A Man Walked Into A Hardware Store….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

In case today’s title was a little bit obscure for you, it’s pun day again.

Yes even more of those bad jokes and word plays.

Enjoy!

.

.

A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.

“Is this good for wasps?” he asked the assistant.

“No, it kills them,” was the reply.

hardware store

.

.

My Doctor told me I’m a Paranoid Schizophrenic.

We think he’s out to get us

.

. 

I went into the pharmacy last week and said to the woman behind the counter, “Packet of three, please, Miss.”

“Don’t you Miss me, young man,” she replied.

I said, “Okay, better make that four then!”

pharmacy

.

. 

I used to go out with a midget but we broke up.

We just couldn’t see eye to eye.

.

.

I went to the missing persons bureau,

but there was no-one there.

missing persons bureau

.

. 

Four fonts walk into a bar

The barman says, “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here.”

.

. 

Why do they call it ‘raw’ sewage?

Is someone somewhere cooking it?

cartoon-chef

.

. 

I am very much into DIY.

Every time the wife asks me to do anything, I say, “do it yourself.”

.

.

Ted Kennedy got told off for not opening the door for his girlfriend when he was on a date.

Instead he just swam to the surface.

kennedy_cartoon

.

. 

Computers are like air conditioners.

They work fine until you start opening windows.

.

. 

Food has supplanted sex as the main driving force in my life

– now I can’t even get into my own pants.

pants

.

. 

I had a horrible childhood.

My father was a Pontoon dealer in Vegas,

that’s why he used to hit me till I was 21

.

I conducted an orchestra the other day.

It’s more fun than you can shake a stick at.

Conductor

.

. 

They say being a hostage is difficult…

…But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.

.

. 

What’s got four legs and goes “boo”?

A cow with a cold.

cartoon-cow

.

. 

The Interstate was blocked for an hour yesterday

after a car driven by a hunchback crashed into a car driven by a bearded lady.

Police are describing it as a freak accident.

.

. 

Bloody feminists.

They should all be put behind bras.

comic_feministbraburnings

.

. 

What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

==================================

.

CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Thirteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!

german Shepherd, puppy, puppies, “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Today Part Thirteen of our look at the Classified Ads that turned out a little bit differently than originally planned.

Verification in print that stupidity is alive and well.

Enjoy!

.

.

classad_bowtoxforyourdog.

.

classified ad 240

.

.

classad_brashop.

.

classified ad 241.

.

classad_buttcreamicing

.

.

classified ad 242

.

.

classad_Califorinashirt.

.

classified ad 244.

.

lassad_callJesusdirectlyfortickets.

.

classified ad 243.

.

classad_campbellsmicrowavablebowels.

.

classified ad 247.

.

classad_cardiodickboxing.

.

classified ad 248.

.

classad_catpeearomainwine.

.

============================

.

The Answers That Raise More Questions Than The Questions They Answer, In Other Words It’s Quiz Show Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

Yes, it’s another Quiz Show Monday and time to examine the workings of the inner minds that really don’t work so well.

Enjoy.

(Now where did I put that flask???)

.

 

Q: Name a cable TV channel the whole family can watch together

A: UPN (He meant “USPN”)

.

.

Q: Name something men would carry inside bras, if they started wearing them

A: Flask

. 

.

Q: Name something you see at every college football game

A: Alcohol

 .

.

Q: Name a food people put ketchup on

A: Bacon

 .

.

Q: Name something you do while you sunbathe

A: Lay in the sun

 .

.

Q: Name a place where you might see another person take off all their clothes

A: The mall

 .

.

Q: Name a specific place where you’d hate to be during a major power failure

A: In a car

 .

.

Q: Name a famous “Arnold”

A: Arnold & Willis

 .

.

Q: The country you think has the most exciting men? (Asked to 100 women)

A: Paris

 .

.

Q: Name a month that’s also a person’s name

A: January

 .

.

Q: Name something with a hole in the middle

A: Hole punch

 .

.

Q: Name something people hold still for

A: When they have to go to the bathroom

 .

.

Q: How long an extramarital affair lasts

A: 3 days

 .

.

Q: Name a fact about Al Gore

A: He’s a Republican

 .

.

Q: The section of the newspaper in which you’d be shocked to find your name

A: Weddings
A: Lost and Found

. 

.

Q: The fastest selling drug

A: Marijuana
A: Vicodin

. 

.

Q: The person who is most likely to be on George W. Bush’s dartboard

A: Jesse Jackson
A: Larry King

. 

.

Q: Name something that comes in pairs

A: Bananas

 .

.

Q: Name something little kids don’t like to wear

A: Shirts

. 

.

Q: Name a vegetable that grows in the ground

A: Cabbage

 .
===================================