More Stupid Signs By Stupid People For Stupid People.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Catering for the lowest common denominator in intelligence can be very frustrating for the rest of us.

But apparently stupidity has reached levels today where stupid people will hurt themselves with things that shouldn’t hurt them, if they had the wit to understand what they were and how use them properly.

Personally I think there is some merit in letting them get on with it and perhaps thereby gradually eliminating chronic stupidity from the gene pool.

In the meantime all we can do is cringe and laugh.

Here are some more.

Enjoy.

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“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.”

On a 6 x 10 inch inflatable picture frame.

 

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“Do not put in mouth.”

On a box of bottle rockets.

 

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“Remove plastic before eating.”

On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

 

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“Not dishwasher safe.”

On a remote control for a TV.

 

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“For lifting purposes only.”

On the box for a car jack.

 

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“Do not put lit candles on phone.”

On the instructions for a cordless phone.

 

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“Warning! This is not underwear!

Do not attempt to put in pants.”

On the packaging for a wristwatch.

 

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“Safe for use around pets.”

On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

 

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“No stopping or standing.”

A sign at bus stops everywhere.

 

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“Do not sit under coconut trees.”

A sign on a coconut palm in a

West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

 

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“These rows reserved for parents with children.”

A sign in a church.

 

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“All cups leaving this store, whether

full or empty, must be paid for.”

A sign in a Cumberland Farms

in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

 

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If It Wasn’t For Blinds It Would Be Curtains For All Of Us.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Thankfully it isn’t curtains for Pun Day either.

Here is another selection for you to….

Enjoy or endure!

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I bought a herb plant today.

It’s in great condition.

It’s mint.

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I missed my miniature Indian musical

instrument practice last night.

I couldn’t find a baby sitar.

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Q.S.V.X.X.

The National Society

of Bad Abbreviators.

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I can’t seem to get on the Lilt website.

It keeps saying it’s refreshing!

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I went to the doctor’s today.

He said, “You’re dying.”

I said, “How do you know?”

He said, “Your eyebrows are a different color.”

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Have you ever wondered what

happened to the first Timbuk?

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Saw a man this morning wheel spinning in the snow

not really getting anywhere. He was furious.

Shouting, swearing, going absolutely mental.

He needs to get a grip, I thought to myself.

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I was almost late for my Cocaine Awareness lecture.

Talk about cutting it fine.

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Know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools?

The supply teachers.

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Nine of my mum’s sisters have been standing

outside the Church all night holding candles.

You can’t beat vigil aunties.

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I’ve just bought a new sub-zero refrigerator.

How cool is that?

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I went to an Italian restaurant

and they had spaghetti on the menu.

So I had to call the waiter to wipe it off.

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I never apologize.

I’m sorry,

but that’s just the way I am.

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My therapist isn’t being very supportive

because she thinks I’m never going to be able

to stop exposing myself to women.

Well I’ll show her.

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My boss asked me to find him a bulldog clip today.

So I emailed him a YouTube video of one riding a skateboard.

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My New Year Resolutions!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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First of all a Very Happy New Year to the readers of my blog, and to everyone who visited during 2013 a big “THANK YOU”.

Whether you are a regular visitor or just called in today on the off chance you are more than welcome and I hope you will continue to visit through 2014.

Today I thought I would share with you my New Year Resolutions for 2014.  

I hope you like them. I think I will be more successful keeping this lot than I have been other years.

Enjoy!

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1. First and foremost, I won’t be tempted to relocate to Detroit.

Sure the house in the email is only a dollar,

but it’s a fixer upper and I haven’t got the time.

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2. I resolve never to jump off a bridge or other high place

with my only my ankles secured with a big rubber band.

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3. I will refrain from putting partially eaten cartons

of ice cream back into the refrigerator,

I will finish them instead.

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4. Every time my wife asks

“Does this dress make my ass look fat”,

I will reply “Of course not, darling.”

Last year’s answer of

“No darling, the dress is beautiful, you’ve just got a fat ass”

was apparently unacceptable.

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5. I will not take a laxative and a sleeping pill

on the same night.

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6. I will use more deodorant and do less laundry,

unless I lapse and forget resolution #5.

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7. I will try to figure out why I “really” need nine e-mail addresses

and try to cut it down to six or seven.

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8. When I hear a funny joke I will stop replying,

“LOL… LOL!”

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9. This year I promise to buy my lottery tickets at a luckier store,

last year’s was hopeless.

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10. I will never again eat more than two mangoes

before going to Church or other public function.

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11. Too much exercise is bad for your health, it can even kill you,

just look how many joggers keel over and die.

I will try to keep it to a minimum this year.

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12. I will stop trying every January to cut out delicious meals

and eat bits of cardboard and birdseed instead.

It never works anyhow and that joke my wife does

with putting newspaper below my chair in the office is just old.

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13. Work less and take it easy will be the order of the day – every day.

After all, all work and no play can make you a dull boy

and I don’t want to be a dull boy.

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14. I will stop considering other people’s feelings

when they so obviously don’t consider mine

– from here on in I’ll tell it like it is!

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15. I will start to do what my mother always told me and wear clean underwear,

“just in case I get knocked down by a bus”,

even though I know if I see a bus hurtling towards me

and I can’t get out of the way

the first thing I am going to do is sh*t myself.

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16. I will definitely try to stop saying,

“Oooh, mama that feels soooo good”

whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.

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17. I will draw up a list of people who were nasty to me in the past year,

and get my own back on them during the next 12 months!

It will be fun trying anyway.

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18. After what happened in New York

I will always remind the wife

to “check for paper”

before and after leaving a public restroom.

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19. I’m going to scrap all my “To Do” lists this year

and start writing “Won’t Get This Done Today” lists.

There should be a greater sense of achievement at the end of each day.

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20. And finally,

I will not sit at the computer all the time.

I will try to stand while I type

for at least fifteen minutes a day.

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I really think I can do it this year. Wish me luck!

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The Ultimate Signs From The Churches

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have the final selection in our look at some Church signs that went the way of the failed classifieds.

See if you can pick out the ones that didn’t quite turn out as the author probably intended.

Enjoy.

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More Signs From The Church

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today another selection of signs from various Churches that didn’t turn out to be s heavenly as perhaps intended, but some of them quite clever too! (But not the first one though, they couldn’t even spell Church!)

Enjoy.

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Signs From The Church

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A slight break from the classic classified ads this weekend.

But some of these are every bit as funny, some even more so.

Give them and try and tell me what you think.

Enjoy!  

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Can Reincarnation Ever Make A Comeback?

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi, sorry to disappoint if you thought this post was going to be a discussion on reincarnation. Well I suppose it might once have been, but today it has come back as another selection of puns and word plays. Enjoy!

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I went for a depression test.

It came back negative.

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Its pathetic to be high,

highpathetically speaking.

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It’s constipation that puts the toil into toilets.

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I asked my girlfriend to marry me at a football match.

She said, “No, I’d prefer a church.”

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All the good puns about the periodic table argon.

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Do you believe all that Ancient Greek stuff about Paris and Helen

and the face that launched a thousand ships?

Yes, of course I do, it’s a Troy story.

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Paddy goes into Macy’s department store and asks the assistant,

“Excuse me sir, but do you sell potato clocks?”

The assistant looks at him and says,

“Are you trying to be funny?

We sell cuckoo clocks, carriage clocks, grandfather clocks, alarm clocks

… what the heck is a potato clock?”

And Paddy says,

“I don’t know, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow,

and the wife said ‘You’d better get a potato clock.'”

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I’ve got an inferiority complex,

but it’s not a very good one.

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I bought a new dog yesterday.

I’ve named him Rolex

…….he’s a watchdog

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen.

It said, ‘Parking Fine.’

So that was nice.

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What do Mexicans put under their carpets?

Underlay, underlay!

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Why do mice have small balls?

Not that many of them know how to dance!

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My mate Sid was a victim of ID theft.

He’s just called S now.

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I bought a book when I was in China last year, called “How To Woo”.

I thought it might help me with my seduction techniques.

Turns out it was volume 2 of the Chinese phone book.

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I’ve had amnesia as long as I can remember.

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I can drive a woman wild with my tongue.

It’s pretty easy.

All you do is say,

“Have you put on weight?”

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And finally,

in the interests of clarification because of all the speculation currently on the media,

the real reason for the timing of the Pope’s resignation can now be revealed,

along with probably one of the worst jokes in the history of the papacy,

the Pope will resign at the end of February and not wait until after Easter,

because he doesn’t like eggs, Benedict!

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Some Important Questions For The New Congress To Consider

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

When the new Congress gets itself organized (don’t hold your breath) here are a few important questions I think they should address. The people deserve to know the answers. We have been ignored for far too long! 

 

 

What do you call male ballerinas?

 

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How does Freddy Krueger wipe his butt?  (Ouch!)

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Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

(This one in particular has annoyed me for years!)

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Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

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Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

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Does the postman deliver his own mail?

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Why is toilet bowl cleaner almost always blue in color?

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Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?

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Is ‘vice-versa’ to a dyslexic just plain redundant?

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How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall, but it’s illegal to keep one as a pet?

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Why do we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy? Isn’t that the way we normally are?

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If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

 

Is it appropriate to say ‘good mourning’ at a funeral?

 

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If there is an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule and therefore a rule that there is no exception to and does that mean there is not an exception to every rule, or that there is?

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When you’re caught ‘between a rock and a hard place’, is the rock not hard?

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Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

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Doesn’t a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

 

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Who coined the phrase, ‘coined the phrase’?

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Why do they continue to call steamrollers, ‘steam’ rollers? They no longer produce, get rid of, or have anything to do with steam.  

 

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Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There has to be a little bit of truth at least in the saying that you get the politicians you deserve. If you vote for morons then I’m afraid the odds are that you’ll get stupid laws, rules and regulations.

It’s a worldwide disease, but here is a continuation from last Wednesday of some of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, last week we covered A to L, this week it’s the M’s and N’s.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).  

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MAINE

• To stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law. (Finally a law that is half sensible.)
• Mercury thermometers may not be sold in the city.
• It is illegal to park in front of Dunkin Donuts. (Hmmm, so that’s why there’s always a cop car outside it.)

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MARYLAND

• It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. (So dinner and a what then?)
• An establishment using a strobe light must post a warning sign for epileptics. (They might have a fit if you didn’t.)
• You may not curse inside the city limits. (WTF!)
• It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. (Mine has sleeves, they’re short, but it has sleeves.)
• Any person caught committing adultery is subject to a $10 fine. (Bill Clinton would probably consider that good value for money!)

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MASSACHUCETTS

• At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches. (That’s dead mean.)
• It is a crime to own an explosive golf ball.
• Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
• All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday. (That’s the only day I go to Church.)
• It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath. (Oh, oh! I usually just take a shower.)
• Selling arsenic-laced candy is subject to a $100 fine.
• A woman can not be on top in sexual activities. (Yes, men are much better – awe, come on!)
• Quakers and witches are banned.

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MICHIGAN

• Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.
• It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
• Seducing or debauching an unmarried woman can earn five years in jail. (Or a much longer sentence if you have to marry her!)
• It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. (What swine thought that one up?)
• There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
• In Flint one who wears “saggy pants” can be jailed for four months. 
• A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission. (So can she get a hairdresser or another woman to do it?)

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MINNESOTA

• It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there. (I thought it was just supposed to be tents? You know loitering within tent?? See what I did there???)
• A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. (That one is quackers.)
• Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head. (Are they subject to a paltry fine?)
• Red cars may not drive down Lake Street, Minnieapolis.
• Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays. (Hot dog!)

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MISSISSIPPI

• If one is a parent to two illegitimate children, that person will go to jail for at least one month.
• It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.
• A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her. (Who would do a thing like that?)
• It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public. (Stiff penalties no doubt!)

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MISSOURI

• It is a crime to let an unaltered jackass run at large. (I’ve forgotten, who are Missouri’s Congressional Representatives?)
• No person may own a PVC pipe. (No Blue Man Group in Missouri then.)
• It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. (Like I said before, a good night out ruined.)
• A milk man may not run while on duty. 
• It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.  (And, I imagine, quite expensive.)
• Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. (Good law, give ‘em something that can kill people instead of just annoy them.)

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MONTANA

• One may not pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. (You mean you have to do it for real?)
• It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. (Baaaaaaad law.)
• In Helena it is an offence to let your water sprinkler wet a passer-by. (Well really, the very idea!)
• It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail. (Try enforcing that one!)
• It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style. (Oh boy, knowing it’s illegal makes it even better!)
• Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them. (Without reservations?)
• It is illegal to bring a bomb or rocket at city council proceedings.
• Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated. (You hear that Frank?)

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NEBRASKA

• If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
• It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license. (Straight up?)
• Doughnut holes may not be sold.
• It is illegal to do a reverse bungee jump. (Surely that’s stretching things a bit?)

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NEVADA

• It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
• A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day. (Do I hear a stampede of cheapskates heading for Nevada?)
• It is illegal to lie down on the sidewalk. (That’s okay, I usually just fall down.)
• Owning a slave is against the law. (Er… isn’t it everywhere?)

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NEW HAMPSHIRE

• On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up. (Remember to keep your eyes shut then.)
• It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
• Spite fences cannot be higher than five feet. (Try looking over that, shorty!)
• A law against shooting humans has been repealed. (Hands up sucker!)

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NEW JERSEY

• It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder. (But weapons are okay?)
• In Paterson it is illegal for an ice cream vendor to be annoying.
• You cannot pump your own gas. (Oh yes I can, just listen.)
• It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
• It is against the law to “frown” at a police officer.
• You may not slurp your soup. (But it tastes nicer that way.)

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NEW MEXICO

• Nudity is allowed, provided that male genitals are covered. (Bollocks!)
• Women may walk in public topless provided they have their nipples covered. (Where’s the point?)
• It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public. (Even their heads?)
• Abusing a computer is a crime.
• You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street in Las Cruces.

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NEW YORK

• Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. (Provided what is not being used as a business?)
• It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing”. (That’s the law lycra or not!)
• Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”. (Now that would just be as dumb as this law, wouldn’t it?)
• The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (I understand the gravity of this law.)
• A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
• While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door. (Farting is permitted is it?)
• Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 PM (When else would you wear them?)

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NORTH CAROLINA

• It’s against the law to sing off key. (Thank goodness Mrs Miller is from Missouri.)
• In Transylvania County a Dalmation is deemed to be a “potentially dangerous” breed of dog. (Well spotted!)
• Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.
• While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled. (Now that’s a new name for them!)
• Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.

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NORTH DAKOTA

• It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
• Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
• Only US Citizens can be appointed to the Dry Pea and Lentil Council. (Naturally! What would foreigners know about such things?)
• It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon. (How can you be on horseback and in a covered wagon at the same time?)
• One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.
• A food seller cannot be held responsible for making someone fat.

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What Do Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you were ever in any doubt, let me assure you that when you elect morons to positions where they can legislate for the rest of us then you are assured that they will spend their time and our money making stupid laws, rules and regulations.

It happens in every country and in every state in every country. Such is the horrendous scale of the problem that I would be blogging forever if I tried to highlight worldwide stupidity, so as an example let’s look at some of the lesser known laws that govern citizens in the United States of America (I will list them state by state alphabetically. Part one today is A to L).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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ALABAMA

• It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses. 
• In Alabama, it is against the law to wear a fake mustache that could cause laughter in the church. 
• A voter spending more than four minutes in a voting booth can be asked to hurry up.

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ALASKA

• No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
• A clumsy or unknowledgeable person may not use a ski-lift.
• Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.
• It is a crime to deceive a machine.

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ARIZONA

• Hunting camels is prohibited.
• It is illegal to buy a human egg in order to clone yourself.
• You may not leave a fishing pole unattended.
• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
• You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
  

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ARKANSAS

• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (Ridiculous idea!)
• Dogs may not bark after 6 PM. (How about a “woof”?) 
• It is against the law to own a dangerous cat.

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CALFORNIA

• The Shell Egg Advisory Committee must have seven members.
• City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” (A little bit of role reversal there.)
• In Chino, testing a nuclear device within the city limits is prohibited.
• Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood took the chair – as mayor, I mean)
• If you are selling your house you must warn potential buyers if the house is thought to be haunted.

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COLORADO

• It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property. (I’m so cross I could spit!)
• It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. (Quite right too, let them wallow in their filth and bring the whole neighborhood image down.)

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CONNECTICUT

• In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
• Selling a spool of thread without first stating its length is subject to a penalty of up to three months in prison.
• It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. (And just plain dumb to do it in daylight.)
• It is illegal to sell milk from skinny cows.
• You may not educate dogs. (Or legislators, it seems!)
• It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

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DELAWARE

• No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk. (But actually sleeping is okay?)
• One may not whisper in church. (But if we talk loudly won’t it disrupt the Service?)

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FLORIDA

• Doors of all public buildings must open outwards. (Pushist legislation if ever I saw it.)
• It is illegal for female hot dog stand attendants to wear G-strings. 
• A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
• In West Palm Beach it is a crime to hang a carpet in public.
• Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (And bloody dangerous I would imagine!)
• You may not kiss your wife’s breasts. (But someone else’s wife is okay?)

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GEORGIA

• It is a crime to sell your child off to a circus. 
• The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.
• It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. (FFS, oops!)
• No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (Don’t they mean “a Sundae”?)
• One is not permitted to noodle a fish. (I don’t know what this means but it sounds a bit pervy.)
• Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (There it is again, what’s going on?)
• All citizens must own a rake. (Leaf us alone!)

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HAWAII

• All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat. (Canoe believe this one?)
• In Maui County building an atomic bomb is subject to a fine.
• Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. (They’ll have to make change here.)

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IDAHO

• It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
• You may not fish on a camel’s back. (I take the hump at that rule.)
• Cannibalism is prohibited unless under life threatening situations. 
• Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back. (They’ve got some neck on them!)
• It is a crime for anyone who is not blind to use a white cane.
• A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face. (Another good reason for reading the fasab blog!)

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ILLINOIS

• You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. (The buck stops here.)
• The English language is not to be spoken. (That’s becoming more and more true of a lot of states in the US)
• In Minooka it is illegal to “suffer any bitch or slut”. 
• One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth. (Just how much of this was going on that they thought they needed a law against it? Or is someone just taking the piss??)
• Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. (The hell with that.)
• In Joliet the word “Joliet” must be pronounced properly, with the accent on the first syllable.
• It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. (What a waste, I wouldn’t dream of it.)
• In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. (There goes a good night out!)
• It is against the law to sell a smelly mattress. 
• Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays. (I guess I’ll have to take a bath Saturdays in Illinois.)
• Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

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INDIANA

• Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. (Even for single beds?)
• Stupefying fish is against the law.
• The value of Pi is 3. (No it isn’t.)
• It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (That a hard one – to enforce I mean!)
• Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. (Definitely have to remember to stay out of Illinois then.)
• Possessing a weapon of mass destruction is against the law.
• It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. (Even if it is coming from the other direction?)

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IOWA

• A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
• It is illegal to catch more than 48 frogs in one day.
• One-armed piano players must perform for free.
• Within the city limits of Ottumwa, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

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KANSAS

• Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. (How illuminating.)
• It is against the law to modify the weather without a permit.
• No one may catch fish with his bare hands. 
• The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
• If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (That law will get us nowhere.)
• No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night. (What’s the penalty for lettering?)

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KENTUCKY

• One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
• One may not receive anal sex. (No problem.)
• Nudist colonies must make themselves available for inspection by the local sheriff. 
• A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission. (So that’s why they went out of fashion.)

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LOUISIANA

• It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
• It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (Okay, if I ever do that I’ll use a real gun.)
• Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”. (If you have no teeth can you just give them a big suck?)

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