Welcome to another edition of the classified ads. Those advertisements that didn’t quite turn out as planned in the minds of those who devised them.
The first one reminded me of a small take-away Chinese establishment in a town near where I used to live. A friend and I stopped off there on the way home from work one evening, both of us hungry but not wanting to waste the time going for a sit-down meal.
We ordered our food and all went well. The take-away had an excellent reputation for producing good food and it was always very busy.
Sure enough after about ten minutes or so our ticket was called and I went up to the counter to collect.
It wasn’t the usual girl on duty that evening, but a small rather elderly Chinese lady.
Had it been the usual girl she would have known to pack some utensils, like a plastic fork, in the bag, but instead the little Chinese lady looked up into my face and asked in a heavily accented but loud voice for all to hear,
“D’ya wanna fok?”
There was momentary silence, no one quite knowing what they thought they had heard. Then my mouth got in the way of good sense and I said, “No thanks, I’m just in to get something to eat.”
Then everyone laughed and I made my way out of the place before any further conversation or explanation.
As it turns out the joke was on me in the end because I left without getting a ‘fok’ so the meal had to wait until I got home.
So that by way of anecdotal introduction leads us nicely to today’s classifieds.
I did a post a while ago about how I hate thieves (I still do). Well, me being me, there are others on my hate list too. It isn’t a long list but one prominent group on it is drunk drivers.
There is a simple rule that everyone should follow.
If you want to drink don’t drive and if you want to drive don’t drink.
There are no gray areas.
Don’t think you can follow stupid rules made by stupid bureaucrats. There are no minimum amounts that suit everybody. Drink is like shoes, people take different sizes. I know some people who could drink a bottle of vodka and you wouldn’t even know they’d had a drink. And I know people who if they even sniffed the open bottle would be on their way to being drunk. This has a lot to do with the body’s size, metabolism, how much alcohol it can cope with and in what timescale and so forth.
But it also has to do with the person’s psychological make up too. Some people will get drunk just because they think they should be drunk. Not because they actually are.
You know the type, people who run about like headless chickens if they drink a can of Red Bull even though there’s just about the same amount of caffeine in it as in a cup of tea or coffee. What they’ve really done is swallow the advertising hype as well as the Red Bull. Personally I think it’s lovely stuff, but I’m able to down a couple of tins and still go straight to sleep.
I’ve actually tried an experiment to prove my point. One night at a party at my house I gave real beer to most of the people and alcohol free beer to a couple of the others (without telling them of course). You can guess what happened. Yes, the people who were drinking the non alcoholic beer got just as drunk and had just as good a time as everyone else, and they probably had hangovers to prove it the next morning!
But getting back to drinking and driving, or rather drinking and not driving, I have seen one or two macho morons drinking away and driving away and doing it quite publicly. That’s their real reason of course, doing it publicly. If you are intellectually challenged you imagine that the stupider things you do makes you the bigger man. Truly it doesn’t.
I have also seen one of these morons plough into another car and severely injure some poor innocents, which is very sad. And I’ve also seen the remnants of a car that another moron drove into a tree while drunk. He killed himself, and quite frankly that isn’t so sad at all.
There are a couple of videos below just to prove the dangers, if you want to look at them, but first I’ll end with the inevitable joke.
“I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some people have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before.
I took a bus home.
Sure enough there were police checks, but they waved the bus through without a problem.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise.
I’ve have never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it.”
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Now for the videos.
I haven’t included any gory stuff. You all get the point and if you want to research the subject there are a number of videos on youtube.com.
The first I have selected shows a drunk trying to park a car. If one hasn’t the coordination to do something as simple as that when drunk, imagine how much control there would be on the road, particularly in a critical situation.
The second video is a bit long but shows another drunk weaving back and forth across the road (albeit with a rather irritating commentary from the cameraman, sorry about that). But the drunk gets his just desserts in the end and only injures himself.