A Simile Is Like A Metaphor – Literally!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I was going to introduce today’s post by saying some like “I hope you are having a pun-tastic week”, but I thought I would sound like a demented DJ from the 1970s.

So I’ll just say hello and welcome and let you get on with the puns.

Enjoy or endure!!

.

rofl

.

Lite:

the new way to spell “Light,”

now with 20% fewer letters!

Lite

.

.

I was asked to man the phones

at work the other day.

So I went round and drew a

little mustache on all of them.

phone with moustache

 

.

.

Spelling…

It’s not brian surgery.

medical_brain-surgery

.

.

Hamlet:

A small pig.

small pig with guitar

.

.

According to my Spanish doctor

I have Hepatitis Yes

si

 

.

.

My doctor told me to quit my helium addiction

before I got carried away.

helium addiction

.

.

2B or not 2B?

I don’t think I’ve ever put this much thought

into which shade of pencil to use before.

2b or not 2b [encils

.

.

‘UK Man has first hand transplant.’

Surely that’s a second hand transplant.

hand transplant

.

.

I was taking a short cut across a field the other day,

I was halfway across when the farmer approached me and said,

“Did you leave that small wooden step at the edge of my field?”

I replied, “No, it wasn’t me, that’s not my stile”

stile

.

.

Someone told me if you

smack a fish before frying it,

the meat will taste fresher.

What a load of codswallop.

cod

.

.

I’ve just accidentally superglued my fingers

to a copy of my autobiography.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

super glue

.

.

Me and my limbo dancing team

go way back

limbo dancing

.

=======================

.

I. O. U. A. Vowel

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

If you add a couple of consonants to one of those vowels you get PUN, which is rather convenient because today is pun day.

You know what’s next.

Enjoy or endure!!

.

rofl

.

I really love my fanbase…

without it my fan would fall over.

fan with base

.

.

When people ask me

what my best quality is,

I always tell them my second best

quality is being mysterious.

mysterious

.

.

Communicating with Native Americans

… it’s easy when you know How.

Native Americans greeting

.

.

I don’t care what people say,

I’m a terrible psychiatrist.

I don't care cartoon

.

.

My friend was in a go kart race and

kept going even after all his wheels fell off.

It was a tireless effort

go kart race

.

.

I got so excited in French lessons that

sometimes “oui” would come out

cartoon excited

.

.

If you want to know how to see without glasses,

I’ve got some good contacts.

CONTACT-LENS-CASE-570

.

.

To all you letters that

want to be before

p in the alphabet,

join the q.

Q

.

.

Walk in fridges.

Pretty cool.

Walk-In-Fridge

.

.

Everybody has an ego,

mine is just bigger and  better.

ego_by_einstein

.

.

Trees can break wind

(and they’re not the only ones!)

tree windbreak

.

.

Four thieves were robbing a music

store when the cops turned up.

The first grabbed all the pop CDs and ran off.

The second grabbed the rock CDs and also ran off.

The third grabbed the Jazz and followed suit.

The fourth was forced to take the rap.

.

.

==============================

.

 

Fractions, Food And French Horns – It’s The Fasab Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Yes, fractions, food, and French Horns are just some of the questions you’ll face if you take this week’s quiz.

A random and challenging assortment, but as usual, if you get stuck, you will find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below. But please, NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

.

quiz 09

.

Q.  1:  The name of what American city means “the meadows” in Spanish?

.

.

Q.  2:  How many women now regularly wear shoes with heels higher than one inch to work?

            a)  15%            b)  25%            c)  35%            d)  45%

.

.

Q.  3:  What year was the death penalty abolished in England?

            a)  1959          b)  1969          c)  1979          d)  1989

.

.

Q.  4:  What number lies halfway between 1/3 and 1/5?

.

.

Q.  5:  What was the first nation to give women the right to vote?

.

.

Q.  6:  From what type of creature is ‘Bombay duck’ made?

.

.

Q.  7:  Which country would you be in if you were skiing in the Dolomites?

.

.

Q.  8:  It is the name of a fragrant cosmetic and a city in Germany, what is it?

.

.

Q.  9:  In which country did French horns originate?

.

.

Q. 10:  What acid is associated with muscles in the body experiencing lack of oxygen?

.

.

Q. 11:  In Roman times what was a gladiator armed with, in addition to a dagger and spear?

.

.

Q. 12:  From which plant do we get ‘Vanilla’?

.

.

Q. 13:  What is ‘Hansen’s disease’ more commonly known as?

.

.

Q. 14:  What was the name of the political system in South Africa from 1948 to 1994?

.

.

Q. 15:  ‘Wild Marjoram’ is another name for which commonly used herb?

.

.

Q. 16:  How deep is one fathom of water?

.

.

Q. 17:  How many different letters are used in Roman numerals and what are their values? (A point for each part of the question correctly answered.)

.

.

Q. 18:  What common mineral is used to make casts, moulds, blackboard chalk and plaster of Paris?

.

.

Q. 19:  What extinct creature got its name from the Portuguese word for stupid? (Hint: the answer is not Congressman.)

.

.

Q. 20:  Who created the cartoon characters “The Simpsons”?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

ANSWERS

.

Q.  1:  The name of what American city means “the meadows” in Spanish?

A.  1:  Las Vegas.

.

.

Q.  2:  How many women now regularly wear shoes with heels higher than one inch to work?

            a)  15%            b)  25%            c)  35%            d)  45%

A.  2:  The correct answer is b)  25%.

.

.

Q.  3:  What year was the death penalty abolished in England?

            a)  1959          b)  1969          c)  1979          d)  1989

A.  3:  The correct answer is b) 1969.

.

.

Q.  4:  What number lies halfway between 1/3 and 1/5?

A.  4:  4/15ths

.

.

Q.  5:  What was the first nation to give women the right to vote?

A.  5:  New Zealand, in 1893.

.

.

Q.  6:  From what type of creature is ‘Bombay duck’ made?

A.  6:  Fish (specifically a Bummalo fish).

.

.

Q.  7:  Which country would you be in if you were skiing in the Dolomites?

A.  7:  Italy.

.

.

Q.  8:  It is the name of a fragrant cosmetic and a city in Germany, what is it?

A.  8:  Cologne.

.

.

Q.  9:  In which country did French horns originate?

A.  9:  Germany.

.

.

Q. 10:  What acid is associated with muscles in the body experiencing lack of oxygen?

A. 10:  Lactic acid.

.

.

Q. 11:  In Roman times what was a gladiator armed with, in addition to a dagger and spear?

A. 11:  A net.

.

.

Q. 12:  From which plant do we get ‘Vanilla’?

A. 12:  The Orchid.

.

.

Q. 13:  What is ‘Hansen’s disease’ more commonly known as?

A. 13:  Leprosy.

.

.

Q. 14:  What was the name of the political system in South Africa from 1948 to 1994?

A. 14:  Apartheid.

.

.

Q. 15:  ‘Wild Marjoram’ is another name for which commonly used herb?

A. 15:  Oregano.

.

.

Q. 16:  How deep is one fathom of water?

A. 16:  1.82 Meters or 6 feet.

.

.

Q. 17:  How many different letters are used in Roman numerals and what are their values? (A point for each part of the question correctly answered.)

A. 17:  Seven or VII   (They are,  I = 1, V = 5, X = 10, L = 50, C = 100, D = 500, M = 1000)

.

.

Q. 18:  What common mineral is used to make casts, moulds, blackboard chalk and plaster of Paris?

A. 18:  Gypsum.

.

.

Q. 19:  What extinct creature got its name from the Portuguese word for stupid? (Hint: the answer is not Congressman.)

A. 19:  The Dodo.

.

.

Q. 20:  Who created the cartoon characters “The Simpsons”?

A. 20:  Matt Groening. Thanks Matt. 

.

.

=========================================

.

 

 

Another Twenty Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Get ready to scratch that head.

Another twenty questions for fasab quiz day.

As usual if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please, NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

quiz 05.

 

 

.

Q.  1:  Who played Cameron Poe in the action movie Con Air?

.

.

Q.  2:  What is the lowest number on the FM dial?

.

.

Q.  3:  We’ve all seen the iconic ‘Jeep’, but approximately how many were built during WWII?

            a) 250,000      b) 450,000      c) 650,000      d) 850,000      or  e) 1,050,000

.

.

Q.  4:  Think about a map of the bottom of South America for this one, what strait separates Chile from Tierra Del Fuego?

.

.

Q.  5:  One of the most famous up-market automobile brands is BMW, but what do the letters ‘B-M-W’ stand for?

.

.

Q.  6:  Who is former government agent ‘Raymond “Red” Reddington’ in the excellent television series ‘The Blacklist’?

.

.

Q.  7:  Founded in 1592, what is the oldest university in the Republic of Ireland called?

.

.

Q.  8:  Founded in 1908 what is the oldest university in Northern Ireland called?

.

.

Q.  9:  How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

.

.

Q. 10:  What is the capital city of each of the following European countries? (A point for each correct answer, plus a bonus point if you name them all correctly.)

            a) Greece      b) Britain      c) France      d) Spain      e) Portugal      f) Switzerland      

.

.

Q. 11:  Fifty cardinals, two flamingos and six penguins attended the 1963 London premiere of what movie?

.

.

Q. 12:  Mahatma Gandhi qualified in England for which profession before practicing in South Africa and then moving back to India?

.

.

Q. 13:  Name North America’s ‘Great Lakes’? (A point for each correct answer, plus a bonus point if you name them all correctly.)

.

.

Q. 14:  The stirring voices of Anthony Quinn, Richard Burton and Curd Jürgens were all used, albeit in different versions, to narrate what?

.

.

Q. 15:  How many states in the United States of America begin with the letter ‘C’? (Bonus points for each one you name correctly.)

.

.

Q. 16:  What American born actor of the 1930s to the 1950s shares his name with a county in Northern Ireland?

.

.

Q. 17:  Who was allegedly the first Christian Emperor of Rome and founder of Constantinople?

.

.

Q. 18:  Which fruit plays a role in the downfall of Captain Queeg in the movie ‘The Caine Mutiny’?

.

.

Q. 19:  In which year did William Shakespeare die?

.

.

Q. 20:  What member of this musical family was a ‘Long Haired Lover From Liverpool’?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

ANSWERS

.

Q.  1:  Who played Cameron Poe in the action movie Con Air?

A.  1:  Nicolas Cage.

.

.

Q.  2:  What is the lowest number on the FM dial?

A.  2:  88.

.

.

Q.  3:  We’ve all seen the iconic ‘Jeep’, but approximately how many were built during WWII?

            a) 250,000      b) 450,000      c) 650,000      d) 850,000      or  e) 1,050,000

A.  3:  The correct answer is c) approximately 650,000 Jeeps were built during WWII.

.

.

Q.  4:  Think about a map of the bottom of South America for this one, what strait separates Chile from Tierra Del Fuego?

A.  4:  The Strait of Magellan. (Sometimes also called The Straits of Magellan.)

.

.

Q.  5:  One of the most famous up-market automobile brands is BMW, but what do the letters ‘B-M-W’ stand for?

A.  5:  ‘BMW’ is an acronym for ‘Bavarian Motor Works’.

.

.

Q.  6:  Who is former government agent ‘Raymond “Red” Reddington’ in the excellent television series ‘The Blacklist’?

A.  6:  James Spader.

.

.

Q.  7:  Founded in 1592, what is the oldest university in the Republic of Ireland called?

A.  7:  Trinity College, aka the University of Dublin.

.

.

Q.  8:  Founded in 1908 what is the oldest university in Northern Ireland called?

A.  8:  Queens University.

.

.

Q.  9:  How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

A.  9:  8.

.

.

Q. 10:  What is the capital city of each of the following European countries? (A point for each correct answer, plus a bonus point if you name them all correctly.)

            a) Greece      b) Britain      c) France      d) Spain      e) Portugal      f) Switzerland      

A. 10:  a) Athens      b) London      c) Paris      d) Madrid      e) Lisbon        f) Berne

.

.

Q. 11:  Fifty cardinals, two flamingos and six penguins attended the 1963 London premiere of what movie?

A. 11:  The clue was in the question, it was the movie premier of ‘The Birds’.

.

.

Q. 12:  Mahatma Gandhi qualified in England for which profession before practicing in South Africa and then moving back to India?

A. 12:  Law.

.

.

Q. 13:  Name North America’s ‘Great Lakes’? (A point for each correct answer, plus a bonus point if you name them all correctly.)

A. 13:  North America’s ‘Great Lakes’ consist of Lakes ‘Superior’, ‘Michigan’, ‘Huron’, ‘Erie’, and ‘Ontario’.

.

.

Q. 14:  The stirring voices of Anthony Quinn, Richard Burton and Curd Jürgens were all used, albeit in different versions, to narrate what?

A. 14:  Jeff Wayne’s musical version of ‘The War Of The Worlds’. Burton’s was used in the English version, Quinn’s in the Spanish, and Jürgens’ in the German.

.

.

Q. 15:  How many states in the United States of America begin with the letter ‘C’? (Bonus points for each one you name correctly.)

A. 15:  Three states in the US begin with the letter’C’, California, Colorado and Connecticut.

.

.

Q. 16:  What American born actor of the 1930s to the 1950s shares his name with a county in Northern Ireland?

A. 16:  Tyrone Power. County Tyrone is one of the six counties of Northern Ireland.

.

.

Q. 17:  Who was allegedly the first Christian Emperor of Rome and founder of Constantinople?

A. 17:  Constantine The Great.

.

.

Q. 18:  Which fruit plays a role in the downfall of Captain Queeg in the movie ‘The Caine Mutiny’?

A. 18:  Strawberries.

.

.

Q. 19:  In which year did William Shakespeare die?

A. 19:  It should be an easy one to remember, the year was 1616.

.

.

Q. 20:  What member of this musical family was a Long Haired Lover From Liverpool?

A. 20:  Little Jimmy Osmond. Here it is…. Sorry!

.

.

=======================================================

.

Welcome To The First Fasab Quiz For June

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Welcome to Quiz Day.

Another month has appeared on the calendar. Unbelievably we’re almost half way through 2014 already!

But what better way to start the first week of another month than with another twenty brain-buster questions.

Business, politics, geography, history, nature, movies and music are all in here this week.

Let’s see how you do.

Enjoy and good luck.

.

quiz 09

.

Q.  1:  What do octopus’ and goat’s eyes have in common?

.

.

Q.  2:  What common English word comes from the French expression meaning “death pledge”?

.

.

Q.  3:  Adjusting for inflation, which of these two men is the richest man in history, John D Rockerfeller or Bill Gates?

.

.

Q.  4:  What is the term for yawning and stretching at the same time?

.

.

Q.  5:  What US President is famous for having filed a report for a UFO sighting in 1973, calling it “the darndest thing I’ve ever seen.”

.

.

Q.  6:  In the last 4000 years, how many new animals have been domesticated?

.

.

Q.  7:  What is the Greek version of the Old Testament called?

.

.

Q.  8:  Soweto is a very famous location on the outskirts of Johannesburg in South Africa, but how did it get its name?

.

.

Q.  9:  Between 1926 and 1976, John Wayne appeared in over 170 motion pictures, and became one of America’s biggest box office stars, but what was the title of his last movie?

.

.

Q. 10:  What is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon? (Two bonus points if you can name the year too.)

.

.

Q. 11:  what was the only part of the United States that was invaded by the Japanese during WWII?

.

.

Q. 12:  Why do spiral staircases in medieval castles run clockwise?

.

.

Q. 13:  What are the only birds able to fly backwards.

.

.

Q. 14:  If you were standing in the northernmost point in the contiguous (48) US states, what state would you be standing in?

.

.

Q. 15:  Name the six main characters in the long running TV comedy series ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’? (A point for each and bonus points if you can name the actors who played them.)

.

.

Q. 16:  What is the only Canadian Province that borders the Great Lakes?

.

.

Q. 17:  Only four letters in the latin alphabet look the same if you turn them upside down or see them from behind, a point for each one you can name correctly?

.

.

Q. 18:  Previously set in Los Angeles, Washington DC and New York, what City is the location for the latest series of the hit TV show ‘24’?

.

.

Q. 19:  What is the only US State that begins with an “A” but does not end with an “A”?

.

.

Q. 20:  Who shared ‘Endless Love’ with Luther Van-Dross in 1994?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

ANSWERS

.

Q.  1:  What do octopus’ and goat’s eyes have in common?

A.  1:  Both have rectangular pupils.

.

.

Q.  2:  What common English word comes from the French expression meaning “death pledge”?

A.  2:  The common English word ‘mortgage’ comes from the French expression meaning “death pledge”.

.

.

Q.  3:  Adjusting for inflation, which of these two men is the richest man in history, John D Rockerfeller or Bill Gates?

A.  3:  When adjusted for inflation, John D Rockerfeller is the richest man in the history of the world,  with a net worth 10 times more than Bill Gates.

.

.

Q.  4:  What is the term for yawning and stretching at the same time?

A.  4:  When you yawn and stretch at the time, you are “pandiculating.”

.

.

Q.  5:  What US President is famous for having filed a report for a UFO sighting in 1973, calling it “the darndest thing I’ve ever seen.”

A.  5:  Jimmy Carter filed a report for a UFO sighting in 1973.

.

.

Q.  6:  In the last 4000 years, how many new animals have been domesticated?

A.  6:  Bit of a trick question, in the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. Take a point if you answered ‘none’ or ‘zero’.

.

.

Q.  7:  What is the Greek version of the Old Testament called?

A.  7:  The Greek version of the Old Testament is called the ‘Septuagint’.

.

.

Q.  8:  Soweto is a very famous location on the outskirts of Johannesburg in South Africa, but how did it get its name?

A.  8:  Soweto in South Africa was derived from SOuth WEst TOwnship.

.

.

Q.  9:  Between 1926 and 1976, John Wayne appeared in over 170 motion pictures, and became one of America’s biggest box office stars, but what was the title of his last movie?

A.  9:  John Wayne’s final movie was ‘The Shootist’, made in 1976 and in which he played the part of aging former gunslinger John Bernard Books.

.

.

Q. 10:  What is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon? (Two bonus points if you can name the year too.)

A. 10:  February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

.

.

Q. 11:  what was the only part of the United States that was invaded by the Japanese during WWII?

A. 11:  Alaska was the only part of the United States that was invaded by the Japanese during WWII. The territory was the island of Adak in the Aleutian Chain. Pearl Harbor, Hawaii was attacked, but not invaded.

.

.

Q. 12:  Why do spiral staircases in medieval castles run clockwise?

A. 12:  Spiral staircases in medieval castles run clockwise because all knights used to be right-handed and would therefore carry their swords in their right hand.

.

.

Q. 13:  What are the only birds able to fly backwards.

A. 13:  Hummingbirds are the only birds able to fly backwards.

.

.

Q. 14:  If you were standing in the northernmost point in the contiguous (48) US states, what state would you be standing in?

A. 14:  If you were standing in the northernmost point in the contiguous (48) US states, you’d be standing in Minnesota.

.

.

Q. 15:  Name the six main characters in the long running TV comedy series ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’? (A point for each and bonus points if you can name the actors who played them.)

A. 15: The characters in the Beverly Hillbillies were Jed Clampett, Granny, Ellie May, Jethro, unscrupulous banker Mr Drysdale and his long-suffering assistant Miss Hathaway, played respectively by Buddy Ebsen, Irene Ryan, Donna Douglas, Max Baer, Jr., Raymond Bailey and Nancy Kulp.

.

.

Q. 16:  What is the only Canadian Province that borders the Great Lakes?

A. 16:  Ontario is the only Canadian Province that borders the Great Lakes.

.

.

Q. 17:  Only four letters in the latin alphabet look the same if you turn them upside down or see them from behind, a point for each one you can name correctly?

A. 17:  The only letters in the latin alphabet that look the same if you turn them upside down or see them from behind are  ‘H’  ‘I’   ‘O’  and  ‘X’.

.

.

Q. 18:  Previously set in Los Angeles, Washington DC and New York, what City is the location for the latest series of the hit TV show ‘24’?

A. 18:  The latest series of ‘24’ is set in London, England.

.

.

Q. 19:  What is the only US State that begins with an “A” but does not end with an “A”?

A. 19:  Arkansas is the only US State that begins with “A” but does not end with “A”, all the other States that begin with “A”, Arizona, Alabama and Alaska, also end with “A”.

.

.

Q. 20:  Who shared ‘Endless Love’ with Luther Van-Dross in 1994?

A. 20:  Mariah Carey.

.

.

=================================================

.

Did You Know? – More Interesting Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

More interesting facts today.

Hats definitely off to James Harrison, but my favorite is Bill Morgan.

Enjoy.

.

did you know4

.

We’ll start with one in honor of the recently passed St Patrick’s Day.

St Patrick’s given name was Maewyn Succat.

After becoming a priest, he changed his name to Patricius,

from the Latin term meaning “father figure.”

st patrick

.

.

Esperanto is an artificial language,

but is spoken by about 500,000 to 2,000,000 people,

and 2 feature films have been done in the language.

basic_esperanto_words_by_moosader

.

.

After the bible,

the most translated book in the world is

Pinocchio.

pinocchio book cover

.

.

Hall of fame boxer Sugar Ray Robinson backed out of a fight

because he had a dream that he was going to kill his opponent in the ring.

After a priest and minister convinced him to fight, Robinson went into the ring

and killed his opponent Jimmy Doyle.

Sugar Ray Robinson and Jimmy Doyle

.

.

The German word for birth control pill is ‘antibabypille’

and in Switzerland they have pregnancy tests

called ‘MaybeBaby’ in vending machines.

birth control

.

.

After 9/11, 1600 people died in automobile accidents

after they switched travel plans from flying to driving.

automobile-accident

.

.

If officials awarded Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France title

to the next fastest finisher who has never been linked to doping,

they would have to give it to the person who finished 23rd.

tour de france

.

.

When US Army officer Braxton Bragg held both the job of

the company commander and the post’s quartermaster,

he made a request to the quartermaster (that is, himself)

and when he received the request as quartermaster he denied it.

He continued to argue back and forth with himself through letters.

braxton_bragg_2_400_pxlw

.

.

In 2010 workers at Ground Zero found an 18th century wooden ship

underneath the World Trade Center rubble.

ship-hull-found-in-ground-zero-rubble

.

.

When child actor Jackie Coogan turned 18,

he found out all his money, $68 million,

had been spent by his mother, who argued

“No promises were ever made to give Jackie anything.

Every dollar a kid earns before he is 21 belongs to his parents.” 

Coogan’s Bill was then passed to protect child actors.

Jackie_Coogan,_The_Kid_(1921)

.

.

In Samoa, it’s a crime to forget your own wife’s birthday.

(Isn’t that true for most places?)

wife's birthday

.

.

Ryan Gosling was cast as Noah in The Notebook

because the director wanted someone “not handsome.”

ryan gosling noah

.

.

After needing 13 liters of blood for a surgery at the age of 13,

a man named James Harrison, aka “The Man With The Golden Arm”,

pledged to donate blood once he turned 18.

It was discovered that his blood contained a rare antigen

which cured Rhesus disease.

He has donated blood a record 1000 times

and saved 2,000,000 lives.

james-harrison donating blood

.

.

In 1942 in Mississippi there was a man known as the Phantom Barber

who would break into peoples’ houses at night and cut their hair.

The Phantom Barber Of Mississippi

.

.

In 1999 an Australian man, named Bill Morgan

was declared dead for 14 minutes after an allergic reaction to drugs

given to him in hospital after a car accident.

To celebrate his survival he bought a scratch card

and won a $27,000 car.

A news team covering the story asked him to re-enact

the scratch card moment for their story,

so he went into the shop, bought another scratch card,

and won  $250,000 jackpot.

Here he is….

.

.

===============================================

.

Whenever I Play A Battle Of Minds, I Plato Win….

”Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Once again the clue is in the title.

Another pun day.

The usual mixture of puns, word play and jokes of varying quality.

Enjoy!

.

rofl

.

What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat?

A dandy lion.

Dandy_Lion_by_borogove13

.

.

I just walked into my Sarcastics Anonymous club, five minutes late.

They said, “Oh, nice of you to join us.”

science-sarcasm-Professor-Frink-Comic-Book-Guy-631

.

.

What are the chances of me coming up

with a pun about being overweight?

Slim.

weight pun

.

.

I was minding my own business

when I thought to myself,

“Maybe becoming a self-employed security guard

wasn’t such a good idea.”

security guard cartoon from federatorblogs.com

.

.

Mein Kampf.

Contains “Adolf humour”

mein kampf duckie

.

.

I have discovered that if you rearrange the letters of:

“THE POST OFFICE”

…you severely piss off the mailmen.

angry mailman

.

.

I’ve opened an online dating company

especially designed for deaf mutes.

It’s called ‘The Conversations Ltd.’

The Three Evils from grumpuoldeafies.com

.

.

My girlfriend is temperamental.

That’s 50% temper and 50% mental.

angry_girl

.

.

I have been working in a mirror factory for years now.

It’s what I’ve always seen myself doing.

mischa-richter-man-looking-in-mirror-and-saying-ha-and-in-the-mirror-is-the-reflection-new-yorker-cartoon

.

.

Why do they take organs from pigs and give them to humans?

Because pigs can’t play organs.

the-future-of-lab-grown-organs

.

.

Tom Cruise:

taking the art out of being a ‘bartender’

since 1988.

cruise cocktail

.

.

It was a busy night at the Bulimic support clinic.

The place was heaving.

bulimia cartoon

.

.

I have a contact lens problem.

I have no contact lens solution.

contacts

.

.

What’s big, grey and doesn’t matter?

An Irr-elephant.

irrelephant_by_ricken4003-d5k2kvq

.

.

The Beastie Boys are launching a new five-part fanzine,

documenting their rise to stardom.

Parts A to D will be freely available in the shops

for general purchase but, consistent with their band’s ethos,

you’ll have to fight for your right to Part E.

.

.

===================================

.