Shock Headline: Rising Numbers Are On The Increase.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But no shock that today is another Pun Day!

Enjoy or endure!!

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Just opened my Electric bill and my Water bill at the same time.

I was completely shocked.

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The man who invented Velcro has died.

RIP

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Keifer Sutherland was held up by Homeland Security

when he flew into LA airport for the

filming of the first episode of a new TV series.

They asked him the purpose of his visit and he said,

“I’m here to shoot a pilot.”

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My great uncle was so stubborn,

when he died, he left a won’t.

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“You make a very good cuppa,” she said.

“It’s my special tea,” I replied.

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I fell down a really deep dark hole today.

I just couldn’t see that well.

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There are countless films without Dracula in them.

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Just read a really sad story about how

blind people get used to new surroundings…

Touching stuff.

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I’ve decided to stop wearing my glasses.

It makes me look harder.

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 A rule of grammar:

double negatives are a no-no.

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So here I am trekking through the woods……

hang on, bear with me

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Weighing an elephant is just like weighing a human.

But on a much bigger scale.

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I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early the other day.

He said, ” Only if you make up the time.”

I said, ” OK. It’s 35 past 50.”         

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I work in McDonald’s and a customer was rude to me today,

so I got him back by not putting any Coke in his drink.

Just ice was served.         

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Brian May is a slightly more optimistic version of Brian Cant.         

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Happy Thanksgiving Day Everybody

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well it’s Thursday again BUT it’s also Thanksgiving Day so perhaps some people will have a lot better things to do than read my blog today.

Whatever you are doing and wherever you are doing it, have a great and a lovely celebration whether you are with family, friends or just on your own.

For those who do care to take a few minutes to check out this blog, particularly for those in other countries who may not be celebrating on this particular day here is another selection of the bad jokes we like to call puns.

I just had to post this today because tomorrow I’ll probably be doing cold turkey. 

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve started. Read on and enjoy!

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I used to be a banker but I lost interest  

 

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How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.

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Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.        

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He wears glasses during math because it improves division.      

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A bacteria walked into a bar and the bartender said, ‘We don’t serve bacteria in this place.’

The bacteria said, ‘But I work here, I’m staph.’

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He has been a jogger for three years running.    

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In a recession, the most secure job is garbage-man. Business is always picking up.

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Do optometrists live long because they dilate?

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I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

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I just got of these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how it turns out.

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John Deere’s manure spreader is the only equipment the company won’t stand behind.

 

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. 

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I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many strings attached and lots of drawbacks.

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I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.

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Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor.

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A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

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Is the patron saint of poverty St. Nickeless.

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My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

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I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.         

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Weight loss mantra? Fat chants!

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