I’m Beginning To Feel I’m Bean Stalked!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Yes, it’s pun day, the day we all love  –  well most of us do anyway.

Enjoy this latest selection!



When does a cow make the most noise?

When she’s feeling moooooody!




I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with

a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides.

I picked it up and threw it.

It flew for more than 300 yards.

I’m sure that must have been a record.




There was a ghost at the hotel,

so they called for an inn spectre.

ghost hotel



Me and my friends are in a band called Duvet.

We’re a cover band.




Messing with your computer’s memory chip

can have lasting RAMifications

memory chip ram



My girlfriend got sacked from work and then lost her appeal.

I only found her appealing because she had a well paid job.





This one is just messed up.

messed up



I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it’s 15p.

I’ve adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

balloon seller cartoon



A picture may be worth a thousand words,

but it uses up three thousand times the memory.




I lost my mood ring.

I don’t know how I feel about this.




I beat my wife up this morning.

She got up at 7.30, I was up at 7.




Why did I divide sin by tan?

Just cos.

sin divided by tan



With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

wedding cartoon



I was recently asked about my views on euthanasia.

I said they all look the same to me.





It’s not what it used to be.




I just received an envelope marked – Photographs Do Not Bend.

The Mailman has, however, proven that they do.

Photos Do Not Bend



I fell on my arm and had to have an operation on my funny bone.

I was in stitches for two weeks.




I’ve just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas.

Although what he wants with an ex box I’ll never know.

cardboard box flat



A man goes home to his wife and shows her his

latest tattoo of a spreadsheet on his chest.

“You’ve really Excelled yourself this time!” she says.




When a hospital runs out of maternity nurses

do they have a mid-wife crisis?





Whiteboards Are Remarkable!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


What was that? Whiteboards are remarkable?

Yes, another pun day awaits below.




My New Zealand girlfriend said that

she was falling in love with my rubbish puns,

so I asked her to maori me.


My boss said I couldn’t park my monster truck in the work car park.

So I went over her head.


When my grandfather passed away,

I had his ashes kept in an old bottle of vodka.

I know he’s not here right now,

but he’s with me in spirit.


Feminism is sooooo cute.

feminist cartoon

My wife also left me because of my constant animal puns.

She just couldn’t Bear it…

So she Swanned off…

And took the Kids…

Well at least I no longer have to listen to her bleating on…

otter nonsense

I rang the local ramblers club yesterday.

The bloke at the other end went on and on and on.

ramblers cartoon

Some say a world without sin is ideal,

but there are only so many problems which can be answered

with cos and tan.


The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.


If you’re always organizing things, you have OCD.

If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD.

ocd cartoon

This girl came up to me today and

said she recognized me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.


How did I get out of Iraq?


Iran David_Pope_Iraq_cartoon_Inkspot

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.

Must be some kind of milestone.    

measurement chart-length

I’m not a competitive person…

I’ll be the first to admit it.    


Me and my friend have just been fighting

over which is the best vowel.

I won.      


Iron man.

What a Fe male.


Today, I walked into a restaurant.

“Hi, is my table ready?”

“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Great, take these to table six then.”


What should you say when you see one of the toddlers

on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey?

ICU baby, shaking that ass.