More Stupid Signs By Stupid People For Stupid People.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Catering for the lowest common denominator in intelligence can be very frustrating for the rest of us.

But apparently stupidity has reached levels today where stupid people will hurt themselves with things that shouldn’t hurt them, if they had the wit to understand what they were and how use them properly.

Personally I think there is some merit in letting them get on with it and perhaps thereby gradually eliminating chronic stupidity from the gene pool.

In the meantime all we can do is cringe and laugh.

Here are some more.

Enjoy.

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stupidity is contageous sign

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“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.”

On a 6 x 10 inch inflatable picture frame.

 inflatable picture frame

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“Do not put in mouth.”

On a box of bottle rockets.

 bottle rockets

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“Remove plastic before eating.”

On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

 Fruit Roll-Up snack

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“Not dishwasher safe.”

On a remote control for a TV.

 remote control for a TV

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“For lifting purposes only.”

On the box for a car jack.

 car jack

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“Do not put lit candles on phone.”

On the instructions for a cordless phone.

 lit candles

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“Warning! This is not underwear!

Do not attempt to put in pants.”

On the packaging for a wristwatch.

 packaging for a wristwatch

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“Safe for use around pets.”

On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

 Arm & Hammer Cat Litter

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“No stopping or standing.”

A sign at bus stops everywhere.

 No stopping or standing

.

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“Do not sit under coconut trees.”

A sign on a coconut palm in a

West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

 Do not sit under coconut trees

.

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“These rows reserved for parents with children.”

A sign in a church.

 parents with children

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“All cups leaving this store, whether

full or empty, must be paid for.”

A sign in a Cumberland Farms

in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

 cups

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I’m Starting A One-Man Band – Email Me If You’re Interested.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to the last Pun Day….

Of this July that is, I hope you didn’t get your hopes up too high.

Anyway here are the latest offerings.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

 

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This nice weather doesn’t fool me one bit.

It’s just a front.

warm front

.

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What do you call a couple

who go fishing together?

Rod and Annette.

Rod and Annette

.

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I hate jokes about Vietnam.

They really Hanoi me.

Hanoi map

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My new book about Poltergeists

is flying off the shelves.

Poltergeists

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I was touched by my Granddad

when I was a little boy.

His tear jerking tales of world war two

were simply heartbreaking.

Granddad

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I was telling the police officer

how local youths had thrown

a milk bottle at me and just missed.

He asked, “Skimmed past your face?”

I replied, “No, full fat over my shoulder.” 

milk

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‘My post box’

has got nine letters in it.

australia post box

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I told my fiancee and friends that I wanted

to racially segregate our wedding.

They didn’t really warm to it.

I was met with a mixed reception.

wedding reception

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Age isn’t

“just a number”

– it’s quite clearly a word

age

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People who confuse

the metaphorical and the factual

make my head literally explode.

head literally explode

.

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My girlfriend was disappointed when

I bought her New York flights for her birthday.

But not as disappointed as I was when

I found out she didn’t even play darts.

darts New York flights

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I’ve just stolen loads of swimming inflatables.

I’d better lilo.   

lilo

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I went to see my new doctor this morning about my piles.

He told me to drop my trousers and pants and bend over.

As I pulled my cheeks apart, he said,

“I’m going to need your whole name.”

I said, “I just call it my asshole.”

man with trousera down

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Gordon Ramsay reminds me of a newspaper.

Only with more headlines.

Gordon Ramsay headlines

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Time traveller’s convention next June.

I’m there.

Time traveller's convention

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Did You Know? – Some More Concrete Facts From Fasab’s Files.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fact day again on the fasab blog.

And where better to start that a fact literally set in concrete – lots of concrete.

Enjoy.

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did you know4

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There is enough concrete in the Hoover Dam

to pave a two lane highway from San Francisco to New York

Hoover Dam

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When the Statue of Liberty was moved

from France to the United States,

214 crates were used to transport it.

The Statue was also reduced to 350 pieces.

statue of liberty

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When the divorce rate goes up in the United States,

toy makers report that the sale of toys also rise.

divorce rate

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The cartoon character Popeye was actually based

on a real person named Frank “Rocky” Fiegel

who was a tough guy handy with his fists

and who was quite similar to Popeye physically.

Popeye

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The reason why locusts swarm are because when they are in groups,

a “hot-spot” behind their hind legs is stimulated,

which in turn causes their destructive nature.

A large swarm of locusts can eat eighty thousand tons of corn in a day.

locust_swarm

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In 1755, the first Canadian post office opened in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

postal service canada

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The company “Sony” was originally called “Totsuken.”

They felt the name “Sony” would be easier to pronounce.

The name was invented by a cross between the name

“sonus” and “sonny” (derived from “sound” and “sonic”).

They also thought that the similarity to “Sonny”,

meaning a young man or boy,

would represent an energetic young company.

Sony-Logo

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After the Krakatoa volcano eruption in 1883 in Indonesia,

many people reported that, because of the dust,

the sunset appeared green and the moon blue.

The moon was said to appear blue for almost two years.

volcano erupting

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Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

map Reno Nevada

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During one seven year period,

Thomas Edison obtained approximately three hundred patents.

In is whole life he obtained over one thousand patents.

edison patent

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About 30% of American admit to talking to their dogs

or leaving messages on their answering machines

for their dogs while they are away.

doggie message

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The longest bout of sneezing recorded was by Donna Griffith.

It began in January 13 1981 and continued until September 16 1983

and lasted for 978 days.

Cartoon woman sneezing

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A bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II

killed every animal in the Berlin Zoo except the elephant,

which escaped and roamed the city.

When a Russian commander saw hungry Germans chasing

the elephant and trying to kill it, he ordered his troops to protect it

and shoot anyone who tried to kill it.

berlin-zoo-2

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In 1999, All Nippon Airlines, had one of its jets

fully decorated with Pokemon characters

from nose to tail on its exterior.

All Nippon Airways Pokemon 747 jet

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The first person to die in the electric chair was William Kemmler,

an ax murderer from New York on August 6, 1890

William Kemmler execution

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The city of Denver was originally chosen to host the 1976 Winter Olympics,

but had to withdraw because Colorado voters rejected to finance it.

Denver Olympic sticker 1976

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The expression “Tying the Knot” comes from an old Roman custom

where the bride’s clothes were tied up in knots

and the groom was supposed to untie the knots

tying the knot

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Velcro was invented by Swiss engineer George de Mestral,

who got the idea after noticing burrs were sticking to his pants

after his regular walks through the woods.

Swiss engineer George de Mestral inventor of Velcro

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Nylon is a man-made fiber that is made from coal and petroleum

nylon

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The theme song of the Harlem Globetrotters is

“Sweet Georgia Brown.”

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More Random Samples From The Fasab Fact File

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If its facts you want we have them!

So here is another selection.

If you can’t find something you don’t know in here then you know far too much.

Enjoy.

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did you know3

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“Kemo Sabe”, the name Tonto called The Lone Ranger

means “Soggy Shrub” in Navajo Indian.

The Tonto in Spanish means “a fool”.

Lone Ranger and Tonto

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Ketchup was sold in the 1830’s as medicine.

ketchup

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Killer whales have such a good sense of touch

that if you dropped a pill into a bucket

and feed it to the orca

it would eat the fish and spit out the pill.

Shamu_the_Killer_Whale_Sea_World_Orlando

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Kleenex tissues were originally used as filters in gas masks.

Kleenex

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Knitted socks discovered in Ancient Egyptian tombs

have been dated back as far as the 3rd century AD.

Oh mummy!

knitted socks

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Larry Lewis ran the 100 yard dash in 17.9 seconds in 1969,

there by setting a new world’s record

for runners in the 100 years or older class.

He was 101.

old-runner

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5% of Canadians don’t know the first 7 words of the Canadian anthem,

but know the first 9 of the American anthem.

Canadian Anthem

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7% of Americans don’t know the first 9 words of the American anthem,

but know the first 7 of the Canadian anthem.

American Anthem

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85,000,000 tons of paper are used each year in the U.S.

paper

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99% of the solar system’s mass is concentrated in the sun.

sun-etc

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There is a company in Taiwan makes dinnerware

out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.

wheat dinnerware

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About 70% of Americans who go to college

do it just to make more money.

(The rest are just avoiding reality for four more years.)

college

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America once issued a 5-cent bill.

5 Cent Bill

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The Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew named Cuitlahuac,

whose name meant “plenty of excrement.”

Now there’s revenge for you!

cuitlahuac_realista

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Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of

their unwanted people without killing them

used to burn their houses down

– hence the expression “to get fired.”

youre-fired

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Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland

because he doesn’t wear pants

– the little pecker!

donald_duck

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Marijuana is not as chemically addictive

as is nicotine, alcohol, or caffeine.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today

is because in the 1930’s cotton growers lobbied against

hemp farmers whom they saw it as competition.

marijuana-leaf

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Special playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII.

If captured, they could be soaked in water

and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.

map-card

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The three best-known western names in China are

Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

Nixon and Elvis

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Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill,

‘If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee’.

To which Churchill replied,

‘If you were my wife, I would drink it’.

Astor vs Churchill

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Did You Know? More Random Facts From Fasab’s Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another chance to increase your knowledge with a very random list of facts from fasab’s files.

Have some fun throwing one or two of these into conversations. It will either make you the hit of the party, or you won’t be asked back. Possibly a win-win scenario!

As always, enjoy.

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did you know2

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“I” is the most spoken word in the English language

 i

 .

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“You” is the second most spoken English word

 i-want-you

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An Olympic gold medal must contain 92.5 percent silver

London 2012 Olympic gold medal

 

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Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992.

Lee Harvey Oswald toe tag

 

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The average American works 24,000 hours in their lifetime

just to pay their taxes

 Tax_Ftrs_TFD_cartoon_8hr_tax_bite

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A quarter of Russia is covered by forest.

Russian forest

 

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A rodents teeth never stop growing.

They are worn down by the animal’s constant gnawing

on bark, leaves, and vegetables.

clipart_mousechew

 

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About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians

died by the time they were thirty.

Pyramids

 

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A Walla Walla scene

is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background

when they say walla walla it looks like they are actually talking.

Extras

 

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Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans

because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

spacesuit cartoon

 

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Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952.

Einstein

 

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Alexander the Great was an epileptic.

(He’d have a fit if he knew I’d told you that!)

Alexander the Great 

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In eighteenth century English gambling dens,

there was an employee whose only job

was to swallow the dice if there was a police raid.

swallow dice

 

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In England, in the 1800’s pants was considered a dirty word.

Pants-DayNewsCartoonOfTheDay

 

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In the movie “Star Trek: First Contact”,

when Picard shows Lilly she is orbiting Earth,

Australia and Papa New Guinea are clearly visible

.. But New Zealand is missing.

Australia - New Zealand

 

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Irving Berlin, who was born on 11 May 1888

and who composed three thousand songs in his lifetime,

couldn’t read music.

Irving-Berlin

 

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It is estimated that millions of trees in the world

are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts

and then forget where they hid them.

 forgetful_squirrel

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Jacques Cousteau invented scuba gear

while in the French resistance during World War II

Jaques Cousteau Scuba gear

 

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The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street

were named after Bert the cop and Ernie

the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Bert-and-Ernie 

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A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champange

will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

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A Man Walked Into A Hardware Store….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case today’s title was a little bit obscure for you, it’s pun day again.

Yes even more of those bad jokes and word plays.

Enjoy!

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A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.

“Is this good for wasps?” he asked the assistant.

“No, it kills them,” was the reply.

hardware store

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My Doctor told me I’m a Paranoid Schizophrenic.

We think he’s out to get us

.

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I went into the pharmacy last week and said to the woman behind the counter, “Packet of three, please, Miss.”

“Don’t you Miss me, young man,” she replied.

I said, “Okay, better make that four then!”

pharmacy

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I used to go out with a midget but we broke up.

We just couldn’t see eye to eye.

.

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I went to the missing persons bureau,

but there was no-one there.

missing persons bureau

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Four fonts walk into a bar

The barman says, “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here.”

.

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Why do they call it ‘raw’ sewage?

Is someone somewhere cooking it?

cartoon-chef

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I am very much into DIY.

Every time the wife asks me to do anything, I say, “do it yourself.”

.

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Ted Kennedy got told off for not opening the door for his girlfriend when he was on a date.

Instead he just swam to the surface.

kennedy_cartoon

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Computers are like air conditioners.

They work fine until you start opening windows.

.

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Food has supplanted sex as the main driving force in my life

– now I can’t even get into my own pants.

pants

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I had a horrible childhood.

My father was a Pontoon dealer in Vegas,

that’s why he used to hit me till I was 21

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I conducted an orchestra the other day.

It’s more fun than you can shake a stick at.

Conductor

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They say being a hostage is difficult…

…But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.

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What’s got four legs and goes “boo”?

A cow with a cold.

cartoon-cow

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The Interstate was blocked for an hour yesterday

after a car driven by a hunchback crashed into a car driven by a bearded lady.

Police are describing it as a freak accident.

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Bloody feminists.

They should all be put behind bras.

comic_feministbraburnings

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What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

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Okay, Enough Of The Presidential Nonsense – Time To Get Serious!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, if the election didn’t make you groan, here’s your chance.

Its bad joke pun day!

Enjoy them if you can.  

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It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.

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A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “Is the bar tender here?”

termite .

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An electrician is a bright spark who knows what’s watt.

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Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents.

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Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

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A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

donut cartoon .

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Communism first took off in the insect kingdom when a wary wasp joined the cagey bee.

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In the winter my dog wears his coat,

but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

 Dog panting.

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Did you hear about the raisin that wined about how he couldn’t achieve grapeness.

 .

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Opening a new funeral parlor can be quite an undertaking.

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I tend to avoid funerals, I’m not really a mourning person.

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The grammarian was never late. In fact he was always very punctual.

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I dropped out of my communism class because of lousy Marx.

 Obama-Marx cartoon.

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I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

 .

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To many girls the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it.

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Those who stare at the moon are optimists.

They only look at the bright side.

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Tennis players don’t marry because Love means Nothing to them.

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Can Napoleon return to his place of birth?

Of Corsican.

 Napoleon cartoon.

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