End September With Some Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Indeed, what better way to end the month of September than with another random selection of facts.

I’m sure there are at least a few things in this lot that you didn’t know.

Enjoy.

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facts 04

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There are more than 100,000 chemical reactions

happening in your brain every second.

chemical reactions happening in your brain

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The first machine-made chocolate was

produced in Barcelona, Spain, in 1780.

machine-made chocolate

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A blue whale´s tongue alone

can weigh as much as a single adult elephant

which gives you an indication of the size of the former.

blue-whale-tongue-n-elephant

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About 275 million new stars are born everyday.

275 million new stars are born everyday

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Ohio lawyer Clement Vallandigham

managed to shoot himself in a court room in 1871

while demonstrating to a jury how his client’s

alleged murder victim had actually shot himself.

Apparently no one checked the gun.

Clement Vallandigham

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The Chinese language (Mandarin/Cantonese)

has about 50,000 characters.

To read a newspaper you would

need to know about 2,000 of them.

Chinese language

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Gum is not sold in any Disney Park.

disneyland_map

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The word ‘Lukewarm’ is actually a redundancy.

‘Luke’ meant ‘warm’ in Middle English

so ‘lukewarm’ technically would mean ‘warm warm’.

lukewarm

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The most remote island in the world

is the uninhabited Bouvet Island

which lies somewhere between

Antarctica and Tristan de Cunha.

Bouvet Island Location

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Did you know that dolphins are so smart that,

within a few weeks of captivity,

they can train people to stand on the

very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

feeding-dolphins

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‘Linn’s Stamp News’ is the world’s largest

weekly newspaper for stamp collectors.

Linn's Stamp News

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The little lump of flesh just forward of your ear canal,

right next to your temple, is called a ‘tragus’.

tragus

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The United States has never lost a war

in which mules were used.

army mule

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Will Clark of the Texas Rangers is a direct descendant

of William Clark of Lewis and Clark.

Will Clark Rangers Photocard

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Running from 1972 through 1983, M*A*S*H*

was one of the most successful shows on television ever.

It won 8 Golden Globe awards,

14 Primetime Emmy awards,

the 1976 Peabody award

and was the People’s Choice winner

for Favorite TV Comedy five times.

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Don’t Call Me A Cannibal! – Oh, oh, We’re In Court Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s been a while since I raided the court archives. So here are a few more examples of the level of intelligence you can expect, not only from untrained Joe Public called to give evidence, but from the supposedly highly trained lawyers, supposedly!

Enjoy.

 

 

District Attorney: What happened next, Ma’am?

Witness: He unzipped his pants and pulled out his subpoena.

Judge: Any motions, counsel?

Counsel: I move to dismiss, Your Honor. All my client did was pull out a subpoena. There’s no law against that.

Judge: Counsel, if the witness doesn’t know the difference between a penis and a subpoena that’s her problem. Held to answer!

 

 

 

Judge: If that be your verdict, so say you all

2 Jurors:  “you all”

 

 

 

Judge: Any member of your immediate family or yourself ever been the victim of a crime or robbery?

Juror: My mother had her purse snatched

Judge: How long ago was that?

Juror: Ten, fifteen years ago

Judge: Was she hurt at all in the snatch?

 

 

 

Judge:  What made you bite the police officer?

Witness:  He stuck his arm in my mouth

 

 

 

Q: Were you the lone ranger on duty that night?

A: I was a park ranger on duty that night

Q: I mean the only one, the lone

A: You mean alone?

Q Alone

A: Yes, I was

 

 

 

Q: Do you speak Spanish, Officer?

A: Yes, I do

Q: Are you fluent in Spanish?

A: Yes, I do

 

 

 

Q: Are you being selective about what you remember and what you don’t remember as to the details of your previous record?

A: I don’t remember.

 

 

 

Q: Do you have any problem with the English language?

A: No, I speak very good English.

Q: Great. Do you know Andre?

A: That’s my cousin.

Q: Have you known him all your life?

A: Since we grewed up.

 

 

 

Q: Now, do you recall the date the accident occurred?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What date was it?

A: It was a hot day in August.

Q: Did you drink any alcohol?

A: No, sir.

Q: Are you a teetotaler?

A: Not really. Just coffee once in a while, like in the morning.

 

 

 

Q: And y’all had a very intimate relationship, didn’t you, Ms. A?

A: We had sex two times. It wasn’t very intimate.

 

 

 

A: Yeah, I used to be around with him a lot. Me and his nephew run together.?

Q: Who is his nephew?

A: Pokey. I think he’s doing time now.

Q: Pokey is Kenny’s nephew and is doing time now? Are you saying Pokey is in the pokey?

A: Yeah.

 

 

 

District Attorney: Defense Counsel is accountable to you (the jury)

Counsel: Judge I object to that. I object to him referring to me as a cannibal, Judge

Judge:  He said accountable

Counsel: A what?

Judge: He said accountable, not a cannibal

Counsel:  It sounded like cannibal to me and I object

It Sounded like cannibal to me

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Witty One-liner Wednesday – Some Sayings Of The Late George Carlin, part 3

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today I have great pleasure in presenting the third, but unfortunately, final part of this short series of Witty One-liners from the late and great George Carlin.

Where have all the clever comedians gone, I wonder?

Enjoy.

 

 

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

 

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

 

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

 

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

 

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.

 

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

 

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

 

“No comment” is a comment.

 

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

 

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

 

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.

 

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

 

If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!

 

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

 

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

 

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

 

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

 

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

 

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer’s disease where they slowly began to recover other people’s lost memories.

 

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