There Is Only One Batman In The World – Yes, It’s Fact Day.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, today is fact day on the fasab blog.

And apparently there is only one batman in the world.

That and other unusual offerings below.

Enjoy.

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In Germany you are not allowed

to run out of gas on the highway

 

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Although there are McDonald’s restaurants

in 119 countries,

40% of the total number are found in the US.

The only place in the continental US

that is more than 100 miles from a McDonald’s

is a desert in northwest Nevada.

 

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The mayor of Batman city in southeastern Turkey

sued Warner Bros for using his city’s name

without permission.

“There is only one batman in the world”

he was quoted as saying.

 

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The Museum of Non-Visible Art

sells art that only exists

in the imagination of the artist.

In 2011 a moron

– sorry, a woman –

bought one of their “non-visible”

art pieces for $10,000.

I wonder if she hung it on her imaginary wall

in her imaginary house???

 

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In space,

about 10 billion light years distant,

there is an enormous water vapor cloud

that is estimated to hold up to 140 trillion times

the mass of water found in all Earth´s oceans.

 

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And still with space,

in typical bureaucrat fashion,

just in case life is found on some other planet,

NASA has an Office of Planetary Protection

already prepared.

 

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The cardboard thingy that goes around

your coffee cup is called a ‘zarf’.

 

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The inventor of the diesel engine,

Rudolf Diesel,

committed suicide because he thought

his invention wouldn’t be successful.

 

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Despite being the largest pre-Colombian American empire,

the Incas never developed a written language.

Thus there are no census records available

and estimates of the size of the Inca population has

varied widely from 4 million people to nearly 40 million.

 

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Karl Marx was once a correspondent

for the New York Daily Tribune.

 

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Abraham Lincoln dreamt of his own assassination

just a few days before it happened.

He dreamt he could hear sad wailing in the White House

and, in getting up and trying to find it,

finally came upon a room with

mourners and his own corpse…

 

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The first official fan-made music video

was Grégoire Pinard’s claymation video

of Placebo’s song “English Summer Rain”.

The band were so impressed that

they decided to make it official.

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Did You Know? It’s Another Furious Fact Feast.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another furious fact feast it is.

And I bet there are at least some of these you didn’t know.

So read on and….

Enjoy.

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The bible is available

in 2454 languages.

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There are 2,400 languages classified as being ‘endangered’.

231 languages are now completely extinct.

One language dies about every 14 days.

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If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19.

You also have the largest amount of money in coins

without being able to make change for a dollar.

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In the average lifetime, a person will walk

the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

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In the early days of the telephone,

operators would pick up a call and use the phrase,

“Well, are you there?”.

It wasn’t until 1895 that someone suggested

answering the phone with the phrase

“number please?”

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The surface area of

an average-sized brick

is 79 cm squared.

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It would take 11 Empire State Buildings,

stacked one on top of the other,

to measure the Gulf of Mexico at its deepest point.

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It took Leo Tolstoy six years to write “War & Peace”.

(It took me longer to read it!)

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The names of the two stone lions in front of the

New York Public Library are Patience and Fortitude.

They were named by then-mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.

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When Concorde was flying from London to New York,

due to the time zones crossed,

you could arrive 2 hours before you departed.

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Many Police dogs are trained to react to commands in a foreign language;

commonly German but more recently Dutch or Hungarian.

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On the new hundred dollar bill the time

on the clock tower of Independence Hall is 4:10.

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In ancient Rome,

it was considered a sign of leadership

to be born with a crooked nose.

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Minus 40 degrees Celsius

is exactly the same as

minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

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Stressed

spelled backwards is

Desserts!

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? – Newspaper Headline Nightmares, Part Eleven!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another mid week batch of newspaper headline nightmares.

I hope you find at least one or two to raise a smile.

Enjoy.

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No Mo Town?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here comes the Sunday Sermon folks!

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Before his first election victory the platform was one of “change” and “yes we can”, not very specific policies but the implication was that everything would get better under his administration, and people went for it.

Guess what?

“No he couldn’t” and “nothing changed”, not for the better anyhow.

Then last year during the re-election campaign he said, “We refuse to let Detroit go bankrupt”, and people went for it again.

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Guess what?

Detroit is bankrupt! Yes, last Thursday, Detroit became the largest U.S. city to declare bankruptcy, filing for Chapter 9 protection.

Are you seeing a trend here?

You should.

But it’s not all Obama’s fault. By no means. He’s just the latest in a long line of clueless politicians who made big promises and had no idea how to pay for them.

So how did it get this bad?

How did the city of Detroit that was once the powerhouse of America, and from whose industry came wealth creation that stimulated the entire economy, get to the stage of being bankrupt?

Sadly, what has happened to Detroit is the culmination of decades of political incompetence and graft and corruption.

For example, the most recent mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, is currently facing charges of racketeering conspiracy, extortion, bribery, mail and wire fraud, filing false tax returns and income tax evasion, Quite a guy!

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It is also the culmination of years of union’s self-serving greed that meant, for example, that every car Detroit manufactured had to be sold at a loss – if it were to sell any at all.

But the problem goes even deeper than that.

Detroit is just the latest example of political and economic stupidity that has been allowed to fester within many western nations. It is not just an American malaise. The very same thing has happened in other countries, like Britain.

And it has happened because American and British politicians got the idea that their countries were a bit better than everyone else’s.

That they could leave the blue collar stuff like steel-making, ship building, car assembly and everything else that created true wealth for a nation, to be done by other ‘inferior’ places such as Japan, Korea, Taiwan and more lately China.

They actively helped to destroy their own manufacturing base through lack of investment, over taxation, needless government interference and over-regulation, etc.

Worse than this, they thought they could replace real industries making real money, with ‘service’ industries.

They never figured out that the former is the foundation that means you can afford the luxury of the latter!

And guess what? They still haven’t!

So instead of making real money, greedy banksters were allowed to conjure imaginary money out of nowhere. Then they were allowed (and encouraged) to invest money that didn’t exist in products that weren’t real either! And of course they lost the money. 

And the governments were willing accomplices to this fraud. When they could’t balance their books they simply printed more money and used this imaginary wealth in their economic statistics reports to show everyone how well they were doing.

Detroit is just the latest and biggest example of what the policy of living well beyond your means….. means!

So is this the end for this once great city?

Absolutely not. In fact it might be the making of it. There are going to be tough times ahead, but getting rid of a crippling $20 billion debt, which their bankruptcy will do, at the very least makes a recovery a possibility.

The halcyon days may be gone and never to return because of the damage the politicians have done. But there will be better days ahead.

When you reach the bottom you may bounce around there for a while but eventually the only way is back up.

If the politicians let you, that is.

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Don’t Take My Word For It, Let These Guys Tell You Themselves

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The elections are over, much to the relief of many of us, but unfortunately the politicians are still there. I have frequently criticized these idiots for making a monumental mess of things and for squandering billions of dollars on the most insanely stupid debacles and catastrophes. And I will probably do so again. 

However, it is always a good idea or policy to be able to back up what you say with some facts, so rather than run to my own defense which is usually what happens, this time I am going to let some of the politicians prove beyond any and all reasonable doubt that my opinion of them is well justified.

So here we have a selection of quotations from some fairly famous politicians in which they condemn themselves to the dustbin of stupidity.

Enjoy.  

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Bill Clinton, 42nd President of the United States:

“Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.”

 

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This from a congressional candidate in Texas:

“That scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

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Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California Governor talking about his views on the economy:

“The public doesn’t care about figures.”

 

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Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons:

“I do not like this word ‘bomb.’ It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.”

 

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Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor’s breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas:

“I didn’t know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song.”

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California Senator Barbara Boxer:

“Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I’m still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.”

 

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Ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia, Frank Rizzo:

“The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people who make them unsafe.”

 

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Congressman Everett Dirksen:

“A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money.”

 

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Former U.S. President, Richard Nixon:

“Solutions are not the answer.”

 

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H. Ross Perot, major Texas businessman and former presidential candidate:

“This planet is our home. If we destroy the planet, we’ve destroyed our home, so it is fundamentally important.”

 

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Arizona Governor Wesley Bolin:

“We’d like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles.”

 

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George Wallace 1968 presidential campaign:

“I’ve read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents.”

 

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Dwight Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States:

“The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.”

 

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Fred Heineman, former Republican representative from North Carolina:

“When I see someone who is making anywhere from $300,000 to $750,000 a year, that’s middle class.”

 

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Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien:

“A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It’s a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it’s because it is proven.”

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Imelda Marcos, former First Lady and a political figure in the Philippines:

“I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there, it’s so petty.”

 

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Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate:

“The internet is a great way to get on the net.”

 

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Al Gore, former U.S. vice president:

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”

 

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Former California Governor Gray Davis, during the recall campaign:

“My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state. We have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every planet, of every country on earth.”

 

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Charles De Gaulle, former French President:

“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.”

 

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President Clinton, denying that he had sexually harassed Kathleen Willey:

“I would never approach a small-breasted woman.”

 

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Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws, Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have the third of my three-part series highlighting some of the stupid laws that have been made by the stupid politicians and bureaucrats that we have allowed into positions of power.

So here are some more of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, part 1 covered A to L, part 2 covered the M’s and N’s, this week it’s O to W.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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OHIO

• Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. (I hope that’s no reflection on them.)
• It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (And immoral any other day.)
• It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Would Sir like some water with that?)
• The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. (But I want to ‘beep’.)
• If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (That’s greeeaaaatttttt!)

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OKLAHOMA

• It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (And the real thing is okay???)
• Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
• It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (That reminds me of a joke about…… no, better not.)
• People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (What happens if you just have a ugly face to begin with?)
• Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
• Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (Well, blow me, that’s expensive!)
• It is illegal to conceal the birth of a child that would be a bastard. (But you never know how they are going to turn out until they get a bit older???)

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OREGON

• Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. (That’s okay, you need both hands to hang on to the car anyhow.)
• It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (So where do you whisper them?)
• Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. (Ridiculous!)
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. (To pot with that!!)
• You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street. (Well, maybe YOU can’t, but….)
• Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. (And quite difficult even with one.)
• It is a crime to publicly scrape clean a skeleton in a cemetery. (And let’s make no bones about it.)

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PENNSYLVANIA

• It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (This is another one of those ‘how many people were doing this that a law was needed against it’ kind of things.)
• Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
• A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Ya hear that one ladies?)
• In Harrisburg it is against the law to wear lead nipple shields. (I bet Superman goes there – a lot!)
• You may not sing in the bathtub.
• You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I don’t think I could catch a fish with my mouth.)

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RHODE ISLAND

• No one may bite off another’s leg. (Ears, noses, arms, etc., are okay?)
• Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (I’m saying nothing.)
• One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left. (Can do!)
• The penalty for biting off another’s limb is twenty years in jail, but only if it was intentional. (Whoops, sorry, there’s your leg back. I didn’t mean it.)
• It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. (Clearly!)
• You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

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SOUTH CAROLINA

• It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. (I just consider it stupid.)
• Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (I guess there’s no room, what with all the donkeys in there.)
• It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
• It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. (You mean if you are attempting suicide or you can’t kill the person who is attempting suicide?)

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SOUTH DAKOTA

• It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (But is there a law about cutting the cheese?)
• If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
• In Huron it is an offence to cause static. (Shocking law that one.)
• Otherwise illegal explosives can be set off in sunflower fields.

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TENNESSEE

• It is a crime to share your Netflix password in Tennessee. (Is it okay in English?)
• It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (And very difficult.)
• “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
• Skunks may not be carried into the state. (Yeah, let the little stinkers walk.)

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TEXAS

• It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (What sort of a guy ‘sips’ beer? Come on!)
• Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
• It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (Is that a double entendre?)
• The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
• In Dallas it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

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UTAH

• It is illegal not to drink milk.
• It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
• Birds have the right of way on all highways.
• In Salt Lake County an official milkman is limited to casual contact with his customers. (What’s all this about milk in Utah?)
• A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
• No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (So turn the sirens off??)
• It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So are these laws not breaking this law?)

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VERMONT

• Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (By gum!)
• At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
• All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

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VIRGINIA

• Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (Just how did the people who thought this one up think that they were going to enforce it?)
• It is illegal to tickle women. (You just said that, see above!)
• A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (How long for a good slap?)
• Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

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WASHINGTON

• The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. (Do tell how exactly do you harass an ‘undiscovered’ species? Wouldn’t you have to discover it first, and once discovered it is no longer ‘undiscovered’ and therefore can be harassed?)
• All lollipops are banned. (This law really sucks.)
• People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
• In Washington it is a misdemeanor to sell poison without a license.
• In Seattle possessing an electro-magnetic wave generator is a crime.
• It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Can you pretend that they are poor?)
• You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (And where would you be able to conceal it anyway?)

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WEST VIRGINIA

• It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (And I would imagine dangerous if it does!)
• It is illegal to snooze on a train.
• One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
• Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

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WISCONSIN

• Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
• At one time, margarine was illegal.
• It is illegal to kiss on a train.
• It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. (People from Brazil please take special note.)
• The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals. (That’s handy.)
• Cheddar cheese must be “highly pleasing”.
• Followers of the Ho-Chunk religion may hunt deer without a license.
• It is illegal to produce baby Swiss cheese without well-developed eyes. (Otherwise how could you see what you were doing… Duh!!)

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WYOMING

• If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (Prospects aren’t good then?)
• It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (Iron or wooden?)
• You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (That really bugs me.)
• It is illegal to charge for the use of a toilet. (No sh**!)

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What Do Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you were ever in any doubt, let me assure you that when you elect morons to positions where they can legislate for the rest of us then you are assured that they will spend their time and our money making stupid laws, rules and regulations.

It happens in every country and in every state in every country. Such is the horrendous scale of the problem that I would be blogging forever if I tried to highlight worldwide stupidity, so as an example let’s look at some of the lesser known laws that govern citizens in the United States of America (I will list them state by state alphabetically. Part one today is A to L).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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ALABAMA

• It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses. 
• In Alabama, it is against the law to wear a fake mustache that could cause laughter in the church. 
• A voter spending more than four minutes in a voting booth can be asked to hurry up.

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ALASKA

• No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
• A clumsy or unknowledgeable person may not use a ski-lift.
• Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.
• It is a crime to deceive a machine.

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ARIZONA

• Hunting camels is prohibited.
• It is illegal to buy a human egg in order to clone yourself.
• You may not leave a fishing pole unattended.
• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
• You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
  

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ARKANSAS

• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (Ridiculous idea!)
• Dogs may not bark after 6 PM. (How about a “woof”?) 
• It is against the law to own a dangerous cat.

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CALFORNIA

• The Shell Egg Advisory Committee must have seven members.
• City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” (A little bit of role reversal there.)
• In Chino, testing a nuclear device within the city limits is prohibited.
• Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood took the chair – as mayor, I mean)
• If you are selling your house you must warn potential buyers if the house is thought to be haunted.

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COLORADO

• It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property. (I’m so cross I could spit!)
• It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. (Quite right too, let them wallow in their filth and bring the whole neighborhood image down.)

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CONNECTICUT

• In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
• Selling a spool of thread without first stating its length is subject to a penalty of up to three months in prison.
• It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. (And just plain dumb to do it in daylight.)
• It is illegal to sell milk from skinny cows.
• You may not educate dogs. (Or legislators, it seems!)
• It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

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DELAWARE

• No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk. (But actually sleeping is okay?)
• One may not whisper in church. (But if we talk loudly won’t it disrupt the Service?)

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FLORIDA

• Doors of all public buildings must open outwards. (Pushist legislation if ever I saw it.)
• It is illegal for female hot dog stand attendants to wear G-strings. 
• A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
• In West Palm Beach it is a crime to hang a carpet in public.
• Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (And bloody dangerous I would imagine!)
• You may not kiss your wife’s breasts. (But someone else’s wife is okay?)

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GEORGIA

• It is a crime to sell your child off to a circus. 
• The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.
• It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. (FFS, oops!)
• No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (Don’t they mean “a Sundae”?)
• One is not permitted to noodle a fish. (I don’t know what this means but it sounds a bit pervy.)
• Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (There it is again, what’s going on?)
• All citizens must own a rake. (Leaf us alone!)

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HAWAII

• All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat. (Canoe believe this one?)
• In Maui County building an atomic bomb is subject to a fine.
• Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. (They’ll have to make change here.)

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IDAHO

• It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
• You may not fish on a camel’s back. (I take the hump at that rule.)
• Cannibalism is prohibited unless under life threatening situations. 
• Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back. (They’ve got some neck on them!)
• It is a crime for anyone who is not blind to use a white cane.
• A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face. (Another good reason for reading the fasab blog!)

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ILLINOIS

• You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. (The buck stops here.)
• The English language is not to be spoken. (That’s becoming more and more true of a lot of states in the US)
• In Minooka it is illegal to “suffer any bitch or slut”. 
• One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth. (Just how much of this was going on that they thought they needed a law against it? Or is someone just taking the piss??)
• Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. (The hell with that.)
• In Joliet the word “Joliet” must be pronounced properly, with the accent on the first syllable.
• It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. (What a waste, I wouldn’t dream of it.)
• In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. (There goes a good night out!)
• It is against the law to sell a smelly mattress. 
• Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays. (I guess I’ll have to take a bath Saturdays in Illinois.)
• Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

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INDIANA

• Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. (Even for single beds?)
• Stupefying fish is against the law.
• The value of Pi is 3. (No it isn’t.)
• It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (That a hard one – to enforce I mean!)
• Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. (Definitely have to remember to stay out of Illinois then.)
• Possessing a weapon of mass destruction is against the law.
• It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. (Even if it is coming from the other direction?)

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IOWA

• A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
• It is illegal to catch more than 48 frogs in one day.
• One-armed piano players must perform for free.
• Within the city limits of Ottumwa, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

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KANSAS

• Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. (How illuminating.)
• It is against the law to modify the weather without a permit.
• No one may catch fish with his bare hands. 
• The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
• If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (That law will get us nowhere.)
• No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night. (What’s the penalty for lettering?)

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KENTUCKY

• One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
• One may not receive anal sex. (No problem.)
• Nudist colonies must make themselves available for inspection by the local sheriff. 
• A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission. (So that’s why they went out of fashion.)

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LOUISIANA

• It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
• It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (Okay, if I ever do that I’ll use a real gun.)
• Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”. (If you have no teeth can you just give them a big suck?)

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Donkey Hokey

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, I’m not tilting at windmills, not just yet anyhow. And despite the play on words in the title, nor am I referring to Cervantes character Don Quixote. This post actually does concern a donkey, though. In fact animals in general.

It is a little known fact that donkeys kill more people than plane crashes. And at the end of August I read about a small town Texas mayor who was killed in an attack by his own donkey. He was Bill Bohlke and he was Mayor of Hollywood Park in Atascosa County, Texas.

That unfortunate event set me thinking of a number of things.

First I asked myself how the heck you pronounced his surname.

Then I wondered if Mayor Bohlke was a Republican or Democrat and how macabre it would have been if the donkey had done away with his elephant man rival.

And then I thought about the amazing and different ways people find to leave the mortal coil. I bet, like most of us, the last thing Mayor Bohlke thought was that some day he would meet his end from an attack from a randy donkey!

And then I marveled at how so many people, for no logical reason, have a romantic fantasy notion that animals are not inherently dangerous. They are.

And this is true for people who work with them every day and should know better.

For example, when I was growing up I would spend time at my uncle’s farm. He had a herd of one hundred or more dairy cows and every evening when I was there my cousin and myself would be sent out to the fields to bring the cows in for milking.

We had a couple of great little collie dogs to help us, not that much help was needed because the cows had a routine and once they heard us calling for them they made their way to the field gate and up the lane to the milking parlor, glad no doubt that they were about to be relieved of their burden once more.

With them came the bull. A huge brute of an animal and unbelievably strong. But he was docile enough, walked up with his herd of ‘wives’ and while they made their way into the queue for the milking machines he would usually lie down in the hayshed and munch on some of the hay.

As innocent (dumb) kids we would sometimes sit down beside him, even using him as a prop to lean against. He didn’t seem to mind a bit, we thought he was glad of the company perhaps.

Then one day as the herd was being ushered back out to the fields Mr Bull totally out of the blue decided he would like to kill my uncle.

Luckily us kids had our chore done in bringing the herd in to get milked. When the time came to take them back out again we were engaged on other vital business, I can’t remember exactly what but I’m sure it involved football, playing cowboys and Indians, fending off some galactic foe who was attacking earth that day, or some such vital stuff. But we could hear the commotion in the distance.

Furious about something, only he knew what, the bull roared angrily and ran towards my uncle who had been leading the way. With his head lowered he hit my uncle between his lower back and his knees and threw him up into the air like a rag doll – and my uncle was a BIG man. Very fortunately the bull tossed him into the air with such force that he went clean over the raised fence and hedge on the right hand side of the lane and ended up in one of the fields. 

The crazy bull then tried to go after him but couldn’t get up the steep embankment on which the fence had been constructed. Another cousin, quite a bit older than us, saw the attack. He was in a tractor and he immediately had the presence of mind to use that to take the bull’s attention away from my uncle. The distraction seemed to work, because as suddenly as it had started it was over and things were back to normal.

But my uncle had learned a valuable lesson. Animals can be dangerous.

So had I, even though I wasn’t there at the time, but from then on I haven’t been a fan of bulls – not in Chicago or Wall Street either come to think of it.

Unfortunately Mayor Bohlke wasn’t so lucky with his donkey.

I wonder if it happened something like this???

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