More Random Samples From The Fasab Fact File

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If its facts you want we have them!

So here is another selection.

If you can’t find something you don’t know in here then you know far too much.

Enjoy.

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did you know3

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“Kemo Sabe”, the name Tonto called The Lone Ranger

means “Soggy Shrub” in Navajo Indian.

The Tonto in Spanish means “a fool”.

Lone Ranger and Tonto

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Ketchup was sold in the 1830’s as medicine.

ketchup

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Killer whales have such a good sense of touch

that if you dropped a pill into a bucket

and feed it to the orca

it would eat the fish and spit out the pill.

Shamu_the_Killer_Whale_Sea_World_Orlando

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Kleenex tissues were originally used as filters in gas masks.

Kleenex

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Knitted socks discovered in Ancient Egyptian tombs

have been dated back as far as the 3rd century AD.

Oh mummy!

knitted socks

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Larry Lewis ran the 100 yard dash in 17.9 seconds in 1969,

there by setting a new world’s record

for runners in the 100 years or older class.

He was 101.

old-runner

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5% of Canadians don’t know the first 7 words of the Canadian anthem,

but know the first 9 of the American anthem.

Canadian Anthem

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7% of Americans don’t know the first 9 words of the American anthem,

but know the first 7 of the Canadian anthem.

American Anthem

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85,000,000 tons of paper are used each year in the U.S.

paper

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99% of the solar system’s mass is concentrated in the sun.

sun-etc

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There is a company in Taiwan makes dinnerware

out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.

wheat dinnerware

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About 70% of Americans who go to college

do it just to make more money.

(The rest are just avoiding reality for four more years.)

college

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America once issued a 5-cent bill.

5 Cent Bill

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The Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew named Cuitlahuac,

whose name meant “plenty of excrement.”

Now there’s revenge for you!

cuitlahuac_realista

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Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of

their unwanted people without killing them

used to burn their houses down

– hence the expression “to get fired.”

youre-fired

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Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland

because he doesn’t wear pants

– the little pecker!

donald_duck

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Marijuana is not as chemically addictive

as is nicotine, alcohol, or caffeine.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today

is because in the 1930’s cotton growers lobbied against

hemp farmers whom they saw it as competition.

marijuana-leaf

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Special playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII.

If captured, they could be soaked in water

and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.

map-card

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The three best-known western names in China are

Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

Nixon and Elvis

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Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill,

‘If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee’.

To which Churchill replied,

‘If you were my wife, I would drink it’.

Astor vs Churchill

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Happy Thanksgiving Day Everybody

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well it’s Thursday again BUT it’s also Thanksgiving Day so perhaps some people will have a lot better things to do than read my blog today.

Whatever you are doing and wherever you are doing it, have a great and a lovely celebration whether you are with family, friends or just on your own.

For those who do care to take a few minutes to check out this blog, particularly for those in other countries who may not be celebrating on this particular day here is another selection of the bad jokes we like to call puns.

I just had to post this today because tomorrow I’ll probably be doing cold turkey. 

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve started. Read on and enjoy!

sexy chick .

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I used to be a banker but I lost interest  

bad bank good bank 

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How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.

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Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.        

split pants

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He wears glasses during math because it improves division.      

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A bacteria walked into a bar and the bartender said, ‘We don’t serve bacteria in this place.’

The bacteria said, ‘But I work here, I’m staph.’

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He has been a jogger for three years running.    

jogger cartoon

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In a recession, the most secure job is garbage-man. Business is always picking up.

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Do optometrists live long because they dilate?

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I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

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I just got of these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how it turns out.

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John Deere’s manure spreader is the only equipment the company won’t stand behind.

manure spreader 

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. 

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I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many strings attached and lots of drawbacks.

Cello Archery

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I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.

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Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor.

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A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

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Is the patron saint of poverty St. Nickeless.

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My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

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I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.         

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Weight loss mantra? Fat chants!

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thanksgiving cartoon

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Unexpected Answers From Minds That Don’t Quite Work As Intended – Yes, Quiz Show Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Yes, another Monday and time for more of those unexpected answers from minds that don’t quite work as intended – even by their owners!

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Q: Name something that you wanted to do as a kid, but your parents wouldn’t let you

A: Have a snake

cartoon snake.

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Q: An occupation in which people cover their faces

A: Model

model with face hidden.

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Q: Name a food used to describe a person

A: A dog

scared dog.

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Q: Name a food you wish was healthy for you

A: Ketchup

cartoon ketchup.

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Q: The bad habit you’d most like to get rid of

A: Picking nose

Pick Me.

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Q: An expression that means “getting married”

A: Rendezvous

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Q: Name a high school class people might actually enjoy going to

A: Beverly Hills

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Q: Name a food that comes smoked

A: Tobacco

baseball-bans-chewing-tobacco.

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Q: Name something a bricklayer uses

A: Spatula

bricklayer at work.

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Q: Name a slang word for “man”

A: Homeboy

homeboy.

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Q: Name a famous Biblical twosome

A: Ralph and Susie

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Q: Name something you’d find in an operating room

A: Operator

operator.

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Q: How many times per day you look in the mirror

A: Twenty

looking in mirror.

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Q: Name a character from a horror movie that reminds you of some of your dates

A: Loch Ness Monster
A: Incredible Hulk

.Incredible_Hulk_Animated_by_soulmaninc

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Q: Name a food that can be brown or white

A: Potatoes

mr_potato_cartoon.

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Q: Name a day of the year when you want to be with friends

A: December

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Q: Name a gift that might be insulting if a woman received it from her mother-in-law

A: Shoes

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Q: Name a tall tourist attraction

A: Disneyland

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Q: Your wife’s most unappealing habit (asked to 100 married men)

A: Picking her feet

picking feet - most annoying habit
picking feet – most unappealing habit

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The Answers That Raise More Questions Than The Questions They Answer, In Other Words It’s Quiz Show Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s another Quiz Show Monday and time to examine the workings of the inner minds that really don’t work so well.

Enjoy.

(Now where did I put that flask???)

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Q: Name a cable TV channel the whole family can watch together

A: UPN (He meant “USPN”)

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Q: Name something men would carry inside bras, if they started wearing them

A: Flask

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Q: Name something you see at every college football game

A: Alcohol

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Q: Name a food people put ketchup on

A: Bacon

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Q: Name something you do while you sunbathe

A: Lay in the sun

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Q: Name a place where you might see another person take off all their clothes

A: The mall

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Q: Name a specific place where you’d hate to be during a major power failure

A: In a car

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Q: Name a famous “Arnold”

A: Arnold & Willis

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Q: The country you think has the most exciting men? (Asked to 100 women)

A: Paris

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Q: Name a month that’s also a person’s name

A: January

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Q: Name something with a hole in the middle

A: Hole punch

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Q: Name something people hold still for

A: When they have to go to the bathroom

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Q: How long an extramarital affair lasts

A: 3 days

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Q: Name a fact about Al Gore

A: He’s a Republican

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Q: The section of the newspaper in which you’d be shocked to find your name

A: Weddings
A: Lost and Found

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Q: The fastest selling drug

A: Marijuana
A: Vicodin

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Q: The person who is most likely to be on George W. Bush’s dartboard

A: Jesse Jackson
A: Larry King

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Q: Name something that comes in pairs

A: Bananas

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Q: Name something little kids don’t like to wear

A: Shirts

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Q: Name a vegetable that grows in the ground

A: Cabbage

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It’s Thursday And That Means Another Excuse For A Few More Bad Jokes

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s Thursday and that means another excuse for a few more bad jokes in the shape of the word plays called puns.

Enjoy!

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Organ donors put their heart into it.
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Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
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A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens.
A brother is frying chips.
‘Are you the friar?’ he asks.
‘No. I’m the chip monk,’ he replies.
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Why does the coffee taste like mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
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I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
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I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
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The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
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To some – marriage is a word … to others – a sentence.
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A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.
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The man who worked at the watch factory was very funny.
He stood about all day making faces.
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I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
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Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%,
they blame it on the cost of living.
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Cartoonist found dead in home.
Details are sketchy.
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Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
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I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I’ve ever seen.
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Did you hear about the electrician who claimed that his truck was a volts wagon.

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