Lif Is Too Short.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Lif may be too short but thankfully there’s no shortage of puns.

Here’s the latest selection for you to…

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

I’ve just ended a relationship with a hair stylist.

We just never gelled.

hair stylist cartoon

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Say what you like about deaf people.

But not blind people,

they can still hear you.

deaf

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I went to the inventor of Optrex’s funeral today.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

Optrex

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My wife says the passion has gone out of our relationship.

She really doesn’t know how much I hate her.

love hate

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I used to be a hypochondriac until

I eventually became sick of it.

hypochondriac

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What have Winnie the Pooh and

Atilla the Hun got in common ?…….

the same middle name

Winnie the Pooh

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Wouldn’t it be better if handmade shoes

were for your feet?

handmade shoes

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I’ll be making a movie

about the Greek alphabets.

It’s a Psi Phi film.

Greek alphabet

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What do you call

a quick circumcision.

A rip off.

cartoon circumcision

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According to scientists there is a

link between noise and obesity.

Probably the dinner bell.

come and get it

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Just bought a time machine from Amazon.

Well you have to when they offer

previous day delivery.

time machine

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Finally for today a health warning:

Mixing cannabis with cod liver oil

is bad for your joints.

weed joints

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My Nose Is Itchy, I Wonder Why. Maybe The Facts Will Tell Me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Itchy or not it’s time for another fact day.

This selection includes music, movies and Mexican general elections.

So hopefully something for everyone.

Enjoy.

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facts 02

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Earth’s seasons are not due to our proximity to the sun,

but rather due to Earth’s 23.4 degree tilt on its axis.

 earth's tilt on axis

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Did you know that in Romania many people believe

that when your nose is feeling itchy,

it means that someone wants to kiss you.

In some other countries the superstition says

that an itchy nose is a sign that

you are going to be angry later.

Take you choice which to believe, or both, or neither.

 itchy nose

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When you are trying to listen to someone in a noisy situation,

use your right ear because it picks up words better,

while your left ear is better at picking up sounds and music.

 listening

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Famous people who served during World War One (WWI)

include the writers A. A. Milne, creator of Winnie the Pooh,

JRR Tolkien, author of Lord of The Rings,

sculptor Henry Moore, and the actor Basil Rathbone.

 

Basil Rathbone WWI
Basil Rathbone WWI

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Although it is commonly said and believed that

lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice,

the fact is that it can and does.

Lightning tries to find the fastest path to the ground,

and therefore tall buildings, trees, and such are at the

greatest risk because the higher the object,

the more likely it is to be struck.

 lightning striking tree

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The most subscribed channel

on YouTube is ‘Music’.

 YouTube music channel

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In the Mexican general election of 1988,

during the count the government claimed

that the computers had crashed.

Although the early results showed that

Cárdenas was winning comfortably,

when the computers were “repaired,”

his political opponent, Salinas, had supposedly

eked out a narrow victory.

Years later, a former president of Mexico,

Miguel de la Madrid, admitted to the New York Times

that the 1988 general election had been rigged

to make the Institutional Revolutionary Party win,

and that three years after the election,

all ballots were burned in order to

remove all evidence of the fraud.

 Mexican flag

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The techniques used for pyramid

construction developed over time;

later pyramids were not built

the same way as earlier ones.

 techniques used for pyramid construction

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 In the H G Wells novel entitled “The World Set Free”,

written at a time when little was known

about the power of radioactive elements,

he predicted that a city-destroying atomic bomb

would destroy lives in the future.

Years later the atomic bomb was launched

through the Manhattan Project and eventually

dropped on the Japanese city of Hiroshima,

causing radiation sickness and deaths years after.

 The World Set Free by H G Wells

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In 1929, German surgeon Werner Forssmann

examined the inside of his own heart by

threading a catheter into his arm vein.

This was the first cardiac catheterization,

a now common procedure.

 cardiac catheterization

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The chef was one of the male survivors

from the Titanic disaster,

and his survival is credited to the amount

of liquor he drank right before going underwater,

which kept his body temperature up.

 Titanic chef survivor

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Marijuana is known to increase

appetite and food consumption.

Pigs in Bhutan are fed cannabis to make

them hungrier and consequently fatter.

 Pigs in Bhutan are fed cannabis

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Vodka is the world’s most popular liquor by a huge margin,

with about 5 billion liters consumed every year.

 stolichnaya vodka

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Cocoa trees can live up to 200 years but they only

produce usable cocoa beans for about 25 years.

 Cocoa trees

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In the famous movie Psycho,

Alfred Hitchcock used Bosco chocolate syrup

for blood in the legendary shower scene.

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They Say If You Don’t Know Something You Should Ask – Well……

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some more questions about those mysteries of life that most of us just seem to accept. It’s a good job that not everyone is so mild mannered.

Enjoy. 
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Why do they call it the ‘Department of Interior’ when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

US Dept Of The Interior Seal.

Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it ‘gels’ the smell is gone?

jello.

Why are dogs noses always wet?

dog nose.

If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?

bee.

Why do people say ‘heads up’ when what you should really do is duck?

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Why is it okay for dudes to slap other dudes’ asses in football, but not in any other situation?

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If one man says, ‘it was an uphill battle’, and another says, ‘it went downhill from there’, how could they both be having troubles?

uphill battle  -  all downhill from here
uphill battle – all downhill from here

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Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

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If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

Better Business Bureau logo.

If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?

bubble.

How come all of the planets are spherical?

square planet.

How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn’t just peel right off?

first women to shave their legs.

When a pregnant lady has twins, are there one or two umbilical cords?

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Why doesn’t Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?

Winnie the Pooh.

Why do they put holes in crackers?

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Can you still say ‘Put it where the sun don’t shine’ on a nude beach?

nudist beach.

What do people in China call their good plates?

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How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

purple hippo.

If an escalator breaks down, does it become stairs?

broken escalator.

Why did they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

donkey kong

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