Maths Puns Are The First Sine Of Madness.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I wonder what the second sine is?

But let’s not go off at a tangent.

Let’s just enjoy another Pun Day instead.

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rofl

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The first rule of Innuendo Club is

you can only enter via the back door.

 please use back door

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I’ve been sitting here all day trying to

think of anagrams of the word ‘wired’

but I can only think of one.

Which is weird.

 

weird

 

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This morning my physiotherapist

tapped my knee with a plastic hammer

and made my leg jerk.

The nerve.

 knee tapped with a plastic hammer

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Are people who believe in

ghosts very ghoulable?

 ghost

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No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.

 push the envelope

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My friend was arrested for drunk driving

on a motorized shopping cart at WalMart.

Apparently he led the police on a chase

that reached 90 aisles per hour.

 motorized shopping cart

.

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“All you ever talk about is golf!”

My wife shouted.

“Golf, golf and more bloody golf!”

“Calm down love,” I said.

“Don’t let this driver wedge between us.”

 golf

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I went to buy pork chops and told

the butcher to make them lean.

He said, ‘Which way?’

 pork chops cartoon

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Many scientists agree the only way to solve

the planet’s worsening energy crisis

is for the whole world to convert to solar power.

That’s not going to happen overnight.

 solar power

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I was the first person to install trampolines

in musician’s tour buses and now

everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.

 trampoline

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I said to my blind date, “I actually take

a plane to work and back every single day.”

“Wow, you must be wealthy.” She said.

“Everything but,” I replied,

“I’m just a carpenter.”

 carpenter's plane

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I bumped into the guy

who invented the globe.

It’s a small world.

 globe

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Why did the poet kill himself

by walking into the road?

Because he thought there

was nothing left to right.

 walking into the road

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I never thought I’d buy into Feng Shui.

But oh how the tables have turned.

 feng-shui-color-chart

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I was in a music group

called ‘Illegal imports’.

We were a contraband.

.

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Is It Just Me, Or Are There Any Other Anagrams Of Em?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, it’s not just me.

Loads of people like puns and pun day.

Here’s another one.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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If you’re fishing for compliments

it’s best to use allure.

fishing for compliments

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I just pitched a tent in the garden.

Surprised myself how far I could throw it.

tent--colored-cartoon-illustration

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I was telling a friend that I made a

ventriloquist’s dummy out of some old carpet.

“Any good?” he queried.

“Nah, it’s ruggish,” I replied.

ventriloquist's dummy

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I was stunned to find my Taser gun was still switched on.

Taser-Gun

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I shouldn’t have dumped my girlfriend after

overhearing her making fun of my poor endowment.

Turned out she was a financial adviser

endowment

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I’ve been using X and Y chromosomes in my

adverts recently since, after all, sex cells…

X and Y chromosomes

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Last night I looked up at the stars and thought:

“It’s crap being a dwarf in Hollywood.”

grumpy dwarf

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When I was young, I used to think CCTV was

a very positive Spanish television channel.

cctv4

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I’ve got an injured extraterrestrial in my shed.

He’s missing an eye.

I’ve called him Alen.

one eyed alien

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My dog’s been sitting in the corner, feeling

sorry for himself, for three days.

I knew I shouldn’t have bought a Pitiful Terrier

scared-dog

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I saw a headline in the local paper:

“Huge Grant Saves Derelict Theatre”.

I thought: That was nice of him.

hugh grant

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I’m a doctor. My wife’s a judge.

She knows how to try my patients.

judge-with-gavel

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My missus says she is leaving me because of my obsession with pool.

“Come on love”, I said. “Give me a break”.

pool break

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I thought I’d dug up an unknown species

of dinosaur in my back garden.

Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum,

but it turned out to be a fossil arm.

fossil

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I’ve taken thousands of showers over the years.

Never been caught once.

shower-cartoon

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A friend asked me if I knew any words that could describe relief.

I told him I know a phew

phew

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I bought a new thesaurus today.

It’s nothing to write house about.

thesaurus

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I went for a colonic irrigation today,

then got hit with a huge $659 bill.

It really cleaned me out.

colonic-irrigation

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I phoned up the incontinence hotline today and

the lady on the other end asked where I’m ringing from.

I said, “From the waist down.”

incontinence hot line

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What do Mexican Robots Eat?

Silicon-Carne

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What An Eventful Week… Okay, Maybe Not. But Never Mind, Here’s Another Anagram Sunday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What an eventful week… well that’s what I had planned to say if Romney had won the election. As it turns out, he didn’t, Obama’s back in and things are much the same as they were.

Oh, except for one minor detail, Obama won’t ever have to fight another Presidential election so he can get on with whatever he wants to do and not be too bothered who it upsets. So cut costs at the bottom and increase taxes at the top and squeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeee!

Meantime here are some more of those word puzzles called anagrams.

Enjoy.  

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‘Many a true word is spoken in jest’

Men joke, and so win trusty praise

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‘meal for one’

for me alone

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‘my ideal time’ 

immediately

 .

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‘New York Times’

monkeys write

 .

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‘Patrick Stewart’

a crap trek twist

 .

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‘Punishment’

nine thumps

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‘Rome was not built in a day’

any labour I do wants time

 .

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‘school student’

tends to slouch

 .

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‘shower time’

where moist

 .

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‘Statue of Liberty’

built to stay free

 .

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‘television ads’

enslave idiots

 .

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‘The centenarians’

I can hear ten “tens”

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‘The ears’

hear set

 .

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‘The end of the World is nigh!’

Frightened? Down this hole!

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‘Thomas Jefferson’

O, short name’s Jeff

 .

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‘timetable’

bet I’m late

 .

 .

And finally a contribution from Adam T.

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‘Barack Hussein Obama’

a man broke his abacus

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‘Willard Mitt Romney’

Wait! Drill it on my term.

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It’s Anagram Sunday Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s anagram Sunday again, folks.

Time for another selection of those hidden meaning word puzzles.

Enjoy.

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‘car has’ 

a crash

.

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‘circumstantial evidence’ 

can ruin a selected victim

.

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‘coins kept’ 

in pockets

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‘confessional’ 

on scale of sin

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‘dictionary’ 

indicatory

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‘fingertips’ 

finest grip

.

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‘fir cones’ 

conifers

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‘flamethrower’ 

oh, felt warmer

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‘George Bush’ 

he bugs Gore

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‘goodbye ‘

obey God

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‘Halley’s Comet’ 

shall yet come

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‘I run to escape’ 

a persecution

.

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‘ipod lover ‘

poor devil

.

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‘Jennifer Aniston’ 

fine in torn jeans

.

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‘listen’ 

silent

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Say Mad Man Gore Ran US?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Don’t worry, it’s not another political rant.

And nothing to do with the man who made a fortune peddling scare-mongering nonsense like cow farts are destroying the planet.

‘Say Mad Man Gore Ran US’ ……is…….‘More Sunday Anagrams!!!’

It’s a scary thought, though.

Enjoy the anagrams!

.

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‘Florence Nightingale’

Nigel, Fetch an Iron Leg

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‘Sycophant’ 

acts phony

.

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‘The Detectives’

detect thieves

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‘Salman Rushdie’

read, shun Islam

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‘Television programming’ 

permeating living rooms

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‘Debit card’ 

bad credit

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‘Naturalist’

A trails nut

.

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‘God save us all’

salvaged soul

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‘heavy rain’

hire a navy

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‘dormitory’

dirty room

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‘escape from alcatraz’ 

frozen cast in lame crap

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‘O Mister Newt Gingrich’ 

right wing censor time

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‘A telescope’ 

To see place

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‘Actor Sylvester Stallone’ 

Very cool talentless star

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‘Bruce Springsteen’ 

Creep brings tunes

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‘Hillary Clinton’

only I can thrill     

(Is feet tickling part of it?)

Biden gets feet tickled in vp debate
Biden gets feet tickled in vp debate

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‘A Sad Ray Gun, Man’

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

‘A Sad Ray Gun, Man’

Did you get it?

Yes. its ‘Anagram Sunday’.

Enjoy.

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‘rescued’

secured

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘mother-in-law’

woman hitler

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘David Letterman’

nerd amid late tv

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘snooze alarms’

alas no more z’s

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘To cast pearls before swine’

One’s labor is perfect waste

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘Vacation Times’

I’m Not as Active

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘The Hilton’

Hint: Hotel

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘Payment received’

Every cent paid me

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘Postmaster’

Stamp Store

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘School master’

The classroom

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘The Hurricanes’

These churn air

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘Waitress’

A stew, Sir?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘certainly not’

can’t rely on it

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘Emperor Octavian’

Captain over Rome

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘a perfectionist’

I often practice

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘A shoplifter’

has to pilfer

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘asteroid threats’

disaster to earth

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘Breasts’

Bra sets

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘Contradiction’

Accord not in it

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

‘I think therefore I am’

I fear to think I’m here

 

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The Meaning Within, Or Is It? Anyway Here Are Some More Anagrams

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

Another Sunday, another selection of those word puzzles called anagrams. Hope you find at least one or two that you like. 

Enjoy.

 

 

‘liposuction’

Op: loin is cut.

———————-

 

‘bastard’

sad brat

———————-

 

‘archbishop of Canterbury’

Preach choirboy brats fun

———————-

 

‘Donald Rumsfeld’

Muddler of lands

———————-

 

‘the rolling stones’

Hell! Rotting noses!

———————-

 

‘White House Scandal’

What is “head” counsel?

———————-

 

‘Apple, Inc’

Epic Plan

———————-

 

‘George Bush and Saddam Hussein’

Baghdad is madness sure enough!

———————-

 

‘The Prince of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)’

I’m eager. I’ll creep in bush undergrowth, sit, chat to plant, hope for answer!

———————-

 

‘Rt Hon Ann Widdecombe’

Two-chinned Doberman.’

———————-

 

‘Americas first moon landing’

Grand-scale misinformation!

———————-

 

‘education’

Idea count

———————-

 

‘devolution’

to undo evil

———————-

 

‘repaint’ 

painter

———————-

 

‘the countryside’ 

no city dust here

———————-

 

‘anti-democratic’

in came dictator

———————-

 

‘One good turn deserves another’

Do rogues endorse that? No, never!

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