Astronomy Is Looking Up.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Astronomy is indeed looking up and so is today now that you’ve realized it’s Pun Day.

Lots more word play below, so…

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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My friends say

I always contradict them,

but I disagree.

 contradiction buttons

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I applied for a loan,

but the bank had zero percent interest.

 zero percent interest

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For every action,

there is a social media over-reaction.

 social media over-reaction

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I went to the museum and saw a Van Gogh painting.

Underneath it said “Loaned anonymously.”

I went to the front desk and said,

“I’d like my Van Gogh back now, please.”

 Van Gogh painting

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Quantum mechanics:

The dreams stuff is made of.

 Quantum mechanics

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I was a whisker away from finding

an entire utensil set yesterday.

 whisker

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Pyongyang

– the only capital city that sounds

like a ricochet sound effect

from an old fashioned Western.

 Pyongyang

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My friend has just had surgery.

‘Surgery’ being the operative word.

 surgery cartoon

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I was playing scrabble with my dad

when he spelled the word “stneve”.

It was an unexpected turn of events.

 scrabble

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Do deaf mathematicians

speak in sine language?

 deaf mathematicians

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They say when a man meets the right woman,

he is complete.

They say when a man meets the wrong woman,

he is finished.

They say when the right woman

meets the wrong woman with the man,

he is completely finished.

 man meets the right woman

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Stupidity is not a handicap.

Park elsewhere.

handicap parking space

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Did You Know? – More Interesting Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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More interesting facts today.

Hats definitely off to James Harrison, but my favorite is Bill Morgan.

Enjoy.

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did you know4

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We’ll start with one in honor of the recently passed St Patrick’s Day.

St Patrick’s given name was Maewyn Succat.

After becoming a priest, he changed his name to Patricius,

from the Latin term meaning “father figure.”

st patrick

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Esperanto is an artificial language,

but is spoken by about 500,000 to 2,000,000 people,

and 2 feature films have been done in the language.

basic_esperanto_words_by_moosader

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After the bible,

the most translated book in the world is

Pinocchio.

pinocchio book cover

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Hall of fame boxer Sugar Ray Robinson backed out of a fight

because he had a dream that he was going to kill his opponent in the ring.

After a priest and minister convinced him to fight, Robinson went into the ring

and killed his opponent Jimmy Doyle.

Sugar Ray Robinson and Jimmy Doyle

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The German word for birth control pill is ‘antibabypille’

and in Switzerland they have pregnancy tests

called ‘MaybeBaby’ in vending machines.

birth control

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After 9/11, 1600 people died in automobile accidents

after they switched travel plans from flying to driving.

automobile-accident

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If officials awarded Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France title

to the next fastest finisher who has never been linked to doping,

they would have to give it to the person who finished 23rd.

tour de france

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When US Army officer Braxton Bragg held both the job of

the company commander and the post’s quartermaster,

he made a request to the quartermaster (that is, himself)

and when he received the request as quartermaster he denied it.

He continued to argue back and forth with himself through letters.

braxton_bragg_2_400_pxlw

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In 2010 workers at Ground Zero found an 18th century wooden ship

underneath the World Trade Center rubble.

ship-hull-found-in-ground-zero-rubble

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When child actor Jackie Coogan turned 18,

he found out all his money, $68 million,

had been spent by his mother, who argued

“No promises were ever made to give Jackie anything.

Every dollar a kid earns before he is 21 belongs to his parents.” 

Coogan’s Bill was then passed to protect child actors.

Jackie_Coogan,_The_Kid_(1921)

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In Samoa, it’s a crime to forget your own wife’s birthday.

(Isn’t that true for most places?)

wife's birthday

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Ryan Gosling was cast as Noah in The Notebook

because the director wanted someone “not handsome.”

ryan gosling noah

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After needing 13 liters of blood for a surgery at the age of 13,

a man named James Harrison, aka “The Man With The Golden Arm”,

pledged to donate blood once he turned 18.

It was discovered that his blood contained a rare antigen

which cured Rhesus disease.

He has donated blood a record 1000 times

and saved 2,000,000 lives.

james-harrison donating blood

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In 1942 in Mississippi there was a man known as the Phantom Barber

who would break into peoples’ houses at night and cut their hair.

The Phantom Barber Of Mississippi

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In 1999 an Australian man, named Bill Morgan

was declared dead for 14 minutes after an allergic reaction to drugs

given to him in hospital after a car accident.

To celebrate his survival he bought a scratch card

and won a $27,000 car.

A news team covering the story asked him to re-enact

the scratch card moment for their story,

so he went into the shop, bought another scratch card,

and won  $250,000 jackpot.

Here he is….

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Ten!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Saturday, and time for another selection of the ever popular Classified Ads.

These attempts to sell goods and services didn’t quite reach the standard required to be themselves classified as intelligent communication.

They are funny though and thank goodness for that.

Enjoy!

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classified ad 216.

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drive through colon screening.

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classified ad 217.

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robotic prostrate surgery.

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classified ad 218.

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rectal rocket.

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classified ad 219.

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French and Fry.

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classified ad 220.

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device to cure sleepiness.

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classified ad 221

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Consultations.

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classified ad 222

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breast augmentation

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There Are Things We Know That We Don’t Know – Yes, It’s Twenty Questions Tuesday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Donald Rumsfeld once famously said, “…there are things we know that we don’t know”, and the only way to find out the answers to the things we know we don’t know is to ask the proper questions.

As for the things we don’t know we don’t know, well obviously we don’t even know what questions to ask do we?

Here are some more of the questions for the things we know that we don’t know.

Enjoy!

 

 

Can you daydream at night?

 

Can crop circles be square?

 

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?

 

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as you are following the direction of the traffic?

 

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

 

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

 

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

 

How can something be ‘new’ and ‘improved’? If it’s new, what was it improving on?

 

Why aren’t drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

 

How is it that when we ‘skate on thin ice’, we can ‘get in hot water’?

 

If laughter is the best medicine, why do people say they almost ‘died laughing’?

 

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

 

Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

 

Why are they called ‘Jolly Ranchers’? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?

 

Why does ‘caregiver’ and ‘caretaker’ mean the same thing?

 

Can a short person ‘talk down’ to a taller person?

 

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

 

How fast do hotcakes really sell?

 

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

 

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

 

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Another Selection Of Those Word Puzzles Called Anagrams.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another selection of those word puzzles called anagrams. Some of the usual suspects are back, but with different takes on their name, and of course thee are a lot of new ones too.

Enjoy.

 

 

‘Dolly Parton’

Dynatrollop

———————

 

‘The Prince of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)’

Real pompous, petulant, high-class inbreed wretch waiting for E.R. throne.

———————-

 

‘The Titanic disaster’

Death, it starts in ice

———————-

 

‘Western Union’

No Wire Unsent

———————-

 

‘The Cincinnati Reds’

Indecent Christian

———————-

 

‘Confessional’

On scale of sin

———————-

 

‘Princess Diana’

End is a car spin

———————-

 

‘Astronomer’

Moon starer

———————-

 

‘Astronomers’

No more stars

———————-

 

‘Frito Lay’

Oily Fart

———————-

 

‘Conversation’

Voices Rant On

———————-

 

‘ipod lover’

Poor devil

———————-

 

‘Justin Timberlake’

I’m a jerk but listen

———————-

 

Mitt Romney for President

form prime intent, destroy

———————-

 

 ‘Christmas’

Trims cash

———————-

 

‘A Domesticated Animal’

Docile, as a man tamed it

———————-

 

‘Garbage Man’

Bag manager

———————-

 

‘President Bush of the USA’

A fresh one, but he’s stupid

———————-

 

 ‘Adolf Hitler’

Heil, old fart!

———————-

 

‘Chairman Mao’

I am on a march.

 

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Another Selection Of Anagrams, part two in this short Sunday series

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another Sunday and another selection of anagrams to, I hope, amuse and entertain.

 

 

‘Plastic surgery’

Result: Gasp! I cry

———————

 

‘The Prince of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)’

Pre-eminent twerp. Highbrow felon. Adulterous English aristocrat chap.

———————-

 

‘America’s first moon landing’

Grand-scale misinformation!

———————-

 

‘marriage’

A grim era

———————-

 

‘marriage vows’

Orgasm waiver

———————-

 

‘menstrual cycle’

Cleanly rectums

———————-

 

‘Evangelist’

Evil’s agent

———————-

 

‘Desperation’

A rope ends it

———————-

 

‘The Morse Code’

Here come dots

———————-

 

‘Slot Machines’

Cash lost in ’em

———————-

 

‘The Public Art Galleries’

Large picture halls, I bet

———————-

 

‘A Decimal Point’

I’m a dot in place

———————-

 

‘The Earthquakes’

That queer shake

———————-

 

‘Eleven plus two’

Twelve plus one

———————-

 

“That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” (Neil Armstrong, on the moon)

A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!

———————-

 

‘President Clinton, of the USA’

To copulate, he finds interns

———————-

 

‘President Barack Hussein Obama

A maniac presides. The banks rob u

———————-

 

‘William Shakespeare’

I’ll make a wise phrase

———————-

 

‘Jay Leno’

Enjoy L.A.

———————-

 

‘Gene Simmons’

Immense song

———————-

 

‘The eyes’

They see

 

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Another Selection Of Anagrams

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week’s selection of anagrams prompted a challenge to do one about ‘Clint Eastwood’ that included the word ‘stool’ in reference to his recent debacle at the Republican Party’s shin-dig in Florida. The best one I could come up with was – ‘Stool tactic a downer’ – but if you can do better please have a go by all means.

Meantime here is another selection for (I hope) your enjoyment and amusement.

 

 

‘federal bureau of investigation’

If found alive, abuse, interrogate!

———————-

 

‘washington dc’

Don’t shag in WC

———————-

 

‘princess diana’

Ascend in Paris

———————-

 

‘Microsoft Frontpage Technical Support’           

Oops, if PC falters contact or ring them up

———————-

 

‘Microsoft technical support’

Con, from culprit’s pathetic OS

———————-

 

‘Microsoft Incorporated’

Aim: no cost, record profit!

———————-

 

‘Microsoft Incorporated’

Moronic code rats profit

———————-

 

‘The Prince of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)’

E.R. recalls his torment, huge ears flapping about in the wind. Poor wretch!

———————-

 

‘Liposuction surgery’

Super, young clitoris

———————-

 

 ‘Author George Orwell’

Wrote “Hog-Rule Galore!”

———————-

 

‘The President Of The United States Of America, George Walker Bush’

The twit threatens Baghdad. (To make sure of oil preference, I guess!)

———————-

 

‘The USA President George Bush’

Bugger the one stupid ass here!

———————-

 

‘George Walker Bush, President of the United States of America’

Damn! Result is garbage, takes pretender to White House office

———————-

 

‘The Terrorist Osama Bin Laden’

Arab monster is no idle threat

———————-

 

‘Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden’

Bad human demon and ideal assassin.

———————-

 

‘Dan Brown, writer of the Da Vinci Code.’

Torrid wand of a bewitched conniver

———————-

 

‘Hamas wins election’

New hostile maniacs

———————-

 

‘The first moon landing’

Grand hit on film-set, No?

 

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