Midgets Understand Everyone.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Just a small pun in the title to introduce you to this week’s selection of word plays, or puns.

As always….

Enjoy or endure!!




A problem shared

is a problem laughed at.

A problem shared is a problem laughed at



A lot of people say I am egocentric

– but enough about them




I was named after my father.

I don’t really like the name ‘Dad’ though.




Three out of four people

make up 75% of the population.

75 percent



Oh how times have changed.

I used to spend my nights out ogling women.

Now I spend my nights in googling them.




My friend asked me to

walk down a hill with him.

So I declined.

walk down a hill



I finally went to the doctor this morning

after years of my knees giving way

whenever I’m in a slow moving queue.

It’s a longstanding problem.

longstanding problem



What do you call

a Scottish landowner?


Scottish landowner



Don’t tell anyone I told you this,

but people say that I gossip far too much.

gossip far too much



My wife has packed her bags and gone

– just because of my fetish with touching pasta.

I’m feeling cannelloni right now.




It’s hard being a member

of the innuendo society.

the innuendo society mug



One of the toddlers on the

Intensive Care Unit is playing

with a toy donkey.

ICU baby, shaking that ass.






Whiteboards Are Remarkable!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


What was that? Whiteboards are remarkable?

Yes, another pun day awaits below.




My New Zealand girlfriend said that

she was falling in love with my rubbish puns,

so I asked her to maori me.


My boss said I couldn’t park my monster truck in the work car park.

So I went over her head.


When my grandfather passed away,

I had his ashes kept in an old bottle of vodka.

I know he’s not here right now,

but he’s with me in spirit.


Feminism is sooooo cute.

feminist cartoon

My wife also left me because of my constant animal puns.

She just couldn’t Bear it…

So she Swanned off…

And took the Kids…

Well at least I no longer have to listen to her bleating on…

otter nonsense

I rang the local ramblers club yesterday.

The bloke at the other end went on and on and on.

ramblers cartoon

Some say a world without sin is ideal,

but there are only so many problems which can be answered

with cos and tan.


The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.


If you’re always organizing things, you have OCD.

If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD.

ocd cartoon

This girl came up to me today and

said she recognized me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.


How did I get out of Iraq?


Iran David_Pope_Iraq_cartoon_Inkspot

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.

Must be some kind of milestone.    

measurement chart-length

I’m not a competitive person…

I’ll be the first to admit it.    


Me and my friend have just been fighting

over which is the best vowel.

I won.      


Iron man.

What a Fe male.


Today, I walked into a restaurant.

“Hi, is my table ready?”

“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Great, take these to table six then.”


What should you say when you see one of the toddlers

on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey?

ICU baby, shaking that ass.