Nowhere Is Safe!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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One would hope that libraries, being depositories of knowledge, would be a place relatively safe from the intellectually challenged.

Sadly, stupid people invade every space, libraries included.

To prove the point here is a short selection of actual stupid questions asked of librarians. 

Enjoy.

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“Do you have books here?”

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“Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?”

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“Do you have a list of all the books I’ve ever read?”

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“I’m looking for Robert James Waller’s book, ‘Waltzing through Grand Rapids.”

(The actual title is “Slow Waltz In Cedar Bend.”)

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“Where is the reference desk?”

(Asked of a worker sitting at a desk, over which was a sign saying ‘REFERENCE DESK’.)

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“Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?”

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“Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?”

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“I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?”

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“I need a color photograph of George Washington.”

(Other individuals asked for, by other patrons, are Christopher Columbus, King Arthur, Moses, Socrates, and more.)

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“Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?”

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“I’m looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I’m having trouble with it in my neck.”

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“Is the basement upstairs?”

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“I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.”

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“I got a quote from a book I turned in last week but I forgot to write down the author and title. It’s big and red, and I found it on the top shelf. Can you find it for me?”

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“Do you have anything good to read?”

The response was,

“No, ma’am. I’m afraid we have 75,000 books, and they’re all duds.”

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Dumbass: “I am looking for a globe of the earth.”

Librarian: “We have a table-top model over here.” 

Dumbass: “No, that’s not good enough. Don’t you have a life-size?”

Librarian: (pause) “Yes, but it’s in use right now.”

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And finally a joke.

 

Man goes up to the library reference desk and asks the assistant,

“Do you have a copy of that new book for men with small penises?”

The librarian replies,

“I don’t think it’s in yet.”

“Yes,” the man says. “That’s the one!”

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More Stupid Questions About Stupid Things Asked By Stupid People

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A continuation from last week when we looked at stupid questions about stupid things asked by stupid people, who seem to get worried about the most inconsequential trivia.

As with last week’s warning, don’t try to analyze these, you’ll just get a headache!

Enjoy!

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If men and women have hair in all the same places, why do we bother shaving?

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Are there any longitudinal studies of the development of honesty in children?

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What should not be found in urine?

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Has anyone ever experienced the ‘White light’ sensation?

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How do you get rid of the smell of Skunk from your hunting clothes?

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Can you get drunk from eating pickled eggs and if so, is it socially acceptable in Alsaka?

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Is beer more harmful than the wine?

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Is the name Greyanne is the most popular name in the world?

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What are the effects of “sex” on human body?

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What are rights of parents?

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Why don’t woodpeckers get concussions?

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Questions That Should Never Have Been Asked

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I have been featuring a lot of questions that no one asked but that needed asking.

Stupid people, however, tend to get worried about things that don’t matter and ask questions that don’t need to be asked. They are obviously important to them, but not to anyone else.

Here are some stupid questions asked by stupid people about stupid things.

Do yourself a favor and just read these and (hopefully) have a laugh. Do not try to figure out why they were asked or what they mean. If you get too far inside the mind of a moron you may never make it back out again!

Enjoy!

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Does anyone know the brand of soap Deer don’t like that I can put around my garden to keep them out?

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What mother sauce does Alfredo come from?

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Is there any relation between cool music and rain?

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What is the opposite of science?

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What are the three essential parts of a crisis?

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If someone you loved turned into a zombie, would you be able to put them out of their misery?

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What determines the life span of animals?

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Which kind of cheating is the worst?

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Why are so many more people allergic to cats than to dogs?

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Would you eat steak made from human excrement?

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How long does a mature worm live?

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Happy New Year And Thirteen Questions To Start Off 2013

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well, we made it. We have successfully traveled through time and here we are in 2013. Yippeee and all that.

So a very Happy New Year to one and all.

And to get us off to an easy start here are thirteen simple questions, well questions anyhow, to ease us into 2013.

Enjoy.

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If any word should be spelled the way it sounds it should be “phonetic”, so why isn’t it?

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And why is “abbreviation” such a long word?

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Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

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How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

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Why is experience always what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted?

 

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If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

 

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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

 

What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

 

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If the person who plays the piano is called a pianist, why is the person who drives a racecar not called a racist?

 

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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out”?

 

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When you put ‘THE’ and ‘IRS’ together, it forms ‘THEIRS’. Coincidence? I think not?

 

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Why are rubber duckies yellow when most real duckies aren’t?

 

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Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

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Yesterday It Was The Answers That Were The Problem, Today It’s The Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yesterday it was the answers that were the problem. Today it is the questions. Here is another selection of those important questions that very few seem to want to ask.

Enjoy.

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Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?

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Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

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Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

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Why people are so scared of mice, which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?

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How come we never hear about gruntled employees?

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Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can’t you get honey from a plastic bee?

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What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other than your hand?

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Can you “stare off into space” when you’re in space?

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Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

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If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?

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If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?

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If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?

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Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?

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If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

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If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

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If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn’t it reverse up and down?

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If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

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If There Are No Stupid Questions, Then What Kind Of Questions Do Stupid People Ask?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The title of today’s post is part of a quote from Scott Adams. The whole thing goes, “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”.

I don’t know whether you could classify all of these questions as stupid or otherwise, there’s probably a mixture of both. Different people will probably have different opinions.

As usual if you have any answers then feel free to enlighten us all.

Enjoy.

 

 

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

 

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

 

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

 

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

 

Why can’t donuts be square?

 

Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?

 

What does happen to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?

 

If there’s a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?

 

Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?

 

Do people in prison celebrate halloween…. if so how?

 

Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

 

Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if he’s English?

 

What do Greeks say when they don’t understand something? “It’s all ???? to me.”

 

Do all-boy schools have girl’s bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girl schools have boy’s bathrooms?

 

Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?

 

How come cats’ butts go up when you pet them?

 

What would happen to the sea’s water level if every boat in the world was taken out of the water at the same time?

 

How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?

 

Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?

 

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?

 

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Another Tuesday And Another List Of Those Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another Tuesday and another list of questions so important that no one seems to want to ask them –  except here of course.

Enjoy.

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Where does the toe-tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes?

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If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

Gravity elevator

 

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Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says “Not available in all states”?

“Not available in all States”

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Do they bury people with their braces on?

braces

 

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How far east can you go before you’re heading west?

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Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

dentist

 

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If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

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Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

Bowler

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Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot, and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

 

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If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?

 

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Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.

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If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

 

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If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

 

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Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

 

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If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

 

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When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

partly sunny? – or – partly cloudy?

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Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

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If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

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Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

The square bread – round meat conundrum

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Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

Lone Ranger and Tonto

 

 

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It’s An Olympian Sized Stupid Questions Monday Today!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Monday is usually the day for stupid quiz show answers. But this Olympic Monday here are a selection of stupid questions asked by some intellectually challenged members of the public in relation to past Olympic Games held in Vancouver, Canada (winter) and in Sydney, Australia.

I think it proves not only that dumb people don’t just give dumb answers, they ask dumb questions too; and that dumbness is a worldwide phenomenon (the nationality of the questioner is indicated after the question).

Enjoy.

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Questions About the 2010 Winter Olympics In Vancouver, Canada:

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Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

 

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.

 

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto – can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

 

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

 

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let’s not touch this one.

 

Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

 

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North…oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

 

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don’t stink.

 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

 

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

 

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

 

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

 

And questions asked during the Olympics in Australia. The Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, supplied the answers.

 

Q: Which direction should I drive – Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth – to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)

A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

 

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)

A: Why? We do have toilet paper here …

 

Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)

A: Under water?

 

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

A: What’s the time frame?

 

Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)

A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples’ garages, and most national parks …

 

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde …

 

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)

A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

 

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but we’ll see what we can do when you get here.

 

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: I love this one … there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

 

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

 

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: Would you believe the Panda?

 

Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)

A: Yes. Outdoors.

 

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: No. And even if I could …