Cashiers Are Always Checking Me Out.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


And now it’s time for you to check out this week’s selection of word plays.

Yes, it’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!




If you believe binoculars are overrated

then look no further.




I hate it when I run out of Staples.

So do their security guards. 




Dying cats pink, what’s next?

A Navy Seal?




I spent most of last night in jail.

Try as I might, I just couldn’t roll a double.




I missed my bus this morning.

I really shouldn’t get so sentimental about public transport.

Public Transport - Bus



I’ve been asked out by a number of sexy women this week.

That number is sadly zero.




A young man called directory assistance.

“Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number

for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.”

“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,”

the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated, and then said,

“Well, most people call me E Z.” 




When James Bond is out of his home country

of England, is he known as +44 07?




I saw a sign in a shop- ‘Mosquito nets £10’

I didn’t even know bugs could play the lottery.

Mosquito nets



I told my mate that, in order to get laid,

I’d promised my girlfriend that

I’d marry her in the summer.

He said, “July?”

I said, “Of course I did.”




I once went out with a girl with

fiery red hair and a pale thin body.

I met her on




I fell asleep whilst rafting the other day.

I just drifted off.




My wife has rather annoyingly replaced all

the lightbulbs in the house with energy efficient ones.

I’ll never see her in the same light again.

energy efficient light bulbs



It was my anniversary last week.

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted

oral sex or a new pair of shoes…

I went head over heels. 

head over heels



I’ve just watched a fantastic

movie with a twist at the end…






If There Are No Stupid Questions, Then What Kind Of Questions Do Stupid People Ask?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


The title of today’s post is part of a quote from Scott Adams. The whole thing goes, “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”.

I don’t know whether you could classify all of these questions as stupid or otherwise, there’s probably a mixture of both. Different people will probably have different opinions.

As usual if you have any answers then feel free to enlighten us all.




Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?


How do you handcuff a one-armed man?


If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?


In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?


Why can’t donuts be square?


Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?


What does happen to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?


If there’s a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?


Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?


Do people in prison celebrate halloween…. if so how?


Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?


Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if he’s English?


What do Greeks say when they don’t understand something? “It’s all ???? to me.”


Do all-boy schools have girl’s bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girl schools have boy’s bathrooms?


Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?


How come cats’ butts go up when you pet them?


What would happen to the sea’s water level if every boat in the world was taken out of the water at the same time?


How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?


Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?


How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?