Fasab’s Fascinating Festive Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi, and welcome to fasab’s fascinating festive facts.

Everything on my blog this week is in Christmas mode including these tidbits of information that you may be able to work into the conversation if you are at a party or two this week.

Enjoy and have a very Merry Christmas.

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The traditional three colors of Christmas

are green, red, and gold.

Green has long been a symbol of life and rebirth;

red symbolizes the blood of Christ,

and gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty.

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The first printed reference to a

Christmas tree was in 1531 in Germany.

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Apparently seven out of ten British dogs

get Christmas gifts from their doting owners.

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A lot of people don’t like it,

but the abbreviation of ‘Xmas’ for

Christmas is not irreligious.

The first letter of the word Christ in Greek is chi,

which is identical to our X.

Xmas was originally an ecclesiastical abbreviation

that was used in tables and charts.

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Electric Christmas lights

were first used in 1854.

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Some people who were born on December 25

feel hard done by because they have to

make do with one present instead of two

and share their big day celebrations with everybody else.

Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island,

recognized the problem. When he died on December 4, 1894,

he willed his November 13 birthday to a friend

who disliked her own Christmas birthday

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Franklin Pierce was the first president to

decorate an official White House Christmas tree.

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Silent Night was written in 1818,

by Austrian priest Joseph Mohr.

He was told the day before Christmas

that the church organ was broken

and would not be repaired in time for Christmas Eve.

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Artificial Christmas trees

have outsold real ones since 1991.

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In the British armed forces it is traditional

that officers wait on the other ranks

and serve them their Christmas dinner.

This dates back to a custom from the Middle Ages.

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Long before mistletoe became a saucy ‘kiss encourager’,

it was considered to have magic powers.

It was said to have the ability to heal

wounds and increase fertility.

Celts hung mistletoe in their homes

in order to bring themselves good luck

and ward off evil spirits.

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Each year there are approximately 20,000

“rent-a-Santas” across the United States.

“Rent-a-Santas” usually undergo seasonal training

on how to maintain a jolly attitude

under pressure from the public.

They also receive practical advice,

such as not accepting money from parents

while children are looking and

avoiding garlic, onions, or beans for lunch.

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In Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea,

your age is measured not in years

but in how many Christmases you’ve lived through;

you’re not 20, you’re twenti krismas.

Rather less charmingly,

the Japanese expression to describe

single women over 25 years old is

kurisumasu keiki – left-over Christmas cake.

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Most of Santa’s reindeer have male-sounding names,

such as Blitzen, Comet, and Cupid.

However, male reindeers shed their antlers around Christmas,

so the reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh

are likely not male, but female –  or castrati.  

(I wonder if that is the origin of hanging balls

on a Christmas tree comes from?)

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The popular Christmas song “Jingle Bells”

was actually written for Thanksgiving.

The song was composed in 1857 by James Pierpont,

and was originally called “One Horse Open Sleigh”.

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A Musical Merry Christmas Extravaganza!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy” .

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Hi everyone.

Thanks for dropping by my blog this Christmas week.

If you are a regular visitor thank you for you continued support throughout the year.

A bit of a change from the usual offerings this week.

A musical treat in fact.

Here are a few Christmas Classics from bygone years. I hope you have time to listen to and enjoy them all, but even if you just want to try a few I think there will be something in this selection that you’ll like no matter what your musical tastes may be.

A Very Merry Christmas to everyone.

And, of course, enjoy the music!

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. Dean Martin – Jingle Bells

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Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You

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B. B. King – Merry Christmas Baby

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Wizzard – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day

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The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl – Fairytale Of New York

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John Lennon – Happy Christmas (War Is Over)

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Boney M – Mary’s Boy

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Wham! – Last Christmas

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Chris Rea – Driving Home For Christmas

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Michael Buble – It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

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Eartha Kitt – Santa Baby

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Gunter Kallmann Choir – Winter Wonderland

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Jim Reeves – Silent Night

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Andrea Bocelli – Adeste Fideles

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Sheryl Crowe And Eric Clapton – Merry Christmas Baby

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Lady Gaga – Christmas Tree

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U2 – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

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Iron Maiden – Another Rock And Roll Christmas

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Lynyrd Skynyrd – Christmas Time Again

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Coldplay – Christmas Lights

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The Darkness – Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End)

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Slade – Merry Christmas Everybody

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Trans-Siberian Orchestra – Christmas Canon Rock

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Fasab’s Feast Of Festive Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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You probably thought by now that you knew all there was to know about Christmas.

But there might be a few things in here that may be new to you.

Enjoy.

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Each year more than 3 billion

Christmas cards are sent in the U.S. alone.

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The actual date of the birth of Jesus is not known

and for hundreds of years was not celebrated by Christians.

The decision to use December 25 was made in 350AD by pope Julius I

and was chosen because it was the same date used in pagan festivals

such as Saturnalia (December 17-December 23),

the Kalends (January 1 -5, the precursor to the Twelve Days of Christmas),

and Deus Sol Invictus or Birthday of the Unconquerable Sun (December 25).

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According to the Guinness world records,

the tallest Christmas tree ever cut was a 221-foot Douglas fir

that was displayed in 1950 at the Northgate Shopping Center in Seattle, Washington.

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The word ‘Mistletoe’ actually means “little dung twig”

because the plant spreads though bird droppings.

Pagans, such as the Druids, considered mistletoe sacred because it remains

green and bears fruit during the winter when all other plants appear to die.

They even thought it had the power to cure infertility

and nervous diseases and to ward off evil.

Even today a hanging sprig is a fertility or virility symbol

and kissing under the Mistletoe at Christmas or even standing under it

is a signal that the person is sexually available – so be very careful!

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Although Santa Claus may have been based on a fourth-century bishop from Patara,

in the modern-day country of Turkey, St. Nikolas of Myra,

the modern day Santa Claus that we know first appeared as a recognizable entity

was in a newspaper ad for toys and “gift books” in the mid 19th century.

Originally Santa wore Green colored robes, green signifying the coming spring,

but another ad, this time from the Coco Cola company,

used their own color scheme of red and white which has become the accepted color today.

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It is only in very recent times that Christmas has become a “family” holiday.

Even in the late 1800’s December 25 was not a legal holiday in New England,

so stores were open, business were open, and children were expected to attend school.

Christmas was originally celebrated as an adult form of “trick or treat,”

with the “treat” consisting of an alcoholic beverage and

the threatened “trick” consisting of bodily harm or destruction of property.

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“We Wish You a Merry Christmas” was originally a threat.

The ever-popular song was originally sung, loudly and repeatedly,

by crowds of rowdy, lower-class servants demanding booze from their masters… or else. 

(I.e. “We won’t go until we get some!”)

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Victorian intellectuals invented the tradition of the Christmas tree

as part of a social movement to consciously reform Christmas

away from its tradition of raucous drinking.

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Many people mistakenly believe that the character ‘Scrooge’

from Charles Dickens ‘A Christmas Carol’,

celebrates Christmas at the home of his clerk Bob Cratchit.

However, in Victorian times this would not have been socially acceptable so,

whilst the reformed ‘Scrooge’ does send the Cratchits a turkey,

he celebrates instead with his middle-class nephew.

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All the gifts in the Twelve Days of Christmas would equal 364 gifts.

It’s not 78 as some people say,

it’s an accumulative song with each verse building on the last.

The first verse has 1 gift, the second verse has 2 + 1 gifts.

The third verse has 3 + 2 etc.

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The traditional three colors of Christmas are green, red, and gold.

Green has long been a symbol of life and rebirth;

red symbolizes the blood of Christ,

and gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty.

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The world’s largest Christmas stocking measured 51 m 35 cm (168 ft 5.65 in) in length

and 21 m 63 cm (70 ft 11.57 in) in width (heel to toe)

and was produced by the volunteer emergency services organization

Pubblica Assistenza Carrara e Sezioni (Italy) in Carrara, Tuscany, Italy, on 5 January 2011.

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Christmas trees have been sold in the U.S. since 1850.

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People in many European countries believed that spirits,

both good and evil, were active during the Twelve Days of Christmas.

These spirits eventually evolved into Santa’s elves.

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Each year there are approximately 20,000 “rent-a-Santas” across the United States.

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Bolivians celebrate Misa del Gallo or “Mass of the Rooster” on Christmas Eve.

Some people bring roosters to the midnight mass, a gesture that symbolizes

the belief that a rooster was the first animal to announce the birth of Jesus.

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The British wear paper crowns while they eat Christmas dinner.

The crowns are stored in a tube called a “Christmas cracker.”

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In Poland, spiders or spider webs are common Christmas trees decorations

because according to legend, a spider wove a blanket for Baby Jesus.

In fact, Polish people consider spiders to be symbols of goodness and prosperity at Christmas.

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In the United States Christmas wasn’t declared an official holiday until June 26, 1870.

Alabama was the first state in the United States to officially recognize Christmas in 1836

and Oklahoma was the last state the declare Christmas a legal holiday, in 1907.

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Because they viewed Christmas as a decadent Catholic holiday,

the Puritans in America banned all Christmas celebrations from 1659-1681

with a penalty of five shillings for each offense.

Some Puritan leaders condemned those who favored Christmas

as enemies of the Christian religion.

Likewise Oliver Cromwell as Lord Protector of England

banned Christmas celebrations.

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Christmas purchases account for 1/6 of all retail sales in the U.S.

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The poinsettia is native to Mexico and was cultivated by the Aztecs,

who called the plant Cuetlaxochitl (“flower which wilts”).

For the Aztecs, the plant’s brilliant red color symbolized purity,

and they often used it medicinally to reduce fever.

Contrary to popular belief, the poinsettia is not poisonous, but holly berries are.

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In 1962, the first Christmas postage stamp was issued in the United States.

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Santa Claus, or St Nicholas, is the world’s most popular non-Biblical saint.

He is, for example, the patron saint of banking, pawnbroking, pirating,

butchery, sailing, thievery, orphans, royalty, and New York City.

Artists have portrayed him more often than any other saint except Mary.

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There are two competing claims as to which president was

the first to place a Christmas tree in the White House.

Some scholars say President Franklin Pierce did in 1856;

others say President Benjamin Harrison brought in the first tree in 1889.

What isn’t disputed is the fact that President Coolidge started

the White House lighting ceremony in 1923.

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President Teddy Roosevelt, an environmentalist,

banned Christmas trees from the White House in 1912.

He needn’t have worried though, these days there are in excess of

400 million trees with tens of millions of Christmas trees planted each year.

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It is estimated that the single “White Christmas” by Irving Berlin

is the best selling single of all time, with over 100 million sales worldwide.

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A Festive Bumper Edition Of Our Monday Quiz!

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes folks, this being Christmas week we have a bumper Christmassy edition of the quiz.

All the questions have a Christmas theme and there are plenty of them this week, so this quiz should keep you going over the holidays.

As usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but NO cheating please!

Merry Christmas and enjoy.

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Q.  1:  If you were born on Christmas day, what would be your Zodiac sign?

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Q.  2:  In which century was Christmas first celebrated?

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Q.  3:  What significance is holly in celebrating Christmas?

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Q.  4:  In the familiar song ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’, what is the gift on the fourth day?

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Q.  5:  In the 1998 movie what actor whilst out Christmas shopping suddenly finds himself an “Enemy of the State”?

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Q.  6:  Who discovered Christmas Island in 1777?

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Q.  7:  Who wrote the song “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas”?

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Q.  8:  Plus or minus one year, how long does it take a Scotch Pine Christmas tree to reach a typical retail height of 6 to 7 feet?

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Q.  9:  One of the most popular floral gifts at Christmas is the Poinsetta, but what country did Poinsettias originally come from?

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Q. 10:  At the end of the war in Vietnam, when Saigon fell, the signal for all Americans to evacuate was what song by Bing Crosby being played on the radio?

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Q. 11:  What was Scrooge’s business partner called?

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Q. 12:  When exactly is ‘The Twelfth Night’?

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Q. 13:  Why was Boxing Day so named?

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Q. 14:  Who composed the music for the festive season ballet ‘The Nutcracker’?

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Q. 15:  Which Italian cake, popular at Christmas, belongs to Tony?

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Q. 16:  What job was first taken by James Edgar in 1890?

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Q. 17:  In which celebrated movie does James Stewart attempt suicide one Christmas?

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Q. 18:  The Bible doesn’t say when Jesus was born. Pope Julius I made this decision in which year? 

            a) 50 AD      b) 350 AD      c) 750 AD      d) 1250 AD

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Q. 19:  Mr and Mrs Hilton had a little boy who was born on Christmas Day 1887, and went on to found of one of the world’s largest Hotel chains, but what was his first name?

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Q. 20:  The names of which two reindeer mean ‘Thunder’ and ‘Lightning’?

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Q.  21:  What is the name of the fruit sauce which is a traditional accompaniment to the Christmas Turkey?

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Q.  22:  The American ad writer Robert L. May invented which colorful Christmas character in 1939?

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Q.  23:  The German Christmas song ‘Tannebaum’ is translated into English as what?

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Q.  24:  What does the word ‘Bethlehem’ mean?

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Q.  25:  Before Pope Julius I decided that December 25th was the day Jesus was born, on which day did early Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus?  

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Q.  26:  Coca Cola made our modern Father Christmas for an advertising campaign, but prior to that, what color robes did he wear?

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Q.  27:  Which ‘Christmas’ word means ‘turning of the sun’?

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Q.  28:  Complete the title of each of the following Christmas movies.

            a) Holiday… b) We’re No… c) The Bells of… d) It’s A Wonderful…

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Q.  29:  What was the name of Scrooge’s clerk in a Christmas Carol?

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Q. 30:  Advent candles are a popular Christmas tradition in many cultures. What does the word advent mean?

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Q. 31:  Which nickname for Hollywood sounds Christmassy?

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Q. 32:  Which pudding with a misleading name was banned by English Puritans because it was deemed to be ‘sinfully rich’?

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Q. 33:  The Greek word for ‘Messiah’ was ‘Xristos’(Christ). What do all of these words mean translated?

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Q. 34:  In the movie ‘Die Hard 2’, which airport did the terrorist take over on Christmas Eve?

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Q. 35:  Many people claim that the first unofficial football (soccer) international between Germany and a Scotland-England side was played on a Christmas Day. The pitch or playing field was found between what?

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Q. 36:  In which country does an ugly old witch named ‘Bafana’ deliver presents on the 6th of December?

           a) Australia      b) Austria      c) Italy       d) Mexico

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Q. 37:  There are two ‘Christmas islands’, in which oceans are they located?

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Q. 38:  In which city is Kevin left ‘Home Alone’ at Christmas? (the first Home Alone)

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Q. 39:  “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephan”.  What is the name of the country where Wenceslas was king? (Will accept either the ‘old’ or ‘modern’ name of the country.)

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Q. 40:  Which Christmas tradition, said to have originated in Germany, was banned in the Soviet Union until 1935?

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Q.  41:  In which country is St. Nick called ‘Sinterklaas’?

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Q.  42:  Which Christmas gift of the very highest quality, also known as ‘Oil of Lebanon’, comes from Oman?

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Q.  43:  Why was December 25th chosen as Christmas Day?

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Q.  44:  Who said, “You’ll want all day tomorrow, I suppose “?

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Q.  45:  Which popular poem did Clement Clark Moore write for his six children in 1822?

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Q.  46:  The following all mean ‘Merry Christmas’ in which language? (A point for each!)

             a) Hyvaa joulua    b) sung tan chuk ha    c) froehliche weihnacten   

             d) mele kalikimaka    e) god jul    f) boas festas    g) kala christouyenna

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Q.  47:  Superstition dictates that when making mince pies for Christmas one should always stir in which direction?

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Q.  48:  Which Christmas tradition did the very busy Sir Henry Cole introduce in 1843?

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Q.  49:  The Christmas movie ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ has been remade many times. Who won a best supporting actor Oscar for the role of Kris Kringle in the original 1947 movie and which two time Oscar winner played Kris in the 1994 remake?

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Q. 50:  Which song begins with “Are you hanging up your stocking on the wall”?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  If you were born on Christmas day, what would be your Zodiac sign?

A.  1:  Capricorn.

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Q.  2:  In which century was Christmas first celebrated?

A.  2:  In the 4th century.

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Q.  3:  What significance is holly in celebrating Christmas?

A.  3:  The early church banned mistletoe, so holly was substituted.

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Q.  4:  In the familiar song ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’, what is the gift on the fourth day?

A.  4:  4 Calling Birds.

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Q.  5:  In the 1998 movie what actor whilst out Christmas shopping suddenly finds himself an “Enemy of the State”?

A.  5:  Will Smith

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Q.  6:  Who discovered Christmas Island in 1777?

A.  6:  Captain Cook.

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Q.  7:  Who wrote the song “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas”?

A.  7:  Irving Berlin.

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Q.  8:  Plus or minus one year, how long does it take a Scotch Pine Christmas tree to reach a typical retail height of 6 to 7 feet?

A.  8:  7 years.

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Q.  9:  One of the most popular floral gifts at Christmas is the Poinsetta, but what country did Poinsettias originally come from?

A.  9:  Mexico.

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Q. 10:  At the end of the war in Vietnam, when Saigon fell, the signal for all Americans to evacuate was what song by Bing Crosby being played on the radio?

A. 10:  White Christmas.

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Q. 11:  What was Scrooge’s business partner called?

A. 11:  Jacob Marley.

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Q. 12:  When exactly is ‘The Twelfth Night’?

A. 12:  The evening of the 5th of January.

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Q. 13:  Why was Boxing Day so named?

A. 13:  After the custom of giving Christmas Boxes/Tips to workmen/tradesmen.

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Q. 14:  Who composed the music for the festive season ballet ‘The Nutcracker’?

A. 14:  Tchaikovsky.

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Q. 15:  Which Italian cake, popular at Christmas, belongs to Tony?

A. 15:  Panettone. (Anthony or Tone’s bread).

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Q. 16:  What job was first taken by James Edgar in 1890?

A. 16:  He was the first department store Santa.

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Q. 17:  In which celebrated movie does James Stewart attempt suicide one Christmas?

A. 17:  It’s A Wonderful Life.

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Q. 18:  The Bible doesn’t say when Jesus was born. Pope Julius I made this decision in which year? 

            a) 50 AD      b) 350 AD      c) 750 AD      d) 1250 AD

A. 18:  Answer b) 350 AD.

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Q. 19:  Mr and Mrs Hilton had a little boy who was born on Christmas Day 1887, and went on to found of one of the world’s largest Hotel chains, but what was his first name?

A. 19:  Conrad.

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Q. 20:  The names of which two reindeer mean ‘Thunder’ and ‘Lightning’?

A. 20:  Donner and Blitzen.

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Q.  21:  What is the name of the fruit sauce which is a traditional accompaniment to the Christmas Turkey?

A.  21:  Cranberry.

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Q.  22:  The American ad writer Robert L. May invented which colorful Christmas character in 1939?

A.  22:  Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

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Q.  23:  The German Christmas song ‘Tannebaum’ is translated into English as what?

A.  23:  Christmas Tree.

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Q.  24:  What does the word ‘Bethlehem’ mean?

A.  24:   House of meat (Arabic) or House of bread (Hebraic)

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Q.  25:  Before Pope Julius I decided that December 25th was the day Jesus was born, on which day did early Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus?  

A.  25:  The 6th of January or feast of the epiphany. (Greek for appearance or revelation).

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Q.  26:  Coca Cola made our modern Father Christmas for an advertising campaign, but prior to that, what color robes did he wear?

A.  26:  Green. (As a sign of the returning Spring.)

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Q.  27:  Which ‘Christmas’ word means ‘turning of the sun’?

A.  27:  Yuletide (Yule means wheel in old Norse language).

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Q.  28:  Complete the title of each of the following Christmas movies.

            a) Holiday… b) We’re No… c) The Bells of… d) It’s A Wonderful…

A.  28:  a) …Inn        b) …Angels     c) …St. Marys     d) …Life

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Q.  29:  What was the name of Scrooge’s clerk in a Christmas Carol?

A.  29:  Bob Cratchit.

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Q. 30:  Advent candles are a popular Christmas tradition in many cultures. What does the word advent mean?

A. 30:  Arrival.

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Q. 31:  Which nickname for Hollywood sounds Christmassy?

A. 31:  Tinseltown.

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Q. 32:  Which pudding with a misleading name was banned by English Puritans because it was deemed to be ‘sinfully rich’?

A. 32:  Plum pudding. (Incidentally, there are no plums in plum pudding, just sugar, raisons, suet, flour and various spices boiled in a bag till ‘plum’)

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Q. 33:  The Greek word for ‘Messiah’ was ‘Xristos’(Christ). What do all of these words mean translated?

A. 33:  The ‘annointed’ one.

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Q. 34:  In the movie ‘Die Hard 2’, which airport did the terrorist take over on Christmas Eve?

A. 34:  Dulles International Airport (Washington DC).

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Q. 35:  Many people claim that the first unofficial football (soccer) international between Germany and a Scotland-England side was played on a Christmas Day. The pitch or playing field was found between what?

A. 35:  Between the trenches in no mans land, Christmas 1914.  (No match report is available but it seems the Germans won 3-2.)

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Q. 36:  In which country does an ugly old witch named ‘Bafana’ deliver presents on the 6th of December?

           a) Australia      b) Austria      c) Italy       d) Mexico

A. 36:  Answer c) Italy. 

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Q. 37:  There are two ‘Christmas islands’, in which oceans are they located?

A. 37:  The Pacific and Indian oceans.

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Q. 38:  In which city is Kevin left ‘Home Alone’ at Christmas? (the first Home Alone)

A. 38:  Chicago.

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Q. 39:  “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephan”.  What is the name of the country where Wenceslas was king? (Will accept either the ‘old’ or ‘modern’ name of the country.)

A. 39:  Bohemia, now known as the Czech Republic.

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Q. 40:  Which Christmas tradition, said to have originated in Germany, was banned in the Soviet Union until 1935?

A. 40:  Christmas trees.

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Q.  41:  In which country is St. Nick called ‘Sinterklaas’?

A.  41:  Holland.

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Q.  42:  Which Christmas gift of the very highest quality, also known as ‘Oil of Lebanon’, comes from Oman?

A.  42:  Frankincense.

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Q.  43:  Why was December 25th chosen as Christmas Day?

A.  43:  To compete with a pagan celebration.

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Q.  44:  Who said, “You’ll want all day tomorrow, I suppose “?

A.  44:  Scrooge to Bob Cratchit in Dicken’s ‘A Christmas Carol’.

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Q.  45:  Which popular poem did Clement Clark Moore write for his six children in 1822?

A.  45:  A visit from St. Nicholas (The night before Christmas) “It twas the night before Christmas when all through the house……”

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Q.  46:  The following all mean ‘Merry Christmas’ in which language? (A point for each!)

             a) Hyvaa joulua    b) sung tan chuk ha    c) froehliche weihnacten   

             d) mele kalikimaka    e) god jul    f) boas festas    g) kala christouyenna

A.  46:  Answers   a) Finnish    b) Korean    c) German    d) Hawaiian    e) Norwegian

             f) Portugese    and,    g) Greek

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Q.  47:  Superstition dictates that when making mince pies for Christmas one should always stir in which direction?

A.  47:  In a clockwise direction.

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Q.  48:  Which Christmas tradition did the very busy Sir Henry Cole introduce in 1843?

A.  48:  The sending of Christmas wishes on mass produced Christmas cards.  The first cards depicted a family toasting an absent friend with the words “Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you”.

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Q.  49:  The Christmas movie ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ has been remade many times. Who won a best supporting actor Oscar for the role of Kris Kringle in the original 1947 movie and which two time Oscar winner played Kris in the 1994 remake?

A.  49:  Edmund Gwenn and Richard Attenborough.

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Q. 50:  Which song begins with “Are you hanging up your stocking on the wall”?

A. 50:  Slade’s Merry Christmas Everybody.

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What’s Ice? – Skid Stuff!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It will all be over by this time next week, so today has to be the day for a special Christmas helping of seasonal puns.

Get your groans ready – you’re really going to need them this time!

Enjoy.

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What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

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What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has no L.

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What does Tarzan sing at Christmas time?

Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.

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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

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What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

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How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

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What’s the best present for a train conductor?

Platform shoes.

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What is a parent’s favorite Christmas carol?

Silent Night.

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Before it starts to sell its Christmas trees

the garden center gets really spruced up!

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Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Because every buck is dear to him.

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What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish

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Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

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What Santa had a motorbike instead of a sleigh, what kind would it be?

A Holly Davidson of course!

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If Santa and Mrs. Claus had a baby, what would he be?

A subordinate Claus.

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“Why don’t we ever hear about ‘Olive,’ the 10th reindeer?” asked Bert.

“What 10th Reindeer?” asked Scott.

“You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”

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What does a reindeer do when he has an upset stomach?

He takes an elk-a-seltzer.

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What do you call an ELF who sings?

A Wrapper!

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Welcome To A Bumper Seasonal Edition Of Puns For The Holidays

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This week I have a bumper seasonal selection of word plays or puns that are all about or related to the Christmas Holiday Season. Some of them will sleigh you!

They aren’t any better or worse than normal, just themed.

And please don’t say they themed better last week!!!

Enjoy.

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Doing puns is my stocking trade at this time of year…

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Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

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What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis.

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What did the salt say to the pepper at Christmas?

Season’s Greetings.

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What do monkeys sing at Christmas time?

“Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way.”

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Why did they ask the turkey to join the band?

Because he had the drum sticks.

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What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

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A man walks into a diner desiring breakfast.

The waitress seats him and he asks what the specials are.

She tells him the Christmas special is Eggs Benedict.

He orders the special.

A little later, the waitress comes out with the Eggs Benedict, served on hubcaps.

Surprised, he asks why the hubcaps instead of regular plates?

Her response?

“There’s no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise.”

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If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

Missle toe!

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What is Santa’s primary language?

North Polish.

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Is Christmas the one day of the year we can all say our children are truly gifted!

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A pineapple.

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Why does Santa like to go down chimneys?

Because it soots him!

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Won’t all that soot make him sick? No. He’s had his flue shot.

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What famous playwright was intimidated by Christmas?

Noel Coward

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How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

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“Wouldn’t just gold and frankincense do?” the third wise man demurred.

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Why do you have to make sure the fire is out for Santa Claus coming down the chimney?

Coz if you didn’t you’d end up with a Crisp Cringle?

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What is a computer nerd’s favorite hymn?

Oh, .com all ye faithful!

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Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time?

Because he was stuffed.

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Once there was a Tsar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great.

One day as he was standing in his house with his wife he looked out the window and saw something happening.

He says to his wife, “Look honey. It’s raining.” 

She, being the obstinate type, responded, ”I don’t think so, dear. I think it’s snowing.” 

But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, ”Let’s step outside and we’ll find out.” 

Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain.

So Rudolph turns to his wife and says, ”I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”

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If you don’t believe in Xmas parties do you still remain eggnogstic?

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When the innkeeper’s assistant told Joseph there was no room at the Inn, he said “I’d like to see the manger.”

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I was fed up by the time I got to my last present so I wrapped it up.

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Are people who are afraid of Santa Claus-trophobic?

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Oh, like I hadn’t heard that old chestnut before.

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“Why don’t we ever hear about ‘Olive,’ the 10th reindeer?” asked Bert.

“What 10th Reindeer?” asked Scott.

“You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”

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Scrooge loves all the male reindeer, because every buck is dear to him.

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What do you call Santa’s helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

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Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.

Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.

Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don’t exist!

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Then there was the golfer who played on Christmas and hit a birdie. It was a partridge on a par 3.

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The garden center got all spruced up to sell Christmas trees.

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This is not fir I can’t think of any more.

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What is there left to say except have a Happy Holly Day.

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