If It Wasn’t For Blinds It Would Be Curtains For All Of Us.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Thankfully it isn’t curtains for Pun Day either.

Here is another selection for you to….

Enjoy or endure!

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I bought a herb plant today.

It’s in great condition.

It’s mint.

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I missed my miniature Indian musical

instrument practice last night.

I couldn’t find a baby sitar.

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Q.S.V.X.X.

The National Society

of Bad Abbreviators.

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I can’t seem to get on the Lilt website.

It keeps saying it’s refreshing!

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I went to the doctor’s today.

He said, “You’re dying.”

I said, “How do you know?”

He said, “Your eyebrows are a different color.”

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Have you ever wondered what

happened to the first Timbuk?

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Saw a man this morning wheel spinning in the snow

not really getting anywhere. He was furious.

Shouting, swearing, going absolutely mental.

He needs to get a grip, I thought to myself.

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I was almost late for my Cocaine Awareness lecture.

Talk about cutting it fine.

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Know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools?

The supply teachers.

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Nine of my mum’s sisters have been standing

outside the Church all night holding candles.

You can’t beat vigil aunties.

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I’ve just bought a new sub-zero refrigerator.

How cool is that?

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I went to an Italian restaurant

and they had spaghetti on the menu.

So I had to call the waiter to wipe it off.

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I never apologize.

I’m sorry,

but that’s just the way I am.

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My therapist isn’t being very supportive

because she thinks I’m never going to be able

to stop exposing myself to women.

Well I’ll show her.

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My boss asked me to find him a bulldog clip today.

So I emailed him a YouTube video of one riding a skateboard.

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Did You Know – It’s Fasab’s February Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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These facts aren’t particularly for February, it just sounded good for the title.

In fact they are just as random as ever so hopefully you may find something of interest.

Enjoy.

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Saturday mail delivery in Canada was eliminated

by Canada Post on February 1, 1969!

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Arnold Schwarzenegger was paid approximately $21,429

for every one of the 700 words he said in,

Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

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In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for

most trips of less than 50 minutes!

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In England, there is still a law on the books

requiring all men older than 14 years old to carry out

2 hours of longbow practice every day.

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Star Wars was originally prefixed

by the definite article ‘The’.

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In Germany, it is illegal to run out of gas

on an autobahn (highway).

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In Australia, it’s illegal to name

any animal you plan to eat.

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Your body is creating and killing 15 million

red blood cells per second!

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The king of hearts is the only king without

a moustache on a standard playing card!

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The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off!

(Bet you never noticed!)

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Every day 20 banks are robbed.

The average take is $2,500!

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Tablecloths were originally meant to be

served as towels with which dinner guests

could wipe their hands and faces after eating!

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The names of Popeye’s four nephews are

Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye!

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Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea

were used as money in Siberia!

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There is a sound effect called the Wilhelm Scream

that has been used in over 200 movies and TV shows since 1951

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Did You Know? Another Rummage Through The Fasab Fact Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello again and welcome to another rummage through the fasab fact files.

As random as ever, this selection covers many centuries and many countries so you should find something of interest.

Enjoy.

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1 in 5 of the world’s doctors are Russian.

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The Nullarbor Plain of Australia covers

100,000 square miles (160,900 km) without a tree.

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In 1933, Mickey Mouse, an animated cartoon character,

received 800,000 fan letters.

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Nerve impulses to and from the brain

travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour.

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Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows

to mourn the deaths of their cats.

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Canadian researchers have found that

Einstein’s brain was 15% wider than normal.

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Isaac Asimov is the only author

to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

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The shortest British monarch was Charles I,

who was 4 feet 9 inches.

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Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

(Something to do with his mother no doubt!)

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Camels chew in a figure 8 pattern.

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In space, astronauts cannot cry,

because there is no gravity,

so the tears can’t flow.

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There are 1,792 steps in the Eiffel Tower

 

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A silicon chip a quarter inch square

has the capacity of the original 1949 ENIAC computer,

which occupied a city block.

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About a third of all Americans flush the toilet

while they’re still sitting on it.

 

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Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice president Al Gore

were freshman roommates at Harvard.

 

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In eighteenth century England,

women’s wigs were sometimes 4 feet high.

These remarkable headdresses were dusted with flour

and decorated with stuffed birds, replicas of gardens,

plates of fruit, or even model ships.

 

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In 1976 a Los Angeles secretary named Jannene Swift

officially married a 50 pound rock.

The ceremony was witnessed by more than 20 people.

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In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs.

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John has a long moustache was the coded signal

used by the French Resistance in WWII

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Another Tuesday And Another List Of Those Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another Tuesday and another list of questions so important that no one seems to want to ask them –  except here of course.

Enjoy.

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Where does the toe-tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes?

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If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

Gravity elevator

 

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Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says “Not available in all states”?

“Not available in all States”

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Do they bury people with their braces on?

braces

 

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How far east can you go before you’re heading west?

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Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

dentist

 

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If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

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Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

Bowler

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Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot, and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

 

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If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?

 

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Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.

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If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

 

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If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

 

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Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

 

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If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

 

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When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

partly sunny? – or – partly cloudy?

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Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

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If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

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Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

The square bread – round meat conundrum

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Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

Lone Ranger and Tonto

 

 

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