“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Like it says in the title, nothing is free these days.
Except for puns that is.
You just can’t put a price on that level of enjoyment!
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Guy #1: “I’m stuck with one word on this crossword,
the clue is a 10 letter word, similar to being silly”
Guy #2: “Oh, that’s ridiculous”
Guy #1: “I know, I’ve been stuck on it for hours”.
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I’ve put in so many shifts where I work recently
that they’ve decided to fire me.
Making keyboards isn’t as easy as it looks.
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My sister had a baby boy and
she’s gonna name him Mark, but with a “C”.
Who ever heard of someone called “Cark”?
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The manager of the toy shop I work at phoned me and said:
“Steve, our stock records show that we’re missing a space hopper.
I need you to find it for me.”
I said, “Don’t worry boss, I’m on it.”
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Google Chrome
All you’ll get is a description of a metal.
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The head teacher at my school called me in to his office today.
He said, “I’ve just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?”
I replied, “No, I’m irresponsible. That’s why I threw it.”
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Woke up this morning and my joints were really stiff.
I’ve only got myself to blame: I rolled them far too thick.
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For my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.
Drum roll, please.
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I bought a tree at the garden center that was far too big to get in the car,
so we had to cut the top off.
I didn’t really mind though,
I’ve always wanted a convertible.
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My girlfriend said it would be nice if I could maintain an erection.
So I’ve volunteered to clean bird crap off the Statue of Liberty.
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I saw a busker with no arms today singing so badly
I offered him five bucks to stop.
But that was just another note he couldn’t hold.
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I do not have an OCD over tidiness.
I just wanted to clear that up.
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My Korean friend was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner.
But someone let the cat out of the bag.
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I’m planning a camping holiday but, I have to say,
I’m far from impressed with my travel insurance.
It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night,
I’ll no longer be covered.
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What are long, hard and delicious?
Adjectives.
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I find nothing is quite so annoying as having someone
carry on talking while you’re trying to interrupt.
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Apparently 80% of people who have cosmetic surgery
are disappointed by the results.
Which is a bit odd,
because most of them look pleasantly surprised.
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I was waiting in line for a club last night
and the guy at the door was checking IDs.
He was taking ages.
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Is anyone else tired,
or is it just M.E.?
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My friend’s new girlfriend has been around the block a few times…
Like most women, she’s crap at parking.
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fasab 