Political Jokes!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


No, this isn’t a list of the names of the members of the HoR or the Senate, or even the Obama administration, although I see why you would have jumped to that conclusion.

I thought I would try to lighten the mood for the weekend by posting some of the political jokes that made me smile.

Hope they have the same effect on you.





Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

they should both be changed regularly…

and for the same reason.



Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new ‘Obama Value Meal’?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.




Q: How many politicians does

it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and

another one to change it back again.


.stupid face 01


Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

A: Senator.



We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope.

Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.



The recession is getting so bad,

the bank sent me a new type of credit card.

It was pre-declined.

.stupid face 02



It was so cold in Washington today,

I saw a Democrat who had his hands in his own pockets!



I is very proud dat I went 2 school in da UK.

I fink out of all 17 countries in da world UK is da best.



When they call the roll in the Senate,

the Senators do not know whether to answer

‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.’ 


.stupid face 07Today’s public figures can no longer

Today’s public figures can no longer

write their own speeches or books,

and there is some evidence

that they can’t read them either. 

(Gore Vidal.)




‘Politics is the art of looking for trouble,

finding it whether it exists or not,

diagnosing it incorrectly,

and applying the wrong remedy’.

(Ernest Benn.)



‘Politicians are the same all over.

They promise to build bridges,

even where there are no rivers’.

(Nikita Kruschchev.)



stupid face 05


I just hope our next world war isn’t with China.

Who would make uniforms for the troops?



The Iranian leader has left

on a tour of friendly countries.

He’s expected home tomorrow.



Foreign Aid :

Poor people in a rich country

sending money to

rich people in a poor country.


stupid face 06


I rarely speak to Obama supporters,

but when I do….

I ask for large fries.



Obama: “Here we are, two black presidents.”

Mandela: “You’re not very black.”

Obama: “I’ve not been to jail.”



President Obama met Bill Clinton for lunch.

“I was sorry to hear about Hillary’s concussion,”

Obama said. “How’s her head?”

“It’s fine,” Bill replied.

“But she’s no Monica.”




My computer crashed earlier and I lost all my files,

Luckily the NSA has a back up…



Stop repeat offenders.

Don’t re-elect them!




A political system where

any two idiots outvote a genius.


stupid face 03


How many Feminists does

it take to change a lightbulb?


One to get a man to change it,

and the other to criticize men for inventing it.



Spin doctors:

People who never call a spade a spade.

They proclaim it as a ground-breaking innovation.



Politicians should serve two terms.

One in office, one in prison.


stupid face 08


No matter who you vote for

the government always seems to get in.



Definition of an elephant:

A mouse built to government specifications.



The word ‘politics’ is derived from

the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’,

and the word ‘ticks’,

meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.

(Larry Hardiman.)





Don’t Call Me A Cannibal! – Oh, oh, We’re In Court Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


It’s been a while since I raided the court archives. So here are a few more examples of the level of intelligence you can expect, not only from untrained Joe Public called to give evidence, but from the supposedly highly trained lawyers, supposedly!




District Attorney: What happened next, Ma’am?

Witness: He unzipped his pants and pulled out his subpoena.

Judge: Any motions, counsel?

Counsel: I move to dismiss, Your Honor. All my client did was pull out a subpoena. There’s no law against that.

Judge: Counsel, if the witness doesn’t know the difference between a penis and a subpoena that’s her problem. Held to answer!




Judge: If that be your verdict, so say you all

2 Jurors:  “you all”




Judge: Any member of your immediate family or yourself ever been the victim of a crime or robbery?

Juror: My mother had her purse snatched

Judge: How long ago was that?

Juror: Ten, fifteen years ago

Judge: Was she hurt at all in the snatch?




Judge:  What made you bite the police officer?

Witness:  He stuck his arm in my mouth




Q: Were you the lone ranger on duty that night?

A: I was a park ranger on duty that night

Q: I mean the only one, the lone

A: You mean alone?

Q Alone

A: Yes, I was




Q: Do you speak Spanish, Officer?

A: Yes, I do

Q: Are you fluent in Spanish?

A: Yes, I do




Q: Are you being selective about what you remember and what you don’t remember as to the details of your previous record?

A: I don’t remember.




Q: Do you have any problem with the English language?

A: No, I speak very good English.

Q: Great. Do you know Andre?

A: That’s my cousin.

Q: Have you known him all your life?

A: Since we grewed up.




Q: Now, do you recall the date the accident occurred?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What date was it?

A: It was a hot day in August.

Q: Did you drink any alcohol?

A: No, sir.

Q: Are you a teetotaler?

A: Not really. Just coffee once in a while, like in the morning.




Q: And y’all had a very intimate relationship, didn’t you, Ms. A?

A: We had sex two times. It wasn’t very intimate.




A: Yeah, I used to be around with him a lot. Me and his nephew run together.?

Q: Who is his nephew?

A: Pokey. I think he’s doing time now.

Q: Pokey is Kenny’s nephew and is doing time now? Are you saying Pokey is in the pokey?

A: Yeah.




District Attorney: Defense Counsel is accountable to you (the jury)

Counsel: Judge I object to that. I object to him referring to me as a cannibal, Judge

Judge:  He said accountable

Counsel: A what?

Judge: He said accountable, not a cannibal

Counsel:  It sounded like cannibal to me and I object

It Sounded like cannibal to me