He’s Back …… I Think.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

putin

It seems that after a mysterious disappearance from public view for the past eleven days or so, Vladimir Putin has re-emerged.

Over the past week and more there was a frenzy of speculation as to why he was nowhere to be seen and what had happened to him. His absence was significant, that much was agreed, but nobody knew why he had disappeared.

One of Putin’s former advisors, Andrei Illarionov, who has become one of his strongest critics of late, was quick off the mark to say Putin had been toppled in a backstage coup.

Many, well-connected in Russian matters, speculated that there was a full-scale Kremlin power struggle under way.

Other rumors quickly followed.

General Viktor Zolotov, Putin’s long-time bodyguard, was said to be dead. This was confirmed and denied and confirmed and denied, etc.,

Another of Putin’s top allies, Vladislav Surkov, was speculated to have fled to Hong Kong with his family.

The questions from the media and on the internet were also many and varied.

Had there been some kind of retaliation for the recent murder of opposition leader and former first deputy prime minister, Boris Nemtsov?

Would there be more bloodshed?

Was a coup under way in Russia?

Was Putin finished?

Was he perhaps unwell, which I suppose could be taken as a sign of weakness and spur on those who wished to topple him?

Was he in Switzerland celebrating the birth of a child by his secret lover, the gymnast Alina Kabaeva?

Would he re-appear soon, shirtless, macho and galloping on a horse to show everyone he is still a force to be reckoned with?

Or was the whole thing just a distraction from the murder of Nemtsov and the war in Ukraine?

putin_shirtless_on_horse

The Kremlin, on the other hand, wasn’t asking any questions. It dismissed all such rumors and insisted that nothing was wrong with either Putin or his regime, apart from maybe a dose of the flu.

There is no doubt that, for all his political savvy, Putin has managed to get himself stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. He made his reputation by winning the war in Chechnya, and he cannot afford to cross the Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov. At the same time he cannot side against the politicians from the security or military services, often the officers of the former KGB, GRU, FSB, and all that, who came into power with him.

As usual, of course, most commentators missed the main question, which was apart from all the usual faffing around, ‘how should we react if such a thing were really to happen’?

Here in the West we, (including those in the intelligence community who are supposed to know about these things and brief world leaders like President Obama), don’t have much of a clue about Kremlin politics. You can be almost certain therefore that, if anything were ever to really happen to Putin, the danger is that the West would respond in entirely the wrong way.

A new Russian leader would be greeted by America and its allies as a more predictable and easier to deal with partner than Putin. But that is forgetting one crucial element. All Russian leaders are tough. Not just Putin. And the person who had the steel to oust someone of Putin’s caliber would have to himself be a very hard man and a shrewd operator.

More significantly, he would have to quickly stamp his authority and hold on power in Russia. The quickest and easiest way of doing that would be with more repression of opposition factions in Russia itself and with more flexing of Russia’s considerable muscles abroad, particularly in the Crimea and the Ukraine.

That would be a real puzzler for Obama, were it to happen during his last few months in office. And a defining moment for his successor.

Sometimes the devil you know is easier to deal with than one you don’t.

putin devil

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You Can’t Just Be Cremated – You Have To Urn It!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Like it says in the title, nothing is free these days.

Except for puns that is.

You just can’t put a price on that level of enjoyment!

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Guy #1:  “I’m stuck with one word on this crossword,

the clue is a 10 letter word, similar to being silly”

Guy #2:  “Oh, that’s ridiculous”

Guy #1:  “I know, I’ve been stuck on it for hours”.

pun crossword_puzzle

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I’ve put in so many shifts where I work recently

that they’ve decided to fire me.

Making keyboards isn’t as easy as it looks.

pun shift_key

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My sister had a baby boy and

she’s gonna name him Mark, but with a “C”.

Who ever heard of someone called “Cark”?

pun cartoon_baby

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The manager of the toy shop I work at phoned me and said:

“Steve, our stock records show that we’re missing a space hopper.

I need you to find it for me.”

I said, “Don’t worry boss, I’m on it.”

pun space-hopper

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Google Chrome

All you’ll get is a description of a metal.

pun google-chrome-metal-text-effect

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The head teacher at my school called me in to his office today.

He said, “I’ve just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?”

I replied, “No, I’m irresponsible. That’s why I threw it.”

pun Boy_Broken_Window

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Woke up this morning and my joints were really stiff.

I’ve only got myself to blame: I rolled them far too thick.

pun joints

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For my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.

Drum roll, please.

pun drum roll

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I bought a tree at the garden center that was far too big to get in the car,

so we had to cut the top off.

I didn’t really mind though,

I’ve always wanted a convertible.

pun car tree

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My girlfriend said it would be nice if I could maintain an erection.

So I’ve volunteered to clean bird crap off the Statue of Liberty.

pun statue of liberty

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I saw a busker with no arms today singing so badly

I offered him five bucks to stop.

But that was just another note he couldn’t hold.

pun five_dollar_bill

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I do not have an OCD over tidiness.

I just wanted to clear that up.

pun ocd

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My Korean friend was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner.

But someone let the cat out of the bag.

pun cat out of the bag

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I’m planning a camping holiday but, I have to say,

I’m far from impressed with my travel insurance.

It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night,

I’ll no longer be covered.

pun stolen Tent

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What are long, hard and delicious?

Adjectives.

pun adjectives

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I find nothing is quite so annoying as having someone

carry on talking while you’re trying to interrupt.

pun interrupt

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Apparently 80% of people who have cosmetic surgery

are disappointed by the results.

Which is a bit odd,

because most of them look pleasantly surprised.

pun facelift

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I was waiting in line for a club last night

and the guy at the door was checking IDs.

He was taking ages.

pun standing in line

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Is anyone else tired,

or is it just M.E.?

pun myalgic encephalomyelitis

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My friend’s new girlfriend has been around the block a few times…

Like most women, she’s crap at parking.

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