Whoever Invented The Selfie Needs To Take A Good Look At Themselves.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And since it’s pun day again you need to take a good look at this latest batch.

Enjoy or endure!!!

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What do you call

a German on speaker phone?

Hans Free

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‘Sugar’

is the only word in the English language

in which the S, is pronounced ‘sh’.

I’m sure of that.

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My brother has had to

close down his archery business.

In the first 12 months 

he didn’t hit any of his targets .

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Ten years in the same job and

not once have I been in the boss’s office.

That’s what got me fired as a cleaner.

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Just been mugged and beaten up.

I tried to defend myself with a drawing pin.

Turns out a tac isn’t the best form of defense after all.

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Before we split up, my wife

was obsessed with horoscopes.

I’m sure that’s what Taurus apart.

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I was on the freeway when a guy driving in the other direction

started flashing his lights, beeping his horn and screaming,

“You’re going the wrong way!”

What an idiot.

He didn’t even know where I was going.

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What has a pee at

the end of a tram?

A tramp.

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Breaking News:

Man arrested over missing woman

Imagine if he’d hit her???

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Adoption jokes –

There’s never a good time to tell them.

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I don’t approve of my girlfriend’s one night stand.

Why should she be the only one with

somewhere to put a bedside lamp.

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I threw three DVDs at exactly the same time

to see which one would hit the wall first.

It was a discrace.

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My wife called me into the bathroom

and asked me to wash her back.

I don’t remember her

washing me in the first place.

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Erectile dysfunction;

just when you thought

it couldn’t get any harder.

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My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that 

I have been cheating on her with Clara next door.

Last night, she packed her things and left.

I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.

Take it away Johnny….

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Happy Thanksgiving Day Everybody

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well it’s Thursday again BUT it’s also Thanksgiving Day so perhaps some people will have a lot better things to do than read my blog today.

Whatever you are doing and wherever you are doing it, have a great and a lovely celebration whether you are with family, friends or just on your own.

For those who do care to take a few minutes to check out this blog, particularly for those in other countries who may not be celebrating on this particular day here is another selection of the bad jokes we like to call puns.

I just had to post this today because tomorrow I’ll probably be doing cold turkey. 

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve started. Read on and enjoy!

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I used to be a banker but I lost interest  

 

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How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.

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Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.        

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He wears glasses during math because it improves division.      

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A bacteria walked into a bar and the bartender said, ‘We don’t serve bacteria in this place.’

The bacteria said, ‘But I work here, I’m staph.’

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He has been a jogger for three years running.    

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In a recession, the most secure job is garbage-man. Business is always picking up.

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Do optometrists live long because they dilate?

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I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

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I just got of these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how it turns out.

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John Deere’s manure spreader is the only equipment the company won’t stand behind.

 

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. 

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I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many strings attached and lots of drawbacks.

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I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.

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Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor.

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A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

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Is the patron saint of poverty St. Nickeless.

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My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

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I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.         

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Weight loss mantra? Fat chants!

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