I. O. U. A. Vowel

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you add a couple of consonants to one of those vowels you get PUN, which is rather convenient because today is pun day.

You know what’s next.

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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I really love my fanbase…

without it my fan would fall over.

fan with base

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When people ask me

what my best quality is,

I always tell them my second best

quality is being mysterious.

mysterious

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Communicating with Native Americans

… it’s easy when you know How.

Native Americans greeting

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I don’t care what people say,

I’m a terrible psychiatrist.

I don't care cartoon

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My friend was in a go kart race and

kept going even after all his wheels fell off.

It was a tireless effort

go kart race

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I got so excited in French lessons that

sometimes “oui” would come out

cartoon excited

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If you want to know how to see without glasses,

I’ve got some good contacts.

CONTACT-LENS-CASE-570

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To all you letters that

want to be before

p in the alphabet,

join the q.

Q

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Walk in fridges.

Pretty cool.

Walk-In-Fridge

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Everybody has an ego,

mine is just bigger and  better.

ego_by_einstein

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Trees can break wind

(and they’re not the only ones!)

tree windbreak

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Four thieves were robbing a music

store when the cops turned up.

The first grabbed all the pop CDs and ran off.

The second grabbed the rock CDs and also ran off.

The third grabbed the Jazz and followed suit.

The fourth was forced to take the rap.

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It’s The Movie, Math And Mud Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Welcome to this week’s quiz.

Movies, math and mud do feature, as do many other topics.

Is it easy? Is it difficult? Depends on how many answers you know.

But don’t worry, if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz host

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Q.  1:  What is the official language of the United States of America?

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Q.  2:  What bird has only two toes on each foot?

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Q.  3:  On which river are the Victoria Falls to be found?

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Q.  4:  What city is known as ‘Muddy York’ ?

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Q.  5:  What type of creature is a Devil’s Coachhorse?

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Q.  6:  The Lakota call it the Battle of the Greasy Grass. What do we know it better as?

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Q.  7:  What town is also known worldwide as the “home of golf” ?

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Q.  8:  The Bennet family appear in which famous Jane Austen novel?

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Q.  9:  What is the mathematical series that starts 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21 called?

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Q. 10:  ‘Alopecia’ is a condition causing the loss of what from the body?

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Q. 11:  What is the device, used mainly nowadays on small engines like those found on lawnmowers, that blends air and fuel for an internal combustion engine called?

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Q. 12:  What is the usual color of copper sulphate?

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Q. 13:  Which form of cloud has an anvil shape and is associated with heavy showers and storms?

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Q. 14:  What is defined as “Any rock or soil material that has remained below 0°C continuously for two or more years” ?

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Q. 15:  Which insect found in Africa is the host for the parasitic organism that causes sleeping sickness?

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Q. 16:  An Astronomical Unit is the mean distance between which two bodies?

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Q. 17:  How is the fossilized resin of coniferous trees from the Middle Tertiary period better known?

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Q. 18:  Which son of a weaver was a major benefactor of public libraries throughout the UK and US?

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Q. 19:  Where would you be in if you were at the Cresta Run? (A point each for correctly naming the town and the country.)

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Q. 20:  In which movie did Humphrey Bogart say, “We’ll always have Paris”

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What is the official language of the United States of America?

A.  1:  A bit of a trick question to start with, the United States has no official language.

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Q.  2:  What bird has only two toes on each foot?

A.  2:  An Ostrich.

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Q.  3:  On which river are the Victoria Falls to be found?

A.  3:  The Zambezi.

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Q.  4:  What city is known as ‘Muddy York’ ?

A.  4:  Toronto.

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Q.  5:  What type of creature is a Devil’s Coachhorse?

A.  5:  It is a Beetle.

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Q.  6:  The Lakota call it the Battle of the Greasy Grass. What do we know it better as?

A.  6:  We know it better as the Battle of Little Big Horn.

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Q.  7:  What town is also known worldwide as the “home of golf” ?

A.  7:  St. Andrews, Scotland.

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Q.  8:  The Bennet family appear in which famous Jane Austen novel?

A.  8:  Pride & Prejudice.

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Q.  9:  What is the mathematical series that starts 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21 called?

A.  9:  A Fibonacci Series.

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Q. 10:  ‘Alopecia’ is a condition causing the loss of what from the body?

A. 10:  Hair.

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Q. 11:  What is the device, used mainly nowadays on small engines like those found on lawnmowers, that blends air and fuel for an internal combustion engine called?

A. 11:  A carburetor, or carburetor.

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Q. 12:  What is the usual color of copper sulphate?

A. 12:  Blue.

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Q. 13:  Which form of cloud has an anvil shape and is associated with heavy showers and storms?

A. 13:  Cumulonimbus.

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Q. 14:  What is defined as “Any rock or soil material that has remained below 0°C continuously for two or more years” ?

A. 14:  Permafrost.

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Q. 15:  Which insect found in Africa is the host for the parasitic organism that causes sleeping sickness?

A. 15:  The Tsetse fly.

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Q. 16:  An Astronomical Unit is the mean distance between which two bodies?

A. 16:  The earth and the sun.

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Q. 17:  How is the fossilised resin of coniferous trees from the Middle Tertiary period better known?

A. 17:  Amber.

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Q. 18:  Which son of a weaver was a major benefactor of public libraries throughout the UK and US?

A. 18:  Andrew Carnegie.

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Q. 19:  Where would you be in if you were at the Cresta Run? (A point each for correctly naming the town and the country.)

A. 19:  You would be in the winter sports town of St. Moritz, Switzerland.

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Q. 20:  In which movie did Humphrey Bogart say, “We’ll always have Paris”? 

A. 20:  The line is from the fantastic movie ‘Casablanca’.

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==============================

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November’s Quizzes Begin Here.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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First Monday of November and the first quiz of November.

It may be a different month but the format remains the same. Twenty random questions to test you general knowledge.

And as usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz 05

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Q.  1:  How are you related to the sister-in-law of your dad’s only brother?

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Q.  2:  There has been a TV series and a movie named “The Equalizer”, which actors played the leading characters in each?

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Q.  3:  What are the names the capital city of New Zealand and its most populous city and on which island are they situated? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  4:  If a doctor gave you 5 pills and asked you to take 1 pill every 30 minutes, how many hours would it take you to consume all the pills?

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Q.  5:  In what country was the game ‘Chinese Checkers’ (or ‘Chinese Chequers’) invented?

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Q.  6:  What are the three main types of Whiskey, defined by how they are distilled?

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Q.  7:  Where were the first modern Olympic Games held?

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Q.  8:  If 5/8 of the children in a school are boys and the school consists of 2400 students, how many girls are there?

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Q.  9:  How many meters, yards or feet are there in a ‘nautical mile’?

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Q. 10:  ‘Marble’ is a form of which type of rock?

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Q. 11:  Where would you find a chicken’s ‘oysters’?

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Q. 12:  In what US city was the original TV series ‘NCIS’ based, and what are the locations for the two spin-off series? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 13:  A related question to the previous one, what do the letters ‘NCIS’ stand for?

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Q. 14:  Approximately what proportion of the continental land mass is located in the Northern Hemisphere?

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Q. 15:  Which chemical element has the highest melting point at normal pressure?

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Q. 16:  What artist was famous for his paintings of matchstick men?

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Q. 17:  What is the study of birds called?

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Q. 18:  What metal, often used by sculptors, is an alloy of copper and tin?

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Q. 19:  What is produced by the rapid expansion of atmospheric gases suddenly heated by lightning?

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Q. 20:  Finally one for all you vintage gamers, where did you find cherry strawberry orange apple grape bird?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  How are you related to the sister-in-law of your dad’s only brother?

A.  1:  She’s your mom.

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Q.  2:  There has been a TV series and a movie named “The Equalizer”, which actors played the leading characters in each?

A.  2:  Edward Woodward in the TV series and Denzil Washington in the recent movie.

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Q.  3:  What are the names the capital city of New Zealand and its most populous city and on which island are they situated? (A point for each correct answer.)

A.  3:  Wellington is the capital of New Zealand and Auckland is its most populous city with approximately 1.4 million inhabitants. Both are situated on the North Island.

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Q.  4:  If a doctor gave you 5 pills and asked you to take 1 pill every 30 minutes, how many hours would it take you to consume all the pills?

A.  4:  2 hours. You took the first pill as soon as the doctor gave them to you.

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Q.  5:  In what country was the game ‘Chinese Checkers’ (or ‘Chinese Chequers’) invented?

A.  5:  Germany (in 1892, called Stern-Halma, a variation of earlier American game Halma.

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Q.  6:  What are the three main types of Whiskey, defined by how they are distilled?

A.  6:  They are ‘Scotch’, ‘Irish’ and ‘Bourbon’.

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Q.  7:  Where were the first modern Olympic Games held?

A.  7:  They were held in Much Wenlock, Shropshire, England in 1850 and annually for a while afterwards, inspiring the Athens Olympiad of 1896 and the Olympic movement. (You get a point if you said ‘England’ and three points if you knew the exact location.)

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Q.  8:  If 5/8 of the children in a school are boys and the school consists of 2400 students, how many girls are there?

A.  8:  900 (If 5/8 of the children in a school are boys, then 3/8 of the children in that school are girls. (5/8 + 3/8 = 1) 3/8 of 2400 = 3/8 * 2400 = 900)

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Q.  9:  How many meters, yards or feet are there in a ‘nautical mile’?

A.  9:  A nautical mile is a unit of distance that is approximately one minute of arc measured along any meridian and by international agreement has been set at 1,852 metres exactly, or approximately 2,025 yards or 6,076 feet.

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Q. 10:  ‘Marble’ is a form of which type of rock?

A. 10:  Limestone.

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Q. 11:  Where would you find a chicken’s ‘oysters’?

A. 11:  Chicken Oysters are two small, round pieces of dark meat on the back of poultry near the thigh. Some regard the “oyster meat” to be the most flavorful and tender part of the bird, while others dislike the taste and texture.

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Q. 12:  In what US city was the original TV series ‘NCIS’ based, and what are the locations for the two spin-off series? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 12:  The original NCIS TV series was set in Washington DC and the spin-off shows are set in Los Angeles and New Orleans.

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Q. 13:  A related question to the previous one, what do the letters ‘NCIS’ stand for?

A. 13:  They stand for ‘Naval Criminal Investigative Service’.

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Q. 14:  Approximately what proportion of the continental land mass is located in the Northern Hemisphere?

A. 14:  Approximately two-thirds.

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Q. 15:  Which chemical element has the highest melting point at normal pressure?

A. 15:  ‘Tungsten’ is the chemical element with the highest melting point, at 3687 K (3414 °C, 6177 °F)[4] making it excellent for use as filaments in light bulbs. The often-cited carbon does not melt at ambient pressure but sublimes at about 4000 K; a liquid phase only exists above pressures of 10 MPa and estimated 4300–4700 K.

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Q. 16:  What artist was famous for his paintings of matchstick men?

A. 16:  Laurence Stephen Lowry, better known as ‘L.S. Lowry’ (Nov 1st 1887 to Feb 23rd 1976).

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Q. 17:  What is the study of birds called?

A. 17:  The study of birds is called ‘Ornithology’.

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Q. 18:  What metal, often used by sculptors, is an alloy of copper and tin?

A. 18:  Bronze.

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Q. 19:  What is produced by the rapid expansion of atmospheric gases suddenly heated by lightning?

A. 19:  Easier than you thought, it’s ‘thunder’.

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Q. 20:  Finally one for all you vintage gamers, where did you find cherry strawberry orange apple grape bird?

A. 20:  Pac Man. Want to have a go?

http://www.knowledgeadventure.com/games/pac-man/

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A Musical Merry Christmas Extravaganza!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy” .

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Hi everyone.

Thanks for dropping by my blog this Christmas week.

If you are a regular visitor thank you for you continued support throughout the year.

A bit of a change from the usual offerings this week.

A musical treat in fact.

Here are a few Christmas Classics from bygone years. I hope you have time to listen to and enjoy them all, but even if you just want to try a few I think there will be something in this selection that you’ll like no matter what your musical tastes may be.

A Very Merry Christmas to everyone.

And, of course, enjoy the music!

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. musical Santa

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. Dean Martin – Jingle Bells

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Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You

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B. B. King – Merry Christmas Baby

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Wizzard – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day

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The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl – Fairytale Of New York

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John Lennon – Happy Christmas (War Is Over)

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Boney M – Mary’s Boy

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Wham! – Last Christmas

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Chris Rea – Driving Home For Christmas

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Michael Buble – It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

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Eartha Kitt – Santa Baby

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Gunter Kallmann Choir – Winter Wonderland

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Jim Reeves – Silent Night

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Andrea Bocelli – Adeste Fideles

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Sheryl Crowe And Eric Clapton – Merry Christmas Baby

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Lady Gaga – Christmas Tree

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U2 – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

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Iron Maiden – Another Rock And Roll Christmas

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Lynyrd Skynyrd – Christmas Time Again

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Coldplay – Christmas Lights

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The Darkness – Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End)

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Slade – Merry Christmas Everybody

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Trans-Siberian Orchestra – Christmas Canon Rock

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You Can’t Just Be Cremated – You Have To Urn It!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Like it says in the title, nothing is free these days.

Except for puns that is.

You just can’t put a price on that level of enjoyment!

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Guy #1:  “I’m stuck with one word on this crossword,

the clue is a 10 letter word, similar to being silly”

Guy #2:  “Oh, that’s ridiculous”

Guy #1:  “I know, I’ve been stuck on it for hours”.

pun crossword_puzzle

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I’ve put in so many shifts where I work recently

that they’ve decided to fire me.

Making keyboards isn’t as easy as it looks.

pun shift_key

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My sister had a baby boy and

she’s gonna name him Mark, but with a “C”.

Who ever heard of someone called “Cark”?

pun cartoon_baby

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The manager of the toy shop I work at phoned me and said:

“Steve, our stock records show that we’re missing a space hopper.

I need you to find it for me.”

I said, “Don’t worry boss, I’m on it.”

pun space-hopper

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Google Chrome

All you’ll get is a description of a metal.

pun google-chrome-metal-text-effect

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The head teacher at my school called me in to his office today.

He said, “I’ve just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?”

I replied, “No, I’m irresponsible. That’s why I threw it.”

pun Boy_Broken_Window

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Woke up this morning and my joints were really stiff.

I’ve only got myself to blame: I rolled them far too thick.

pun joints

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For my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.

Drum roll, please.

pun drum roll

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I bought a tree at the garden center that was far too big to get in the car,

so we had to cut the top off.

I didn’t really mind though,

I’ve always wanted a convertible.

pun car tree

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My girlfriend said it would be nice if I could maintain an erection.

So I’ve volunteered to clean bird crap off the Statue of Liberty.

pun statue of liberty

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I saw a busker with no arms today singing so badly

I offered him five bucks to stop.

But that was just another note he couldn’t hold.

pun five_dollar_bill

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I do not have an OCD over tidiness.

I just wanted to clear that up.

pun ocd

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My Korean friend was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner.

But someone let the cat out of the bag.

pun cat out of the bag

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I’m planning a camping holiday but, I have to say,

I’m far from impressed with my travel insurance.

It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night,

I’ll no longer be covered.

pun stolen Tent

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What are long, hard and delicious?

Adjectives.

pun adjectives

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I find nothing is quite so annoying as having someone

carry on talking while you’re trying to interrupt.

pun interrupt

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Apparently 80% of people who have cosmetic surgery

are disappointed by the results.

Which is a bit odd,

because most of them look pleasantly surprised.

pun facelift

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I was waiting in line for a club last night

and the guy at the door was checking IDs.

He was taking ages.

pun standing in line

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Is anyone else tired,

or is it just M.E.?

pun myalgic encephalomyelitis

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My friend’s new girlfriend has been around the block a few times…

Like most women, she’s crap at parking.

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Did You Know? Another Rummage Through The Fasab Fact Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello again and welcome to another rummage through the fasab fact files.

As random as ever, this selection covers many centuries and many countries so you should find something of interest.

Enjoy.

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Did You Know 4

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1 in 5 of the world’s doctors are Russian.

RAMA

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The Nullarbor Plain of Australia covers

100,000 square miles (160,900 km) without a tree.

Nullarbor_plain

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In 1933, Mickey Mouse, an animated cartoon character,

received 800,000 fan letters.

Mickey Mouse

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Nerve impulses to and from the brain

travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour.

neurons-120208

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Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows

to mourn the deaths of their cats.

egypt

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Canadian researchers have found that

Einstein’s brain was 15% wider than normal.

brain_jar

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Isaac Asimov is the only author

to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

IsaacAsimov

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The shortest British monarch was Charles I,

who was 4 feet 9 inches.

King_Charles_I_by_Antoon_van_Dyck

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Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

(Something to do with his mother no doubt!)

sigmund-freud

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Camels chew in a figure 8 pattern.

camel-chewing-cud

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In space, astronauts cannot cry,

because there is no gravity,

so the tears can’t flow.

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There are 1,792 steps in the Eiffel Tower

 Eiffel Tower

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A silicon chip a quarter inch square

has the capacity of the original 1949 ENIAC computer,

which occupied a city block.

Silicon chip

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About a third of all Americans flush the toilet

while they’re still sitting on it.

 woman-sitting-on-toilet

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Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice president Al Gore

were freshman roommates at Harvard.

 Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore college shot

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In eighteenth century England,

women’s wigs were sometimes 4 feet high.

These remarkable headdresses were dusted with flour

and decorated with stuffed birds, replicas of gardens,

plates of fruit, or even model ships.

 18th Century hairstyles

.

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In 1976 a Los Angeles secretary named Jannene Swift

officially married a 50 pound rock.

The ceremony was witnessed by more than 20 people.

Woman marries rock

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In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs.

dogs-with-toupees

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John has a long moustache was the coded signal

used by the French Resistance in WWII

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Whiteboards Are Remarkable!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

What was that? Whiteboards are remarkable?

Yes, another pun day awaits below.

Enjoy!

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My New Zealand girlfriend said that

she was falling in love with my rubbish puns,

so I asked her to maori me.

maoris

My boss said I couldn’t park my monster truck in the work car park.

So I went over her head.

monster-truck

When my grandfather passed away,

I had his ashes kept in an old bottle of vodka.

I know he’s not here right now,

but he’s with me in spirit.

stoli-7

Feminism is sooooo cute.

feminist cartoon

My wife also left me because of my constant animal puns.

She just couldn’t Bear it…

So she Swanned off…

And took the Kids…

Well at least I no longer have to listen to her bleating on…

otter nonsense

I rang the local ramblers club yesterday.

The bloke at the other end went on and on and on.

ramblers cartoon

Some say a world without sin is ideal,

but there are only so many problems which can be answered

with cos and tan.

trig.circle1

The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.

fiddle

If you’re always organizing things, you have OCD.

If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD.

ocd cartoon

This girl came up to me today and

said she recognized me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.

vegetarian_zombies

How did I get out of Iraq?

Iran.

Iran David_Pope_Iraq_cartoon_Inkspot

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.

Must be some kind of milestone.    

measurement chart-length

I’m not a competitive person…

I’ll be the first to admit it.    

competitive

Me and my friend have just been fighting

over which is the best vowel.

I won.      

Letter_i_in_a_red_circle.

Iron man.

What a Fe male.

iron-man

Today, I walked into a restaurant.

“Hi, is my table ready?”

“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Great, take these to table six then.”

cartoon-waiter-009

What should you say when you see one of the toddlers

on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey?

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

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