More Stupid Signs By Stupid People For Stupid People.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Catering for the lowest common denominator in intelligence can be very frustrating for the rest of us.

But apparently stupidity has reached levels today where stupid people will hurt themselves with things that shouldn’t hurt them, if they had the wit to understand what they were and how use them properly.

Personally I think there is some merit in letting them get on with it and perhaps thereby gradually eliminating chronic stupidity from the gene pool.

In the meantime all we can do is cringe and laugh.

Here are some more.

Enjoy.

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stupidity is contageous sign

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“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.”

On a 6 x 10 inch inflatable picture frame.

 inflatable picture frame

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“Do not put in mouth.”

On a box of bottle rockets.

 bottle rockets

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“Remove plastic before eating.”

On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

 Fruit Roll-Up snack

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“Not dishwasher safe.”

On a remote control for a TV.

 remote control for a TV

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“For lifting purposes only.”

On the box for a car jack.

 car jack

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“Do not put lit candles on phone.”

On the instructions for a cordless phone.

 lit candles

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“Warning! This is not underwear!

Do not attempt to put in pants.”

On the packaging for a wristwatch.

 packaging for a wristwatch

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“Safe for use around pets.”

On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

 Arm & Hammer Cat Litter

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“No stopping or standing.”

A sign at bus stops everywhere.

 No stopping or standing

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“Do not sit under coconut trees.”

A sign on a coconut palm in a

West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

 Do not sit under coconut trees

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“These rows reserved for parents with children.”

A sign in a church.

 parents with children

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“All cups leaving this store, whether

full or empty, must be paid for.”

A sign in a Cumberland Farms

in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

 cups

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Fact Filled February Continues.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s the last fact filled Tuesday in February, but not the last of the facts!

Another random mixture, surely there will be a few good ones in here for you.

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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The Earth weighs around

6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons

(5,940 billion billion metric tonnes)!

earth-moon-mass

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Over 10,000 birds a year die

from smashing into windows!

bird seeing stars

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A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long

in just one night!

mole

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In Natoma, Kansas, it’s illegal to throw

knives at men wearing striped suits.

men wearing striped suits

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About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians

died by the time they were 30!

ancient pharaoh_preview

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There wasn’t a single pony in

the Pony Express, just horses!

ponyexpresslogo

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The penguin is the only bird

that can swim, but not fly!

penguin

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There are approximately fifty Bibles

sold each minute across the world!

bibles

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Rice paper does not have any rice in it!

Rice_paper

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The most used letter in the English alphabet

is ‘E’, and ‘Q’ is the least used!

EQ

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The opposite sides of a dice cube

always add up to seven!

dice-game-cube-die-gambling-gaming-img

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Apples are more efficient than caffeine

in keeping people awake in the mornings!

apples in a bowl, spoon and coffee beans isolated on white

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The poison-arrow frog has enough poison

to kill about 2,200 people!

poison arrow frog

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Smelling bananas and/or green apples

(that’s ‘smelling’, not ‘eating’)

can help you lose weight!

banana and green apple

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A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can

be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!

gold_2Dbar

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Did You Know – It’s Fasab’s February Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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These facts aren’t particularly for February, it just sounded good for the title.

In fact they are just as random as ever so hopefully you may find something of interest.

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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Saturday mail delivery in Canada was eliminated

by Canada Post on February 1, 1969!

Canadapost

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Arnold Schwarzenegger was paid approximately $21,429

for every one of the 700 words he said in,

Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

arnold-schwarzenegger-in-terminator-2

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In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for

most trips of less than 50 minutes!

Tokyo traffic

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In England, there is still a law on the books

requiring all men older than 14 years old to carry out

2 hours of longbow practice every day.

longbowmen

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Star Wars was originally prefixed

by the definite article ‘The’.

The Star Wars

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In Germany, it is illegal to run out of gas

on an autobahn (highway).

autobahn

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In Australia, it’s illegal to name

any animal you plan to eat.

kangaroos

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Your body is creating and killing 15 million

red blood cells per second!

red-blood-cells

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The king of hearts is the only king without

a moustache on a standard playing card!

king-of-hearts-playing-card

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The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off!

(Bet you never noticed!)

Mona Lisa

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Every day 20 banks are robbed.

The average take is $2,500!

bank robbery

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Tablecloths were originally meant to be

served as towels with which dinner guests

could wipe their hands and faces after eating!

tablecloth

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The names of Popeye’s four nephews are

Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye!

Popeye's four nephews Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye

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Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea

were used as money in Siberia!

blocks of tea

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There is a sound effect called the Wilhelm Scream

that has been used in over 200 movies and TV shows since 1951

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Whiteboards Are Remarkable!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What was that? Whiteboards are remarkable?

Yes, another pun day awaits below.

Enjoy!

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My New Zealand girlfriend said that

she was falling in love with my rubbish puns,

so I asked her to maori me.

maoris

My boss said I couldn’t park my monster truck in the work car park.

So I went over her head.

monster-truck

When my grandfather passed away,

I had his ashes kept in an old bottle of vodka.

I know he’s not here right now,

but he’s with me in spirit.

stoli-7

Feminism is sooooo cute.

feminist cartoon

My wife also left me because of my constant animal puns.

She just couldn’t Bear it…

So she Swanned off…

And took the Kids…

Well at least I no longer have to listen to her bleating on…

otter nonsense

I rang the local ramblers club yesterday.

The bloke at the other end went on and on and on.

ramblers cartoon

Some say a world without sin is ideal,

but there are only so many problems which can be answered

with cos and tan.

trig.circle1

The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.

fiddle

If you’re always organizing things, you have OCD.

If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD.

ocd cartoon

This girl came up to me today and

said she recognized me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.

vegetarian_zombies

How did I get out of Iraq?

Iran.

Iran David_Pope_Iraq_cartoon_Inkspot

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.

Must be some kind of milestone.    

measurement chart-length

I’m not a competitive person…

I’ll be the first to admit it.    

competitive

Me and my friend have just been fighting

over which is the best vowel.

I won.      

Letter_i_in_a_red_circle.

Iron man.

What a Fe male.

iron-man

Today, I walked into a restaurant.

“Hi, is my table ready?”

“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Great, take these to table six then.”

cartoon-waiter-009

What should you say when you see one of the toddlers

on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey?

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

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Those Of A Nervous Disposition Should Look Away Now

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, those of a nervous disposition should indeed look away now, because today we have the penultimate list of irrational fears and phobias that seem to afflict certain members of the population. How and why they develop such curious mental afflictions I don’t. They are real to them, but foolish and amusing to the rest of us.

Today is ‘Q’, ‘R’ and ‘S’.

Enjoy.

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scared 3

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Quadraphobia ……….fear of the number four.

 

Quadriplegiphobia ……….fear of quadriplegics or fear of becoming a quadriplegic.

 

Quintaphobia ……….fear of the number five.

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Radiophobia ……….fear of radiation, x-rays.

 

Ranidaphobia ……….fear of frogs.

 

Rectophobia ……….fear of rectum or rectal diseases.

 

Rhabdophobia ……….fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic.(wand)

 

Rhypophobia ……….fear of defecation.

 

Rhytiphobia ……….fear of getting wrinkles.

 

Rupophobia ……….fear of dirt.

 

Russophobia ……….fear of Russians.

 

Samhainophobia ……….fear of Halloween.

 

Sarmassophobia ……….fear of love play. (Malaxophobia)

 

Satanophobia ……….fear of Satan.

 

Scabiophobia ……….fear of scabies.

 

Scatophobia ……….fear of fecal matter.

 

Scelerophibia ……….fear of bad men, burglars.

 

Sciaphobia or Sciophobia or Sciaphobia ……….fear of shadows.

 

Scoleciphobia ……….fear of worms.

 

Scolionophobia ……….fear of school.

 

Scopophobia or Scoptophobia ……….fear of being seen or stared at.

 

Scotomaphobia ……….fear of blindness in visual field.

 

Scotophobia ……….fear of darkness. (Achluophobia)

 

Scriptophobia ……….fear of writing in public.

 

Selachophobia ……….fear of sharks.

 

Selaphobia ……….fear of light flashes.

 

Selenophobia ……….fear of the moon.

 

Seplophobia ……….fear of decaying matter.

 

Sesquipedalophobia ……….fear of long words.

 

Sexophobia ……….fear of the opposite sex. (Heterophobia)

 

Siderodromophobia ……….fear of trains, railroads or train travel.

 

Siderophobia ……….fear of stars.

 

Sinistrophobia ……….fear of things to the left or left-handed.

 

Sinophobia ……….fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.

 

Sitophobia or Sitiophobia ……….fear of food or eating. (Cibophobia)

 

Snakephobia ……….fear of snakes. (Ophidiophobia)

 

Soceraphobia ……….fear of parents-in-law.

 

Social Phobia ……….fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.

 

Sociophobia ……….fear of society or people in general.

 

Somniphobia ……….fear of sleep.

 

Sophophobia ……….fear of learning.

 

Soteriophobia ……….fear of dependence on others.

 

Spacephobia ……….fear of outer space.

 

Spectrophobia ……….fear of specters or ghosts.

 

Spermatophobia or Spermophobia ……….fear of germs.

 

Spheksophobia ……….fear of wasps.

 

Stasibasiphobia or Stasiphobia ……….fear of standing or walking. (Ambulophobia)

 

Staurophobia ……….fear of crosses or the crucifix.

 

Stenophobia ……….fear of narrow things or places.

 

Stygiophobia or Stigiophobia ……….fear of hell.

 

Suriphobia ……….fear of mice.

 

Symbolophobia ……….fear of symbolism.

 

Symmetrophobia ……….fear of symmetry.

 

Syngenesophobia ……….fear of relatives.

 

Syphilophobia ……….fear of syphilis.

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More Pun Fun Today

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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More pun fun today. It’s amazing how bad a joke you can get away with when there’s a pun or two involved. The evidence can be found below.

Enjoy.

 

 

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

 

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

 

Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

 

Is a shotgun wedding a case of wife or death?

 

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

 

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

 

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

 

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

 

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

 

When two egotists meet, it’s always an I for an I.

 

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

 

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)

 

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

 

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

 

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

 

They tried to save him with an I.V. but it was all in vein.

 

Stir-fry cooks come from all woks of life.

 

Did your hear about the illiterate fisherman who was lost at c?

 

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More Awkward Moments – Life’s Great Levelers, part two

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here are a few more examples of what I like to call awkward moments. Things that happen that are, by and large, beyond our control. Sometimes they make you laugh and sometimes they make you feel stupid.

Mostly, though, I laugh, that’s better!

Hope you do too.

Enjoy.

 

 

That awkward moment when it’s quiet and you’re eating something crunchy.

(I take pride in this one.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you can’t tell if someone is a boy or a girl.

(The older I get, the more difficult it seems to be.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you start to cross your legs during a phone call because you’re busting to go to the loo.

(Hmmmm, been there, crossed that…er, those.)

 

 

That awkward moment when she looks at you and smiles. And then her boyfriend glares at you.

(Boy, the stories I could tell….)

 

 

That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to “single” and your ex ‘Likes’ it.

(Facebook, yuk!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you type your ex’s name into your Facebook status instead of the ‘Search’ bar.

(Make that a double yuk!!)

 

 

That awkward moment when your Facebook friend tags a photo of you as a kid.

(Strike three, yuk!!!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are in an important meeting and someone farting unexpectedly starts you to laugh.

(Most awkward if you are the culprit. )


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That awkward moment when you’ve accidentally sent a text to the friend you were gossiping about.

(Guilty as charged.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you say “I love you” and he says “Okay”.

(Not me, pal.)

 

 

That awkward moment when someone you don’t want to date asks you out.

(I’m washing my hair. Helps if you have some though.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are introducing someone and get their name wrong.

(Never been good with names.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are in a class where you don’t speak to anyone, and your teacher says go find a partner.

(One of the drawbacks of being a loner, I guess.)

 

 

That awkward moment when someone mistakes you for the shop assistant.

(Happened to me in Walmart, they didn’t seem to think it unusual that I was no help at all.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you step out of the shower and then realize there is no towel.

(Very difficult to put your clothes on when you’re soaking wet.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are gossiping about someone and they walk up behind you.

(Whoops, caught out again!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you push on the toilet door thinking no one was inside.

(I feel an airport toilet story coming on.)

 

 

That awkward moment when a man walks into the ladies toilets

(Haven’t managed that one yet.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you pick up the remote control to answer the phone.

(Or worse, see video.)


 

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