I’m Sure I’ve Already Posted My Joke About Deja Vu!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


It’s Pun Day again.

Does seem a bit déjà vu right enough.

Your chance to giggle or groan, or perhaps a bit of both, as you read the latest word play offerings that we call puns.

Enjoy or endure!




Disposable beds are unreliable.

Disposable beds



My new band is called ‘DEAF’…

We’ve just been signed.

sign language alphabet



How subtle is the ‘b’ in subtle?




I’ve just fixed the work radio that

had been broken for months,

my colleagues were ecstatic.

You should have heard the reception I got.




I’ve written a book on how to chop onions.

Read it and weep.

how to chop onions



What sections of swimming pools do I prefer?

Hmm… Depends.

swimming pools deep end



I’m contemplating inventing a plane with no wings

then selling it to British Airways.

I know what you’re thinking;

it’ll never take off.




What do you call dyslexic owls?


dyslexic owl



Remember the shock a few years ago,

when we discovered…

Tiger was really a Cheetah.

Tiger a Cheetah



I recently completed a PhD in Scottish poetry.

You could say I have third degree Burns.

Rabbie Burns



I used to live on the 13th floor but

have just moved up to the 14th floor

But that’s another storey. 

13th floor button



A policeman stopped me as I walked out

of an electrical goods store today.

He said, “Before I perform a search,

do you have anything sharp in your pockets?”

I said, “No, just Sony and Panasonic.”

sharp logo



I love playing chess at the park with old men.

The hard part is finding 32 of them. 

playing chess at the park with old men



Since I was a 14 year old lad,

I’ve dated girls in alphabetical order,

starting from A, in an attempt to one day make it to Z.

My newest girlfriend, Yvonne, is convinced I’ll go back to my X.




I was in a quiz the other day and my team,

along with another, tied for first place.

For the ‘tie-breaker’ we were asked one question,

and the first person to shout the correct

answer won it for their team.

The question was as follows.

‘In Paradise Lost, by John Milton,

what was the Capital City of Hell?’

No-one from either team knew the answer

so both teams started shouting loudly

and waving their arms in frustration

at the question being too hard.

Things got a bit heated and a fight broke out

between one team captain and the quiz master.

It was pandemonium.





Whiteboards Are Remarkable!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


What was that? Whiteboards are remarkable?

Yes, another pun day awaits below.




My New Zealand girlfriend said that

she was falling in love with my rubbish puns,

so I asked her to maori me.


My boss said I couldn’t park my monster truck in the work car park.

So I went over her head.


When my grandfather passed away,

I had his ashes kept in an old bottle of vodka.

I know he’s not here right now,

but he’s with me in spirit.


Feminism is sooooo cute.

feminist cartoon

My wife also left me because of my constant animal puns.

She just couldn’t Bear it…

So she Swanned off…

And took the Kids…

Well at least I no longer have to listen to her bleating on…

otter nonsense

I rang the local ramblers club yesterday.

The bloke at the other end went on and on and on.

ramblers cartoon

Some say a world without sin is ideal,

but there are only so many problems which can be answered

with cos and tan.


The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.


If you’re always organizing things, you have OCD.

If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD.

ocd cartoon

This girl came up to me today and

said she recognized me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.


How did I get out of Iraq?


Iran David_Pope_Iraq_cartoon_Inkspot

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.

Must be some kind of milestone.    

measurement chart-length

I’m not a competitive person…

I’ll be the first to admit it.    


Me and my friend have just been fighting

over which is the best vowel.

I won.      


Iron man.

What a Fe male.


Today, I walked into a restaurant.

“Hi, is my table ready?”

“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Great, take these to table six then.”


What should you say when you see one of the toddlers

on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey?

ICU baby, shaking that ass.