All The Good Puns About The Periodic Table Argon!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case you hadn’t guessed from the title, it’s Pun Day again.

Another selection of great jokes or terrible jokes depending on your point of view.

So get those groans ready.

Enjoy or endure!

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The time will never be wrong.

Not on my watch.

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I used to live in a normal house,

but then steps were taken to make it into a bungalow.

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My dog has just eaten my entire James Bond DVD collection.

Luckily I managed to beat The Living Daylights out of him.

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I got an answering machine today but I think it’s broken.

I’ve asked it loads of questions and nothing’s happening.

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My wife lost her Tampax and got really angry.

I hate it when she loses her rag.

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I’ve finally remembered the word that

I’ve been thinking about for two weeks.

It’s ‘fortnight.’

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Me and my mate are having a competition

to see who can steal the most dog related stuff

from next door’s house.

I’ve just taken the lead….

 

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They call me Mr Rhetorical.

Can you guess why?

I’m looking to start up my own business,

recycling discarded chewing gum.

Just need help getting it off the ground.

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My whisky kept going missing so I confronted the wife.

She told me that the guilty party was the family dog.

I found it staggering.

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I lost my job today because I said the office is full of assholes.

Bit of an overreaction to my opinion about a TV program I think.

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What’s black and gets abused 24/7

on social networking sites?

Punctuation!

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I’m a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt.

I was hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.

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Shopping for antiques won’t make you gay,

but it will make you buy curios.

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A lady at the supermarket asked me if I’ve ever drunk orange juice with pulp.

I said, “No, but I once had coffee with The Bluetones.”

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Did You Know? Another Rummage Through The Fasab Fact Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello again and welcome to another rummage through the fasab fact files.

As random as ever, this selection covers many centuries and many countries so you should find something of interest.

Enjoy.

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1 in 5 of the world’s doctors are Russian.

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The Nullarbor Plain of Australia covers

100,000 square miles (160,900 km) without a tree.

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In 1933, Mickey Mouse, an animated cartoon character,

received 800,000 fan letters.

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Nerve impulses to and from the brain

travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour.

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Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows

to mourn the deaths of their cats.

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Canadian researchers have found that

Einstein’s brain was 15% wider than normal.

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Isaac Asimov is the only author

to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

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The shortest British monarch was Charles I,

who was 4 feet 9 inches.

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Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

(Something to do with his mother no doubt!)

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Camels chew in a figure 8 pattern.

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In space, astronauts cannot cry,

because there is no gravity,

so the tears can’t flow.

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There are 1,792 steps in the Eiffel Tower

 

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A silicon chip a quarter inch square

has the capacity of the original 1949 ENIAC computer,

which occupied a city block.

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About a third of all Americans flush the toilet

while they’re still sitting on it.

 

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Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice president Al Gore

were freshman roommates at Harvard.

 

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In eighteenth century England,

women’s wigs were sometimes 4 feet high.

These remarkable headdresses were dusted with flour

and decorated with stuffed birds, replicas of gardens,

plates of fruit, or even model ships.

 

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In 1976 a Los Angeles secretary named Jannene Swift

officially married a 50 pound rock.

The ceremony was witnessed by more than 20 people.

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In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs.

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John has a long moustache was the coded signal

used by the French Resistance in WWII

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