Artist Constantino Brumidi

fell from the dome of the U.S. Capitol

while painting a mural around the rim.

He died four months later.

Constantino Brumidi

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There were no squirrels on Nantucket until 1989.

mister red squirrel's lunch

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Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created

especially for Ronald Reagan.

Blueberry Jelly Bellies

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Cathy Rigby is the only woman

to pose nude for Sports Illustrated.

(August 1972)

Cathy Rigby

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May Day, May Day? Nope, Just Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Mayday? No emergency here, unless you are allergic to bad jokes.

Coz it’s Pun Day again!

Enjoy or endure.

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rofl

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I’m in dispute with my TV program supplier

as they’re trying to charge me for my satellite dish.

I’m sure they told me it would be on the house.  

satellite dish on the house

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My favourite pick up line…

‘Pick that up’        

Pick that up

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Breaking News:

“UN-Staffed office bombed”

Phew, just as well there was no-one there then.      

empty-office

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Today, I saw a sign at a picture framing shop that said,

“Shoot the family, hang the kids, frame the wife.”

Don’t photographers have a dark sense of humour?

picture framing shop

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My New Year’s resolution is to save

enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it. 

Velcro wall

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God is talking to one of his angels. He says,

“Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of

alternating light and darkness on Earth.”

“What are you going to do now?” asks the angel.

“Call it a day,” says God.

good-day

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.

I came downstairs this morning

to see that my curtains were drawn.

All the furniture was real though.

curtains drawn

.

.

I saw a woman stood in her flooded front room crying.

I thought, “If anything, you’re just making it worse.” 

flooded front room crying

.

.

Do you know what really makes me smile?

Facial muscles.

face-muscles

.

.

I hired a private detective to investigate the sudden

death of my Grandad, while in intensive care.

He followed a few leads.

Faulty plug on the life support machine, apparently.

Faulty plug on the life support machine

.

.

My son was up all night answering questions about resistors.

His Physics teacher always sets too much Ohm work.

Ohm work

.

.

Towards the end of the Jurassic period,

the Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to become

extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.

thesaurus_t-shirt

.

.

Body-snatching.

It’s not the winning,

it’s the taking parts that counts.

Body-snatching

.

.

This makes no sense – yesterday my calculator

was working fine, today it isn’t working at all.

It just doesn’t add up.

calculator

.

.

When I was a boy, my friends said

quoting songs would get me nowhere.

Well, Against All Odds, Take A Look At Me Now.

.

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A Cunning Plan – If You Are An Idiot, That is!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

criminal mastermind not

.

If you think you are a criminal mastermind it is usually a sure sign that you aren’t one. But stupid people are usually full of self-delusions – because of their stupidity.

And if you are a stupid thief, in your head you might have figured out that when you steal, for example, a TV from someone, the person most likely to need a replacement TV will be the person you stole it from.

Therefore, in stupid logic, what more cunning plan could you have than to break into a house, steal a lot of stuff and then sell it back to the victim of your crime. After all, you just know they need it.

Clever, eh?

Nope!

In normal, sensible logic, however, the scenario is somewhat different. Because anyone sensible will know right from the start that the person you stole the goods from will immediately recognize their own possessions and more than likely call the police.

Which is exactly what happened in the case of three teenage morons who snatched a video-game system and then tried to sell it back to their victim.

It happened in Denver and, according to the police, a woman returned home to discover her home had been burglarized, with the thieves apparently gaining entry through a window.

Among the items missing were a portable gaming system and a jacket.

The woman immediately called the cops.

But the robbery had unnerved her somewhat, so rather than waiting at her place, she arranged for officers to meet her in the parking lot of a nearby restaurant.

While waiting there, three teenage males sauntered up to her and asked her if she wanted to buy – you’re probably way ahead of me –  a portable gaming system, one that bore a remarkable resemblance to the one that had just been stolen from her place.

If that were not bad enough, one of the trio of teenage morons was wearing a jacket that looked a lot like hers.

As luck would have it, an off-duty cop was at a gas station next to the restaurant. He approached the trio of criminal masterminds and called for backup. Within moments they were placed into custody on suspicion of burglary.

You would hope that it would be a lesson to them but I think it’s safe to surmise that they are too stupid to learn.

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The Stupidest Car Thief In The World.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

In Britain and some other countries, vehicles with automatic transmission are the exception rather than the rule. It tends to come as standard only on the high-end cars and SUVs. I’m not sure whether this is a result of tradition, or stupidity, or maybe even stupid tradition, but it’s how things are.

In many other countries, however, including the United States of America, automatic transmission on vehicles is standard.

So what has this got to do with stupid criminals you may ask?

Well, the answer is that cars get stolen. A lot of them. Every day.

And every so often, you’ll hear about a dumb car thief in America who got completely stumped in their criminal career because they didn’t know how to operate a manual transmission.

But 19-year-old Jasmine Hernandez from Phoenix was different.

She wasn’t dumb. She was VERY dumb!

One Saturday evening, a man was dropping off his kids at a home to visit friends and he left his car running on the driveway while he went inside with the youngsters.

When he returned outside again, he heard his engine revving and saw that a woman, Jasmine, was in the driver’s seat of his car.

The owner of the vehicle opened the door in an attempt to prevent her from getting away and saw that she was frantically using the levers that adjust the lights and windshield wipers in an attempt to put the car into drive.

Poor Jasmine had no idea how to operate the transmission because she was apparently unaware that some vehicles  –  in fact, many, many vehicles  –  don’t have column-mounted shifters.

The rest of the story is easy to guess.

The owner of the vehicle was able to pull Hernandez out and detain her until police arrived.

Police discovered Hernandez had a warrant out for her arrest for aggravated assault and arrested her on those charges.

Her attempt at becoming a car thief was apparently so bad that police haven’t even charged her with that crime.

And that is the story of Jasmine Hernandez, the stupidest car thief in the world!

dumb criminal jasmine-amorette-hernandez

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I’m A Terrible Psychic – I Don’t Know About You.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

The clue is always in the title.

Today is Pun Day, so brace yourself for more word play and silly jokes.

Go on, you know you love ‘em.

Enjoy or endure.

.

rofl

.

Can you tell me what someone from Corsica is called?

Corsican!

Corsican traditional dress

.

.

My mum was getting annoyed because of her job sewing things.

I said, “You seamstressed.”

seamstress

.

.

“Timmy , your homework assignment was to read War and Peace.

Why haven’t you read it?”

“Sorry Miss. It’s a long story.”

Tolstoy's War And Peace

.

.

There was this group on Facebook called

‘Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat’.

So I became a fan.

fan

.

.

I invested $1000 in some American shares…..

It made a lot of cents.

a lot of cents

.

.

I was on a cruise ship which had both sides labeled as starboard.

Something wasn’t right.

cruise ship

.

.

Don’t bother entering the Repairman Of The Year Award

– it’s fixed

repair man

.

.

I fell out of a 600 story building and lived.

It was a library.

library

.

.

Everyone who tastes my homemade wine says it tastes horrible.

I think it’s just sour grapes.

sour-grapes

.

.

What do you have

if you have a cricket ball in one hand

and a cricket ball in the other?

A really big cricket!

jonata_Cricket

.

.

I got myself a new toy – it’s a laminator.

Basically, it’s a machine that kills baby sheep.

lamb

.

.

My girlfriend left me the other day.

Accordion to her I make tune many musical puns.

Accordion

.

.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist

wearing only shorts made from Bubble wrap.

The psychiatrist says,

“Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

bubblewrap

.

.

What’s the fastest way to get stoned?

Be a woman in Iran.

StopStoning

.

.

“The total cost would be £3000,” said the funeral director.

“That includes digging the grave.”

“Is that the whole thing?” I asked.

He replied, “Yes, that’s the hole thing.”

grave

.

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