Strange as it may seem Warning Signs are warning signs that society is in BIG trouble. They indicate that we have regressed to the level where we are allowing the stupidest people in society to dictate how the rest of us behave.
I disagree in the strongest possible terms with this trend. It is unnecessary and it is irritating for anyone with an IQ above 40.
If some dumb ass who knows they are allergic to nuts, buys a bag of nuts, then let them suffer the consequences of their stupidity if they eat them. Or if someone is in McDonalds or a similar establishment and buys a cup of hot coffee they should have the wit to realize that hot coffees is ‘hot’ and will burn them if they pour it all over themselves.
Harsh? Perhaps, but necessary.
Sadly the whole thing has deteriorated so far that, not only are there unnecessary warning labels on almost everything, but the morons for whom they are there now actually seem to be writing them too!
I could rant on, but better (and funnier) to show you some examples that make me shake my head in despair.
The title of today’s post is part of a quote from Scott Adams. The whole thing goes, “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”.
I don’t know whether you could classify all of these questions as stupid or otherwise, there’s probably a mixture of both. Different people will probably have different opinions.
As usual if you have any answers then feel free to enlighten us all.
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
Why can’t donuts be square?
Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?
What does happen to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?
If there’s a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?
Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?
Do people in prison celebrate halloween…. if so how?
Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?
Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if he’s English?
What do Greeks say when they don’t understand something? “It’s all ???? to me.”
Do all-boy schools have girl’s bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girl schools have boy’s bathrooms?
Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?
How come cats’ butts go up when you pet them?
What would happen to the sea’s water level if every boat in the world was taken out of the water at the same time?
How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?
Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?
Another selection of those awkward moments we all experience as we journey through life. Some make you laugh, some make you angry, but all of them make you feel a little bit stupider that you really thought you were.
That awkward moment when you realize you left the rest room with your dress tucked into your undies.
(Definitely haven’t managed that one yet, but I know someone who has.)
That awkward moment when you accidentally fart doing sit-ups at the Gym.
(Hey, another gold medal possibility if they make it an Olympic sport. For ‘accidentally’ read ‘inevitably’.)
That awkward moment when you see someone coming your way after you’ve just farted.
(Why do you think people take dogs with them for walks?)
That awkward moment when your girlfriend asks you if you love her more than your car.
(There’s only one answer to this one.)
That awkward moment when you bend down and your pants rip and you’re wearing floral underwear.
That awkward moment when you get caught in the rain in a cheesecloth dress, and really big underwear.
(I told you I don’t wear dresses, but seen it happen, very funny. Really big underwear, also known to us men folk as, ‘kidney warmers’. Sorry ladies.)
That awkward moment when someone walks in while you’re changing.
(Can be just as awkward when you walk in on someone else – or not – depending.)
That awkward moment when you confidently say the wrong answer aloud in class.
(And then try to turn the whole thing into a bad joke.)
That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
(Just do it with a smile and you’ll be okay. But only do it once.)
That awkward moment when you are trying to impress someone on the dance-floor but you dance into a pole.
(Prefer to watch other people dance where there are poles.)
That awkward moment when you think the trash can is a stool.
(So why hasn’t anyone invented a trash can that doubles as a stool – or is that a crap idea?)
The awkward moment when your friends make plans right in front of you, and the plans don’t include you.
(I can take a hint.)
That awkward moment when you’re so tired from taking a nap that you feel like to have to take another nap to get over your nap.
(Oh yes, the nap recovery nap nap!)
That awkward moment when you lose your bikini top in the surf.
(Not a problem for me, but I see the point…er..points??)
That awkward moment when you are on the beach and someone has told you that your tampon string is hanging out of your bikini.
(What does one do, and where does one do it?)
That awkward moment when you don’t know where to stand to pull your wedgie out without being noticed.
(Impossible to do without being seen. Impossible to do and still look elegant.)
That awkward moment when your neighbor starts talking to you while you’re hanging out your underwear.
(Hi there, washing the smalls today?)
That awkward moment when one heel flies off your high heels on the dance floor.
(It still baffles me why women wear high heels and how they can walk in them – or not, see videos.)
Here are a few more examples of what I like to call awkward moments. Things that happen that are, by and large, beyond our control. Sometimes they make you laugh and sometimes they make you feel stupid.
Mostly, though, I laugh, that’s better!
Hope you do too.
That awkward moment when it’s quiet and you’re eating something crunchy.
(I take pride in this one.)
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if someone is a boy or a girl.
(The older I get, the more difficult it seems to be.)
That awkward moment when you start to cross your legs during a phone call because you’re busting to go to the loo.
(Hmmmm, been there, crossed that…er, those.)
That awkward moment when she looks at you and smiles. And then her boyfriend glares at you.
(Boy, the stories I could tell….)
That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to “single” and your ex ‘Likes’ it.
That awkward moment when you type your ex’s name into your Facebook status instead of the ‘Search’ bar.
(Make that a double yuk!!)
That awkward moment when your Facebook friend tags a photo of you as a kid.
(Strike three, yuk!!!)
That awkward moment when you are in an important meeting and someone farting unexpectedly starts you to laugh.
(Most awkward if you are the culprit. )
That awkward moment when you’ve accidentally sent a text to the friend you were gossiping about.
(Guilty as charged.)
That awkward moment when you say “I love you” and he says “Okay”.
(Not me, pal.)
That awkward moment when someone you don’t want to date asks you out.
(I’m washing my hair. Helps if you have some though.)
That awkward moment when you are introducing someone and get their name wrong.
(Never been good with names.)
That awkward moment when you are in a class where you don’t speak to anyone, and your teacher says go find a partner.
(One of the drawbacks of being a loner, I guess.)
That awkward moment when someone mistakes you for the shop assistant.
(Happened to me in Walmart, they didn’t seem to think it unusual that I was no help at all.)
That awkward moment when you step out of the shower and then realize there is no towel.
(Very difficult to put your clothes on when you’re soaking wet.)
That awkward moment when you are gossiping about someone and they walk up behind you.
(Whoops, caught out again!)
That awkward moment when you push on the toilet door thinking no one was inside.
(I feel an airport toilet story coming on.)
That awkward moment when a man walks into the ladies toilets
(Haven’t managed that one yet.)
That awkward moment when you pick up the remote control to answer the phone.