It’s Hard To Explain How Good I Am At Describing Things!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But I can still describe today 

–  it’s Pun Day!

Enjoy or endure!

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If you think you dream in color,

is it just a pigment of your imagination?

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My boss fired me for complaining about the office escalator,

It didn’t go down well.

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First guy: “What would you do if your son told you he was gay?”

Second guy: “I’d buy him a straight jacket.”

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Paddy goes for a job interview at a chemical factory.

The manager asks, “Have you worked with chemicals before?”

Paddy replies, “Yes.”

The manager then asks, “Can you tell me what nitrate is?”

Paddy replies, “Yes, it’s time and a half.”

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I was on holiday in the Alps

when I saw a sign saying ‘Ski Hire’.

So I went a bit further up the slope.

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I’ve just bought a shire horse.

As if my other horse wasn’t shy enough.

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I keep having recurring nightmares where

I’m in a hospital surrounded by loads of pregnant women.

Could I be going through a midwife crisis?

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I’ve just got a job testing hover boards.

The money’s not great,

but it keeps me off the streets.

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Pirate cheerleaders have it easy.

“Give me an R!”…

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A guy came up to me the other day and said,

“I’m a 3-5 stringed instrument of the harp family,

popular among nobles in medieval Europe.”

I said, “You’re a lyre!”

 

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It will be Google’s birthday soon.

They’re planning a search party.

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I went for a depression test.

Came back negative.

Oh, NO!

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I rang SeaWorld the other day,

because I wanted some information.

Before I got through to an employee,

I got a tape telling me

“This call may be recorded for training porpoises.”

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If someone asks you to

spell “Part A” backwards,

don’t do it.

It’s a trap……

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Steppenwolf was an assumed name.

He was born Toby Wild.

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They Say If You Don’t Know Something You Should Ask – Well……

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some more questions about those mysteries of life that most of us just seem to accept. It’s a good job that not everyone is so mild mannered.

Enjoy. 
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Why do they call it the ‘Department of Interior’ when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

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Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it ‘gels’ the smell is gone?

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Why are dogs noses always wet?

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If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?

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Why do people say ‘heads up’ when what you should really do is duck?

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Why is it okay for dudes to slap other dudes’ asses in football, but not in any other situation?

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If one man says, ‘it was an uphill battle’, and another says, ‘it went downhill from there’, how could they both be having troubles?

uphill battle – all downhill from here

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Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

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If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

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If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?

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How come all of the planets are spherical?

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How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn’t just peel right off?

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When a pregnant lady has twins, are there one or two umbilical cords?

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Why doesn’t Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?

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Why do they put holes in crackers?

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Can you still say ‘Put it where the sun don’t shine’ on a nude beach?

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What do people in China call their good plates?

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How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

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If an escalator breaks down, does it become stairs?

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Why did they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

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