Shortbread… They’re not making it any longer!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, as always the clue is in the title.

It’s pun day!

Enjoy – you know you do.

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I’ve just got a make-shift job

at the computer keyboard factory.

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A Limbo dancer married a Locksmith yesterday…

…the wedding was low key.

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As a paranoid schizophrenic, I take

the elevator alone to my top floor apartment…

I can’t handle the stares.

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I do all my addition in my head.

It’s the thought that counts.

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My teacher said to our class the

other day that she hates suck-ups.

I couldn’t agree more. 

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I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall.

Then I thought, screw it.

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Corrugated roofs.

are really groovy.

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So they finally found Osama a couple of years ago,

talk Abbotabad place to hide!

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What do cheap hotels and

tight designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom.

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When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia

was asked if he knew where he was going he replied

“off course”

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Woke up this morning after a heavy night

of drinking to find out that I’d gone bald.

Which is strange because normally

I go for brunettes. 

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A tennis ball walks into a bar.

The barman says,

“Have you been served?”

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My horse had a win at the races today.

I have no idea how he filled in the betting slip.

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I saw two people hailing a taxi today and thought:

“What strange religion do they belong to?”

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Princess Diana died on the 31 August 1997

having been staying at the Ritz, Paris.

Margaret Thatcher died April 8, 2013

having been staying at the Ritz, London.

I’ve been saying it’s a conspiracy for years

but everyone else thinks it’s just crackers.

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My maths teacher asked me,

“Do you understand inequalities?”

I replied, “More or less.”

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Without a doubt, my favorite

Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire. 

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I’ve got a friend who’s a female private investigator.

Although he prefers to be called a gynecologist.

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There’s two things I don’t like about a politician,

his face.

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Saw a woman today who opened the door in her nightie.

I thought, “That’s a funny place for a door.” 

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Did You Know…. Another Twenty Fascinating Facts From Fasab’s Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for another selection of fascinating facts. How you use these is up to you, but some of them may well come in handy sometime.

Enjoy.

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Every year Alaska has about 5,000 earthquakes,

1,000 of which measure above 3.5 on the Richter scale

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There are approximately 7,000 feathers on an eagle

– even a bald one!

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The average person changes their career every 13 years

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The total mileage driven by all U-Haul trucks in a year

is enough to move a person from the Earth to the moon

five times a day for an entire year

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Scientists with high-speed cameras have discovered

that rain drops are not tear shaped

but rather look like hamburger buns.

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570 gallons of paint would be needed to paint the outside of the White House

– make that 570 gallons of white paint

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Tiger Woods is the first athlete to has been named

“Sportsman of the Year”

by magazine Sports Illustrated two times

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In 1996, toy company Mattel released a “Harley Davidson” Barbie.

This dolls distinctive feature is a birth mark on her face

that changes position with every new release of the doll

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In the Sahara Desert there is a town named Tidikelt,

which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years

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The most senior crayon maker Emerson Moser

retired after making 1.4 billion crayons for Crayola.

It was then that he revealed that he was actually colorblind

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There are mirrors on the moon.

Astronauts left them so that laser beams could be bounced off of them from Earth.

These beams help give us the distance to the moon give or take a few meters.

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Tobacco kills more Americans each year

than alcohol, cocaine, crack, heroin, homicide,

suicide, car accidents, fire and AIDS combined

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The oldest bird on record was Cocky, a cockatoo, who lived in London Zoo.

He ceased being Cocky at the age of 82.

 

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There were 13 couples celebrating their honeymoon on the Titanic

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In July 1874, a swarm of Rocky Mountain locusts flew over Nebraska

covering an area estimated at 198,600 square miles.

It is estimated that the swarm contained about 12.5 trillion insects.

These insects became extinct thirty years later

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Honorificabilitudinitatibus

is the longest English word that consists strictly

of alternating consonants and vowels

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In Haiti, only 1 out of every 200 people own a car which is ironic

considering approximately 33% of the country’s budget on imports

is spent on equipment for fuel and transportation.

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The largest diamond found in the United States was a 40.23 carat white diamond.

It was found in 1924 at Murfreesboro, Arkansas at the Prairie Creek pipe mine,

which later became known as the Crater of Diamonds State Park.

The diamond was named “Uncle Sam” after the nickname of its finder,

Wesley Oley Basham, a worker at the Arkansas Diamond Corporation.

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In 1903 Mary Anderson invented the windshield wipers

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The song with the longest title is

“I’m a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank

on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama

Doin’ Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o,

Hirohito Blues”

written by Hoagy Carmichael in 1945.

He later claimed the song title ended with ‘Yank’ and the rest was a joke

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Some Strange Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here are some facts that you might find interesting, about things you probably never thought of before.

I can’t vouch for the absolute accuracy of all of them, but stranger things have happened and at least you will have something to say during those awkward silences in conversations!

Enjoy.

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It would take over 1000 years to watch every YouTube video

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The tongue is the strongest muscle in the body

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99% of people delete everything in their password when they miss only one character.

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Leo Fender who invented Fender Guitars never knew how to play the guitar

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The Statue of Liberty’s index finger is eight feet long.

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Kangaroos can’t walk backwards.

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Bill Clinton only sent two emails in his entire eight year presidency, I don’t know whether or not they were to Monica.

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250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

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The two lines that connect your top lip to the bottom of your nose are called philtrum.

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Bees can see ultraviolet light.

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It takes a drop of ocean water more than 1000 years to circulate around the world.

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The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

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The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

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The average raindrop falls at 7 miles per hour.

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Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

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Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

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China has more English speakers than the United States.

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Benjamin Franklin was offended about putting a bald eagle as the national bird because he thought that other people were trying to make fun of him, since he was bald.

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People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide.

 

 

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There Are Things We Know That We Don’t Know – Yes, It’s Twenty Questions Tuesday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Donald Rumsfeld once famously said, “…there are things we know that we don’t know”, and the only way to find out the answers to the things we know we don’t know is to ask the proper questions.

As for the things we don’t know we don’t know, well obviously we don’t even know what questions to ask do we?

Here are some more of the questions for the things we know that we don’t know.

Enjoy!

 

 

Can you daydream at night?

 

Can crop circles be square?

 

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?

 

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as you are following the direction of the traffic?

 

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

 

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

 

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

 

How can something be ‘new’ and ‘improved’? If it’s new, what was it improving on?

 

Why aren’t drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

 

How is it that when we ‘skate on thin ice’, we can ‘get in hot water’?

 

If laughter is the best medicine, why do people say they almost ‘died laughing’?

 

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

 

Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

 

Why are they called ‘Jolly Ranchers’? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?

 

Why does ‘caregiver’ and ‘caretaker’ mean the same thing?

 

Can a short person ‘talk down’ to a taller person?

 

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

 

How fast do hotcakes really sell?

 

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

 

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

 

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