The Madness Continues

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Monday again and the madness continues with another round of quiz show answers given by the seeming multitude of intellectually challenged people who decide to let the world see their stupidity.

Enjoy.  

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Q: What “A” is the term for a set of symbols in which each character represents a simple speech sound?

A: Aural

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Q: The pain in the muscles or bones of the lower legs, often suffered by sportsmen, is known as shin…?      

A: …dler’s List  

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Q: In spelling, what consonant is found in both “good” and “bad”?         

A: O

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Q: Which large mammal is adapted to sandy conditions, having protective eyelashes, nostrils than can be closed, and broad, soft feet?         

A: Alligator

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Q: In agriculture, irrigation involves supplying farmland with which substance essential for growth?          

A: Weeds

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Q:  Who sang the song ‘Je t’aime’ with Jane Birkin?

A:  Jacques Chirac.

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Q:  Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid?

A:  Denmark.

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Q:  What is the name of the long- running British TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The …?

A:  Mohicans.

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Q:  We’re looking for a word that goes in front of ‘clock’.

A:  Grandfather. 

Q:  Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.

A:  Panda.

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Q:  What is the nationality of the Pope?

A:  I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

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Q:  How many kings of England have been called Henry?

A:  Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth.. er, er, three?

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Q:  Which British prime minister famously said: ‘We have become a grandmother’?

A:  John Major.

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Q:  What  L  do you make in the dark, when you don t consider the consequences?

A:  Love?

Q:  No, I’m sorry, I’m afraid the actual answer was ‘leap’.

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Q:  The Beatles were known as the Fab . . .?

A:  Five.

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Nowhere Is Safe!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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One would hope that libraries, being depositories of knowledge, would be a place relatively safe from the intellectually challenged.

Sadly, stupid people invade every space, libraries included.

To prove the point here is a short selection of actual stupid questions asked of librarians. 

Enjoy.

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“Do you have books here?”

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“Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?”

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“Do you have a list of all the books I’ve ever read?”

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“I’m looking for Robert James Waller’s book, ‘Waltzing through Grand Rapids.”

(The actual title is “Slow Waltz In Cedar Bend.”)

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“Where is the reference desk?”

(Asked of a worker sitting at a desk, over which was a sign saying ‘REFERENCE DESK’.)

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“Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?”

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“Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?”

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“I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?”

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“I need a color photograph of George Washington.”

(Other individuals asked for, by other patrons, are Christopher Columbus, King Arthur, Moses, Socrates, and more.)

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“Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?”

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“I’m looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I’m having trouble with it in my neck.”

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“Is the basement upstairs?”

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“I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.”

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“I got a quote from a book I turned in last week but I forgot to write down the author and title. It’s big and red, and I found it on the top shelf. Can you find it for me?”

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“Do you have anything good to read?”

The response was,

“No, ma’am. I’m afraid we have 75,000 books, and they’re all duds.”

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Dumbass: “I am looking for a globe of the earth.”

Librarian: “We have a table-top model over here.” 

Dumbass: “No, that’s not good enough. Don’t you have a life-size?”

Librarian: (pause) “Yes, but it’s in use right now.”

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And finally a joke.

 

Man goes up to the library reference desk and asks the assistant,

“Do you have a copy of that new book for men with small penises?”

The librarian replies,

“I don’t think it’s in yet.”

“Yes,” the man says. “That’s the one!”

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Even When You Expect The Unexpected You Don’t Expect This!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The answers no one could script, or expect.

More stupidity gone wild when the intellectually challenged make it on to the game shows.

Enjoy.

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Q: Name something you eat too much of

A: ……….food    

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Q: Name a country you’d like to visit if you spent a summer in Europe

A: Paris

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Q: Name a word that rhymes with coke

A: ……….float

A: Moke

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Q: Name something an Indian chief might use

A: Squaw

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Q: An animal with really good sight

A: Bat

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Q: Name a sport in which two people compete against each other

A: Checkers

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Q: Name something that’s hard to hold on to when it’s slippery

A: A (censored)

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Q: Name a holiday where men buy last minute gifts for their wife

A: Thanksgiving

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Q: How long the average honeymoon lasts

A: 2 months

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Q: Name something people are careful to step over when they’re walking

A: Spit

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Q: Name something that comes in a traveling size

A: Refrigerator

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Q: Name something of yours you hope doesn’t start making noises

A: Your dog

A: Your children

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Q: An animal that begins with “M”

A: Marsupial

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Q: What moos?

A: A car

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Q: Who starred in The Godfather and is also Robert?

A: Marlon Brando

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Ten!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Saturday, and time for another selection of the ever popular Classified Ads.

These attempts to sell goods and services didn’t quite reach the standard required to be themselves classified as intelligent communication.

They are funny though and thank goodness for that.

Enjoy!

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Nine!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The year may have changed since the last bunch of Classified ads, but the stupidity continues as you can see from today’s selection.

I hope you find something in here to make you smile this first weekend of 2013.

Enjoy.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Eight!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Part eight of the series on classified ads written by the intellectually challenged.

They probably thought what they said was smart. In fact they probably thought that what they said was what they said, only when you read what they said, they said something they didn’t mean to say. If you see what I mean. You soon will.

Enjoy!

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