Who needs rhetorical questions.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

It a bit like asking, who needs Puns when you know everybody does!

And here’s some more.

Enjoy or endure!!

.

rofl

.

Apparently most people lean slightly

forward when they nod their head.

I must say I’m inclined to agree.

 nodding head yes

.

.

Where do people from Senegal drive?

In Dakar

 Dakar

.

.

Someone just threw a bottle

of Omega 3 pills at me.

Don’t worry, I only suffered

super fish oil injuries.

 Omega 3 pills

.

.

Skydiving without a parachute is

a once in a lifetime experience.

 Skydiving without a parachute

.

.

Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar

It was tense.

 Past, Present and Future

.

.

I work as a waiter.

The pay isn’t great

but I put food on the table.

 waiter

.

.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious?

Someone who points out the obvious.

 someone who points out the obvious

.

.

Passport Inspectors:

You’ve got to hand it to them

 Passport Inspector

.

.

My ex-wife was deaf.

She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest,

I should have seen the signs.

 deaf

.

.

When I was little I had imaginary friends

and I used to play with them all the time.

They were real people,

I just imagined they were my friends.

 imaginary friends

.

.

Coke dealers.

Always sticking their business

in other people’s noses.

 Coke dealers

.

.

The Beach Boys walk into a bar

“Round?”

“Round?”

“Get a round”

“I get a round?”

“Get a round….”

.

.

=============================

.

The Only Way Is Up, Unless It’s Sideways.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Federal-Reserve-Seal-logo

It has been nine years since the ‘Fed’ put up interest rates in the US. Not a day goes by when some pundit or other is explaining why an interest rate rise is imminent whilst yet another is warning that the US dollar is about to collapse in a heap.

There’s even a fed funds futures market for people to bet which way they think it is going to go.

For what it’s worth, I think the US dollar will weaken from its current position because a lot of the support it is getting lies solely in the belief that interest rates are about to start going up.

Much of that dollar support is created by continual talk from Yellen and the Fed about raising rates. But the fact is that every time they reach the point at which they said interest rates would rise, they chicken out.

us dollar

So why does the Fed keep making big promises that it hasn’t the nerve to keep?

Good question, I’m glad you asked.

Although it might make them look a bit foolish, what their continual rate rise threats also do is to help to discourage speculation in US stocks and bonds – not a healthy thing for any economy.

If they do, do it, I don’t think they will until very late in 2015 – maybe not until 2016.

2016?

But wait.

2016 is an election year.

2016 US Election year

Will Obama deliberately burst Hilary’s Democrat Party bubble by allowing interest rates to rise? He might do it out of spite I suppose. There’s no love lost between them since Obama beat her for the candidacy and then won the Presidential election eight years ago.

But I think the election year may mean we are looking at 2017 for those rate hikes.

So who is right, me and people who think like me or the great unwashed of the media who are still predicting an imminent rate hike.

I wouldn’t bet the farm on it, but I think I might risk a few zero interest dollars that they are wrong and I’m not.

Stay tuned for some gloating or a big spoonful of humble pie come June this year.

humble pie

.

=============================

.

FAREWELL 2014

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Hi folks,

Last day of this year and time for my recollections of 2014’s main events.

As always this is by no means meant to be a complete coverage of all the events that happened during 2014, just a personal blog post about some of the things I remember, and a few that I had forgotten until I started to compile this list.

I hope you enjoy.

.

farewell 2014

.

The Weather

We will start off with the weather since so many of us seem to be obsessed with it.

  • In the United States there were weather extremes. In California, for example, January was the warmest and driest on record in San Francisco, San Jose and Los Angeles. Only four other Januaries since 1878 had been completely dry in Los Angeles until January 2014. Alaskans experienced their third warmest January in 96 years of record, according to NOAA’s National Climatic Data Center.

California drought 2014

  • In many parts of the Midwest, on the other hand, 2014 was the coldest winter since the late 1970s or early 1980s. And some southern states of the US became the victims of, firstly, winter storm Kronos which brought a rare blanket of snow as far south as Louisiana, and sleet as far south as Harlingen, Texas and Pensacola, Fla. in late January, and then, just days later, a second winter storm, Leon, hit many of the same areas causing commuter chaos in both Birmingham, Ala. and Atlanta. Leon also spread ice and sleet to the Gulf Coast, including the Florida Panhandle, and the Low country of South Carolina.
  • And worse was on the way. Winter Storm Pax deposited an inch or more of ice in a swath from east-central Georgia into South Carolina, including Augusta, Ga. and Aiken, S.C. Pax was the second heaviest ice storm dating to 1947 in Wilmington, N.C. The accumulation of ice from Pax claimed the famed “Eisenhower tree” at the Augusta National Golf Club. Pax marked the first time since January 1940 that Columbia, S.C. saw snowfall for three straight days.

Winter Storm Pax Washington

  • In complete contrast, the week after Pax, Columbia, S.C. tied its all-time February high of 84 degrees. Augusta, Ga. warmed into the 80s two straight days on Feb. 19-20.
  • Elsewhere in the world, severe Atlantic winter storms took their toll on many parts of England which in 2014 experienced storms and rain not seen since the late 19th century.

Atlantic winter storms Cornwall England

  • In Tokyo, Japan, which usually averages only about 4 inches of snow each year, there were also severe snow storms. In February, snow blanketed the city with 11 inches of snow in less than a week, the heaviest snowfall in 45 years for Tokyo and in 60 years for the city of Kumagaya, northwest of Tokyo. The following weekend, parts of eastern Japan, including parts of the Tokyo metro area, received another round of snow. Some smaller communities were isolated by more than 3 feet of snow.
  • And in the southern hemisphere, Australia’s Bureau of Meteorology reported that more than 10 percent of Queensland and almost 15 percent of New South Wales experienced their record hottest day on Jan. 3. A second heat wave hit parts of southern Australia in mid-January, with temperatures peaking above 41 degrees Celsius (just under 106 degrees Fahrenheit) for four straight days from Jan. 14-17, and reaching a sizzling 43.9 degrees C (111 degrees F) on both Jan. 16 and 17.

australia heat wave 2014

.

Business and Technology

  • In the world of business and technology 2014 was the year the Obama administration decided to stop inversion deals, where US companies bought foreign domiciled businesses and moved their profit centers to a much more tax friendly location.
  • In technology buys, one of the largest was Facebook’s purchase of smartphone application WhatsApp for $19 Billion.

14.02.19-Facebook-WhatsApp

  • In other sectors 2014 saw world oil price plunge to around $50 per barrel, good news for consumers, not so good for producers.
  • Under pressure from the fall in oil and gas prices, along with the economic sanctions imposed by the west because of the ongoing situation in the Ukraine, the Russian Ruble went into free fall in December.

APphoto_Russia Economy

  • Also in 2014, in March, the United Nations International Court of Justice ruled that Japan’s Antarctic whaling program was not scientific but commercial and refused to grant further permits.
  • With Quantitative Easing having been ended in the US (for the moment anyway) Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe announced plans for a new $29 billion fresh stimulus, including subsidies and job-creating programs, to help pull the world’s third-largest economy out of recession.

Quantitative Easing cartoon

  • After their embarrassing foul up last Christmas, this year both FedEx and UPS managed to deliver more than 99 percent of express packages as promised on Dec. 22 and Dec. 23, according to shipment tracker ShipMatrix.
  • South Korean prosecutors arrested a government official who allegedly leaked information about an investigation into former Korean Air Lines executive Cho Hyun-ah, who forced a flight to return over a bag of macadamia nuts. Most of the rest of the world tends to think that the idiot executive should suffer the consequences of her stupidity, not the whistleblower.

korean-air-lines-macademia-nut-scandal Cho Hyun-ah

  • And finally, after their embarrassing hack attack and cringe-worthy capitulation to what amounted to a terrorist cyber attack which was rightly criticized publicly by President Obama, Sony finally decided to release its movie ‘The Interview’.

Rogan Franco The-Interview

.

.

Conflicts, Wars & Terrorism

Unfortunately 2014 saw many conflicts and acts of terrorism.

  • In April an estimated 276 girls and women were abducted and held hostage from a school in Nigeria. The following month, Boko Haram militants killed approximately 300 people in a night attack on Gamboru Ngala and terrorists in Nigeria detonated bombs at Jos, killing 118 people.

Boko Haram militants killed approximately 300 people Gamboru Ngala

  • June saw the emergence of a Sunni militant group called the ‘Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant’ (also known as the ‘ISIS’ or ‘ISIL’). It began an offensive throughout northern Iraq, with the aim of eventually capturing the Iraqi capital city of Baghdad and overthrowing the Shiite government led by Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. The group has been responsible for beheading of hundreds of people including several from the United States.

Sunni militant group called the ‘Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant’

  • In July and August tensions between Israel and Hamas grew following the kidnapping and murder of three Israeli teenagers in June and the revenge killing of a Palestinian teenager in July. Israel launched ‘Operation Protective Edge’ on the Palestinian Gaza Strip starting with numerous missile strikes, followed by a ground invasion a week later. In 7 weeks of fighting, 2,100 Palestinians and 71 Israelis were killed.
  • Also in July, Malaysia Airlines Flight 17, a Boeing 777, crashed in eastern Ukraine, killing all 298 souls on board. There are conflicting claims as to who was responsible, some blaming pro Russian forces for a missile strike and others blaming Ukrainian forces.

Malaysia Airlines Flight 17

  • In August and September the United States military began an air campaign in northern Iraq to stem the influx of ISIS militants and the following month the United States and several Arab partners began an airstrike campaign in Syria.

Expect more on these stories during 2015.

Departures

During 2014 we said farewell to many well know people from various walks of life. Here is just my selection of those I remember.

From Literature

Sue Townsend

British novelist and playwright (b. 1946)

SueTownsend

.

P. D. James

British writer and life peer

(b. 1920)

P. D. James

.

From Movies & TV

Roger Lloyd-Pack

British actor

(b. 1944)

Roger Lloyd-Pack

.

Maximilian Schell

Austrian-Swiss actor

(b. 1930)

Maximilian Schell

.

Philip Seymour Hoffman

American actor

(b. 1967)

Philip Seymour Hoffman

.

Shirley Temple

American actress and diplomat

(b. 1928)

shirley_temple

.

Sid Caesar

American actor

(b. 1922)

Sid Caesar

.

Harold Ramis

American film director,

writer, and actor

(b. 1944)

Harold Ramis

.

Mickey Rooney

American actor

(b. 1920)

Mickey Rooney

.

Bob Hoskins

British actor

(b. 1942)

Bob Hoskins

.

Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.

American actor

(b. 1918)

Efrem Zimbalist, Jr

.

Rik Mayall

British comedian,

writer and actor

(b. 1958)

Rik Mayall

.

Casey Kasem

American radio host

and voice actor

(b. 1932)

Casey Kasem

.

Eli Wallach

American actor

(b. 1915)

Eli Wallach

.

Elaine Stritch

American actress and singer

(b. 1925)

Elaine Stritch

.

James Garner

American actor

(b. 1928)

James Garner

.

Menahem Golan

Israeli filmmaker

(b. 1929)

Menahem Golan

.

Robin Williams

American actor and comedian

(b. 1951)

Robin Williams

.

Lauren Bacall

American actress

(b. 1924)

Lauren Bacall

.

Richard Attenborough

British actor and film director

(b. 1923)

Richard Attenborough

.

Joan Rivers

American comedian, actress,

and television host

(b. 1933)

Joan Rivers

.

Richard Kiel

American actor (b. 1939)

Richard Kiel

.

Polly Bergen

American actress

(b. 1930)

Polly Bergen

.

Ken Takakura

Japanese actor

(b. 1931)

Ken Takakura

.

Warren Clarke

English actor

(b. 1947)

Warren-Clarke

.

Glen A. Larson

American television producer

and writer

(b. 1937)

Glen A. Larson

.

Virna Lisi

Italian actress

(b. 1936)

Virna Lisi

.

Billie Whitelaw

English actress

(b. 1932)

Billie Whitelaw

.

Luise Rainer

Golden Age actress

“The Great Ziegfeld”

(b. 1910)

Luise Rainer with oscars

.

.

From Music

Pete Seeger

American singer, songwriter,

musician, and activist

(b. 1919)

Pete Seeger

.

Johnny Winter

American singer and guitarist

(b. 1944)

Johnny Winter

.

Glenn Cornick

British bass guitarist

(b. 1947)

Glenn Cornick

.

Jack Bruce

British rock bassist

(b. 1943)

Jack Bruce

.

Acker Bilk

British jazz clarinetist

(b. 1929)

Acker Bilk

.

Joe Cocker

English singer

(b. 1944)

Joe Cocker

.

From Politics

Zbigniew Messner

9th Prime Minister of the

People’s Republic of Poland

(b. 1929)

Zbigniew Messner

.

Ariel Sharon

11th Prime Minister of Israel

(b. 1928)

Ariel Sharon

.

Tony Benn

British politician and diarist

(b. 1925)

Tony Benn

.

Adolfo Suárez

138th Prime Minister of Spain

(b. 1932)

Adolfo Suárez

.

James R. Schlesinger

American economist and politician

(b. 1929)

James R. Schlesinger

.

A. N. R. Robinson

3rd President of Trinidad and Tobago

(b. 1926)

A. N. R. Robinson

.

Howard Baker

American politician and diplomat

(b. 1925)

Howard Baker

.

Eduard Shevardnadze

2nd President of Georgia

(b. 1928)

Eduard Shevardnadze

.

Albert Reynolds

Irish Taoiseach (prime minister)

(b. 1932)

Albert Reynolds

.

Ian Paisley

British politician and

First Minister of Northern Ireland

(b. 1926)

Ian Paisley

.

Nicholas Romanov

Prince of Russia

(b. 1922)

Nicholas Romanov

.

Jean-Claude Duvalier

41st President of Haiti

(b. 1951)

Jean-Claude Duvalier

.

John Spencer-Churchill

11th Duke of Marlborough,

British peer and educator

(b. 1926)

John Spencer-Churchill, 11th Duke of Marlborough

.

Gough Whitlam

21st Prime Minister of Australia

(b. 1916)

Gough Whitlam

.

From Space Exploration

Valeri Kubasov

Soviet cosmonaut

(b. 1935)

Valeri Kubasov

.

Wubbo Ockels

Dutch astronaut and physicist

(b. 1946)

Wubbo Ockels

.

Henry Hartsfield

American colonel and astronaut

(b. 1933)

Henry Hartsfield

.

Anatoly Berezovoy

Soviet cosmonaut

(b. 1942)

Anatoly Berezovoy

.

From Sport

Eusébio

Portuguese footballer

(b. 1942)

Eusébio

.

Mae Young

American professional wrestler

(b. 1923)

Mae Young

.

Louise Brough

American tennis player

(b. 1923)

Louise Brough

.

Tom Finney

English footballer

(b. 1922)

Tom Finney

.

Nelson Frazier, Jr.

American professional wrestler

(b. 1971)

Nelson Frazier, Jr

.

Jimmy Ellis

American boxer

(b. 1940)

Jimmy_Ellis

.

Jack Brabham

Australian race car driver

(b. 1926)

Jack Brabham

.

Malcolm Glazer

American businessman,

owner of Manchester United

(b. 1928)

Malcolm Glazer

.

Valentin Mankin

Ukrainian sailor, Olympic triple champion

and silver medalist

(b. 1938)

Valentin Mankin

.

Fernandão

Brazilian footballer and manager

(b. 1978)

Fernandão

.

Alfredo Di Stéfano

Argentine-Spanish footballer

(b. 1926)

Alfredo-Di-Stefano-Dies-at-Age-88

.

Andriy Bal

Ukrainian football player and coach

(b. 1958)

Andriy Bal

.

Björn Waldegård

Swedish rally driver

(b. 1943)

Björn Waldegård

.

Andrea de Cesaris

Italian race car driver

(b. 1959)

Andrea de Cesaris

.

Health

  • The big health scare of 2014 that dominated the headlines was the of the Ebola virus epidemic in West Africa in February, that initially infected over 19,000 people and killing at least 7,000, the most severe both in terms of numbers of infections and casualties.

ebola_map Africa

  • In other news, also in February, Belgium became the first country in the world to legalize euthanasia for terminally ill patients of any age.

Politics

  • On January 1, Latvia officially adopted the Euro as its currency and became the 18th member of the Eurozone.
  • In February, the Ukrainian parliament voted to remove President Viktor Yanukovych from office, replacing him with Oleksandr Turchynov, after days of civil unrest that left around 100 people dead in Kiev. The pro-Russian unrest lead to the annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation and an insurgency in the Donetsk and Luhansk regions.

President Viktor Yanukovych

  • In March, Nicolás Maduro, the President of Venezuela, severed diplomatic and political ties with Panama, accusing it of being involved in a conspiracy against the Venezuelan government.
  • Also in March, an emergency meeting, involving the United Kingdom, the United States, Italy, Germany, France, Japan, and Canada temporarily suspended Russia from the G8.
  • In April, also in response to the Crimean crisis, the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe (PACE) passed a resolution temporarily stripping Russia of its voting rights; its rights to be represented in the Bureau of the Assembly, the PACE Presidential Committee, and the PACE Standing Committee; and its right to participate in election-observation missions.
  • The same month, United States President Barack Obama began new economic sanctions against Russia, targeting companies and individuals close to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Putin Obama

  • In May the Royal Thai Army overthrew the caretaker government of Niwatthamrong Boonsongpaisan after a failure to resolve the political unrest in Thailand.
  • Back in Europe, in June, King Juan Carlos I of Spain abdicated in favor of his son, who ascended the Spanish throne as King Felipe VI.
  • And the political year ended on a positive note, with U.S. President Barack Obama announcing the resumption of normal relations between the U.S. and Cuba after more than half a century.

normal relations between the U.S. and Cuba

.

Space

  • The major space event of 2014 happened in November when the European Space Agency’s Rosetta Philae probe successfully landed on Comet 67P, the first time in history that a spacecraft has landed on such an object.

Rosetta Philae

Sport

  • The two major world sporting events of 2014 were the XXII Olympic Winter Games, held in Sochi, Russia in February, and the 2014 FIFA World Cup held in Brazil, and won by Germany, during June and July.

world-cup-2014-champions-germany-trophy

  • In American sport the Super Bowl was won by the Seattle Seahawks, the MLB World Series  winners were the San Francisco Giants and in basketball the San Antonio Spurs came out on top.
  • Ice Hockey had three champions in 2014, Canada becoming Olympic champions, Russia world champions and in the NHL the Los Angeles Kings were the victors.
  • In tennis at the world famous Wimbledon Tournament in England Novak Djokovic became Men’s Singles Champion and Petra Kvitova Ladies Singles Champion, while the men’s and women’s winners of the US Open were Marin Čilić  and Serena Williams respectively.

novak-djokovic-with-wimbledon-crown

  • In Soccer, as noted above, Germany won the 2014 World Cup. The European Champions League winners were Real Madrid and the English Premiership was won by Manchester City.
  • The Formula 1 motor racing champion for 2014 was British driver Lewis Hamilton, who also picked up the award of the BBC Sports Personality of the Year.
  • In golf’s major championships, the Masters Tournament, held in April, was won by Bubba Watson by three strokes. It was his second Masters championship.
  • May saw the BMW PGA Championship where young Northern Ireland man Rory McIlroy birdied the 18th hole to win by one stroke over Irishman Shane Lowry, who also birdied the 18th hole.
  • In June, U.S. Open winner was Martin Kaymer who won by eight strokes to become the first German player to win the U.S. Open, and the first player to win the Players Championship and the U.S. Open in the same year.
  • In July, the Open Championship Northern Ireland man Rory McIlroy, was on top again winning by two strokes over Rickie Fowler and Sergio García. It was his third career major championship, and his first Open Championship. With the win, he became the fourth player ever of 25 years old or under to have won at least three majors.
  • In August, McIlroy was back, winning the PGA Championship by one stroke over Phil Mickelson. He was having quite a year, it was his fourth career major and his second PGA Championship.PGA Champion Rory McIlroy
  • Then in September, in the Ryder Cup, Team Europe (also including McIlroy) defeated Team USA by a score of 16½ – 11½. It was the third consecutive Ryder Cup victory for Europe, and also Europe’s fifth consecutive home victory in the Ryder Cup.

Tragedies

  • In March Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, a Boeing 777 airliner en route to Beijing from Kuala Lumpur, disappears over the Gulf of Thailand with 239 people on board. The aircraft is presumed to have crashed into the Indian Ocean.
  • In April Korean ferry MV Sewol capsized and sunk after an unmanageable cargo shift. More than 290 people were killed, mostly high school students.

south-korea-ferry MV Sewol

  • In May hundreds of workers were killed in mining accident in Turkey.
  • In July, Air Algérie Flight 5017 crashed in Mali, killing all 116 people on board.
  • And just a few days ago AirAsia flight QZ8501 crashed, wreckage has been found off the coast of Indonesia’s Kalimantan coast.

indonesia-airplane AirAsia flight flight QZ8501 airport notice board

 

Procrastinators Unite! …. Tomorrow.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Procrastinators may unite tomorrow if they want, but for the rest of us today is Pun Day.

Yes, more awful jokes and word play fun.

So, enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

I just realised that

“stats”  is palindromic.

What are the odds of that?!

STATS

.

.

“Hey Harry, how much were

those broom sticks?” Asked Ron.

“Quid each”, replied Harry.

quidditch

.

.

I thought my wife was happy

to fully repair my jeans.

Or at least sew its seams.

repair my jeans

.

.

I submitted a 16:9 picture of my farm

to the photography contest.

They didn’t like the crop.

16.9 picture of my farm

.

.

My fine art and fragrances business has failed.

The perfumes sold well, but I didn’t really know

how to market the paintings I’d bought.

Now I’ve got more Monet than scents.

Monet - Water-Lily-Pond--Symphony-In-Rose

.

.

You feel stuck with your debt

if you can’t budge it.

budget2013_BalancingTheBudget_new

.

.

The inventor of predictive text has died.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial

.

.

I’m a judge in graffiti competitions.

It’s as exciting as watching paint dry.

graffiti competitions

.

.

Ghetto blasters.

They’re an 80s stereotype.

lasonic-ghetto-blaster-famous-gold-edition-3

.

.

I accidentally sprinkled marijuana into my mayonnaise.

It reminded me of Holland Days.

hollandaise-sauce

.

.

I once got a butterfly high

by giving it concentrated speed.

It was a crystal moth

crystal moth

.

.

When I broke the news to my little

brother that he had diabetes,

I tried not to sugarcoat it.

sugarcoat

.

.

Constipation:

same old s**t,

different day.

constipation

.

.

Is it just me or are Polish cleaners

really bad at brushing up?

Sorry that was a

sweeping generalization.

cleaners

.

.

My laptop is broken.

It just keeps playing

“Someone Like You”

over and over again.

Probably because it’s a Dell.

.

.

=====================================

.

They Let The Crazy People Out Today.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Hi folks.

It’s Black Friday.

This is the day they let the crazy people out.

They wrestle and fight and tug

and roll around on the floor hitting each other

in a frenzy of greed and stupidity. 

It’s fun to watch, but I’m staying at home.

How about you?

If you want to know why then have

a look at these videos and photos.

Enjoy and be safe.

.

Black-Friday.001

.

.

rampage-black-friday-w724

.

black-friday1

.

635215736606808633black-friday

.

.

1127_blackfriday_630x420

.

black friday fight 3

.

 

A shopper is restrained on the ground by security staff in the car park of an Asda store in Bristol.

.

Black-Friday-Fight

.

black friday fight 4

.

blackfriday_fights_11-27-2012

======================================

.

I Can’t Believe Pretzels Are Knot Bread.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Get it?

Pretzels, knot bread?

Never mind. Time to unravel a few more word plays.

It’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

Here’s a good one for you,

Good one.

good one

.

.

I went to the museum to feed the animals

But they were all stuffed

stuffed animals in museum

.

.

Those disposable cameras

are a complete con.

Now I have absolutely no record

of a perfectly lovely holiday.

 

disposable cameras.

.

My girlfriend said she was going to

leave me because of my obsession with

pointing out inanimate objects…

So I showed her the door.

man pointing

.

.

My son has been asked

to sign for his local team.

To be honest,

I never knew they were deaf.

boy with foorball

.

.

Cadbury’s have brought out

a new box of chocolates

for inconsiderate people.

They’re self centered.

Cadbury's

.

.

I run a business selling tiny models

of Buddha and Mohammed.

Sales aren’t the best but

I’m making small prophets.

tiny model of buddha

.

.

Everyone’s blaming me for the

animal noises on the video conference at work.

Seems I’ve been made into a Skypegoat.

skype_logo

.

.

The English language

is the best in the world.

It just has a certain…

je ne sais quoi.

je ne sais quoi

.

.

My family abandoned me,

my ex-girlfriend took everything I own,

and my children hate me

all because of my constant optimism.

Still, it could be worse.

optimism

.

.

My wife asked me for a

new wardrobe last Christmas,

so I got her one.

Turns out she just wanted clothes

new wardrobe

.

.

I’m looking forward

to my dirty weekend.

Wash the car,

clean the garden,

take rubbish out……

dirty weekend

.

.

I got water trapped in my ears

after having a shower this morning.

It was a near deaf experience.

water trapped in my ears

.

.

If you like women

as well as the next man

you’re probably bi-sexual.

Bisexual!

.

.

What’s the temperature in Motown ?

Three degrees, four tops…

.

.

======================================

.

‘Bruce’? Did You Say ‘Bruce’? – Yes, Quiz Day Again.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Yes, everyone it’s Quiz Day again at the fasab blog.

You will find out about ‘Bruce’ when you do the quiz, which I hope you will.

And remember, as always, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  In radio what does ‘FM’ stand for?

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Q.  2:  What breed of dog is the tallest in the world?

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Q.  3:  And what is the smallest breed of dog?

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Q.  4:  The marine mammal, the ‘dugong’, is the supposed original of what?

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Q.  5:  Chance to build up a good score here with a possible 7 points available. In the business world what do these well known acronyms stand for?  (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you get all 6 correct.)

           a) IBM          b) HP          c) CNN          d) DHL          e) HTC          f) CVS

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Q.  6:  What common chemical compound is represented by the formula ‘nh3’?

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Q.  7:  What is a ‘quadruped’?

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Q.  8:  What Italian physicist, mathematician, engineer, and philosopher who played a major role in the scientific revolution during the Renaissance, has been called the “father of modern observational astronomy”?

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Q.  9:  Still on the subject of space, what recently landed on an asteroid after a ten year journey, bounced twice, ended up in the wrong place and then shut down after its batteries were depleted?

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Q. 10:  What is the name of the little naked bow-carrying statue that historically represents ‘intimate love’, and ‘desire’? (You can also earn a bonus point if you can name his ‘brother’.)

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Q. 11:  Of what is Bamboo the tallest variety in the world?

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Q. 12:  Which bacteria is responsible for typhoid and food poisoning?

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Q. 13:  What is the name given to someone who studies plants?

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Q. 14:  What is the mixture of potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulphur better known as?

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Q. 15:  What is ‘-459.7ºf’ also know as?

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Q. 16:  What common medical procedure and what type of drink are included in the standard phonetic alphabet?

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Q. 17:  How many cubic inches are there in a cubic foot?

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Q. 18:  How many years is it since the start of the ‘Great War’?

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Q. 19:  The invention of what in 1867, made Alfred Nobel famous?

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Q. 20:  His nickname was ‘Bruce’ and he was the star of what became the highest-grossing film in history at the time of its release in 1975, and the most successful motion picture of all time until Star Wars. What was the name of the movie?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  In radio what does ‘FM’ stand for?

A.  1:  Frequency Modulation.

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Q.  2:  What breed of dog is the tallest in the world?

A.  2:  No, not the Great Dane, the correct answer is Irish Wolfhound.

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Q.  3:  And what is the smallest breed of dog?

A.  3:  The Chihuahua. (In fact I think it is so small it doesn’t merit the extra ‘hua’.)

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Q.  4:  The marine mammal, the ‘dugong’, is the supposed original of what?

A.  4:  The Mermaid, the name ‘dugong’ means ‘lady of the sea’.

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Q.  5:  Chance to build up a good score here with a possible 7 points available. In the business world what do these well known acronyms stand for?  (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you get all 6 correct.)

           a) IBM          b) HP          c) CNN          d) DHL          e) HTC          f) CVS

A.  5:  a) IBM International Business Machines   b ) HP Hewlett Packard.

           c) CNN Cable Network News                            d) DHL Daisey Hillblom Lynn

           e) HTC High Tech Computer                             f) CVS Consumer Value Stores

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Q.  6:  What common chemical compound is represented by the formula ‘nh3’?

A.  6:  Ammonia.

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Q.  7:  What is a ‘quadruped’?

A.  7:  Any four footed animal.

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Q.  8:  What Italian physicist, mathematician, engineer, and philosopher who played a major role in the scientific revolution during the Renaissance, has been called the “father of modern observational astronomy”?

A.  8:  His name is Galileo, or more properly Galileo Galilei.

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Q.  9:  Still on the subject of space, what recently landed on an asteroid after a ten year journey, bounced twice, ended up in the wrong place and then shut down after its batteries were depleted?

A.  9:  The European Space Agency (ESA) Rosetta Mission Philae comet lander. (You earn a point if you said either ‘Rosetta’ or ‘Philae’ in your answer.)

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Q. 10:  What is the name of the little naked bow-carrying statue that historically represents ‘intimate love’, and ‘desire’? (You can also earn a bonus point if you can name his ‘brother’.)

A. 10:  His name is ‘Eros’ and his brother’s name is ‘Anteros’ who supposedly represents reflective or returned mature love.

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Q. 11:  Of what is Bamboo the tallest variety in the world?

A. 11:  Grass.

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Q. 12:  Which bacteria is responsible for typhoid and food poisoning?

A. 12:  Salmonella.

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Q. 13:  What is the name given to someone who studies plants?

A. 13:  A Botanist.

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Q. 14:  What is the mixture of potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulphur better known as?

A. 14:  Gunpowder.

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Q. 15:  What is ‘-459.7ºf’ also know as?

A. 15:  Absolute Zero. (So now if anyone asks you what the government has achieved you can answer ‘-459.7ºf’.)

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Q. 16:  What common medical procedure and what type of drink are included in the standard phonetic alphabet?

A. 16:  X-ray  =  X  and Whiskey = W.

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Q. 17:  How many cubic inches are there in a cubic foot?

A. 17:  1728.  (12 x 12 x 12)

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Q. 18:  How many years is it since the start of the ‘Great War’?

A. 18:  100 years this year. The Great War is also now known as World War I.

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Q. 19:  The invention of what in 1867, made Alfred Nobel famous?

A. 19:  Dynamite.

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Q. 20:  His nickname was ‘Bruce’ and he was the star of what became became the highest-grossing film in history at the time of its release in 1975, and the most successful motion picture of all time until Star Wars. What was the name of the movie?

A. 20:  The movie was ‘Jaws’, and ‘Bruce’ was the nickname give to the ‘shark’ they used in it.

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