‘Mayday’, ‘Mayday’, It’s… Er… May Day Actually.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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may day sign

The first day of May, or ‘May Day’ as it is also known, is a curious mixture of superstition, social protest (Labor Day) and celebration.

May Day is also the 121st day of the year and marks the midpoint between spring and summer, occurring exactly half a year from November 1st.

Like most of the occasions we have now (Easter, Christmas, etc.), May Day started out as a pagan celebration. Its origins go back thousands of years to the Celtic period, where towns and villages would come together to celebrate springtime fertility, and rejoice in the beauty of spring and optimism of life. The energy of these gatherings was supposed to help inspire procreation.

During the 1600s, May Day festivities were prohibited and in 1640 the Church in England ruled against the debauchery and the British Parliament banned the traditions as immoral. A much tamer version was brought back in 1644 under the rule of Charles II.

Maypoles were devised as (phallic) symbols of fertility, but were also symbolic of the “world tree,” which was supposed to bridge the gap between heaven and earth. There are also rumors that this was the last chance for fairies to travel to the earth.

Today, May Day is probably best known in most countries for the tradition of ‘dancing round the maypole’ and the crowning of a ‘May Queen’.

Flowers also play an important part in May Day celebrations. Native Americans even called May the month of the flower moon, believing that flowers would dance under the full moon. And ancient Romans dedicated May Day to Flora, the goddess of flowers.

In Italy, May Day is still regarded by some as the happiest day of the year.

Since 1928, May Day in Hawaii has been known as ‘Lei Day’, a spring celebration that embraces Hawaiian culture and in particular, the lei. The holiday song, “May Day is Lei Day in Hawai’i,” was originally a fox trot, but was later rearranged as a Hawaiian hula.

Listed below are some of the historical events that happened on May Day that I found interesting. Hope you do too.

But just before you start those, a word about something that has nothing whatever to do with May Day although many people believe that it has. The international distress signal is often referred to s a “mayday” signal but this is not a reference to the first day of May. The name derives from the French “venez m’aider”, meaning “come help me.”

Now you know.

And now for the real facts.

Enjoy.

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maypole

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Historical Events that happened on various May 1st’s

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1006 – A Supernova was observed by Chinese & Egyptians astronomers in the constellation Lupus.

1328 – The Wars of Scottish Independence ended with the Treaty of Edinburgh-Northampton by which the Kingdom of England recognized the Kingdom of Scotland as an independent state.

1544 – Turkish troops occupied Hungary.

1682 – Louis XIV and his court inaugurated the Paris Observatory.

1703 – At the Battle at Rultusk the Swedish army defeated the Russians.

1704 – The Boston Newsletter published the first ever newspaper advertisement.

1707 – England, Wales & Scotland form the United Kingdom of Great Britain.

1751 – The first American cricket match is played.

1753 – May Day this year saw Publication of Species Plantarum by Linnaeus, and the formal start date of plant taxonomy adopted by the International Code of Botanical Nomenclature.

1759 – Josiah Wedgwood founded the Wedgwood pottery company in Great Britain.

1759 – The British fleet occupied Guadeloupe, West Indies, capturing it from France.

1776 – The secret society of the Illuminati was established in Ingolstadt (Upper Bavaria), by Jesuit-taught Adam Weishaupt.

Illuminati

1777 – RB Sheridan’s “School for Scandal” premiered in London.

1778 – The American Revolutionary War Battle of Crooked Billet began in Hatboro, Pennsylvania.

1786 – Mozart’s opera “Marriage of Figaro” premiered in Wien (Vienna)

1822 – John Phillips became the first mayor of Boston.

1840 – The first adhesive postage stamps, known as the “Penny Blacks”, were issued in the UK.

1841 – The first emigrant wagon train left Independence, Missouri, for California.

1844 – Samuel Morse sent his first telegraphic message.

1844 – The Hong Kong Police Force, the world’s second modern police force and Asia’s first, was established.

1850 – John Geary became the first mayor of San Francisco.

1851 – The ‘Great Exhibition’ opened in the Crystal Palace, London.

1852 – The Philippine peso is introduced into circulation.

1857 – William Walker, conqueror of Nicaragua, surrendered to the U.S. Navy.

1861 – In the American Civil War, General Lee ordered Confederate troops under T J Jackson to Harper’s Ferry.

1862 – Also in the American Civil War, Major General Benjamin Butler’s Union forces occupied New Orleans.

1863 – The Confederate ‘National Flag’ replaced the ‘Stars & Bars’.

confederate second national flag

1866 – The Memphis Race Riots began. In three days time, 46 blacks and two whites were killed. Reports of the atrocities influenced passage of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.

1866 – The American Equal Rights Association formed.

1869 – The Folies Bergère opens in Paris.

1873 – The first US postal card is issued.

1873 – Emperor Franz Jozef opened the 5th World’s Exposition in Vienna.

1875 – 238 members of the “Whiskey Ring” are accused of anti-US activities.

1883 – “Buffalo Bill” Cody put on his first Wild West Show.

1884 – Construction began on Chicago’s first skyscraper (10 stories).

1884 – May Day this year also saw the Proclamation of the demand for eight-hour workday in the United States.

1884 – Moses Walker became the first African American player in major league baseball in the US.

Moses Fleetwood Walker

1885 – The original Chicago Board of Trade Building opened for business.

1886 – A general strike began in the US for an 8-hour working day.

1889 – German ompany Bayer introduced aspirin in powder form.

1900 – The Scofield Mine disaster killed over 200 men in Scofield, Utah in what was the fifth-worst mining accident in United States history.

1901 – Herb McFarland hit the first grand slam in the American League.

1908 – The world’s most intense shower (2.47″ in 3 minutes) occurred at Portobelo, Panama.

1912 – The Beverly Hills Hotel opened.

1915 – The RMS Lusitania departed from New York City, bound for Liverpool, on her two hundred and second, and final, crossing of the North Atlantic. Six days later, the ship was torpedoed off the coast of Ireland with the loss of 1,198 lives.

1920 – Babe Ruth made his first Yankee home run and the 50th of career.

1922 – Charlie Robertson of Chicago pitched a perfect no-hit, no-run game.

1925 – Cyprus became a British Crown Colony.

1927 – The first cooked meals on an airplane were introduced on on an Imperial Airways scheduled flight from London to Paris.

1930 – The dwarf planet Pluto was officially named.

1931 – The Empire State Building opened in New York City.

Empire State Building

1935 – Boulder Dam was completed.

1935 – Canada’s first silver dollar was circulated.

1937 – FDR signed the act of neutrality.

1939 – Batman comics hit street.

1940 – The 1940 Olympics were cancelled because of WWII.

1941 – ‘Citizen Kane’, directed & starring Orson Welles, premiered in New York.

1941 – General Mills introduced Cheerios.

1944 – The world’s first operational jet-powered fighter aircraft, the Messerschmitt Me 262 Sturmvogel, makes 1st flight

1945 – A German newsreader officially announced that Adolf Hitler has “fallen at his command post in the Reich Chancellery fighting to the last breath against Bolshevism and for Germany”. The Soviet flag is raised over the Reich Chancellery, by order of Stalin.

Hitler dead headline

1945 – Admiral Karl Doenitz formed the new German government.

1946 – Field Marshal Montgomery was appointed British supreme commander.

1946 – The three-year Pilbara strike of Indigenous Australians began.

1947 – Radar for commercial & private planes was first demonstrated.

1948 – North Korea proclaims itself the People’s Democratic Republic of Korea.

1952 – US Marines take part in an atomic explosion training exercise in Nevada.

1952 – Mr Potato Head was introduced.

1952 – TWA introduced tourist class.

1956 – The polio vaccine developed by Jonas Salk was made available to the public.

1956 – A doctor in Japan reported an “epidemic of an unknown disease of the central nervous system”, marking the official discovery of Minamata disease.

1957 – Larry King made his first radio broadcast.

Larry King

1959 – Floyd Patterson KO’d Brian London in the 11th round for the heavyweight boxing title.

1960 – Russia shot down Francis Gary Powers’ Lockheed U-2 spy plane over Sverdlovsk in the Soviet Union, sparking a diplomatic crisis.

1961 – May Day 1961 was the date of the first US airplane being hijacked to Cuba.

1962 – The first French underground nuclear experiment took place in the Sahara, at Ecker Algeria.

1963 – James Whittaker became the first American to conquer Mount Everest.

1964 – The first BASIC program ws run on a computer at Dartmouth.

1965 – The U.S.S.R. launched its Luna 5 spacecraft which later impacted on the Moon.

1966 – Last British concert by the Beatles took place at the Empire Pool in Wembley.

1967 – Elvis Presley married Pricilla Beaulieu.

1969 – James Chichester-Clark was elected leader of the Ulster Unionist Party, and Northern Ireland Prime Minister, after succeededing Terence O’Neill.

1971 – Amtrak Railroad began operations.

1971 – The Rolling Stones released their mega-hit single “Brown Sugar”.

1978 – Ernest Morial, the first black mayor of New Orleans is inaugurated.

1978 – Japan’s Naomi Uemura, travelling by dog sled, became the first person to reach the North Pole alone.

1979 – Elton John became the first pop star to perform in Israel.

1981 – Tennis player Billie Jean King acknowledged a lesbian relationship with Marilyn Barnett – becoming first prominent sportswoman to ‘come out’.

1984 – Great Britain performed a nuclear test at a Nevada Test Site.

1985 – US President Ronald Reagan ended the embargo against Nicaragua.

1986 – Russian news agency Tass reported the Chernobyl nuclear power plant disaster.

1989 – The 135 acre Disney MGM studio officially opened to the public.

1991 – The Angolan civil war ended.

1993 – There was a bomb attack on the Sri Lankan president in which 26 people died.

1994 – Three-time Formula One world champion Ayrton Senna was killed in an accident during the San Marino Grand Prix at Imola.

Ayrton Senna

1997 – Howard Stern Radio Show premiered in San Diego, CA, on KIOZ 105.3 FM.

1997 – Tony Blair was elected Prime Minister of UK.

1999 – The body of British climber George Mallory was found on Mount Everest, 75 years after his disappearance in 1924.

2003 – In what became known as the “Mission Accomplished” speech, U.S. President George W. Bush declared on board the USS Abraham Lincoln off the coast of California, that “major combat operations in Iraq have ended”.

2009 – Same-sex marriage was legalized in Sweden.

2011 – U.S. President Barack Obama announced that Osama bin Laden, founder of the militant Islamist group Al-Quaeda and the suspected mastermind behind the September 11 attackshad been killed by United States special forces in Abbottabad, Pakistan. Due to the time difference between the United States and Pakistan, bin Laden was actually killed on May 2.

2012 – Guggenheim Partners made the largest ever purchase of a sports franchise after buying the Los Angeles Dodgers for $2.1 billion.

2013 – A digital camera was created that could mimic insect compound eyes.

 

People you might have heard of who were born on May 1st include,

1594 – John Haynes, English-American politician, 1st Governor of the Colony of Connecticut (d. 1653)

1769 – Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, Irish-English field marshal and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (d. 1852)

1852 – Calamity Jane, American scout (d. 1903)

1916 – Glenn Ford, Canadian-American actor (d. 2006)

1919 – Lewis Hill, American broadcaster, co-founded Pacifica Radio (d. 1957)

1923 – Joseph Heller, American author and playwright (d. 1999)

1925 – Scott Carpenter, American commander, pilot, and astronaut (d. 2013)

1937 – Una Stubbs, English actress and dancer

1939 – Judy Collins, American singer-songwriter and guitarist

1945 – Rita Coolidge, American singer-songwriter

1946 – Joanna Lumley, English actress

1946 – John Woo, Hong Kong director, producer, and screenwriter

1954 – Ray Parker, Jr., American singer-songwriter, guitarist, and producer (Raydio)

1967 – Scott Coffey, American actor, director, producer and screenwriter

 

People you might have heard of who died on May 1st include,

1731 – Johann Ludwig Bach, German violinist and composer (b. 1677)

1873 – David Livingstone, Scottish missionary (b. 1813)

1945 – Joseph Goebbels, German politician, Chancellor of Germany (b. 1897)

1985 – Denise Robins, English journalist and author (b. 1897)

2006 – Rob Lacey, English actor and author (b. 1962)

2011 – Ted Lowe, English sportscaster (b. 1920)

2011 – Henry Cooper, English boxer (b. 1934)

2014 – Howard Smith, American journalist, director, and producer (b. 1936)

Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws, Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have the third of my three-part series highlighting some of the stupid laws that have been made by the stupid politicians and bureaucrats that we have allowed into positions of power.

So here are some more of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, part 1 covered A to L, part 2 covered the M’s and N’s, this week it’s O to W.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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OHIO

  • Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. (I hope that’s no reflection on them.)
  • It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (And immoral any other day.)
  • It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Would Sir like some water with that?)
  • The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. (But I want to ‘beep’.)
  • If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (That’s greeeaaaatttttt!)

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OKLAHOMA

  • It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (And the real thing is okay???)
  • Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
  • It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (That reminds me of a joke about…… no, better not.)
  • People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (What happens if you just have a ugly face to begin with?)
  • Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
  • Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (Well, blow me, that’s expensive!)
  • It is illegal to conceal the birth of a child that would be a bastard. (But you never know how they are going to turn out until they get a bit older???)

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OREGON

  • Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. (That’s okay, you need both hands to hang on to the car anyhow.)
  • It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (So where do you whisper them?)
  • Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. (Ridiculous!)
  • It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. (To pot with that!!)
  • You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street. (Well, maybe YOU can’t, but….)
  • Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. (And quite difficult even with one.)
  • It is a crime to publicly scrape clean a skeleton in a cemetery. (And let’s make no bones about it.)

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PENNSYLVANIA

  • It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (This is another one of those ‘how many people were doing this that a law was needed against it’ kind of things.)
  • Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
  • A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Ya hear that one ladies?)
  • In Harrisburg it is against the law to wear lead nipple shields. (I bet Superman goes there – a lot!)
  • You may not sing in the bathtub.
  • You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I don’t think I could catch a fish with my mouth.)

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RHODE ISLAND

  • No one may bite off another’s leg. (Ears, noses, arms, etc., are okay?)
  • Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (I’m saying nothing.)
  • One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left. (Can do!)
  • The penalty for biting off another’s limb is twenty years in jail, but only if it was intentional. (Whoops, sorry, there’s your leg back. I didn’t mean it.)
  • It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. (Clearly!)
  • You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

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SOUTH CAROLINA

  • It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. (I just consider it stupid.)
  • Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (I guess there’s no room, what with all the donkeys in there.)
  • It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
  • It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. (You mean if you are attempting suicide or you can’t kill the person who is attempting suicide?)

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SOUTH DAKOTA

  • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (But is there a law about cutting the cheese?)
  • If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
  • In Huron it is an offence to cause static. (Shocking law that one.)
  • Otherwise illegal explosives can be set off in sunflower fields.

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TENNESSEE

  • It is a crime to share your Netflix password in Tennessee. (Is it okay in English?)
  • It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (And very difficult.)
  • “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
  • Skunks may not be carried into the state. (Yeah, let the little stinkers walk.)

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TEXAS

  • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (What sort of a guy ‘sips’ beer? Come on!)
  • Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
  • It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (Is that a double entendre?)
  • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
  • In Dallas it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

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UTAH

  • It is illegal not to drink milk.
  • It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
  • Birds have the right of way on all highways.
  • In Salt Lake County an official milkman is limited to casual contact with his customers. (What’s all this about milk in Utah?)
  • A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
  • No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (So turn the sirens off??)
  • It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So are these laws not breaking this law?)

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VERMONT

  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (By gum!)
  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
  • All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

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VIRGINIA

  • Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (Just how did the people who thought this one up think that they were going to enforce it?)
  • It is illegal to tickle women. (You just said that, see above!)
  • A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (How long for a good slap?)
  • Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

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WASHINGTON

  • The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. (Do tell how exactly do you harass an ‘undiscovered’ species? Wouldn’t you have to discover it first, and once discovered it is no longer ‘undiscovered’ and therefore can be harassed?)
  • All lollipops are banned. (This law really sucks.)
  • People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
  • In Washington it is a misdemeanor to sell poison without a license.
  • In Seattle possessing an electro-magnetic wave generator is a crime.
  • It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Can you pretend that they are poor?)
  • You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (And where would you be able to conceal it anyway?)

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WEST VIRGINIA

  • It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (And I would imagine dangerous if it does!)
  • It is illegal to snooze on a train.
  • One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
  • Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

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WISCONSIN

  • Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
  • At one time, margarine was illegal.
  • It is illegal to kiss on a train.
  • It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. (People from Brazil please take special note.)
  • The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals. (That’s handy.)
  • Cheddar cheese must be “highly pleasing”.
  • Followers of the Ho-Chunk religion may hunt deer without a license.
  • It is illegal to produce baby Swiss cheese without well-developed eyes. (Otherwise how could you see what you were doing… Duh!!)

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WYOMING

  • If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (Prospects aren’t good then?)
  • It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (Iron or wooden?)
  • You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (That really bugs me.)
  • It is illegal to charge for the use of a toilet. (No sh**!)

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Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There has to be a little bit of truth at least in the saying that you get the politicians you deserve. If you vote for morons then I’m afraid the odds are that you’ll get stupid laws, rules and regulations.

It’s a worldwide disease, but here is a continuation from last Wednesday of some of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, last week we covered A to L, this week it’s the M’s and N’s.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).  

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MAINE

  • To stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law. (Finally a law that is half sensible.)
  • Mercury thermometers may not be sold in the city.
  • It is illegal to park in front of Dunkin Donuts. (Hmmm, so that’s why there’s always a cop car outside it.)

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MARYLAND

  • It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. (So dinner and a what then?)
  • An establishment using a strobe light must post a warning sign for epileptics. (They might have a fit if you didn’t.)
  • You may not curse inside the city limits. (WTF!)
  • It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. (Mine has sleeves, they’re short, but it has sleeves.)
  • Any person caught committing adultery is subject to a $10 fine. (Bill Clinton would probably consider that good value for money!)

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MASSACHUCETTS

  • At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches. (That’s dead mean.)
  • It is a crime to own an explosive golf ball.
  • Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
  • All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday. (That’s the only day I go to Church.)
  • It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath. (Oh, oh! I usually just take a shower.)
  • Selling arsenic-laced candy is subject to a $100 fine.
  • A woman can not be on top in sexual activities. (Yes, men are much better – awe, come on!)
  • Quakers and witches are banned.

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MICHIGAN

  • Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.
  • It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
  • Seducing or debauching an unmarried woman can earn five years in jail. (Or a much longer sentence if you have to marry her!)
  • It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. (What swine thought that one up?)
  • There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
  • In Flint one who wears “saggy pants” can be jailed for four months. 
  • A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission. (So can she get a hairdresser or another woman to do it?)

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MINNESOTA

  • It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there. (I thought it was just supposed to be tents? You know loitering within tent?? See what I did there???)
  • A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. (That one is quackers.)
  • Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head. (Are they subject to a paltry fine?)
  • Red cars may not drive down Lake Street, Minnieapolis.
  • Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays. (Hot dog!)

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MISSISSIPPI

  • If one is a parent to two illegitimate children, that person will go to jail for at least one month.
  • It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.
  • A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her. (Who would do a thing like that?)
  • It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public. (Stiff penalties no doubt!)

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MISSOURI

  • It is a crime to let an unaltered jackass run at large. (I’ve forgotten, who are Missouri’s Congressional Representatives?)
  • No person may own a PVC pipe. (No Blue Man Group in Missouri then.)
  • It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. (Like I said before, a good night out ruined.)
  • A milk man may not run while on duty. 
  • It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.  (And, I imagine, quite expensive.)
  • Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. (Good law, give ‘em something that can kill people instead of just annoy them.)

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MONTANA

  • One may not pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. (You mean you have to do it for real?)
  • It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. (Baaaaaaad law.)
  • In Helena it is an offence to let your water sprinkler wet a passer-by. (Well really, the very idea!)
  • It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail. (Try enforcing that one!)
  • It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style. (Oh boy, knowing it’s illegal makes it even better!)
  • Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them. (Without reservations?)
  • It is illegal to bring a bomb or rocket at city council proceedings.
  • Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated. (You hear that Frank?)

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NEBRASKA

  • If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
  • It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license. (Straight up?)
  • Doughnut holes may not be sold.
  • It is illegal to do a reverse bungee jump. (Surely that’s stretching things a bit?)

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NEVADA

  • It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
  • A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day. (Do I hear a stampede of cheapskates heading for Nevada?)
  • It is illegal to lie down on the sidewalk. (That’s okay, I usually just fall down.)
  • Owning a slave is against the law. (Er… isn’t it everywhere?)

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NEW HAMPSHIRE

  • On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up. (Remember to keep your eyes shut then.)
  • It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
  • Spite fences cannot be higher than five feet. (Try looking over that, shorty!)
  • A law against shooting humans has been repealed. (Hands up sucker!)

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NEW JERSEY

  • It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder. (But weapons are okay?)
  • In Paterson it is illegal for an ice cream vendor to be annoying.
  • You cannot pump your own gas. (Oh yes I can, just listen.)
  • It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
  • It is against the law to “frown” at a police officer.
  • You may not slurp your soup. (But it tastes nicer that way.)

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NEW MEXICO

  • Nudity is allowed, provided that male genitals are covered. (Bollocks!)
  • Women may walk in public topless provided they have their nipples covered. (Where’s the point?)
  • It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public. (Even their heads?)
  • Abusing a computer is a crime.
  • You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street in Las Cruces.

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NEW YORK

  • Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. (Provided what is not being used as a business?)
  • It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing”. (That’s the law lycra or not!)
  • Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”. (Now that would just be as dumb as this law, wouldn’t it?)
  • The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (I understand the gravity of this law.)
  • A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
  • While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door. (Farting is permitted is it?)
  • Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 PM (When else would you wear them?)

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NORTH CAROLINA

  • It’s against the law to sing off key. (Thank goodness Mrs Miller is from Missouri.)
  • In Transylvania County a Dalmation is deemed to be a “potentially dangerous” breed of dog. (Well spotted!)
  • Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.
  • While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled. (Now that’s a new name for them!)
  • Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.

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NORTH DAKOTA

  • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
  • Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
  • Only US Citizens can be appointed to the Dry Pea and Lentil Council. (Naturally! What would foreigners know about such things?)
  • It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon. (How can you be on horseback and in a covered wagon at the same time?)
  • One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.
  • A food seller cannot be held responsible for making someone fat.

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What Do Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you were ever in any doubt, let me assure you that when you elect morons to positions where they can legislate for the rest of us then you are assured that they will spend their time and our money making stupid laws, rules and regulations.

It happens in every country and in every state in every country. Such is the horrendous scale of the problem that I would be blogging forever if I tried to highlight worldwide stupidity, so as an example let’s look at some of the lesser known laws that govern citizens in the United States of America (I will list them state by state alphabetically. Part one today is A to L).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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ALABAMA

  • It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses. 
  • In Alabama, it is against the law to wear a fake mustache that could cause laughter in the church. 
  • A voter spending more than four minutes in a voting booth can be asked to hurry up.

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ALASKA

  • No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
  • A clumsy or unknowledgeable person may not use a ski-lift.
  • Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.
  • It is a crime to deceive a machine.

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ARIZONA

  • Hunting camels is prohibited.
  • It is illegal to buy a human egg in order to clone yourself.
  • You may not leave a fishing pole unattended.
  • Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
  • You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

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ARKANSAS

  • A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (Ridiculous idea!)
  • Dogs may not bark after 6 PM. (How about a “woof”?) 
  • It is against the law to own a dangerous cat.

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CALFORNIA

  • The Shell Egg Advisory Committee must have seven members.
  • City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” (A little bit of role reversal there.)
  • In Chino, testing a nuclear device within the city limits is prohibited.
  • Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood took the chair – as mayor, I mean)
  • If you are selling your house you must warn potential buyers if the house is thought to be haunted.

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COLORADO

  • It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property. (I’m so cross I could spit!)
  • It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. (Quite right too, let them wallow in their filth and bring the whole neighborhood image down.)

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CONNECTICUT

  • In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
  • Selling a spool of thread without first stating its length is subject to a penalty of up to three months in prison.
  • It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. (And just plain dumb to do it in daylight.)
  • It is illegal to sell milk from skinny cows.
  • You may not educate dogs. (Or legislators, it seems!)
  • It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

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DELAWARE

  • No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk. (But actually sleeping is okay?)
  • One may not whisper in church. (But if we talk loudly won’t it disrupt the Service?)

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FLORIDA

  • Doors of all public buildings must open outwards. (Pushist legislation if ever I saw it.)
  • It is illegal for female hot dog stand attendants to wear G-strings. 
  • A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
  • In West Palm Beach it is a crime to hang a carpet in public.
  • Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (And bloody dangerous I would imagine!)
  • You may not kiss your wife’s breasts. (But someone else’s wife is okay?)

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GEORGIA

  • It is a crime to sell your child off to a circus. 
  • The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.
  • It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. (FFS, oops!)
  • No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (Don’t they mean “a Sundae”?)
  • One is not permitted to noodle a fish. (I don’t know what this means but it sounds a bit pervy.)
  • Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (There it is again, what’s going on?)
  • All citizens must own a rake. (Leaf us alone!)

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HAWAII

  • All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat. (Canoe believe this one?)
  • In Maui County building an atomic bomb is subject to a fine.
  • Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. (They’ll have to make change here.)

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IDAHO

  • It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
  • You may not fish on a camel’s back. (I take the hump at that rule.)
  • Cannibalism is prohibited unless under life threatening situations. 
  • Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back. (They’ve got some neck on them!)
  • It is a crime for anyone who is not blind to use a white cane.
  • A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face. (Another good reason for reading the fasab blog!)

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ILLINOIS

  • You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. (The buck stops here.)
  • The English language is not to be spoken. (That’s becoming more and more true of a lot of states in the US)
  • In Minooka it is illegal to “suffer any bitch or slut”
  • One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth. (Just how much of this was going on that they thought they needed a law against it? Or is someone just taking the piss??)
  • Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. (The hell with that.)
  • In Joliet the word “Joliet” must be pronounced properly, with the accent on the first syllable.
  • It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. (What a waste, I wouldn’t dream of it.)
  • In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. (There goes a good night out!)
  • It is against the law to sell a smelly mattress. 
  • Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays. (I guess I’ll have to take a bath Saturdays in Illinois.)
  • Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

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INDIANA

  • Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. (Even for single beds?)
  • Stupefying fish is against the law.
  • The value of Pi is 3. (No it isn’t.)
  • It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (That a hard one – to enforce I mean!)
  • Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. (Definitely have to remember to stay out of Illinois then.)
  • Possessing a weapon of mass destruction is against the law.
  • It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. (Even if it is coming from the other direction?)

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IOWA

  • A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
  • It is illegal to catch more than 48 frogs in one day.
  • One-armed piano players must perform for free.
  • Within the city limits of Ottumwa, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

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KANSAS

  • Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. (How illuminating.)
  • It is against the law to modify the weather without a permit.
  • No one may catch fish with his bare hands. 
  • The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
  • If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (That law will get us nowhere.)
  • No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night. (What’s the penalty for lettering?)

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KENTUCKY

  • One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
  • One may not receive anal sex. (No problem.)
  • Nudist colonies must make themselves available for inspection by the local sheriff. 
  • A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission. (So that’s why they went out of fashion.)

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LOUISIANA

  • It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
  • It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (Okay, if I ever do that I’ll use a real gun.)
  • Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”. (If you have no teeth can you just give them a big suck?)

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