I Think I’ll Call This One The Vestal Virgin Quiz.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello and welcome to the latest fasab quiz.

I’ve called it the “Vestal Virgin Quiz”, you’ll find out why later, but even if you’re not a vestal virgin please feel free to take part.

As usual you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Quiz 07

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Q.  1.  What number does the Roman numeral ‘D’ stand for?

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Q.  2. What are the young of Squirrels called?

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Q.  3.  In which country are the Great Bear Lake and Great Slave Lake?

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Q.  4.  This word can mean a card game, a structure spanning a river or other chasm, the place where you usually find a ship’s captain, an artificial replacement of a missing tooth or teeth, or a thin, fixed wedge or support raising the strings of a musical instrument above the sounding board. What is it?

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Q.  5.  What would a galvanometer be used to measure?

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Q.  6.  Whose “Laughable Lyrics” included “The Quangle Wangle’s Hat” and “The Dong with a Luminous Nose” ?

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Q.  7.  What  was the name of the star-packed movie depicting World War II’s ‘Operation Market Garden’, an unsuccessful Allied military operation, fought in the Netherlands and Germany?

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Q.  8.  Which astronomical distance is about 3.26 light years?

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Q.  9.  How many Vestal Virgins served as Priestesses of the goddess Vesta at any one time?

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Q. 10.  Tashkent is the capital of which one of the Asian “stans”?

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Q. 11.  By what name is a meal consisting of sausages and mashed potatoes better known as in the UK?

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Q. 12.  What is the currency used in the Dominican Republic?

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Q. 13.  How many movies did John Wayne star in with the word ‘Rio’ in their title? (A bonus point for each one you can name correctly.)

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Q. 14.  What city is also known as ‘The Little Paris’ ?

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Q. 15.  What sort of structure is DNA?

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Q. 16.  What is the name of the main actress who played ‘Olivia Walton’ (Mammy Walton) in seasons 1 thru 7 of the long running TV series?

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Q. 17. If you multiplied the number in the title of George Orwell’s most famous novel, by the highest number you can score on a dartboard with one dart, and divide that total by the number of nickels in a dollar, what number would you be left with?

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Q. 18.  What is a ‘ziganka’ and what nationality is it? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 19.  ‘General Mariano Escobedo’ and ‘General Abelargo L Rodriguez’ are international airports in which country?

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Q. 20.  What is the surname or last name of the actors who played the ‘Shooter’ and ‘Det. Danny Reagan’ in the TV series ‘Blue Bloods’ ?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1.  What number does the Roman numeral ‘D’ stand for?

A.  1.  500.

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Q.  2. What are the young of Squirrels called?

A.  2. Kittens

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Q.  3.  In which country are the Great Bear Lake and Great Slave Lake?

A.  3.  Canada.

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Q.  4.  This word can mean a card game, a structure spanning a river or other chasm, the place where you usually find a ship’s captain, an artificial replacement of a missing tooth or teeth, or a thin, fixed wedge or support raising the strings of a musical instrument above the sounding board. What is it?

A.  4.  Bridge.

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Q.  5.  What would a galvanometer be used to measure?

A.  5.  Detecting and measuring small electric currents. (electricity).

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Q.  6.  Whose “Laughable Lyrics” included “The Quangle Wangle’s Hat” and “The Dong with a Luminous Nose” ?

A.  6.  Edward Lear.

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Q.  7.  What  was the name of the star-packed movie depicting World War II’s ‘Operation Market Garden’, an unsuccessful Allied military operation, fought in the Netherlands and Germany?

A.  7.  A Bridge Too Far. (The cast included Dirk Bogarde, Ryan O’Neal, James Caan, Michael Caine, Sean Connery, Edward Fox, Elliott Gould, Anthony Hopkins, Gene Hackman, Hardy Krüger, Laurence Olivier, Robert Redford, Maximilian Schell and Liv Ullmann.)

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Q.  8.  Which astronomical distance is about 3.26 light years?

A.  8.  A parsec.

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Q.  9.  How many Vestal Virgins served as Priestesses of the goddess Vesta at any one time?

A.  9.  The correct answer is ‘six’ (although they served along with 6 in training and 6 retired ones as tutors).

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Q. 10.  Tashkent is the capital of which one of the Asian “stans”?

A. 10.  Uzbekistan.

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Q. 11.  By what name is a meal consisting of sausages and mashed potatoes better known as in the UK?

A. 11.  Bangers & Mash.

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Q. 12.  What is the currency used in the Dominican Republic?

A. 12.  It is the Dominican Peso (DOP), although you can have the point if you just said ‘peso’.

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Q. 13.  How many movies did John Wayne star in with the word ‘Rio’ in their title? (A bonus point for each one you can name correctly.)

A. 13.  The correct answer is three (Rio Grande  (1950), Rio Bravo (1959) and Rio Lobo (1970))

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Q. 14.  What city is also known as ‘The Little Paris’ ?

A. 14.  Bucharest.

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Q. 15.  What sort of structure is DNA?

A. 15.  It is known as a ‘double helix’.

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Q. 16.  What is the name of the main actress who played ‘Olivia Walton’ (Mammy Walton) in seasons 1 thru 7 of the long running TV series?

A. 16.  Michael Learned.

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Q. 17. If you multiplied the number in the title of George Orwell’s most famous novel, by the highest number you can score on a dartboard with one dart, and divided that total by the number of nickels in a dollar, what number would you be left with?

A. 17.  5952.  (1984 x 60) = 119040 / 20 = 5952

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Q. 18.  What is a ‘ziganka’ and what nationality is it? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 18.  A ‘ziganka’ is a Russian country dance.

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Q. 19.  ‘General Mariano Escobedo’ and ‘General Abelargo L Rodriguez’ are international airports in which country?

A. 19.  Mexico (in Monterrey and Tijuana respectively).

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Q. 20.  What is the surname or last name of the actors who played the ‘Shooter’ and ‘Det. Danny Reagan’ in the TV series ‘Blue Bloods’ ?

A. 20.  Walberg, specifically Mark Walberg in ‘Shooter’ and his older brother Donnie Walberg in ‘Blue Bloods’.  

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This Quiz Is A Gas – Well The First Question Is.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi it’s quiz day again.

The usual mixture of subjects including geography, history, science and nature, so something for everyone perhaps.

And remember, as always, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz host

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Q.  1:  Which gas is the main element in the air that we breathe?

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Q.  2:  What is the link between the females of the following: Antelope, Deer, Hamster, Mouse, and Squirrel?

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Q.  3:  Every year around this time the President of the US pardons a turkey and it goes to a public farm called Frying Pan Park, Herndon, VA., to live out its days, but which President is believed to have been the first to start this annual tradition?

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Q.  4:  What do the terms ‘NASA’ and ‘ESA’ stand for? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  5:  What type of creature is a ‘gadwall’?

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Q.  6:  Who was the first American President of the United States?

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Q.  7:  Which physical property allows a needle to float on water?

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Q.  8:  Name the Capitals of the following countries. (A point for each correct answer.)

            a)  Australia         b)  Iceland         c)  Syria         d)  Uruguay         e)  Vietnam

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Q.  9:  And a related question, which country has three Capital cities? (A point for the correct answer and a bonus point for each one you name correctly.)

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Q. 10:  In what year did the first Macy’s Thanksgiving/Christmas parade take place?

            a)  1924            b)  1927            c)  1931            d)  1935

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Q. 11:  What is represented by the chemical symbol ‘Sn’?

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Q. 12:  In Roman Mythology, who was the messenger of the Gods?

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Q. 13:  When is the next leap year that will begin on a Friday?

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Q. 14:  What does a ‘dendrologist’ study?

            a)  Hair            b) Trees            c)  Teeth            d)  Plants

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Q. 15:  What two famous Shakespearean characters appear in the phonetic alphabet? (A point for each one you name correctly.)

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Q. 16:  Which is the largest planet in the solar system?

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Q. 17:  Which English scientist discovered Sodium, Potassium, Barium, Calcium, Magnesium, and designed a famous lamp?

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Q. 18:  Where would you find an ‘ISBN’ number?

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Q. 19:  Which city was sacked by the Visigoths in 410 and the Vandals in 455?

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Q. 20:  Who was going like ‘a bat out of hell’ in the late 1970s?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which gas is the main element in the air that we breathe?

A.  1:  Nitrogen. (By volume, dry air contains 78.09% nitrogen, 20.95% oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.039% carbon dioxide, and small amounts of other gases.)

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Q.  2:  What is the link between the females of the following: Antelope, Deer, Hamster, Mouse, and Squirrel?

A.  2:  They are all called ‘Doe’.

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Q.  3:  Every year around this time the President of the US pardons a turkey and it goes to a public farm called Frying Pan Park, Herndon, VA., to live out its days, but which President is believed to have been the first to start this annual tradition?

A.  3:  President Harry Truman in 1947.

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Q.  4:  What do the terms ‘NASA’ and ‘ESA’ stand for? (A point for each correct answer.)

A.  4:  NASA is the North American Space Agency and ESA is the European Space Agency.

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Q.  5:  What type of creature is a ‘gadwall’?

A.  5:  A duck.

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Q.  6:  Who was the first American President of the United States?

A.  6:  The first President of the United States, born in the United States after July 4th, 1776, and therefore American, was Martin Van Buren (born in 1782).

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Q.  7:  Which physical property allows a needle to float on water?

A.  7:  Surface tension.

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Q.  8:  Name the Capitals of the following countries. (A point for each correct answer.)

            a)  Australia         b)  Iceland         c)  Syria                d)  Uruguay         e)  Vietnam

A.  8:  The correct answers are

            a) Canberra         b) Reykjavík       c) Damascus        d) Montevideo        e) Hanoi

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Q.  9:  And a related question, which country has three Capital cities? (A point for the correct answer and a bonus point for each one you name correctly.)

A.  9:  South Africa – Pretoria (executive),  Bloemfontein (judicial) and Cape Town (legislative).

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Q. 10:  In what year did the first Macy’s Thanksgiving/Christmas parade take place?

            a)  1924            b)  1927            c)  1931            d)  1935

A. 10:  The correct answer is a) 1924.

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Q. 11:  What is represented by the chemical symbol ‘Sn’?

A. 11:  ‘Sn’ is the chemical symbol for Tin.

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Q. 12:  In Roman Mythology, who was the messenger of the Gods?

A. 12:  Mercury.

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Q. 13:  When is the next leap year that will begin on a Friday?

A. 13:  2016. (It’s easier than you think, any leap year starting on Friday, January 1, should be divisible by 28, such as 1932, 1960, 1988, or 2044.

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Q. 14:  What does a ‘dendrologist’ study?

            a)  Hair            b) Trees            c)  Teeth            d)  Plants

A. 14:  The correct answer is b)  trees.

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Q. 15:  What two famous Shakespearean characters appear in the phonetic alphabet? (A point for each one you name correctly.)

A. 15:  Romeo and Juliet.

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Q. 16:  Which is the largest planet in the solar system?

A. 16:  Jupiter.

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Q. 17:  Which English scientist discovered Sodium, Potassium, Barium, Calcium, Magnesium, and designed a famous lamp?

A. 17:  Sir Humphrey Davy.

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Q. 18:  Where would you find an ‘ISBN’ number?

A. 18:  On a book.

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Q. 19:  Which city was sacked by the Visigoths in 410 and the Vandals in 455?

A. 19:  Rome.

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Q. 20:  Who was going like ‘a bat out of hell’ in the late 1970s?

A. 20:  Meat Loaf.

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Controversial Post? – Should We Get Rid Of Homos?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some blogs meander along trying to be very politically correct. But not here at fasab. Controversial or not, the philosophy here is to tell it as it is.

So to repeat the question in the title…. 

Should we get rid of homos?

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Of course, I’m talking about homographs and homophones – I don’t know what YOU were thinking of?

If you are a regular visitor to this blog you will know that quite often we have a look at amusing misprints or mistakes on signs, classified ads, newspaper headlines, or wherever else they can be found.

Nearly always the problem is peoples’ failure to grasp the intricacies of the English language.

If you are born and bred in an English speaking country then it is relatively easy to grasp the basics of the language, although there is a steady deterioration in some of these, like speleling for example. (That was a deliberate mistake for comic affect by the way.)

So what about the homos then?

For those who haven’t made up their mind yet, a homograph – (also known as a heteronym, but where would have been the fun in that title?) – is a word of the same written form as another but of different meaning and usually different origin.

Sometimes it is pronounced the same as the other word, in which case it is known as a homograph.

homograph definition

Sometimes they are pronounced differently, in which case they are called homophones.

homophone definition

An example of the former is the word “letter” which is pronounced the same whether the meaning is a message written to someone, or to describe a particular member of the alphabet such as ‘A’, ‘B’, ‘C’, etc.

An example of the latter could be the word “lead” which is pronounced differently if it means a metal (“the lead was very heavy”), or to be the front runner of a group of people (“he was in the lead”).

There are a lot more homos around than you might at first think. Here are just a few examples I saw recently. I hope you find them interesting and maybe even begin to realize what a nightmare learning the English language must be for those not immersed in it from a very young age.

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1) The bandage was “wound” around the “wound”.

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2) The farm was used to “produce” “produce”.

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3) The dump was so full that it had to “refuse” more “refuse”.

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4) We must “polish” the “Polish” furniture.

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5) He could “lead” if he would get the “lead” out.

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6) The soldier decided to “desert”  his “dessert” in the “desert”.

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7) Since there is no time like the “present”, he thought it was time to “present” the “present”.

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8) A “bass” was painted on the head of the “bass” drum.

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9) When shot at the “dove”  “dove” into the bushes.

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10) I did not “object” to the “object”.

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11) The insurance was “invalid” for the “invalid”.

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12) There was a “row” among the oarsmen about how to “row”.

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13) They were too “close” to the door to “close” it.

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14) The buck “does” funny things when the “does” are present.

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15) A seamstress and a “sewer” fell down into a “sewer” line.

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16) The farmer used a “sow” to help him “sow” the crop.

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17) The “wind” was too strong to “wind” the sail.

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18) Upon seeing the “tear” in the painting I shed a “tear”.

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19) I had to “subject” the “subject” to a series of tests.

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20) How can I “intimate” this to my most “intimate” friend?

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Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. 

For example, there are no “eggs” in “eggplant”, nor “ham” in “hamburger”.  

There is neither “pine” nor “apple” in “pineapple”.

“English” muffins weren’t invented in “England” nor “French” fries in “France”.

“Sweetmeats” are “sweet” but are candies and not “meats”, whereas “sweetbreads” are neither “sweet” nor “bread”, but in fact meat.

Boxing “rings” are “square” and a “guinea pig” is neither from “Guinea” nor is it a “pig”.

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And why is it that “writers” “write”, but “fingers” don’t “fing”, “grocers” don’t “groce” and “hammers” don’t “ham”?

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If the plural of “tooth” is “teeth”, why isn’t the plural of “booth”, “beeth”? Why one “index”, but two or more “indices”?  Or why do you have one “goose” and two “geese”, and one “moose” but never two “meese”?

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You can make “amends” but what do you do if you have just one thing to amend? Or if you have a bunch of “odds and ends” and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call what’s left?

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If teachers “taught”, why didn’t preachers “praught”?

And if a “vegetarian” eats vegetables, what does a “humanitarian” eat?

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In what other language would people “recite at a play” and “play at a recital”; have “noses” that “run” and “feet” that “smell”; or send a “shipment” by “car” and “cargo” by “ship”?

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How can a “slim chance” and a “fat chance” be the same, while a “wise man” and a “wise guy” are opposites?

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Or why can people like the Amish “raise” a barn, meaning to “erect” a building, whereas everywhere else when we “raise” a building to the ground we mean we “demolish” it?

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You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn “up” as it burns “down”; in which you “fill in” a form by “filling it out”; and in which an alarm goes “off” by going “on”.

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Even when you are standing still you can be part of the human “race” and you can look at the stars which are visible when they are “out”, unlike a light which is invisible when it is “out”.

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Finally, there is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is “UP”.

It’s easy to understand “UP”, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we “wake UP”? At a meeting, why does a topic “come UP”? Why do we “speak UP”?

Or do what I am going to do now, which is to “shut UP”.

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Fabulously Fascinating Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have a selection of fabulously fascinating facts.

Grateful gentlemen readers may send a donation if they so desire.

Enjoy.

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Just twenty seconds’ worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11’s lunar module landed on the moon.

apollo11

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Lemon sharks grow a new set of teeth every two weeks! They grow more than 24,000 new teeth every year!

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Los Angeles’s full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, LA

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A fully loaded supertanker travelling at normal speed takes a least twenty minutes to stop.

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John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln in a theatre and was found in a warehouse. Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and was found in a theatre.

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A cow produces 200 times more gas a day than a person. (Speak for yourself!)

cowfarts

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100 years from now Facebook will have the accounts of 500 million dead people.

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Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile.

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A Koala is the only animal that has finger prints.

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The average person spends two weeks of their lives waiting for a traffic light to change.

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A Blue whale’s tongue weighs more than an elephant.

blue-whale-tongue-n-elephant

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A whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.

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There are 500,000 detectable earthquakes in the world each year.

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Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a $25 fine and trial costs.

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Nearly 50% of all bank robberies take place on Friday.

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Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years.

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The Sears Tower in Chicago contains enough steel to build 50,000 automobiles.

photo-chicago-sears-tower-construction-underway-1971

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The population of the American colonies in 1610 was 350.

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Termites outweigh humans by almost ten to one.

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Stephen Hawking was born exactly 300 years after Galileo died.

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Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 TIMES more effective than Valium. So you have a headache? GREAT!!!

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Day Two 2013, Are You Scared Yet?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you aren’t scared yet the chances are you are not afflicted with anything on the following list of phobias or irrational fears that seem to grip some unfortunate people. For them 2013 will be as frightening as 2012. Imagine, for example, spending the whole year with proctophobia – what a bummer!

In today’s list are the ‘O’s and the ‘P’s. 

Enjoy.

Obesophobia……….fear of gaining weight. (Pocrescophobia)

 

Ochlophobia……….fear of crowds or mobs.

 

Ochophobia……….fear of vehicles.

 

Octophobia ……….fear of the figure 8.

 

Odontophobia……….fear of teeth or dental surgery.

 

Odynophobia or Odynephobia……….fear of pain. (Algophobia)

 

Oenophobia……….fear of wines.

 

Oikophobia……….fear of home surroundings, house. (Domatophobia, Eicophobia)

 

Olfactophobia……….fear of smells.

 

Ombrophobia……….fear of rain or of being rained on.

 

Ommetaphobia or Ommatophobia……….fear of eyes.

 

Omphalophobia……….fear of belly buttons.

 

Oneirophobia……….fear of dreams.

 

Oneirogmophobia……….fear of wet dreams.

 

Onomatophobia……….fear of hearing a certain word or of names.

 

Ophidiophobia……….fear of snakes. (Snakephobia)

 

Ophthalmophobia……….fear of being stared at.

 

Opiophobia……….fear medical doctors experience of prescribing needed pain medications for patients.

 

Optophobia……….fear of opening one’s eyes.

 

Ornithophobia……….fear of birds.

 

Orthophobia……….fear of property.

 

Osmophobia or Osphresiophobia……….fear of smells or odors.

 

Ostraconophobia……….fear of shellfish.

 

Ouranophobia or Uranophobia……….fear of heaven.

 

Pagophobia……….fear of ice or frost.

 

Panthophobia……….fear of suffering and disease.

 

Panophobia or Pantophobia……….fear of everything.

 

Papaphobia……….fear of the Pope.

 

Papyrophobia……….fear of paper.

 

Paralipophobia……….fear of neglecting duty or responsibility.

 

Paraphobia……….fear of sexual perversion.

 

Parasitophobia……….fear of parasites.

 

Paraskavedekatriaphobia……….fear of Friday the 13th.

 

Parthenophobia……….fear of virgins or young girls.

 

Pathophobia……….fear of disease.

 

Patroiophobia……….fear of heredity.

 

Parturiphobia……….fear of childbirth.

 

Peccatophobia……….fear of sinning or imaginary crimes.

 

Pediculophobia……….fear of lice.

 

Pediophobia……….fear of dolls.

 

Pedophobia……….fear of children.

 

Peladophobia……….fear of bald people.

 

Pellagrophobia……….fear of pellagra.

 

Peniaphobia……….fear of poverty.

 

Pentheraphobia……….fear of mother-in-law. (Novercaphobia)

 

Phagophobia……….fear of swallowing or of eating or of being eaten.

 

Phalacrophobia……….fear of becoming bald.

 

Phallophobia……….fear of a penis, especially erect.

 

Pharmacophobia……….fear of taking medicine.

 

Phasmophobia……….fear of ghosts.

 

Phengophobia……….fear of daylight or sunshine.

 

Philemaphobia or Philematophobia……….fear of kissing.

 

Philophobia……….fear of falling in love or being in love.

 

Philosophobia……….fear of philosophy.

 

Phobophobia……….fear of phobias.

 

Photoaugliaphobia……….fear of glaring lights.

 

Photophobia……….fear of light.

 

Phonophobia……….fear of noises or voices or one’s own voice; of telephones.

 

Phronemophobia……….fear of thinking.

 

Phthiriophobia……….fear of lice. (Pediculophobia)

 

Phthisiophobia……….fear of tuberculosis.

 

Placophobia……….fear of tombstones.

 

Plutophobia……….fear of wealth.

 

Pluviophobia……….fear of rain or of being rained on.

 

Pneumatiphobia……….fear of spirits.

 

Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia……….fear of choking of being smothered.

 

Pocrescophobia……….fear of gaining weight. (Obesophobia)

 

Podophobia……….fear of feet.

 

Pogonophobia……….fear of beards.

 

Poliosophobia……….fear of contracting poliomyelitis.

 

Politicophobia……….fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.

 

Polyphobia……….fear of many things.

 

Poinephobia……….fear of punishment.

 

Ponophobia……….fear of overworking or of pain.

 

Porphyrophobia……….fear of the color purple.

 

Potamophobia……….fear of rivers or running water.

 

Potophobia……….fear of alcohol.

 

Pharmacophobia……….fear of drugs.

 

Proctophobia……….fear of rectums.

 

Prosophobia……….fear of progress.

 

P-P-P-P-P-Psellismophobia……….fear of stuttering.

 

Psychophobia……….fear of mind.

 

Psychrophobia……….fear of cold.

 

Pteridophobia……….morbid fear of fearns.

 

Pteromerhanophobia……….fear of flying.

 

Pteronophobia……….fear of being tickled by feathers.

 

Pupaphobia ……….fear of puppets.

 

Pyrexiophobia……….fear of fever.

 

Pyrophobia……….fear of fire.

 

How are you after all that? Are you developing symptoms or are you feeling good?

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All You Have To Do Is Ask? Really??

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

They say that all you have to do is ask.

Well, I’m asking, so I guess the rest is up to you.

Here you go….

Why doesn’t onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

onomatopoeia

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Does a fish get cramps after eating?

cartoon fish swimming cramps

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Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss ? Shouldn’t it be called a near hit ?

near miss

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Why isn’t palindrome spelled the same way backwards?

palindrome

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Why is it called TOOTHbrush when you brush all of your teeth?

toothbrush

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Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

fat chance slim chance

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If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

water drop

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How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

a fool and his money

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Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

graveyard shift

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If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway

bugs bunny with carrot

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Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?

fire

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So what’s the speed of dark?

speed of dark

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Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

multi-tasking

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Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?

grocery checkout

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If anything’s possible, then is it possible that nothing’s possible?

anything is possible

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Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?

Kill Two Birds With One Stone by mcaldero

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Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

Humpty Dumpty Sat on a wall

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What Do Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you were ever in any doubt, let me assure you that when you elect morons to positions where they can legislate for the rest of us then you are assured that they will spend their time and our money making stupid laws, rules and regulations.

It happens in every country and in every state in every country. Such is the horrendous scale of the problem that I would be blogging forever if I tried to highlight worldwide stupidity, so as an example let’s look at some of the lesser known laws that govern citizens in the United States of America (I will list them state by state alphabetically. Part one today is A to L).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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ALABAMA

  • It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses. 
  • In Alabama, it is against the law to wear a fake mustache that could cause laughter in the church. 
  • A voter spending more than four minutes in a voting booth can be asked to hurry up.

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ALASKA

  • No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
  • A clumsy or unknowledgeable person may not use a ski-lift.
  • Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.
  • It is a crime to deceive a machine.

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ARIZONA

  • Hunting camels is prohibited.
  • It is illegal to buy a human egg in order to clone yourself.
  • You may not leave a fishing pole unattended.
  • Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
  • You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

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ARKANSAS

  • A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (Ridiculous idea!)
  • Dogs may not bark after 6 PM. (How about a “woof”?) 
  • It is against the law to own a dangerous cat.

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CALFORNIA

  • The Shell Egg Advisory Committee must have seven members.
  • City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” (A little bit of role reversal there.)
  • In Chino, testing a nuclear device within the city limits is prohibited.
  • Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood took the chair – as mayor, I mean)
  • If you are selling your house you must warn potential buyers if the house is thought to be haunted.

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COLORADO

  • It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property. (I’m so cross I could spit!)
  • It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. (Quite right too, let them wallow in their filth and bring the whole neighborhood image down.)

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CONNECTICUT

  • In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
  • Selling a spool of thread without first stating its length is subject to a penalty of up to three months in prison.
  • It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. (And just plain dumb to do it in daylight.)
  • It is illegal to sell milk from skinny cows.
  • You may not educate dogs. (Or legislators, it seems!)
  • It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

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DELAWARE

  • No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk. (But actually sleeping is okay?)
  • One may not whisper in church. (But if we talk loudly won’t it disrupt the Service?)

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FLORIDA

  • Doors of all public buildings must open outwards. (Pushist legislation if ever I saw it.)
  • It is illegal for female hot dog stand attendants to wear G-strings. 
  • A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
  • In West Palm Beach it is a crime to hang a carpet in public.
  • Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (And bloody dangerous I would imagine!)
  • You may not kiss your wife’s breasts. (But someone else’s wife is okay?)

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GEORGIA

  • It is a crime to sell your child off to a circus. 
  • The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.
  • It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. (FFS, oops!)
  • No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (Don’t they mean “a Sundae”?)
  • One is not permitted to noodle a fish. (I don’t know what this means but it sounds a bit pervy.)
  • Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (There it is again, what’s going on?)
  • All citizens must own a rake. (Leaf us alone!)

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HAWAII

  • All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat. (Canoe believe this one?)
  • In Maui County building an atomic bomb is subject to a fine.
  • Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. (They’ll have to make change here.)

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IDAHO

  • It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
  • You may not fish on a camel’s back. (I take the hump at that rule.)
  • Cannibalism is prohibited unless under life threatening situations. 
  • Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back. (They’ve got some neck on them!)
  • It is a crime for anyone who is not blind to use a white cane.
  • A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face. (Another good reason for reading the fasab blog!)

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ILLINOIS

  • You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. (The buck stops here.)
  • The English language is not to be spoken. (That’s becoming more and more true of a lot of states in the US)
  • In Minooka it is illegal to “suffer any bitch or slut”
  • One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth. (Just how much of this was going on that they thought they needed a law against it? Or is someone just taking the piss??)
  • Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. (The hell with that.)
  • In Joliet the word “Joliet” must be pronounced properly, with the accent on the first syllable.
  • It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. (What a waste, I wouldn’t dream of it.)
  • In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. (There goes a good night out!)
  • It is against the law to sell a smelly mattress. 
  • Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays. (I guess I’ll have to take a bath Saturdays in Illinois.)
  • Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

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INDIANA

  • Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. (Even for single beds?)
  • Stupefying fish is against the law.
  • The value of Pi is 3. (No it isn’t.)
  • It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (That a hard one – to enforce I mean!)
  • Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. (Definitely have to remember to stay out of Illinois then.)
  • Possessing a weapon of mass destruction is against the law.
  • It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. (Even if it is coming from the other direction?)

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IOWA

  • A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
  • It is illegal to catch more than 48 frogs in one day.
  • One-armed piano players must perform for free.
  • Within the city limits of Ottumwa, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

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KANSAS

  • Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. (How illuminating.)
  • It is against the law to modify the weather without a permit.
  • No one may catch fish with his bare hands. 
  • The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
  • If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (That law will get us nowhere.)
  • No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night. (What’s the penalty for lettering?)

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KENTUCKY

  • One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
  • One may not receive anal sex. (No problem.)
  • Nudist colonies must make themselves available for inspection by the local sheriff. 
  • A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission. (So that’s why they went out of fashion.)

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LOUISIANA

  • It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
  • It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (Okay, if I ever do that I’ll use a real gun.)
  • Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”. (If you have no teeth can you just give them a big suck?)

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